Motivation

“Identity and Job Search Frustrations” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

From a job search point of view, this has been a frustrating week.  I think I must have received at least 20 ‘you suck’ emails.  They don’t stop me from applying again for sometimes the same job but the amount this last week was much higher than normal and it is really starting to get to me. I ain’t gonna give up but man it makes the day to day a little difficult.  Probably what makes it worse right now is that I see my friends either with great jobs or getting new better ones and my ministry experience doesn’t seem to count for jack shit in the real world.

Closer to home a promotion at work was basically given to someone outside our department that knows nothing about what we do when there were plenty of people inside the department who were more than qualified. Including me. Makes for frustration at a level right now that creates a possibility of The Grey returning.

I suppose it is also this question of identity as well.  I mean I change my area of looking for a job quite a bit.  One day its business and the next it is the government, after that education.   Right now I would settle for something that just made more money so instead of just surviving we could make some headway toward our goals.

My problem is what am I comes up a lot in regards to career and that is something I cannot shake. I feel the next few years are going to be telling as to whether I make progress or not.  Age is a factor like it or not.  “It’s illegal to discriminate based on age in the United States, Rabyd Skald”. Yes, true, but there is that pile on some Human Resource management people’s desk called ‘too experienced’ or better ‘overqualified’. Just saying.

It all keeps coming back to ‘who am I?”

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by September 2019.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

If there is a place where my virtues and real-life are struggling it is here. Independence is achieved in part through financial independence and I am struggling to get on top of this. I want to do more than get by. I want to be free to pursue what I want to pursue and that requires some financial strength.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

Despite it all I still enjoy working, I just also want to enjoy the work I am doing and know that financially I am working toward something better. Hard work should pay well, it just should. It is this growing feeling of being stuck that I despise, not work itself.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I still try to be helpful when I can though.  I would do more, but I need more to do that. I am not one of those guys who believes in prosperity without charity. To me, abundance has as a goal giving more.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Being hard on yourself is an act of discipline, but there is a fine line into crossing into being unjust toward yourself. In the end, the self virtues are going to come back and help the business virtues.  I just need a win here in Business.  It seems like I lose a lot more than I should here. I want to be just toward myself though and note it isn’t for lack of trying. It would help if the gods or whoever would smile at least with something. But if they don’t listen, to hell with them, I am going forward the best I can.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: Half-Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Language Study: 15 min. on Latin
  7. Reading – 1 chapter min.
  8. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, job search, other actions, etc.
  9. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  10. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

Not much change here other than dropping Latin to 15 minutes and adding reading.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The Journey: Means or Destination?” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

Over the last month, it seems that every discussion with family and friends turns eventually to a discussion of my future. Some of these I have started myself others have been presented to me.  No one has really yelled or pushed, but there is a concern for my welfare that is appreciated because I am not always sure about my welfare myself at times when it comes to my future.  Not that I am not concerned, it is just things seem far more difficult than I want them to be.

The issue for me is finding a new role mostly and that has me debating whether my future career is that role or is my role what needs to be defined and then what my career is will flow out of that.  It is probably for us spiritual wanderers the basic question of what is the journey? Is it a means to enlightenment or is it enlightenment itself? If it the path that is a way to points that are what brings truth and thus change or is walking on the path itself the means by which truth and change are acquired.

I have struggled with this question at times but the answer is not either-or, it is both-and.  All the questions I am trying to answer about myself right now are important.  The way I am going to find the answers is in part the points on the journey where I stop and am enlightened, but also the walking of the paths of virtue also is enlightening in and of itself.

I suppose this expresses itself in the Virtues I follow and the Principles that guide them becoming the means to the change I need in my life.  The goals and bucket list items becoming more of those points on the map where I can mark where truth and change were discovered. Both-And.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Honor is something that seems to me is a lost virtue in this world. I note how fluid people are with their beliefs on important matters and I have to wonder if it is truly a change in position over long thought which is the honorable way to do things, or simply bending to the political whims of the mob. I commit myself to do the former and not the later.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I have some items in my life right now that require courage and needed change. The question now is to act at the right time on them.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Facing the truth is difficult these days, there is far more struggle than I want to admit to ahead in my life. But I need to face the truth and act. I am coming to another time where courage and truth as paths are going to come together for a while and that is just the truth of it.

