Wisdom

“Weights, Backpacks, and Overcoming Myself” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Recently I decided to do my weight training cycles in two-month blocks instead of three months.  Part of it is that you have to change things up from time to time because your body gets used to what you have been doing and you plateau.  By changing things and keeping them new you avoid that.  Weightlifting has some of that built-in by changing the resistance level but changing the exercises, training split and order do a lot in terms of keeping things fresh.  Keeping things challenging so you don’t get complacent is a lot of what I have learned from lifting.

The major change that will start next week is bringing back into my routines one piece of equipment – the barbell.  That means squats, bench presses, and deadlifts. I have avoided these since joining my new gym because of the hiatus before and because I wanted to make sure my body was ready with fewer aches and pains before I began.  I am ready and to be honest I need to do it.

As I look at the problem areas that remain on my body they all related to the three exercises I stated above. Those are the places where fat burn has been lowest and muscle development lightest.  Basically glutes, lower back, and chest.   It is those three missing exercises that would probably get me over the plateau I’m am on now as well and so it is time.

The other issue is walking and hiking. I don’t know but I have this image of me in retirement doing some crazy hiking. Like the United States hiking triple crown which consists of the Appalachian Trail (AT), The Continental Divide Trail (CDT) and the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT).  To do that requires a lot of training walks and shorter hikes as preparation for that.  It’s a few years down the road but I can see it in my head.

There is, of course, the issue of the Self Virtues which is to provide strength over self and provide the ability to overcome weaknesses of self.  That requires discipline, perseverance, and fidelity.  Progress doesn’t just fall out of the sky.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Nutrition is also a big issue, Mostly I want right now to go through my apartment and get rid of anything I am not supposed to be doing with Paleo and start right from there.  But my wife isn’t doing it and it wouldn’t be right to impose this on her although I think it would help both of us.  So mostly I am going to have to find ways to do this myself and avoid the temptations in the kitchen.

Mostly though I need to ask the question fo whether discipline can be applied to anything else in my life.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

This week has had a lot of failure and defeat, time to get up and keep trying.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

I don’t know.  Fidelity is complicated.  I am now looking at who I should be loyal to in a lot of areas of my life.  I have a very few friends left because in this latest crisis my ‘friends’ scattered like cockroaches when the light is turned on. In truth, though all my relationships are getting the – ‘OK, I am loyal to you, but why’ question? I am just not sure how much I am going to like the answers.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

What is the wise thing to do?  It is my last question on each decision.  After the questions: What is the loving thing to do and what is the just thing to do? I guess there can be those moments where I still don’t have a good answer.   In the meantime, I maintain discipline, keep getting up and maintain Troth. 

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Walking – 1 hour.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.

Once I find a full-time job rest days will be at a premium and this will be much more important.  I need to sit down and revise this one more. What I am seeing is that there will be a standard daily routine and a few things that either fall in the Work Day or Rest Day Routine.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Taoism: Yin and Yang” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Eastern Philosophy

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion

In the rotation, I deal with eastern philosophy directly once, but to be honest there is a lot of Taoism in my philosophical viewpoint.  Particularly the idea of balance or what the Taoist would call yin and yang. The chart below kind fo displays the basic difference.

One might say the whole concept of Wolves and Ravens represents Yin and Yang, but it isn’t that simple because in Taoism some things in my philosophy cross the lines to the other side and some of the things might be considered on both sides depending on how they are applied. For me, you might say the Wolf of Need and the Raven of Reason are Yang, but the Wolf of Want and the Raven of Wisdom (which involves a lot of intuition based on experience) are Yin.

If I take anything from Taoism it is the idea of the balance of life. Of keeping things level instead of overdoing one thing at the expense of the other.  The parallels to this idea are in truth in every philosophical system I can think of as well as a large chunk of the nature of each mythology.

Probably this is found in two other notions: 1) Order (or Law) vs. Chaos (or Liberty) and 2) Good (benevolence) vs. Evil (malevolence).   A Taoist would try to strive for a balance between these and be truly neutral about both of them.  I tend to be more Chaotic but neutral about the question of good and evil.  You might say I boil it down to the issue of law vs. liberty and lean heavy on the side of liberty, but the whole good and evil question might be invalid.  I say ‘might be’ because I am still thinking and meditating about it.  The one thing is that I am deliberately unbalanced right now from a Taoist point of view in regards to law vs. liberty. Mostly because I can see how the law is far easier connected to doing harm in the name of good intentions. Whereas to me liberty brings about a respect for the humanity of the other persons in the world which often benefits all.

I would say at that point the Taoist and I reach a fork in the road and I wish them well and then take the fork in the road that says ‘liberty is better than law’.  That said, balance in other aspects of my life is influenced and reflects an understanding of Taoism.  Balance is a constant consideration of mine.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

The need for balance is illustrated in what happens when the balance is not maintained.  I can speak from painful experience of the consequences of not maintaining the balance between self-love and loving others as an example.  Too far on self-love and you become a narcissist and too far in the love of others makes you a living martyr that eventually leads to self-destruction.  Neither is desirable and the balance keeps you functioning both in the love of self and others without the extremes of either. The need for balance is pretty clear from a preservation standpoint.

Wants (Freki):

A proper balance is also wanted.  It leads to greater success. I have known many men and women who their life was their work and in the end, they never enjoyed once the fruit of their labors.  Because they didn’t know how to relax and enjoy the fruit of their labors, their health suffered.  On the flip side, I have known people who gave themselves over to hedonism without working at all.  Their laziness leads to poverty and quite frankly a lack of honor.  The ultimate expression of this is the thief who lives on the labors of others.  The one who learns to balance work and enjoyment will be the one who is truly successful and that is something I definitely want.

Reason (Huginn):

Reason comes into these things as you have to think about things fairly regularly to observe if balance is being maintained.  Balance doesn’t come easily or without a lot of thought behind it.

