Love

“One Year – Made it” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

The moment this post goes active, there will be a WordPress notification that tells me this is a streak of 365 days – 1 year.  Tomorrow will be the one-year birthday celebration and I will talk about that in more detail then.  But for today, I want to take a deep breath and enjoy the fact that a finish line was crossed.  Something I set out to do was completed and quite frankly right now I could use the win.

In the ‘A Skald’s Life’ posts this week I will be focusing on the principles of each virtue.  The virtue is the idea, the principle is the beginning plan of action to make it happen. A guiding idea that takes each virtue and puts it into practice.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Honor is one of the most tricky virtues of them all. I have worked hard to shuck off the past and live in the present moment. One can only take one’s honor at the present moment and build it and that comes from a sense of personal pride. I still struggle here for myself but note people who are honorable and people who are not.

Goal achieved today.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

What specifically is the right thing to do is often self-evident for me.  The tricky part is to act on it at the right time. If there is one specific thing that happened recently it was to take the plunge and be a writer first and whatever second.  That said now finding a better job may be in focus, but given the situation at my current work, I just don’t feel that is my avenue to find a better job.  Time to search for something better with more energy and act with courage.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I am not sure honesty serves me well in all things, but I guess given my personality I would rather fail and maintain truth than succeed with a lie. My personality would never see this as a liability as INFJs are idealistic as fuck and here I am. I find myself quiet a lot these days.  I simply don’t think most of humanity is ready for the truth because it is uncomfortable. I would rather stay quiet than engage the comforting lies most people tell themselves.

Higher Virtue: Love:

The struggle between the love of myself and the love of others continues. The warnings I have gotten from studying my personality and my counselors over the years echo in my head – ‘You need to remember to take care of yourself. It’s something you are going to struggle with, so remember to do it.”  Yeah, I know.  I just keep running into a wall about it.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Better, but needs to be complete.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Frigg: Mother of Foresight”(Asatru – Part 12) – The Pagan Pulpit

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods, goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here.  We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it.  Let’s be honest, offerings are not given to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it.  Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never sees a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Theme Song: “Prayer of Frigg” – Tjamtjala

Meditation:

Image may contain: 1 person, standing and text

Text:

See the source image

If you want more details about Asatru, I can’t recommend this book enough.

Sermon: 

Finally, we hit Frigg.  Goddess of Love, Marriage, Fertility, Prosperity, Family, Civilization, Weavers, and Prophecy.  Wife to Odin and mother of Baldur.  Her appearances in the mythology are interesting in that she is an active player many times but her personality is never really developed leaving her with an air of mystery almost as mysterious as her husband. Frigg, however, is a powerful queen who acts when needed. Her loyalty and concern for her children – particularly Baldur is never questioned.

Of course, her lament for Baldur is more tragic because she foresaw his death but couldn’t stop it and then when the whole world wept for Baldur save, one so he remains in Helheim, becomes even sadder.  Her ability to see the fates of each person does not help her and the tragedy of losing a child. It must have been a story to remind mere human mothers that even Frigg despite all her powers, lost a son and grieved for him.

To the followers of Asatru, Frigg is queen as much as Odin is king. She is venerated for many reasons but if one wants to understand Odin better one needs to understand Frigg and Frigg seems to be Odin’s center.  His point zero, zero, zero if you will.,  It all starts and ends with her to him.  They actually seem to love each other deeply although sexual fidelity is not required it seems, as both of them were known to have sex with others.

One of the cool things is that one ritual is mentioned, whether it is new or old I found it interesting. Of placing a large single candle central and then twelve candles in a circle around it.  This is done to reflect Frigg’s twelve handmaidens or in some cases, as believed – her twelve different aspects. Either way, it demonstrates the complexity of a very mysterious and powerful goddess.

I find Frigg to be a puzzle that it is fun defining the edges of.  I have used her in a story and made her a kind-hearted but powerful mother/wife figure. I find this female representation both appealing and powerful.  The Nordic pantheon has a father figure in Odin that travels far and wide to protect what he cares for and a mother figure who protects hearth and home while he is away. They are never questioned when they sit together in their home. Definitely both strong feminine and masculine as a couple. She also has a strong story that emphasizes parental love.