Higher Virtue: Love:

The main issue for me right now is that I feel I am loving others again but at the expense of loving myself. I keep asking the question of how much am I going to have to give up of what I want in order to make others happy and that is causing me to have flashbacks into the same emotional state I was in a couple years ago. Being both dissatisfied and restless.  I know this means I am not loving myself enough and that is going to be tough for others when I make the shift here.  The worry I have is a backlash and my personality doesn’t like backlash, but at the same time, if I don’t make some changes, I will have failed myself.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  7. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  8. Get Dressed for the Day

The beginning of September marks a new round of effort on my routines. I am going to have to make some adjustments to the other two but this one is good and I simply need to be more consistent.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Mirror Motivation” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Most of what involves my self goals are either exercise and/or nutrition-related and sometimes I get asked how I stay motivated.  I actually have to go back to when I was first lifting to answer that question.  I read a lot back then from the great people of fitness and you can’t do that without looking at Jack Lalanne.  Long-time fitness guru who died in his 90s, he was constantly asked how to get and stay motivated. In one interview he answered the following:

  1. Get a full-length mirror and hang it up in your bedroom or bathroom.
  2. Take off all your clothes and stand in front of that mirror and really look at your body.  Honest assessment.
  3. Look at your body and keep looking until you get mad and are motivated to do something about it if there is something that needs work and gives yourself a pat on the back for the good work you have done if it looks good.
  4. Either way, this will motivate you to continue.
  5. Do this regularly, like once every week or whenever you feel your motivation slide.

According to Jack, this was the motivation technique of himself and a good percentage of those he knew that were fitness instructors and it worked most of the time. I can believe it because it works for me. I have been doing this, I will not say consistently, but when it has been consistent my motivation never has wavered. I think the only words of caution I have ever heard about this is psychological: men tend to view themselves more positively in the mirror and women tend to be more negative.  Keep that in mind when you’re trying to make an honest assessment.

From a more spiritual point of view, viewing one’s soul in a mirror can have the same effect. Being honest with yourself and gazing at yourself in some kind fo soul mirror is beneficial. For me, it is still the same moment I am standing naked in from of a mirror trying to motivate myself, but instead, of my chest and legs, I am looking into my own eyes. The mirror to the soul is an accurate description for sure.

Image may contain: 1 person, standing and text

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Discipline is the key to all my other virtues.  It is the muscle virtue that makes all the others work.  Without it, I make no progress on anything so getting back to Routine is kind of my major focus right now.

Nutritionally I need to start cutting more carbs. I have lost a lot of weight so far (70 lbs.), but my honest mirror assessment is I probably have 10 to 15. I also need to really work on the Paleo being full paleo which means finding alternatives to dairy and a few other things.

This is the only bucket list item with a specific date.  In truth it is not an act of rebellion against myself, but rather me being truly who I want to be.  It is only rebellious to society and culture so that is my thinking as I plan it.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Keep getting up.

Weightlifting needs to change in September.  I think I am ready to engage the barbell exercises again and as I look in the mirror it is those muscles that seem to lag behind.  Literally one of them is my gluts.  That’s my butt people, but also my lower back and chest could use some more work.    It’s the squats, deadlifts, and benchpress that are needed.

Walking and stretching will return simply if I follow my various Routines.

I still am trying to get the money for my first tattoo. Hopefully, the promotion to fulltime at work or a new job will do wonders for that coming together faster.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

I wrote on fidelity this week so I won’t belabor the point.

This is my bucket list item with the most time, but I can get the genetics test as soon as I have the money and then I and a search site are going to get acquainted in order to find out where exactly in the world my ancestors got on the boat and came from to America.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Looking honestly in the mirror is something that has given me wisdom.  Our perspective ourselves is often skewed in our minds.  It takes the mirror reflecting back at us with us engaged in an honest assessment of what we actually see, to get aa true picture of who we are.  This is the wisdom that is found in the mirror.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Walking – 1 hour.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.

In a couple weeks, you will probably see these routines change for Work and Rest Days. I am thinking some things will be every day but with shorter time spans to get the discipline of it going again.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Reestablishing Routine” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

During the last couple of weeks, routine and the discipline that goes with them have not been good.  Mostly, I was struggling just to do what needed to be done for life, let alone doing the things that would improve it. So the rest of this week will be about getting back on the horse of Routine and making sure that they are going forward because they are the keys to stepping one step at a time closer to my goals.

I have maintained a few things and that tells me what is close to becoming a habit or is habit already.  The list there is getting up and doing the get ready for work parts, weightlifting, and blogging. Everything else fell by the wayside. That’s how bad The Grey can get me sometimes. So, I need to make sure everything is caught up and all things are in place and then get back at it.