Wisdom (Muninn):

I would say Taoism as a philosophy has a lot of wisdom to it, but I would evaluate things ma little differently as far as what needs to be balanced. That said, the principles are very universal and wise at the same time and I have no trouble listening to them and applying those I think leads to wisdom.

Conclusion:

I suppose Of Wolves and Ravens is indeed my own form of Taoism.  Balancing need and want with reason and wisdom.  But there is an imbalance built-in to that – listening to reason and wisdom first. A little asymmetry is good for us actually so that is something else to consider. Next week is western philosophy and I think there is a debate there that is about asymmetry that will be good to look at when considering this.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Odin – The All-Father” (Asatru Part 7) – The Pagan Pulpit

/ Ed Raby Sr / 2 Comments

Happy Sol’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Theme Song: Old High German: Wotan chant

This is actually a chant that is found on a site that teaches people about the German language and the translation is in the description. Wotan is another name for Odin.

Meditation:

 

Image may contain: text

To be truly spiritual and even a genuine person in general, one needs to recognize that each person’s question of who they are and what they should be doing is individual. The question is different for all of us and the riddle of life is answering the one we actually have, not the one everyone says we should have.

Text:

See the source image

If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.

Sermon: “Odin – The All-Father”

Odin, Wotan, etc. He is known all across the Scandinavian and Germanic world by many names. A couple things are clear in all the stories and myths.  1) Odin is the chief deity and 2) He is very unlike the other supreme deities like Zeus and Jupiter in that he does not lord it over people or rule by decree.  Rather, he takes on the problems himself and does what he needs to do to overcome them.  He leads by example more than orders.

It is only natural that Asatru would embrace him.  From a spiritual standpoint, his essence is summed up very well in the title ‘All-Father.”  To the followers of Asatru, Odin is the speaker of the Havamál a collection of his wise sayings.  He is the god most associated with words and language so it is no surprise that he has many names.

Paxton rightly points out there is a duality to Odin.  One the one hand there is power, anger, war, and aggression on the other side there the god of magic, wisdom and spiritual deepness.  On the one hand, you have the armored king on his throne with spear and crown.  On the other hand, he is also the grey cloaked, broad-brimmed hat-wearing wanderer.  There is an air of power and mystery to Odin as he is both warrior and mage.

His accomplishments in the mythology are large.  1) All-Father – creator of mankind. 2) He is king of the gods, but in practice, he seems to be more of a chairman of the board of gods.  Each god or goddess being fiercely independent. 3) He trades his eye for wisdom and foresight. 4) He acquires the Mead of Poetry from giants. 5) He hangs from the world tree upside down for nine days to discover the knowledge of the runes. Odin, in short, has a bad-ass list of accomplishments in Norse Mythology. He is also the god who never turns his back on humanity or being a part of wandering among them.

These days, according to Paxton. heathens invoke prayers to Odin still, even if they serve other gods more fervently, they still pay respect to the All-Father.  Most Odinsmen and Odinswomen are people who work with words.  Paxton advises against, however, asking him for victory.  He is, after all, a god that is even willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good.  He expects the same from his followers and would have no problem leading one into defeat if it meant forstalling Ragnarok.  He is a strong and powerful figure and is treated with respect by the followers of Asatru.

As I mentioned before, I don’t think one needs to actually believe in the Norse Gods as real to be a follower of Asatru.  What you do have to respect is how their stories pull you back to your ancestors’ view of the world and what they valued. When it comes to the ideas they valued most in a leader, Odin is the perfect representation. He is strong, listens to the counsel of others, is willing to take the lead and sacrifice himself to get what he needs to be successful.  When a battle comes, he leads from the front. He speaks little but acts boldly whether those actions are out in the open or clandestine. He has the long term in mind. The greater vision if you will.

You don’t have to do much more than come to my blog and see the title and the imagery I use for it, to know I place great value on what Odin represents. I would say my image of myself as a man has strong parallels with Odin.  I work to be strong but also wise. I like to read and write mostly because it allows me to hear the counsel of others. If there is some greater good to be achieved, I will sacrifice myself, although I am trying to do that only when absolutely necessary. When battle comes I like to be out front not only leading but fighting along the sides of those I lead.  I never forget where I come from. I prefer to remain quiet and let my actions speak for me. I tend to see the bigger picture and act accordingly.  Odin is if anything a good example of leadership values and characteristics I try to emulate in my own life.

That of course and the image of the grey pilgrim who wanders but is not lost is the whole essence of the blog – The Grey Wayfarer.

Parting Thought:

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I would say some stories I have seen are written in both. Sometimes blood is used as the ink too.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Virtue By Another Name” – Of Wolves and Ravens – The Higher Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion

Having finished a discussion of all the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru (NNV), we flip to Side B for “Of Wolves and Ravens” which is ten other philosophical discussions: The Higher Virtues, Eastern Philosophy, Western Philosophy, Love, Minimalism, Economics, Justice, Political Science, Libertarianism and Wisdom. The fact that I do this rotation at least twice a year is no accident as there are other philosophical guides to my life that form a significant part of my philosophy of life.  A philosophical framework, if you will.

This week is supposed to be the Higher Virtues and it still will cover them, but I want to share a discovery I made while reading Essential Asatru by Diana Paxton.  I got to the section near the end on Heathen Virtues and was excited because I was interested to see if there was anything new to discover. This, after all, was why I started gravitating toward Asatru in the first place – the NNV.   What I read as short but impactful because it introduced the simple truth that there were more than the NNV as virtues of Asatru and that there was something also called the Six Goals of Asatru.  In addition to all this, some of the NNV had other names which gave a different spin on their meaning.  While there wasn’t a lot of depth in the book, the simple statement of this was enough to get my wheels turning.