Parting Thought:

No photo description available.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Strong Foundation” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week we return to the beginning and talk ao but Virtues; particularly the virtues of The Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru and the Higher Virtues. In my own philosophy, I have broken these down into three groups of the virtues each with their own corresponding higher virtue. This is my conceptualization and other followers of Asatru might do it differently.

The first group for me is what I call the foundational virtues: Honor, Courage, and Truth with the corresponding higher virtue of Love. For me, this is symbolized by the bottom triangle of the Vulknut.  It is about the part of my philosophy that is foundational in the sense it deals with everything and all situations. These are the virtues that form the bedrock of my philosophy.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Honor is not just a word to me.  I do find the struggle interesting of being an honorable person is a modern world that seems not to have any at all at times. Having a feeling of inner value and worth seems to be constantly challenged. My foundational drive is to have that sense fo honor. I also seke to recognize and praise the honorable. Honor is a tricky and difficult virtue, probably the most difficult.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

Doing what is right is not always easy to figure out.  Once I do I have gotten much better at acting on what is right but it still is the question of what is right?  That takes some time to figure out and honestly, my track record tells me I take too long at that part of it. I am getting better because time is something important to me and wasting time trying to make decisions that ate perfectly right is not ultimately productive.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

It takes a while to get real shit (truth) form me because I don’t just give that out to anyone. I prefer silence when it comes to the truth to most other people.  Most people don’t want the truth anyway, they want comforting lies.  The more real issue to me is remaining truthful with myself.  It helps that I now see this as a loving act toward myself to be truthful.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Honor, Courage, and Truth coem together to form the foundation of love.  That leads to one aspect that I now struggle with which is creativity.  For me, my muse has always flown from something or somebody I have loved.  For whatever reason, when I have a certain type of love for someone it is the best kind of foundation for creative work. For me writing, in particular, is fueled by this kind fo love. my best times of writing and most productive is where I have had someone I loved very deeply and it flowed to my fingers and out on to digital paper.

The frustrating thing is this has never worked with my family, even my wife.  I wonder sometimes if this is because certain love is expected and not just freely offered.  I know my most productive time of creativity was Feb 2018 to July 2018 but that was Miss Salty and that also had some serious downsides in the end.  Now, I just search for a new muse and I wonder who or what I have to love to find her.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Solid, working more on consistency at all levels.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Fireplace, A Sauna, and A Skinnydip” – Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Part 13

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal August 27th, 2019

It’s been a week of hiding out and I think we are all going a little stir crazy. It’s late summer so we don’t have to deal with cabin fever at least.  Yet. The three of us put on more passible civilian clothes to go to town.  Amber in jean shorts and a tank top is something to see.  Unusual to not see her in that red dress.  The town trip was uneventful as the only person who actually saw us was the keeper of the small grocery store.  We bought some fresh milk and meat and some other stuff. I dropped off a magical letter in the post office.  It would only reach my daughter if I died.  Until then it was pretty much unnoticeable.

The cabin looks ordinary enough but Lunette informed me that it had some magical features.  The lights were candles and oil lamps that went on and off with the wave of a hand near them.  The fireplace required no wood but in true fairy-fashion burned magic. It might be late summer but the cabin is shielded buy tall think trees and this is the Upper Penisula or what we Michiganders call ‘true up-north’.  It was starting to get cold at night. So the fireplace was a welcome addition in the evening as the three of us would gather on the couch and talk and watch the flames.

The icebox was also magical.  There was no electric line to the place so it all was magic.  The consequence was no internet or television.  My phone sat inert and its battery quite dead at the bottom of my pack now. Better that way, no way to trace me using it.

The same was true for the sauna by the lake as it was powered by magical rocks that you threw water on to get steam, which did have to be dipped from the lake in a bucket.  There was one of those metal portable tubs hanging from the wall that we had been taking turns in getting a bath.  Well, the girls have as I can’t really fit in it, so I fill it and then sponge bath myself standing in it (with Lunette helping scrub my back) and then pour the bucket of water over my head to rinse off.  Up until three days ago, the pattern was me and Lunette going down and helping each other bathe and sauna together. Then I come up to the cabin and Amber goes down and Lunette helps her. They usually come back together, often after an hour or so.