For the record, last week’s Retrospect posts have in some ways done me good.  I still struggle but my screaming into the wind fo the Grey seems to have at least made me more focused and calm about it.  I am still haunted each day by ghosts but they seem less ‘scary’ to use that analogy.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by September 2019.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

Independence is the word and it is a good one.  Maybe other people are not cut out for it, but I sure am ready for some.  The only challenges seem to be religious people trying to impose their religion on me, politicians who want to impose their view of how life should be on me and my society who want to impose their views of culture on me.  I think all of them get disappointed when the middle finger comes out.

A lot hinges on getting a new and better paying job, a lot of other goals become more reachable when this happens. In the meantime, my place of employment has a short term opportunity that would be a change which would be helpful in that regard. I have spent the last year basically being a grunt and that has allowed some time to heal and clear my head, but it is time to get back to doing what I do and making money at it. Management and leadership calls.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

I like working, I don’t always enjoy what my job is. But the virtue and principle of Indusriousness are still pretty much intact.

My novel has a year and a half left but it has to be done by the end of the year period so I can start to see if it is publishable. I might use NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) to get it further down the line as far as being written. November is a good month for that to be honest anyway.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

Being compassionate is not difficult for me, I have long practice and experience.  I am just more cautious about who I am compassionate to and how many.

Group is still one of those things that a new job might help with.  Mostly I would like a steady consistent schedule and a place big enough to be part of one.  I could enjoy an existing group too, I am not against that, I just know the new job is going to have to be first.  Homeownership is still in front of me and also hinges on a new job.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Of course, all of this is about acting justly in all situations. To be as ‘fair’ as possible to all parties.  Not an easy task but I have learned that being just with myself is key to the rest. I know I have to do it or things will get worse.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: Half-Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Language Study: A half-hour on Latin
  7. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  8. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

I think a few more changes are in order here but not too many. I will see.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The Purpose of Journal Posts” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

As I return to my journal posts this week I am redefining their purpose ever so slightly. Mostly I want to write a little more broadly on this blog and there is only so much time in the week to do so.  So I think the best course of action at this time is to journal every other week.  This will also avoid a lot of repetitious writing but at the same time, I will also still be able to keep tabs on my progress on this journey we call life.  The purpose of these journal entries is for my benefit although I have had people say my thoughts reflect their own or benefit them in some way.

Basically now one week I will engage the Overall Virtue and Principle and the alternate week I will be looking at the Bucket List and Goals.  I will, of course, make a note of a goal or bucket list item when it gets crossed off. Weeks I am not journaling I will be writing on various topics or injecting a piece of fiction or poetry. The pattern is as follows.

Week 1 – Journal Posts (Virtue and Principle Focus)

Week 2 – Open Posts

Week 3 – Journal Posts (Bucket List and Goals Focus)

Week 4 – Open Posts

Repeat. Roughly then every month, things ill get covered and I feel that will be more than adequate.

I have changed my comment settings so that if you have a previously approved comment, you no longer have to wait for approval, so comment away if you have already done so.  I don’t know I may have to approve your next comment to do so.  This opens up the comment section quite a bit and that possibility gives me a little trepidation. Just a little note, all comments that WordPress filters as Spam will be disapproved.  No, I am not interested in what you are selling or promoting.  I am interested in real people who want to truly interact.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

I must say after last week’s series of The Grey and The Wayfarer, I feel much better. It was good to get some things off my chest but also down for the record. My senes of honor is definitely a little higher as I seek to move on.  Lately, I have also kind of make it a point to tell people I appreciate them when I think of it as well.

Today will be Day 316 of my blog streak for the year.  That leaves 49 more days.  I now a new pair of hiking boots so My training walks can resume.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I am making every effort to do the right thing at the right time.  Currently, I am still looking for the job I want, but I decided to take an opportunity at my current job to improve my current situation while I continue to search.  It’s been a year and just getting back to maintaining life has been good, but now it is time to improve.

I had some unexpected expenses so my tattoo fund got emptied so we are back to square one, but with the new opportunity should come the ability to get that fund back up and build it faster.  It is the easiest thing on my bucket list to cross off – getting the tattoos.  So I will continue to focus on it.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Well, last week was definitely a week of being honest with myself.  Progress in that area was good and I feel that I am in a position to move forward.