Firstly was the additional virtues that Paxton says some heathen groups have: Equality, Friendship, Strength, Generosity, Kinship, and Wisdom. Wisdom is already one of my Higher Virtues. but the other five merit some discussion.  The ideas of Friendship and Kinship are not fully explained but as I see those words I know that in large part represented by the Noble Virtue of Fidelity.  I treat my friends like family and Kin but the result is the same for all – I am loyal to those who are loyal to me.  Equality and Generosity I would say I have as background understandings of Hospitality and the Higher Virtue of Justice.

One meditation that was good was on Strength.  I could imagine the NNV forming the three strands of the higher virtues of Love, Justice, and Wisdom.  Then Those three strands forming a strong rope – Strength in a multiple-corded rope of virtue.  In a sense Strength is one of the major goals of being a person who follows a code like the NNV.

The Six Goals of Asatru I had never heard of before and it tells me that there may be things inside these Asatru Brethren groups that art taught and encouraged that don’t make it outside them very often. Not secret but not as popular with the general public.

The six goals are: Right, Wisdom, Might, Harvest, Frith (Peace) and Love.  It should be noted Love and Wisdom are already considered by me as part of my three higher virtues. Right, I have dubbed Justice. Frith is a new one for me but it means Peace both personal and community. I feel this is a worthy goal and one that would be the result of Justice, Love and Wisdom are acting their part.  Might and Strength are related. almost the same but the first refers to the strength of the community as a goal and the second personal moral strength, so there is that connection.  Harvest is an interesting one that goes very much with the Virtues of Self-Reliance, Industriousness, and Hospitality.

More significant for me is that Paxton gave different names for some of the NNV that offered a different perspective on how to look at that virtue. Courage has the second name of Boldness.  Truth and Honor remained the same, but Fidelity was called Troth which is a very unique word to use and thus indicates its value to the community. Discipline is called Self-Rule, so the idea of personal sovereignty is a part of the idea of Discipline. Hospitality was the same but given some of the other virtues above it becomes very much defined more concretely with more facets. Industriousness is the same. Self-Reliance becomes independence which the goal of Self-Reliance but I can see where it is a virtue in and of itself. Perseverance becomes Steadfastness which adds as I have remarked before the virtue of standing in the midst of adversity not just getting up from failure; it shows this virtue is also a means to victory, not just a response to defeat.

There is a lot to think about here but for now, my definitions will remain the same as changing those is a soul searching decision. I may, however, look at my higher virtues and meditate on them and some of these new ones more to establish a clearer picture.

What’s the point? Some might ask, well…

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

Men need a code.  Women need a code.

I can tell you what, people should be very glad I found the NNV and started to follow it last year.  If I had not I would be a monster without a code of conduct – destructive to both others and myself. I had that ‘women suck’ moment right after the Breakup with Miss Salty and I can tell you I came very close to becoming the Wolf in both the spirit of Fenrir and the predator at that moment. Chaotic, evil and full of rage.  I can think of nothing scarier than an empath that is malevolent.

The NNV came along and also filled a need for making sense of myself and getting me some sort of focus that I needed.  Otherwise, the wolves would be loose right now and men who wronged me would be targets and women in general objects for my use. In a sense, the NNV helped me find my true self and bring the wolves into my service rather than running wild.

Wants (Freki):

A code also allows you to start focussing properly on what you want and how to properly get it. Otherwise, you have no plan and follow it to the end. Focusing on the virtues you think is important begins to retrain your brain to follow after them and how to achieve them.  This is something you want, trust me.  No greater progress in your life will be achieved until you first find out what you value.

Reason (Huginn):

Mostly though, the NNV brought me back to a reasonable meditation on life and principle. It has brought me to Asatru as a form of spirituality, but it is a rational spirituality, not one that is making shit up. It is focused on value, goals and my journey has purpose because of it.  I am not wandering lost.  I may wander, but I am not lost, I am engaged in the purposeful pursuit of virtue wherever that journey may take me.

Wisdom (Muninn):

I find there is greater wisdom in the wisdom you discover for yourself than in ‘wisdom’ that is dictated to you.  No Wisdom is one size fits all, so to speak. The best wisdom is confirmed by virtue and experience combining into something that allows you to live better.  Wisdom may indeed be the highest virtue of them all, but it is also the result of living a code of virtues that you value.  For me, it started with adopting the NNV into my life.

Conclusion:

Essential Asatru has me thinking about virtue a lot since I read that section.  I am looking at it once again very holistically.  Mostly though I am glad I adopted the NNV and began to conceive them in a way that was helpful to me in a very dark time.  It allowed me to see myself as a human being again and more importantly helped me see others as human beings again.  I still have serious trust issues with my fellow humans, but it is getting better.  A lot of it has simply been about being true to myself in the full truth of following the NNV as best I can.

I leave you with Marcus Aurelius:

See the source image Still Walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Belief in the Norse Gods (Asatru Part 6)” – The Pagan Pulpit

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Theme Song: “The Pagan Norse” – Burnt Page Films:

Meditation:

Image may contain: 1 person, text

Even death is just an epitaph to your story as your legacy and influence can have an effect long after you are gone. But while you are alive the story is still being written and you can have an effect on the end of the story and what that legacy will be.

Text:

See the source image

If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.

Sermon:

As we head into the second part fo our text, a sermon is in order about belief in the old gods, but first, a disclaimer from myself as this is the part of Asatru I have the ‘hardest’ time with.  I don’t have a problem with people believing in the Norse gods any more than I have a problem believing in Christ, but I find that the actual existence of such divine beings as Odin or Christ for me needs to be defined. For me, this would be a belief for me that is more about the personification of divine or spiritual forces, not a belief in an actual being known as Odin or Thor. It’s kind of like saying Spiderman exists.  Is there a real guy that is named Peter Parker with spider powers? No.  But there is a creation in the literature that is a beloved comic character that teaches life lessons and personifies certain very human ideas. That is very real.