Three nights ago it was however particularly hot for a lot of reasons.  One was the night temperature didn’t drop much and it was still late summer heat even at night.  So the whole sauna bath thing was even hotter and I was literally sweating bullet-sized drops.  Lunette being a pixie is less affected by changes in temperature but even she was feeling it I could tell.

“Let’s cool off in the lake. Skinnydip time.”

It kind of brought back memories at my uncle’s cabin when all us cousins would get in the sauna and then do skinny dip time to cool off. We were all little kids so the whole girl boy thing hadn’t really dawned on us yet.

So I saw her get up and followed her perfect naked backside out into the lake and jumped out into it with her.  Soon we were waist-deep. The lake wasn’t dirty at all, in fact, I remarked how clear it was to Lunette and she said her family owned the whole thing.  They called it Mysterious Clear Lake.  But in truth, you will not see it on the map.  Her family had used their abilities of illusion and suggestion to basically make it disappear.  So you could see the sand even in deep water below you and when it was calm it was like a mirror. Tonight the moon was shinning out on it and it was wonderful.  I took Lunette in my arms after splashing each other for a bit.  I kissed her.  After a few seconds though we were interrupted.  It was Amber clearing her throat.

“You two mind if I join you?”

Before I could speak, Lunette said no we didn’t.

“Oh, thanks.  It’s pretty hot in the cabin.”

I was about to speak when Lunette pulled me close and whispered in my ear.

“It’s OK.  Were all adults here and I would like to know where she stands with you. Her being naked means she doesn’t have anything up her sleeve.  Gods Ed, I am still a pixie about this, I don’t own your sexuality.”

I nodded, but my eyes had not left Amber.  She kicked offer sandals and pulled her tank top up over her head.  She undid her bra and dropped it into a pile with her shirt and sandals.  She then unbuttoned her shorts and in one motion dropped them and her panties down to her ankles and then stepped out.  Looking at the front of her, I now knew she was truly a redhead.

‘There, fully disrobed, well except for my tattoo.”

I didn’t have to ask as she turned around and showed us.  Well me, because Lunette had probably seen it before.  It was a tramp stamp but it was flames of red, orange and yellow all mixed beautifully together.  The flames actually moved a bit like they were real.

“Is it magical?”, I asked.

“Oh, yes.  It augments my flame powers.”

Then bold a brass she strode down into the water up to her waist as well.

” I got it from an alchemist tattoo artist who specializes in that sort of thing.”

“Is that common.  I have been thinking about that as well.”

“Yes.  There are quite a few now that tattoos are less taboo with mundanes.  It has the advantage of being a talisman that can’t be removed.  You are pretty powerful already. I am not sure what a tattoo augment would do to your powers.”

I caught myself staring at Amber and then turned to Lunette who was smiling a wry smile.  She leaned over again and whispered.

“You know I think you are part nymph yourself. You need to focus and find out where her loyalties lie.  She is no longer your bodyguard now, so why is she with us still?”

I nodded.

“You know Amber, you don’t have to stay with me anymore.  You are not under orders to guard me anymore?”

“I know.  I could just join the underground and fight, but I feel in a way my place is still with you.  You have a tendency to draw trouble and end up in awkward and tense situations.”

“Yeah, like skinny dipping with two beautiful women.”

This time both women laughed.

I sighed and looked back and forth between the two of them they were both alternating between looking at me and each other.  Then it hit me.

“You girls are up to something. I have been set up haven’t I?”

“I told you, Amber.  He is pretty quick on the uptake when it is staring right at him.”

Amber shrugged then spoke.

“Ed, I have been your bodyguard now for some time.  I have come to care about you in that time like no one else except maybe Lunette.  Things have changed, you are right but something has been building for a while now inside me toward the both of you.  I can only describe it as affection, maybe the beginnings of love. I know my place is with both of you.”

“Ok, this is truly awkward and tense.  Are you saying you love both of us?”, I asked.

“Yes.  I have already expressed this to Lunette.  As a Pixie, I knew she would understand but we both worried about you.”

“Yeah, how you would react, Edward.  I know you just finished mourning your wife nad our relationship is still new.  You have a hard time with this heart stuff, I know. But Amber is still with us because she loves us.  No other reason than she is in love with both of us and doesn’t know any way to express it other than protect us.”