This last 10 days or so have been a mess so getting back to discipline and routine is the first priority and with that comes the book writing and learning Latin.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Loving myself is a real challenge.  My last two addresses on Frigg and Freya’s Day were to the old me and the new. A lot of that was me transitioning from being a person who loves others to the expensive of himself into a person that loves themselves to the point they can love others effectively. It has been a hard lesson this past year of the consequences can be for me and others if I do not do this.  It has become imperative that I maintain love toward myself to keep walking.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  7. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  8. Get Dressed for the Day

Yeah, I need to get on this again. The past ten days have been shit.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Asatru and Perseverance” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Perseverance

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

It seems simple enough, doesn’t it?  Keep getting up no matter how hard life knocks you down, you put your feet back under you and stand up.  I can tell you from long experience, this is more a matter of will than anything.  The world can be a hostile and difficult place to try to achieve something.  If you fail to get up, you will join the long list of people who did not do so and now dwell in mediocrity and obscurity.

Of all the virtues, I find this one the most natural to myself.  Not to say that it isn’t tested on a regular basis, but I faced my first real test of perseverance in high school on the football field.  But four years of hard grinding practices designed to make you quit, then break you down and then build you back up.  Never missing one practice just for the chance to play a game.  For my chance at Friday Night Lights and the glory therein.  I never got much playing time, but the lessons of getting back up and to keep working never left me.

Website: Ravenbok – The particular page is: The Values of Asatru

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

The failure to persevere means one thing.  You are done.  To not be done you have to get up and try again.   If I can’t get you to understand this basic concept perseverance teaches, then nothing else is possible. Never quit is the start fo all success.

Wants (Freki):

It is the success that leads us to why we want perseverance.  If we don’t quit, if we keep getting back up, then success will happen eventually. Maybe not in the way we want or to the degree we want, but no opportunity for success involves laying on the ground and waiting for it to come to you. If you want something you have to go get it and if you get blocked, inhibited or nocked down, you have to keep trying. To get what you want is going to involve getting back up.

Reason (Huginn):

In my studies, I have never noted a person who didn’t fail from time to time.  Most of the successful people I know failed sometimes many times.  Reason suggests that failure is not the enemy of success but the builder of the virtue of Perseverance if you embrace it.

Wisdom (Muninn):

If experience teaches wisdom, then perseverance seems to be its main avenue.  It is the primary experience of getting up after every failure that leads to the most wisdom and success.

Conclusion:

I have little problems with perseverance.  I think this last year would stand as exhibit A from my life for that.  My strength has come from never giving up no matter how dark Life or The Grey gets. I keep walking and getting up and walking.

Still Walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Loyal Like Sigyn” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day.  Also a Happy Birthday to my wife. 

Journal Entry:

Sigyn is the goddess of loyalty and there is only one tale that survives that shows what this means.  She is the wife of Loki and Loki’s punishment for killing the beloved god Baldur is to have a snake drop deadly venom on his forehead.  Sigyn demonstrates her loyalty to Loki by using a cup to catch those drops so they do not hit his forehead. Periodically it was said that she had to leave to dump the cup and this is when Loki would feel the venom and writhe in agony causing earthquakes.

I am not sure if Sigyn is a good or bad example of loyalty.  It is also questionable how she is loyal to – Loki or humanity.  Is she trying to prevent the suffering of Loki or humanity at the hands of the earthquakes Loki causes as he responds to the agony of the venom?  She doesn’t display loyalty to the rest of the gods as she is trying very much to interfere with the decree of Odin.  If anything this story provides a great example of how fidelity or loyalty can get pretty complicated.

What I feel is needed with fidelity/loyalty is simple – priorities of loyalty. Rules also would help.  I will probably discuss this in greater detail in my post in a few weeks in Of Wolves and Ravens when I touch on Asatru and Fidelity. My initial thoughts are to prioritize my loyalty among the list of divine, family, friends, and self. and then create those rules that create a balanced understanding.  The thing is after so many years of being loyal to others at the expense of being loyal to myself, I feel loyalty to myself needs to be first. Then Loyalty to the rest is a sort of circle of fidelity around me. There is much thought an meditation to do here yet, so I will leave it at that.