I think the same is true for all the mythologies.  Certain cultures created stories that reflected their values and there was a perceived need to have these values preserved and restated through myth.  The Norse people were no different in this regard. Whether Odin and Thor actually exist is irrelevant to me as this part of Asatru, it is the values and virtues they portray in their stories that matter to me.  In that respect, the gods exist and the had an influence on my ancestor’s lives and that is enough for me.

For followers of Asatru, there is an identification with gods that is often individual and very personal.  Some followers of Asatru worship all the gods, but they’re always a favorite god for many which earn that follower a title – ‘Thorsman’ or ‘Freyawoman’ or some other title with the god’s name.  I don’t think you have to do much more than look at this blog to see what god would be in my title. I am an Odinsman.  Not the warrior Odin in his hall so much as the wanderer looking for knowledge and wisdom.   It is an image that inspires me and motivates me.

See the source image

Asatru is about the Norse gods in the end and their worship and veneration.  It is about honoring them and what they stood for. This is something one can accomplish without necessarily believing in a literal Thor, Freya or Odin. Religion is ultimately a personal construct that you can share as a community construct. Many followers of Asatru are also like myself in that we are returning to the faith of our ancestors.  A faith that was taken from us by the invasion of Christianity and now we have the freedom to once again embrace.

In the coming weeks, we will be looking at the spiritual significance of many of the gods to the followers of Asatru.  Essential Asatru does this by first covering the gods and then the goddesses, I will be going back and forth to maintain a little more male/female balance. In some cases, I will probably combine a few of the gods and goddess together.  This will be done when there is little known about them or that the combination has a significance in the mythology.

Parting Thought:

Quit explaining your life, live it.  Those that love you will give you the freedom to be what you want to be because they love you.  Haters?  Fuck ’em.  They get silence.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Objections to Christianity – Part 2 – Sin: An Imaginary Man-Made Problem” (Revised August 2019) – Odin’s Eye – Theological Objections to Christianity

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

August 2019 Revision Notes:

It has been almost a year since I wrote these originally starting in November of 2018.  When I got to the rotation in Odin’s Eye the last time where I was going to deal with these objections again, I saw no need for revision but rather simply laid it out there that no one had responded to them to that date and moved on into the rest of the Rotation for Odin’s Eye. 

This time though I feel that I need to spend four weeks of Odin’s Eye doing some revisions that will either clarify my position, add some other thoughts or edit for other issues.  Such edits will be marked by italics.  When archived, they will appear under the original post on this Page: My Four Theological Objections to Christianity

 Mostly though this is a cut and paste with some revisions. As the series goes on there will be more revisions as I can see the need for things to change a bit in the other three objections. In part two, I felt the need to add a few paragraphs for hopefully a clearer explanation. 

Introduction:

My loss of faith really started here.  I can actually go back to a message I was preaching on sin and salvation through Christ and the fact this quote from Dan Barker from Losing Faith in Faith ( a book I still want to read) was rolling around in my head.  I was trying to think of something that would make his assertion wrong.  I got up preached the message and sat down.  I can site this moment as the time my crisis of faith began. I realized he was right.

I realized there is no proof that sin rationally exists.  I only believed that because that was what I was told by a preacher and read it in the Bible.  Unless the Bible was truly inspired, then I had no natural or logical proof that there was this thing called sin, a sinful nature or my actions were righteous or sinful. God Himself had never come down and told me I was a sinner, that was men either in the form of preachers or the men who wrote the Bible.  Over time, I began to realize that sin has the same problem as the inspiration of the Bible – the Bible asserts it but never proves it.

Going back to my pulpit moment, I sat there thinking and my faith started to unravel.  I sat there thinking: “I make a living by telling people they are sinners so they will feel guilty, then they accept the ‘gospel’ and feel better.  Out of gratitude they throw money in the basket and pay me. WTF.”  It was a bad moment for me, and one that led to my eventual downfall over two years later.

Faith:

If you are a believer you take the existence of sin as purely a matter of faith.  Basically, if you believe that sin exists, you do it for the same reasons you believe the Bible is inspired.  You have faith it is true – you hope and believe it is true, but you do not have a proof or a rational argument to say it is true.  The Bible writers assume sin is real and a problem.  They never prove it, and the believer is left to take that sin exists as a reality and that God has solved it.  You believe all that without rational evidence.  It is purely a matter of faith.

Now I want to emphasize that this does not disprove sin’s existence, but it puts on the same plane as believing in a lot of things that we believe exist but have no proof of.  The issue then is should we order our lives on faith in the idea that man is sinful, or go based on our own observations of human nature and conclude that if anything we can have faith in the fact that all human beings are human. 

Religion:

I now think that sin is a man-made concept.  It probably originally. like so many things might have had a good intention.  To keep people from making bad decisions given the cultural context.  I mean sex without birth control and modern medicine can lead to deadly diseases and unwanted pregnancies. So you tell people not to have sex except with people they are committed to and get married to so the child will be legitimate. The practical side of this is the lessened risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancies. It is a wise course of action.

When just showing the wisdom of this to others doesn’t work, you throw in the wrath of God to bring about a more forceful form of persuasion – tell them it’s a sin against God and He will bring down his wrath on the one who sins.  This is where you make up the concept that sexual sin is an affront to God and he will send you to hell if you don’t repent of it and stop doing it.  It is ultimately a fear tactic that uses guilt to prevent certain behaviors.

The dark side of this gets worse though as people genuinely think they’re taking the side of God when the punish sinners.  The real problem with sin is that some people think they have risen above the concept of it.  They feel qualified to judge others using their religious beliefs. It gets worse because the said concept can be held by people in power who wish to impose their views on people to create a ‘righteous society’.  To force others to follow your moral code of some behaviors being sin and thus outlawed. The problem is the difficulty using reason to prove something is a sin.  It’s not self-evident.