I sighed, “Well, leave it to the women in my life to complicate things. I don’t even know what to think right now. I really am a little more fae in my understandings of these issues now, but it is still all very new to me.”

Lunette spoke, “Edward, we thought about that too.  We don’t want you to rush things.  I know you wouldn’t have that type of relationship or sex with any woman you didn’t have some feeling of love for and my guess is that; true to you; the relationship between you and her has, up until now, been a professional one. She and I want that to change.”

“You both do?”

Lunette sighed, “Yes.  We have been talking.  Edward when you got back with me you said you understood what I was and what that might entail in our relationship.  I am a fae and sexual fidelity is not in the cards and you said that was OK.  That it didn’t affect our loyalty to each other because you knew how I am. Well, you should know that I find it as easy to cuddle up to a girl as a boy. I’m bisexual. Amber and I have…”

“Been getting cuddly.  I see. Ok. I am good with that.  I said I would be and so there it is.  But I am not sure about me and Amber.”

“We know Edward.  That’s why Amber and I felt you should be told this way and then gradually be brought into it. For starters, we want to stop the separate bathing times and bathe and sauna together.  Skinnydip too. It would just be good if we can dress, undress and be naked in each other’s presence without inhibition.  The cabin is just too small for any real privacy anyway. It will lead to more conversation and emotional intimacy if nothing else. There is also a practical concern.”

“Yeah, I know.  When we bathe and sauna separately the one person alone is vulnerable.  We should try to be together as much as possible. Ok. I will go along with this.  I guess we will see how it goes.”

For the last three days, we have been doing the fireplace, sauna and skinnydipping together.  Amber is a redhead and fire mage, but definitely, not a hothead and her passion I can feel is that quiet kind.  I can see her and Lunette sleeping right now from the table where I am writing this journal out by hand. I slept alone last night and let them have a night together. They are both beautiful women both outside and in. While I am still not completely sure about this, I am willing to stay open-minded. After all, life may be very short for us and we need to enjoy as much as we can while it lasts.

Author’s Notes: 

I suppose I have to say that any similarities to the characters and events in this story are purely coincidental with the exception of yours truly. I have to say that because for some reason during The Hedge Wizard of Redburg some people actually thought I was relaying all true stories.  Most of the time I was not.   

When I write fiction of any type I like to push social mores. Hell. I like to slap them in the face, knock them on their ass, and then kick them when their down. The context of this story is that we have a male wizard, a female wizard, and a female pixie.  The two mages already push the social boundaries of this imaginary world by being mages.  A little nudism and sex outside the lines are not going to phase them.  Especially since I have established in past canon (now deleted) that nudity and sometimes sex is necessary for some magic to even work or take place.

Lunette is even further off the chain when it regards sexuality and nudity.  As a fae, she is immune to disease including STDs.  In addition, she cannot get pregnant except with another fae and only if she wishes it. I ask you what kind of social mores about sex would you expect if this was the case in fae society?  None – pretty much other than perhaps incest being taboo, maybe not even that given the fae are also not subject to genetic disease either. The faerie spends more time naked than clothed when among their own kind as well. Needless to say, each faerie and pixie has probably seen a lions share of boobs, asses, and penises regardless of their own sex. Nudity does not phase them. 

In this story, Edward is hunted, a widower and pretty much looks at sex and nudity like a fae, with reasonable precautions relating to human beings.  He can get another female human pregnant without protection and STDs are real things.  But not with Lunette and Amber has a few magical tricks up her sleeve (when she is wearing clothes) regarding her own feminine issues. Edward is very well aware at this time every day could be his last so yeah, he is looking for any bright spot in that situation.    

I am simply extrapolating what would happen in this context given all the above. There is no reality here and I am not relating any real event that happened in my life at all. In real life, I am married and have been (since my wife and I’s reconciliation) faithful to her.  I want that understood before the gossip hounds go off relating this story to everyone.

Yes, I know from my stats on both my Facebook page and here that traffic indicates some people from my former congregation probably still check me out. Oddly enough, I never lost a follower on my author Facebook page last year, but I did lose a lot of facebook friends on my personal page.  Some of you are waiting to run off and tell my wife some story so you can be ‘right’ about me and warn her what an awful person I am.  I am going to say this with all the love in my heart I can muster for you – Go fuck yourself.   