For now, the story of Sigyn inspires thought on the subject of fidelity if nothing else.  For that this one fragment of her story that survives is beneficial in that regard.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Nutritionally, I need to tighten things down a little and get the carbs as much as possible out fo my life again.  If there is anything I struggle with specifically it is things like bread and other common American diet things like that that are still in very limited ways part fo my diet. I am at the point where more micromanagement of my diet might be necessary to lose any more fat.  Since March of 2018, I have dropped from 348 lbs. to 280 lbs. through a combination of moving toward a more Paleo Diet, weightlifting and walking. At this point, it is simply a matter of getting more specific in the dietary aspects.  I am probably 80 % Paleo and I need to get to over 90 to 95 % with maybe a cheat meal once per week so eat things I enjoy.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

I think I have become too reliant on 13-week sections of weightlifting as far as the planning.  By the 8th or 9th week it is hard to stay focused on the same routine.  I am thinking, starting next week that my programs will be two months long instead of three with automatic changes every two months instead.  This might keep things fresh. I am also thinking I ma ready to start adding in the barbell exercises again. Walking is becoming difficult as my boots are getting worn and I need to change them out.  I really need that new job soon as there is a lot of little things that are starting to pile up that need monetary attention.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

I have already talked about my loyalty issues above, but the main thing is loyalty to myself.  That cannot be overemphasized. If my other relationships undercut my loyalty to me, then it is going to be hard for me to maintain them.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

I am trying to make wise decisions here.  What is the most loving thing to do?  What is the justest thing to do? What is the wisest thing to do? All of this focuses on myself though, because if I lose me, then all is lost.  I already know what happens when I forget myself and sacrifice everything for others.  I end up destroyed and doing very foolish things.  The wisest course will involve the most love, justice, and wisdom that is self-directed first and then to others second.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Walking – 1 hour.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.

My son and I have started a kind of two-person book club and we will be starting to read a book together.  It is a natural fit in my reading slot here.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Truthful Like Syn” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Norse Mythology has a goddess of truth – Syn.  She is the goddess of truth, watchfulness, and doorways. Doorways and thresholds are probably more significant in this culture because it let someone in your door has obligations for the guest and the host, so it was important that no one was not supposed to cross that threshold without being who they said they were.  The truth of discerning this lays in the realm of Syn’s sphere.

I suppose the analogy is a sound one.  Learning to distinguish what is true and thus should enter your thoughts both of heart and head is a noble skill and so the image of a guard at a door is a sound one when it comes to truth.  Discernment is a big part of knowing the truth from a lie.

For me, the truth has not always been an easy thing.  Everyone lies and has lied, including me.  I did a lot of lying last year to cover up an affair I was having, but in truth, I was not very good at it, because I am simply not comfortable with the emotions my lying causes me.  Being an empath means I can feel the emotions of a person I am talking to.

The problem with me and lying to someone is the emotions they are feeling because of the lie’s effect on them, don’t harmonize with my fear when I lie.  So it makes me extremely conflicted.  If Miss Salty hadn’t decided to come clean and asked me to do the same, (which was a welcome relief from my emotional struggle about it) I would have just come clean myself sooner probably more than later because of this emotional conflict. I would have come unglued I think because of the pressure of it all very quickly.  It was at the time already being very emotionally draining after only a week.

Since leaving Christianity, I have made a commitment to the truth, which was probably the hardest on others during the blog I was writing when I first left Christendom. That blog, called The Rabyd Microphone which no longer exists, was me being dangerously truthful.  It hurt others to be truthful at that level.  So my commitment to the Virtue of Truth includes now the idea of being silent in the presence of fools.  There is also an unwritten rule in that of being very careful how truth is presented so as not to hurt others.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Today’s post is 302 consecutive days of posting for The Grey Wayfarer.  The Skald’s Lyre on Saturn’s Day was 300 days.  Only 63 more to go.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

No progress here but also no regression.  Just looking at the whole tattoo thing and the act of societal rebellion as possible bucket list items to cross off.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I have to talk a deep breath here.  My book is about the truth about Christianity and The Bible.  As a Bible scholar and Theologian with degrees to prove it, it is going to be raw truth and that is going to probably hurt some people.  That said, someone like me needs to step into this arena of ideas and say their piece, and I think that someone should be me.