Theology:

I don’t believe in sin as a theological concept anymore. I think in large part it is a bad one because all it does is produce guilt and then in a guilt-ridden state people can be manipulated.  I haven’t looked at this fully but I have a theory a large part of religious people have a poor self-concept and that is because they have a large amount of guilt associated with their ‘sins’.  This leads them to think they are bad or even evil people and the cycle of self-destruction begins.  You spend a lot of time putting on masks at that point to protect yourself from the social wrath of being a sinner while at the same time being wracked with guilt because you can’t seem to escape your sin. If it sounds like I have been there – yep.  I would say a lot of my initial causes of depression came from this struggle.  Yes, I am saying that religion, particularly the Christian notion of sin,  may have has a great deal of influence in causing my depressive issues.

My theology about mankind has certainly changed since I discarded man as a sinner.  I don’t think of myself as a sinner but simply a human being. I am not all-powerful, all-knowing or all-present; so I am going to make mistakes and there is really nothing I can do about it. I have needs that are normal.  Wants that are normal.  I have my reason and wisdom to guide me. I am not perfect and I make mistakes and have errors in judgment, but that doesn’t mean I am a sinner, just human. To me, life is no longer about overcoming sin and removing it from my life.  Rather, it is about discovering the virtue in me and causing it to grow. And there is a virtue in who I am as a human being if I look for it and develop it.  It’s about growing into the best human being I can be.

Note: Unlike the atheist, I have not discarded the idea of a spiritual side to mankind at all, but rather I am saying that sin is not something I believe is real about it.  Humanity is more complicated than he is all bad or all good. 

Spirituality:

This is why spiritually speaking I spend more time meditating on the Nine Noble Virtues as a way to learn where I need to grow. I am not trying to get rid of sin out of my life, praying that God is gracious, etc. I have come to see some things as normal and human, not sinful.  My goal now is to build character, not remove sin because I think sin is a made up imaginary concept.  I meditate on the good things, not the bad things.  I grow the good in me, rather than trying to deny my humanity by calling it sinful. I find it makes me much happier and far more at ease in this world.

One good example of this is my changing attitudes about sex and sexual desire. I feel sexual desire is normal in humanity and it is normal to feel a sexual desire toward a lot of different people.  Lust is made up to me unless you are using the term to describe passionate sexual desire which is neither good nor bad. What might be a factor in sexual desires is wisdom and reason saying that not all sexual interaction is beneficial. Some of it could be detrimental.  The real issue is that sex in and of itself is not sinful in any form. Enjoy, but be smart and wise. 

In my case, sexual fidelity is part of my marriage because that is the oath I swore as a Chrisitan that I still honor. If it wasn’t, having sex with another woman would not necessarily be a violation of fidelity as there is no sin to it, but one might challenge my wisdom.  Like it or not people get jealous and envious and that can lead to relationship issues. There are also cultural expectations to consider which do have an effect on how a person is perceived. This is not about sin anymore is the point, but rather what effects it might have on relationships and troth issues may or may not be affected depending on the specific nature of oaths of fidelity. 

Conclusion:

After concluding that the Bible is a human book with no proof of inspiration and the sin is a concept made up by the writers of the Bible.  There are only two things left on my four objections to Christianity.  The first is the other imaginary thing the Bible creates which is the solution to sin being Salvation in Christ and finally, the god of the Bible seems to have very suspect standards of justice.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Asatru and Fidelity” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Fidelity

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Fidelity or Loyalty, also known is Asatru as Troth, is something in certain areas I have struggled with from time to time. That said, when I was first embracing the Nine Noble Virtues after my recent affair, I didn’t list it as number one or even two as the virtues I needed the most.  It actually finished in the middle much to some people’s surprise at the time.  I will get to why I assessed Fidelity at that level in a moment.  The real issue first is what is fidelity?

This is the only time I found the website Ravenbok a little disappointing because they focused on two issues marriage and loyalty to the gods. In marriage, the point out the obvious in the idea of sexual fidelity and loyalty to one’s vows to one’s spouse.   They do that being loyal to the deities of Asatru might be challenging.

My definition of Fidelity goes much further than that, and recent experience has allowed me to visualize and define it much more completely.  My definition includes the following loyalties to be aware of: The divine, family, self and friends. One principle comes from the definition that friends are treated like family in the case of loyalty.  The other principle is my stated principle which is to be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

It is this reciprocal understanding of loyalty that is instinctual to me and it is a double-edged sword. First, it is inherent to my being.  My personality type (INFJ) is focused on this idea of standing for each other and reciprocal loyalty, to violate this would be a violation fo who I am in a lot of respects.  It is not impossible to do, but very difficult.  It means that usually, it will be the other person who breaks faith with me before I break faith with them. That I have only broken up with one girl in all my years of dating before I got married, the rest broke up with me. Universally ‘friends’ walk away from me before I have ever walked away from them.

The other edge to the sword is to understand my loyalties are interconnected but loyalty to self is essential to maintain balance. I often maintain loyalties to others at the expense of loyalty to myself and that usually ends in disaster. By making sure it is central and all other loyalties are related to it, I can overcome this, but it takes a lot of thinking to make sure I am being loyal to myself.  It is not as instinctual, so I have to work at it.

In the end, it is not if I will be loyal or show fidelity in a relationship, but why that matters and that is why I ask why I am in each relationship constantly now. It all centers on if that relationship also reflects loyalty to self now.  If it doesn’t then there is something wrong with it that can lead to problems. To fix it, I need to ask how I can change the relationship so the fidelity in it is reciprocal again.  If it can’t be changed, then it is time to acknowledge that it might be that the other person is disloyal and the relationship needs to be abandoned rather than me showing blind loyalty to it.  Time to walk away before I get hurt.

It is treating myself like a human being and being loyal to myself is a new learning process when it comes to loyalty.  In this case, thinking of loyalty in terms of the wolves and ravens helps a lot and gives me the visualization I need most of the time.