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Dealing with Ghosts” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 20

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

I suppose it is a testimony to the effectiveness of the last four The Grey and The Wayfarer posts that I really have not had The Grey strong in my life for almost a month, until last week.  The trigger is this poem I have been basically dismissing and setting aside for a month until this last week it started crystalizing fully in my mind and then it became a problem.  It was bad enough for the last ten days or so for me to have a few minor moments with The Grey.  Finally, last Sif’s Day I finalized the poem and published it and I do feel better. Below is the link:

“The Ghost of You” – Skald Tales and Poems – Poem

That said, the ghost of Miss Salty isn’t the only ghost I have been struggling with. I suppose when I look at what ghosts symbolize, it is unfinished business. I have a bit of that but also there is the aspect of someone dead to you either literally or figuratively.  People who for whatever reason are no longer part of your life that still haunt you. Sometimes the haunting is good, sometimes bad.

Probably a good example of each is in order.  The first is my father who died on October 5th, 1994.  He was a great man and his funeral was one of the best attended I have ever seen in my life. Not a week goes by that I don’t think of him still.  I have adapted to his absence but I have never gotten completely used to it.  This time of year both mom and I are a little cranky because of it. The three musketeers (I was an only child) are still missing Porthos. His love of life was infectious and both mom and I have struggled with that ever since his death.

The other kind is best represented by the man known to me as The Dirty Pig.  Probably because the real ghost of that is our friendship which, given all that has happened, was ultimately ghost-like the entire time.  It was illusionary and only remained as long as there was some benefit in it for him.  Real friends can’t be lost so what was revealed was a man who was a poser and a fraud. The Dirty Pig he is to me and will remain so until I am dead.

Sometimes things are also ghosts particularly relationships.  My life as a pastor and my marriage before our almost divorce or both there to haunt me.  The first becomes a ghost because I wasted a lot of time that I could have been enjoying life an building one.  Doing something more useful than being a good storyteller, cut-rate counselor, and spiritual guru. I am now playing a colossal game of catchup when it comes to my finances being prepared for retirement.  I counsel everyone who will listen to me to not go into the ministry.  If you want to help people start a non-profit charity and run it yourself or go into counseling or some form of social work. Be a teacher. Do anything but a preacher or pastor.

My ‘former’ marriage and the combo of my wife and I being a pastor and pastor’s wife is also a ghost that haunts me.  Mostly because inside my heart I am longing for something different now when it comes to my marriage and my wife wants to return to the way things were.  If we stay together, neither of us is going to get what we want and that may still bring about our downfall. I don’t want that but I also don’t want to be miserable like before and so the tension between loving her and loving myself is very real.  It is also not the only thing providing tension.

The other thing is this is now a mixed marriage as far as faith/spirituality and that is particularly stressful to both of us because our values are different now.  They are also diverging more and more. I know if we had gotten divorced, my life would be different and the only thing holding me back with some of my desires is I chose to stay. I know what happened the last time I sacrificed my own happiness to make everyone else happy and it was pretty devastating to all involved.  While I have no desire to have that happen again, I know this is kind of an Achilles’ Heal of mine and I don’t think it has been removed from how I function as a person. It is a ghost that hangs over me.

One other thing besides ghosts to talk about in this The Grey and The Wayfarer.  That is the nature of The Grey itself which might be considered a large ghost if you look at it a certain way.  A bit ago I asked myself the question of what exactly is The Grey?  It is not raw depression that is for sure because I can shut off the negative emotions completely and I would still say I am in The Grey.  Depression is a part of it but not the total of it. There is something else, and I am still thinking about it.  I think though I would need counseling to get to the bottom of it completely.  The one thing I am sure of is that the depressive elements are not the only thing going on here.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Kicking the Bucket” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week I consider my bucket list. You know that list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket. This list is the major milestone I want to hit before my death and i think it is important to have long term goals and that is what they are.