Higher Virtue: Love:

If there is one thing that holds over from Christianity, it is the Bible’s observation that love rejoices in the truth.  I have to admit I am a lot happier these days.  Being truthful with myself about my faith and life was the first step to that.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  7. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  8. Get Dressed for the Day

I feel I really need to stay on point with the routines this week.  The worst part of the memories and the Grey Storm that goes with them is this week and I really need to stay focused on the things that make me stay focused to get through it.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Different Values” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 15

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Tyr’s Day:

Yeah, I know.  It’s another week without “Of Wolves and Ravens”.  I need to get back to it for my own sake but right now the Grey is a ‘normal’ thing.  I knew July, in particular, would be difficult because of all that happened during this month last year and the reason is the memories are not necessarily bad ones.  It’s kind of like reading a story that has a lot of good things in it and happy times but you know a tragedy is going to hit at the end. Like following your favorite character in a story only to have them die suddenly.  It is that kind of emotion when you look at the story arc in retrospect.

The difference, of course, is the story is mine and I am the character so it is all too real and personal.

Another thing is I keep running into people from my past life as a pastor.  People I haven’t, in some cases, seen in over a year keep finding their way into my life. I play it cool but inside I would rather be far away. That journey is over and I want to leave the pain of it behind along with the people in the story as well.  They turned out to be characters that are not dynamic at all, just who reveal their true nature when someone doesn’t measure up to their expectations.

Of course, this leads to my real problem which is coming to terms in all aspects of my life with a different set of values I now possess.  What is important to me has changed and not in small ways but large ones. A loss of faith and a reevaluation of life will do that to you.  The questions that trouble my mind are ones that would make the writers of Babylon 5 proud: Who are you?  What do you want? Why are you here?

My oldest son recently observed I seem to be searching for something.  Something I haven’t found yet.  The young man has good insight.  I don’t call myself the Grey Wayfarer because it is just a fun persona. It is in many ways the philosophy of my life and one identity that seems to fit me with the expression as the motto of my life: “Not all who wander are lost”. It seems that my values involve a lot of searching and becoming something, but the one thing they do not involve is stagnancy or being unchanging.  For me change, and the chaos and joys that go with it, is becoming more of a desire than a fear.

The Grey is the thing that causes me to be stagnant at times, unchanging and that is the devil of it. The demon I understand.  It is why it is so important to force myself to change when I am depressed.  To keep doing something and keep walking through it is my therapy.

Perhaps that is why I write every single day.  Writing is a lot of things but I would never describe it as stagnant.  It is flowing and changing constantly. The creative process is like that. It is when I can’t write that I worry about me.

The point is also that the Nine Noble Virtues call one to improve and get better.  You can’t be a follower of the Nine without changing.  Every single one of them calls for change and so change is an essential part of my foundational philosophy.  The problem may be that some people in my life are too attached to where we are relationally, and to be in a relationship with me requires you to walk with me from time to time, and where I am is never the same.

I am sure there will be another The Grey and The Wayfarer post very soon.  Hopefully, it won’t fall on Tyr’s Day again.  But this week was some good insight into what makes me keep going because, as I will probably write next time, there are a lot of forces trying to compel me to quit and give up. The Grey is strong, but my desire for change is stronger so I keep walking and seeking what I am looking for.  I will know when I find it what it was.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Courage Like Freya” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I have already talked about the god of justice and courageous valor a couple weeks ago with Tyr.  So with hi crossed off the list who to go with?  Freya is the next obvious choice.  1) She is one of the choosers of the slain for her hall.  Hall the fallen warriors go to her and the other half to Odin’s Valhalla.  2) She is the goddess of love and war. 3)  I think she represents courage in a broad sense, not just of the battle nature, but that bold confidence in dealing with relationships as difficult as love.

For me, this foundational example of taking the courageous risk to love and form new friendships is the challenge.  Freya calls one to take that risk despite past hurts and dangers.  To understnad, it takes courage to form new friendships and love is her heart.  Not only the war courage but the loving courage too. Confidence and pose no matter what is what Freya’s example teaches.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Today’s post is 295 consecutive days of posting for The Grey Wayfarer.  Getting close to passing the 300-day mark and ten straight months. Getting close now so need to stay focused and prepared.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

Just a not on a lot of my goals here as what some of them hinge on is a new job. Mostly a better-paying one. But I also see in my goals and bucket list items that this job needs to lead to a career that I enjoy.  I have some life left to live and some bucket list items to cross off that depend on that too.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Two things I need to get better at are studying Latin and writing.  Period. That’s the Truth.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I have a conflict of love right now.  Self-love vs. self-sacrifice is a big issue for me.  I have done a lot of the latter in my life and very little of the former.  Time switch that up for a while.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  7. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  8. Get Dressed for the Day

Slipped a little on this one this week.  But for the most part, the important things are intact.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!