Website: Ravenbok – The particular page is: The Values of Asatru

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

I never made any progress in understanding fidelity until I learned that seriously considering what I need and want is important.  Learning to feed the wolves is important because if they don’t get fed they go rogue on me.  The morph into a monster that.  In order for my relationship and the fidelity that is in them to bring virtue and strength, what I need has to be equally considered with the other person.  If I don’t consider what I need in that relationship, it will fail in the end because the wolves will become famished and then lash out.

Wants (Freki):

This includes not just need but want.  If I find myself giving up my goals and desires more often than the other person this is going to be a problem in the same way as needs can become a problem.  I would say learning to feed the wolves is the best way to keep them from going wild, from becoming so hungry the consume me and those I love.  This forms the best way for me to understand loyalty to myself.  “Feed the wolves”

Reason (Huginn):

Yes, reason does say to be considerate of the needs and want of others in relationships and the nature of loyalty.  Fidelity, however, is a two-way street and my problem is not showing loyalty but in making sure I receive it in return. That by being loyal I am not losing myself.  Fidelity is about being true to all relationships and that includes the one you have with yourself.

Wisdom (Muninn):

Finding the wisest path that offers loyalty to self while maintaining loyalty that is reciprocal is the challenge these days. Learning that loyalty to myself is important is one thing, living it given it is more natural for me to sacrifice than to embrace my needs and wants is not a natural act. It however essential as I have learned from painful experience. The big challenges remain: 1) What do I mean by loyalty to the divine? and 2) What level of loyalty to myself is required that finds balance with loyalty to others? It is these two questions that keep me writing and meditating.

Conclusion:

I am still learning, but I can’t deny the value of the view of Troth or Fidelity that the followers of Asatru have.  I have been asked by some why I came back to my wife and from her side, it was the end of denying she was part of the problem. From mine, it was meditating on the value of the virtue of loyalty and coming to a painful realization that the problem was not loving my wife enough, but loving myself enough so I could love my wife enough.  Only time will tell if I learn this enough and fast enough to make all my relationships stronger.

Still Walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Year Ago Retrospect (Part 4) – Closure in Walking On” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 19

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Warning: To my family and friends, this one is going to be as truthful as the old Rabyd Microphone so be advised.  Mostly I feel the need to write this series for therapeutic reasons.  This also a long post so be prepared to give it some time. 

This is part four of a Year Ago Retrospect. These are going to take the place of my normal journal posts this week in a mini-series:

Click Here for Part 1 

Click Here for Part 2

Click Here for Part 3

All of what has come before in this series has been about getting to this post. I want final closure on a lot of this and so writing is for me a way of working through all that.  How successful I have been with this will be revealed in time. I don’t want to write on this stuff again.  There are scars and aspects of some of this I will probably carry for the rest of my life, but I want to speak of them as little as possible and only when I have to do so.

This last post will take the form of me having one-sided conversations with some of the various people I have mentioned already.  This is an idea given to me from a book that was suggested to my wife and I called – Words Can Change Your Brain by Newberg and Waldman.  It has a way of bringing closure but also I have another objective.  Some of these people I no longer have contact with and I just want to say my piece to them as if they were there and then walk away.  My life awaits and it is time to start living it more fully.  I can’t do that with these emotional weights on my back. If I carry anything as The Grey Wayfarer, it needs to be only what I need to carry.  This shit isn’t something I need anymore. I am hoping this is a way to put it all down and walk on.

So who am going to talk to?: The Dirty Pig, My Former Congregation, Miss Salty’s Family, Miss Salty, and two conversations with myself – The Old Me and the New Me.  Basically a list of people I need to walk on from and one person that needs to move on. This is going to be painful.  But also completely necessary for ‘Final’ Closure.

To the Dirty Pig:

I have rehearsed what I would say to you if we ever ran into each other again many times, it boils down to the following list.

  1. I trusted you to handle things as my friend, you said you would, but you never really were my friend, just a poser who pretended to be so for his own advantage.
  2. If you even hold your hand out to me know I already have a response that goes something like this:  “Take that hand and shine it up pretty, turn it sideways and shove it up to your ass.” Sorry, that it is as warm and friendly as it is going to get.
  3. I should have known because the trail of bodies that represents former ‘friends’ of yours that lays behind you in a long line and now I am just one of them. Does it ever bother you, that people are so disposable to you?
  4. What hurts the most, if the roles had been reversed, is I would have given you the benefit of the doubt and time to think things over some more because I cared for you as a friend. It hurt even more because you tricked me into not confessing to my congregation so you could play that to your advantage – you were a coward and stabbed me in the back.  You did me personal harm and damage even though I never did any to you.  Had to ‘teach me a lesson”. What a self-righteous and sanctimonious fuck you are.
  5. I really hope that you get over your narcism and pathological tendency to bend the world around you to the lies you tell yourself. You need help.
  6. If you really care for the church, resign as a moderator and don’t be involved for a few years. Better yet, never again.
  7. I wish you a long but miserable life. I hope what goes around comes around is true for you. I have no desire for revenge because it is stupid, but know this – if an opportunity for justice presents itself to me, I will not hesitate to take it.  You have no friend in me anymore, I am your enemy. Your best course of action is to mind your own business, and if you see me, walk the other direction. I will certainly do the same.

To  My Former Congregation:

This has three parts:

  1. To those of you who voted to fire me.  I have forgiven all of you but you as my former flock disappoint me as much as I may have disappointed you. I may have hurt you, but you hurt me back which I don’t think you could classify as ‘Chrisitan’. If you see me and are not prepared in some way or form to say you are sorry, then just keep walking.   I stand by my statement that I feel I was judged, not for the nine and a half years I loved you and cared for you, but for the one bad decision I made at the end.
  2. To those who didn’t vote to me fire – thanks for listening and remembering. I have talked with many of you but I don’t know if I have talked with all of you.  I am glad you listened to me and remembered my teachings over the years.
  3. To those that have asked for forgiveness directly – thanks.  Most of you have left the church with much the same observations of the Dirty Pig as me.  So I am glad I am not alone.  You are always welcome at my door, just call first.  Some of you are friends and will remain so.