People ask me without Christianity how do I have hope.  I ask them why they would assume that just because I don’t believe in the Chrisitan version of the afterlife any more that I wouldn’t have hope?  If you always looking to the beyond for your justification for living in hope now; I would say you are too heavenly minded that you’re no earthly good. Hope for me is not about life after but the life I have now.

As I deist I concede the atheists might be right and this is all I get. I also hope there is a life after death but I am not going to act as if that is guaranteed.  My bucket list is a reflection of the things that I want so that my life now is enjoyable and the purpose I create with them for my life is my own creation. I find a lot of hope in this.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

This is the beginning of my hike bucket list as the first goal.  If my ultimate goal as an old person is to hike the triple crown this is a good training hike to prepare for the idea of how to do something long term.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

This is a desire to visit a city I have seen for a few days once again and view all of its places. I loved this town as it did not feel like a city to me.  More of an experience.  I want to experience it again but this time for a couple weeks and enjoy it.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

A short term bucket list Item and one I am considering changing.  Don’t get me wrong Latin is an awesome language to learn but I am thinking that if I am going to learn a language every couple of years, languages that are actually spoken now might be more beneficial and then learn Latin at a later date.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I am very focused on the fulcrum of self-love right now. my understanding that this is what makes all my other loves possible and stronger is the motivation.  Mostly though I need to start focusing on my goals and bucket list because this is my life and I need to start living it and loving it.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

This part got shorter.  I don’t do breakfast and people freak out about it, but you know I have found that eating from what most people would consider 11am to 7pm is sufficient for me and intermittent fasting has proven, when coupled with my Paleo Diet, to improve my fat loss and weight management.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The Ghost of You” – Skald Tales and Poems – Poem

/ Ed Raby Sr / 3 Comments

Happy Sif’s Day

Poem: “The Ghost of You” by Edward W. Raby Sr. – written from September 10th to September 14th, 2019

On the edge of the vision of my spirit

Is the Ghost of You

You haunt my dreams and my waking moments

You trouble me without even being here.

Like a poltergeist,

you disturb the objects of my mind

Like a wraith, 

Memories of you shimmer in my heart

Like a phantom,

you stand on the side of the road

Haunting my soul as I travel on

Stop Haunting Me!

Keep Haunting Me.

I can’t decide.

When I reach for you,

You vanish.

When I don’t.

you laugh.

Author’s Notes:

Well according to my archives this is the first poem I have written since April 2019. I still have the same problems with them.  On the one hand, I love them because I feel when I write poems, they are even a more true representation of my heart and feelings than any other thing I write.  One the other hand the person who opened up the world of poetry to me is remembered – Miss Salty.  And that has a whole pack of emotions that just flood in.

Especially since this poem is about her.  The idea for this poem came right after I wrote these words in a The Grey and The Wayfarer post (link) on August 9th that were directed at her:

I ain’t going to lie, I miss you. But I struggle with who exactly I miss. Was it really you or the character you were playing?  Was it MaKala, Miss Salty, Elpis or someone else?  I do know that whoever she was, she came into my life at a very cold, dark time and offered a lot of warmth and light. For that, I thank her, whoever she was.  She was truly the salt in my life that gave it flavor at the time. She will always be Miss Salty to me. There will always be a small piece of my heart that loves her. It is just the way I am.  I don’t know if not being able to get rid of love completely for a woman I have loved is a blessing or curse sometimes. Please don’t take advantage of it.

My words in my head were at the time I finished writing this paragraph were: “It is like she is a ghost.”

About a day later the seeds for this poem started flitting around in my head – like ghosts.  I tried for the last month to just not think about it, but it kept haunting me.  Seriously. I am no coward and so I intend my puns, but this is literally how it felt.  I think it even triggered a recent episode of The Grey a few days ago and that’s when I decided to write it and get it out of my head and into concrete form, hoping to eliviate that.  Time will tell if it works.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Escape” – Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Part 12

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

 

Happy Thor’s Day

Rogue Wizards Journal – August 20th, 2019

If you had told me three days ago I would be sitting in a cabin in some unknown location in the upper peninsula of Michigan and writing in a journal I haven’t touched in months, I would have told you that it was highly improbable. But here I am and the last 3 days has been something that definitely took away the boredom of the past couple of months.

