Happy Woden’s (Odin’s) Day!
Full Family/Friends Disclaimer in Force. This is me being raw as far as my feelings for the purposes of writing therapy. There are strong emotions with all this that may be uncomfortable for some. You have been warned.
This will be in two parts. The first will be done before I talk to my therapist today and the second afterward. This is why it is later than normal today.
I think I am at a new low point since everything blew up almost two years ago This spring so far as been hard emotionally. The memories and the stuck feeling I have just won’t seem to go away no matter what I do. I feel like The Grey is ever-present even when I have good things happening in my life. I need a fresh start and I have the plan to do that.
I am not going to give the details. I am playing that part close to the vest and it is known only to a selected few. One of them is my wife, but the nature of it is causing a strain on us and our marriage because this is where our two different directions are starting to get the most obvious. I love her, but this is where I feel I was before two years ago and now it’s worse because of everything that happened. I really feel like I am not in the right place anymore or doing the right thing. I need to talk about this and get some clarity.
If there is one word I need to keep in mind the next two weeks it’s ‘guilt’. That is why I feel guilty all the time when others are feeling bad. My therapist wants me to take notes about how I feel guilty and specific cases in which I do feel guilty. I think she might be on to something. Is it guilty that holds me back the most? I take full responsibility for things I can control and guilty for them is understandable, but am I feeling guilty for things I cannot control or for how others feel and think like I am the cause?
Something to think about and make note of for a couple weeks.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.