To Miss Salty’s Family:

I offer my apologies to you.  I know my reaction if it had been my niece, daughter, etc., would have been much the same as yours. That said, I feel your largest problem was that you couldn’t accept that Miss Salty had grown up.  The one thing for sure is I would have never hurt her or asked her to do anything she didn’t want to do.   You probably won’t believe this but the whole thing was indeed mutual from the very beginning.  Sorry for the feelings caused, but I don’t expect your forgiveness.  You don’t have to.  You can take comfort in the fact that the way she broke up with me was such I will have trust issues with her for a long time, and there isn’t really much of a possibility of a relationship in the future in any case with me being back with my wife. I wish you all health and happiness.

To Miss Salty: 

Of all the messages I had to write in this post the one to you Miss Salty is the hardest.  I have imagined how this conversation would go many times and it comes out different each time.  I am hoping by writing it this time, it will be more concrete.

I ain’t going to lie, I miss you. But I struggle with who exactly I miss. Was it really you or the character you were playing?  Was it MaKala, Miss Salty, Elpis or someone else?  I do know that whoever she was, she came into my life at a very cold, dark time and offered a lot of warmth and light. For that, I thank her, whoever she was.  She was truly the salt in my life that gave it flavor at the time. She will always be Miss Salty to me. There will always be a small piece of my heart that loves her. It is just the way I am.  I don’t know if not being able to get rid of love completely for a woman I have loved is a blessing or curse sometimes.  Please don’t take advantage of it.

I also know that I try very hard to remember the good and to forget the bad but without too much success.  I don’t know what to do about that, I am hoping someday to get some personal counseling on it. I still write poems but they are difficult because you are remembered every damn time. August 2nd, I found myself crying over the remembered emotions from last year and so it is the pain that is hardest to get over. There a hole missing in my life that no person or thing seems to be able to fill now. Maybe with time, it will.  I hope so. There is also a scared over slash in my heart that is still healing but it bleeds still on the inside.

I want you to live life. I want you to find someone that loves you for you.  Be who you really are and find the person who loves you for who you are – all the good, bad, ugly and the beautiful parts of you. You are worth that. Never forget you are worth that.

I applaud you for at least having the courage to do what you did and you did it to my face. Unlike one I have already talked to above, you were far braver.  I am sorry he used you to get to me, but that is his nature.  I said it before and I say it again – The Dirty Pig is not your friend.  Remember that.  Remember you are disposable to him if no longer sees a use for you, I found that out the hard way.  Please don’t be another one of his discarded people. Don’t let yourself be another one of his ‘friendship’ casualties.

I just wish how you did it was different, so I didn’t have so many questions.  That said, trying to contact me with answers would be a bad idea unless you can find a way that doesn’t involve social media (you’re blocked for obvious reasons) or direct contact (I am not sure how I would take that).  I will just have to learn to live with my ignorance.  It wouldn’t be the first time I had to do so.

I hold nothing against you, but one thing.  I think you need to tell people and yourself the truth about your role in all this being mutual and not me manipulating you.  You know that is not true. I think you need to show some courage and face the consequences of that truth. I don’t know if I would ever hear about it, but I think for your own sake, you need to do it. Being truthful with yourself is a hard thing – I know. But it is better that way.

I have said goodbye before to you and yet, despite it all, you are there.  All pictures are deleted or destroyed, the books were thrown away along with the first aid kit. The rock you gave me also gone. I deleted The Hedge completely.  I have tried to be very thorough in getting rid of any reminder of you out of my life, and yet, there you are.  Sometimes in troubling dreams or in thoughts when I see or read something we used to talk about. Songs we talked about come to my ear, and there you are. I have tried to say a permanent goodbye so many times in my heart but can never seem to make it have the effect of healing I want.  This is going to be a slow goodbye for me, I can tell. No getting around it.

It has been a year since I heard those words from your lips – “I can’t do this” and they still echo in my heart like ripples back and forth on a pond.  I am trying to love my wife more and more each day, but your ghost or the ghost of what I thought was you haunt me.  Worse still is the possibility that someday we might very well run into each other, and then I am not sure what my reaction will be.  I guess if that happens, it will speak for itself.

Goodbyes are difficult for me and I am coming to the painful conclusion that they might be impossible regarding you.  I don’t know yet, I have to walk this out and see.  You hurt me and yet, I find it impossible to hate you.  You left me lonely and alone and yet…I don’t feel any malice.  Maybe somebody can help me someday with this. I hope so because it makes things more difficult than they need to be. The Grey gets triggered because of it and it would be nice if that stopped happening.

I would say goodbye, but your ghost still follows me. So its ‘goodbye’ in quotes for now and maybe someday, with enough time, you will haunt me less. I hope so.

To My Old Self – Pastor Ed:

You need to go, buddy.  You sacrifice too much of yourself and then you end up hurting yourself and people you love.  You have long been a liability to yourself.  You need to go. You’re a good guy, but you are also self-destructive.  You need to go. I know some people will miss you and I will too, but you cost me too much over the years to maintain anymore.  You need to go. You are just not a really good friend to me anymore. You need to go. You make yourself vulnerable and people take advantage of us. You need to go.  Goodbye, Pastor Ed.

To My New Self – The Grey Wayfarer:

It’s time to get up and walk again.  You have had your conversations here on the side of the road and now, you need to get up, grab your spear, pull your cloak around you, whistle for the wolves and ravens and walk on.  It’s time to move on and be yourself.

Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.  If some choose to catch up with you and talk to you that is one thing, or people cross your path again that is OK.  Old friends and those you know are always welcome to walk with you for a time. But you know it is dangerous to look back and think of all the would haves and should-haves.  It’s the path behind and there is no changing where your footsteps already are.