Well, it hasn’t been completely boring as sexual activity with an attractive middle-aged pixie is always a treat. Just the right amount of energy and experience. Yes, Lunette and I are still a thing. It’s actually gone quite well other than I began to get alarmed at how much we weren’t paying attention to the situation or doing our research the first couple of weeks.  We were having a lot of sex.

Eventually, though things evened out a bit and the nights with Lunette were a welcome end to a day’s work where we could change gears and just enjoy one another on all levels. She is a different woman since high school.  More conscientious and far less stuck up. I am glad she is with me right now because the situation has gotten dramatically worse.

Three days ago, Amber knocks on the door.  Lunette answers it and she hustles in without the normal ‘is it ok if I come in’. She informs us that the Lioness received communication from the Council which basically amounted to an accusation that she was harboring a fugitive, namely me.  There must have been a leak and that means not all of the mages of House Venus are loyal to the Lioness.  No surprise, but that meant this place being a safe house was over.

We were prepared for this and in a few minutes I had my magic books in my backpack, and I had changed into my traveling garb which was basically a pair of jean shorts, a dark grey t-shirt, and some trail boots.  Lunette for her part has packed some potions in my backpack.  She was going to shrink down in size eventually,  so she had prepared a small outfit made of enchanted leaves and she also had a very small dagger to match.  She kept this stuff in a small box in her back pocket of her cutoff shorts she was now wearing along with her pink t-shirt, so when she shrunk down she could put them on then by pulling it out first.

I cast some wards on the rest of the stuff in the room.  Some things could only be opened by my direct descendants.  Others would basically disintegrate if anyone tried to touch or use them except me. Not leaving anything for the bad guys. The real issue now was how to leave the mansion without being seen or having a fight.

Amber had our solution which as to get to the portal room.  Basically, all these mage types equipped their bases with magic portals.  They were expensive in terms of cost both to create and use, so they tended to be rare. But it would be smart fo the Lioness to be near one so she could get anywhere effectively in the world. The only trick was magic stones were required to power them and they were expensive to make and only lasted a couple times before depleted.

The trick to this portal, in particular, is it was in the second basement at the far end away from us and that meant finding away to get there without being seen.  the second problem was wherein all creation to go once we used it. We had a little time so pulled out the map I had magically made of the mansion thanks to Nevermore and Lunette.  I could look through Nevermore’s eyes and Lunette made him invisible and silent so he could fly about.  Using what he saw I had made a fairly detailed map of the layout of the mansion.

The path through the upper parts was easy enough, the only thing was to slip past all the guards but Amber figured she could escort us where we needed to be.  The second basement would be easily reached through the first level, but then things would get dicey. There was part fo the second basement that was beyond even Amber’s security clearance and one of those was the portal room which was only accessible to the Lioness and a few trusted others.  We might have to fight their way through at that point.

“The second level has illusion countermeasures.  Lunette’s power will be less helpful down there.”

“Yeah, but Lunette and I are good at fighting together, and if I go taking out some of these House Venus female superiority types, that’s a fine way to go.  No offense Amber.”

“No offense taken. I think it is time for me to leave my house anyway.  I was born into it, but I don’t agree at all with their ideals – I like men as more than playthings.”

“So you are coming with us?”, Lunette asked.

“Have to.  They will know I helped you and they will have me executed for treason. Better to take my chances with you, and you need the firepower anyway. Things are going to get hot and you need someone hotter.”

She winked and I laughed. Lunette frowned.

“The real question is where to go once we use the portal?’, Amber’s question and it brought me to the one thing I had never thought of before. Lunette spoke.

“I know a place we could go to.  A safe house I used to use.  It’s a cabin in the upper peninsula and quite secluded.  It is not going to be a permanent place, but it might buy us time.”

“Ok. that actually sounds good. Any chance it is occupied?”, I asked.

“No, it’s a family place and the only ones who used it was me and my parents.”

Amber nodded in agreement and we set out to the second basement.

Lunette basically made herself silent and invisible. We figured if it was only me and Amber I could look like I was being escorted to the Lioness who was usually in the basement. In fact, that was our cover story.  The people in the mansion were used to me walking around as I would do that once or twice every day with Amber in tow so nothing unusual to alarm them.

