“The Business of Marriage” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

This post will is being written the last moments of my wife and I’s little anniversary excursion. I am up in the early am again as always and she is sleeping nearby.  This post will, however, drop on Wooden’s Day.  I will be back to work, my wife too.  We will be back to the business of our lives and the business of marriage will resume.

I know some people don’t like that idea of ‘the business of marriage’.  Romanticism has done that to us. Truth is in the past people had a far better understanding of ‘business’ as being the relationships people have.  Sometimes business involves money, but it always involves a human relationship.  Marriage is at its core a business relationship.  I mean I can get friendship and sex without marriage.  I can even have kids without it.  What marriage brings to the table is a certain understanding of responsibility toward each other.  I am not going to debate the thought of if this is how it should be, but society and the people involved in marriage are in business together as far as a relationship and that is supposed to be about gaining mutual gain and happiness.

Socially it has all the trappings of a business relationship 1) A contract, 2) expectations and 3) a cost. I am not sure I like these thoughts either which is why I have said that anything should happen to my wife (no I don’t want that to happen but I am a realist about these things), my next intimate relationship with a woman may not involve any of what mainstream society thinks.  Just read what any libertarian writes about marriage licenses and government involvement in marriage and you will get what I think about them.

The thing is with my wife and me the business of marriage has never been our problem.  It is the balance of love of the other person and the love of ourselves that is the most difficult about this, but more on that in a couple days.  For now, I want to simply point to the fact that my wife and I have a business arrangement and the license, rings, and vows don’t stop you from breaking it. Something we have both learned through painful experience.  No, you have to commit to walking in the virtues of business to make this work.  You have to commit to the ideals of self-reliance, industriousness, and hospitality.


“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by the end of June 2019 or before.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company.

Part of self-reliance is having someone you can trust to work with you to achieve independence. It is easy to work for your own independence but when you start that bridge to working for the independence of your family, that first person that should be your partner in that is your spouse or it better be. My wife and I have always been good partners in this regard because we share a pretty common thread of not wanting to be dependent on others for support.  Neither of us likes to spend money unless we have to and that helps but it is also sometimes a drag.  There is a reason why independence needs to be celebrated and that is what this last anniversary trip was about.


“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published.

A long term relationship is work.  There are often no shortcuts to it either.  You also don’t want to be just working at it to work at it. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is insanity after all.  Relationships need some level of efficient working at communication and actions.  This one is a struggle for me in the communication part as I have this issue of verbal communication of feelings.  It is real work for me to express them with my mouth.  Easier with my fingers on a keyboard. So it is work to talk.  It also is a recognized vulnerability for me when I can open up verbally about anything I want to talk about.  I didn’t realize this until very recently.


“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader of a support group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

The essence of hospitality is compassion.  For my wife and me, as a pastor and wife in the past, this was a central tenet of our ministry – compassion to people.  Hospitality was something we wanted people to feel.  Now, I am not sure how we are going to express that together with me leaving the faith and the ministry. It is something we will in the future have to figure out.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

At some point last year, my marriage became worth fighting for and it still is.  Part of this is the concept of treating my wife as fairly as possible. Part of it is also that I am being treated fairly by her and making sure that she and I are living up to our end of what we agreed to  All this and at the same time making sure we each are not losing what we want for ourselves.  Justice is the main goal of the business virtues.

Daily Routine:

  1. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  3. Reading – half-hour. Priority order: work, school, pleasure
  4. Study / Homework / Research: half hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  6. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  7. Weekly Routine Items
  8. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

I will be working on moving things from my weekly routine to this one as much as possible next week. Trying something new to get better results.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.


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