Time to walk into the future.  Time to face the unknown with courage, honor, and truth.  Time to live your life, be self-reliant, work hard and give generously as you can.  Time to maintain disciplined steps, keep getting up when you fail and stay loyal to those who have shown themselves loyal to you. Keep walking.  The ghosts of the past are going to haunt you from time to time, but find a way to be at peace with them and keep walking. The Grey Storm is going to come from time to time. Learn to walk through it and be better for it.

Time to truly become,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Asatru and Perseverance” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Perseverance

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

It seems simple enough, doesn’t it?  Keep getting up no matter how hard life knocks you down, you put your feet back under you and stand up.  I can tell you from long experience, this is more a matter of will than anything.  The world can be a hostile and difficult place to try to achieve something.  If you fail to get up, you will join the long list of people who did not do so and now dwell in mediocrity and obscurity.

Of all the virtues, I find this one the most natural to myself.  Not to say that it isn’t tested on a regular basis, but I faced my first real test of perseverance in high school on the football field.  But four years of hard grinding practices designed to make you quit, then break you down and then build you back up.  Never missing one practice just for the chance to play a game.  For my chance at Friday Night Lights and the glory therein.  I never got much playing time, but the lessons of getting back up and to keep working never left me.

Website: Ravenbok – The particular page is: The Values of Asatru

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

The failure to persevere means one thing.  You are done.  To not be done you have to get up and try again.   If I can’t get you to understand this basic concept perseverance teaches, then nothing else is possible. Never quit is the start fo all success.

Wants (Freki):

It is the success that leads us to why we want perseverance.  If we don’t quit, if we keep getting back up, then success will happen eventually. Maybe not in the way we want or to the degree we want, but no opportunity for success involves laying on the ground and waiting for it to come to you. If you want something you have to go get it and if you get blocked, inhibited or nocked down, you have to keep trying. To get what you want is going to involve getting back up.

Reason (Huginn):

In my studies, I have never noted a person who didn’t fail from time to time.  Most of the successful people I know failed sometimes many times.  Reason suggests that failure is not the enemy of success but the builder of the virtue of Perseverance if you embrace it.

Wisdom (Muninn):

If experience teaches wisdom, then perseverance seems to be its main avenue.  It is the primary experience of getting up after every failure that leads to the most wisdom and success.

Conclusion:

I have little problems with perseverance.  I think this last year would stand as exhibit A from my life for that.  My strength has come from never giving up no matter how dark Life or The Grey gets. I keep walking and getting up and walking.

Still Walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Loyal Like Sigyn” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day.  Also a Happy Birthday to my wife. 

Journal Entry:

Sigyn is the goddess of loyalty and there is only one tale that survives that shows what this means.  She is the wife of Loki and Loki’s punishment for killing the beloved god Baldur is to have a snake drop deadly venom on his forehead.  Sigyn demonstrates her loyalty to Loki by using a cup to catch those drops so they do not hit his forehead. Periodically it was said that she had to leave to dump the cup and this is when Loki would feel the venom and writhe in agony causing earthquakes.

I am not sure if Sigyn is a good or bad example of loyalty.  It is also questionable how she is loyal to – Loki or humanity.  Is she trying to prevent the suffering of Loki or humanity at the hands of the earthquakes Loki causes as he responds to the agony of the venom?  She doesn’t display loyalty to the rest of the gods as she is trying very much to interfere with the decree of Odin.  If anything this story provides a great example of how fidelity or loyalty can get pretty complicated.

What I feel is needed with fidelity/loyalty is simple – priorities of loyalty. Rules also would help.  I will probably discuss this in greater detail in my post in a few weeks in Of Wolves and Ravens when I touch on Asatru and Fidelity. My initial thoughts are to prioritize my loyalty among the list of divine, family, friends, and self. and then create those rules that create a balanced understanding.  The thing is after so many years of being loyal to others at the expense of being loyal to myself, I feel loyalty to myself needs to be first. Then Loyalty to the rest is a sort of circle of fidelity around me. There is much thought an meditation to do here yet, so I will leave it at that.

For now, the story of Sigyn inspires thought on the subject of fidelity if nothing else.  For that this one fragment of her story that survives is beneficial in that regard.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Nutritionally, I need to tighten things down a little and get the carbs as much as possible out fo my life again.  If there is anything I struggle with specifically it is things like bread and other common American diet things like that that are still in very limited ways part fo my diet. I am at the point where more micromanagement of my diet might be necessary to lose any more fat.  Since March of 2018, I have dropped from 348 lbs. to 280 lbs. through a combination of moving toward a more Paleo Diet, weightlifting and walking. At this point, it is simply a matter of getting more specific in the dietary aspects.  I am probably 80 % Paleo and I need to get to over 90 to 95 % with maybe a cheat meal once per week so eat things I enjoy.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

I think I have become too reliant on 13-week sections of weightlifting as far as the planning.  By the 8th or 9th week it is hard to stay focused on the same routine.  I am thinking, starting next week that my programs will be two months long instead of three with automatic changes every two months instead.  This might keep things fresh. I am also thinking I ma ready to start adding in the barbell exercises again. Walking is becoming difficult as my boots are getting worn and I need to change them out.  I really need that new job soon as there is a lot of little things that are starting to pile up that need monetary attention.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

I have already talked about my loyalty issues above, but the main thing is loyalty to myself.  That cannot be overemphasized. If my other relationships undercut my loyalty to me, then it is going to be hard for me to maintain them.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

I am trying to make wise decisions here.  What is the most loving thing to do?  What is the justest thing to do? What is the wisest thing to do? All of this focuses on myself though, because if I lose me, then all is lost.  I already know what happens when I forget myself and sacrifice everything for others.  I end up destroyed and doing very foolish things.  The wisest course will involve the most love, justice, and wisdom that is self-directed first and then to others second.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Walking – 1 hour.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.

My son and I have started a kind of two-person book club and we will be starting to read a book together.  It is a natural fit in my reading slot here.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!