We reached the stairway to the second level of the basement and paused to collect ourselves.  I knew there were two guards at the bottom of the stairs. If the Lioness was in the second basement, we could get past them with our cover story. I had been in the second basement several times but this is where the invisible Nevermore had been the most helpful.  If not we would have to fight past them.

The Lioness was in the second basement so they let us past, but that meant we might run into her and that would require some fast-talking. I wanted to get out of this place with as little noise as possible. I wanted to leave as many questions as possible after we disappeared as to where we were.  Oddly enough, there were no guards at all on the second level and we walked pretty much in a straight line to the portal room.  I was suspicious as fuck about this and so were my two companions. Lunette especially since she was visible and could be heard.

“Ok, I am going to shrink down.  I smell a fight.  She took out the small box from her back pocket and put it in my palm.  She shrunk down and her clothes collapsed on the floor. She landed on my palm and after opening the box, got dressed and put the belt with the dagger around her waist. She winked at me and I smiled. She knew I had been watching.  I picked up her clothes and put them in my pack.

“Ok, I am ready,” she said as she drew her dagger.

We opened the door to the portal room and were surprised – Only the Lioness was present in front of the portal which looked like a big looking glass about seven feet in diameter and a true circle ringed with a bluish gem-like material.

“I knew you would come here.  I made sure Amber knew about the communication from the Council.  They will be here tomorrow and you need to be gone.”

I was flabbergasted, “You want us to leave, no heads on a platter to save your sensual curvy ass.”

“Thanks for noticing. I do squat in the gym you know?  But yes, I can give you this last kindness, I truly believe in a world where magic is everyone’s to use, but the time for revolution is not yet. You need to go and the portal is the best way to go without anyone noticing.  Here.”

She walked across the room and handed me a blue gemstone pendant and necklace.

“This is the power source for the portal.  It is fully charged so all of you can go with one shot. Whoever is picking the location need only to think of it and walk through holding the other two’s hands.”

“Thanks…you know you could gain some pretty good influence by handing us all over to the Council on a silver plate.”

“Yes, but I gave my word and that means something to me.”

“Thanks again. Janice.”

She looked startled at her real name.  Then blushed.

“Don’t tell me where you are going, the less I know the better.”

She started to walk past me then stopped and leaned over and kissed my cheek.

“Take care of Amber for me.  She is special to me.”

Then she walked out.

Lunette took off her leaf clothes and dagger and put them back in the box.  She grew back to normal size and I handed her clothes back which she deftly put on in a couple seconds. I put the necklace and pendant around her neck and she kissed me hard.

“Ok, each of you take one of my hands.”

I took her left hand in mine and Amber took her right.  We walked forward, the mirrored surface gave way and we walked through like it was a vertical pool of water and BLINK.

Suddenly, we were in front of a cabin in the woods.  A rather nice one with real logs and glass windows.  The necklace was gone.  It probably was still in the room we left right at the edge of the portal with the gem now spent of magical energy.  We, however, we’re somewhere in the upper peninsula of Michigan.

These last couple of days have been uneventful.  The problem is we are now out of the loop as far as information.  The cabin is nice enough.  Two bedrooms and an actual bathroom and a common area with a kitchen, small dining table and a couch in front of a fireplace all in one.  Cramped in some ways but close to a lake.  Down the path, a couple dozen feet is a small lake with a shed on the edge. It serves as both storages for the rowboat oars and as a sauna bathhouse.  Food is canned or boxed so we all plan on going to the small town five miles away.  No vehicle so we will have to make a day out of it and walk.

I took Nevermore out of his pocket dimension and let him fly about.  So far no alarm bells.  Well other than the U.P. is known to be a werewolf country. We can’t stay here for too long.  But it will be a nice rest for as long as it lasts.  For me, it is simply good to get outside and walk around.  Neither the pixies or mages claim this part of the world as fully theirs, so it is somewhat safer.   Time, I guess, to wait for a little and see what is next.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Self-Love – The Essential Ingredient for Happiness” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Love

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion

Just a reminder that Of Wolves and Ravens will be the second post on Mani’s Day from now on instead of on Tyr’s Day.

The last time I wrote on the virtue of Love, I engaged the topic of love based on Robert Heinlein’s definition which is love is mutually essential happiness.  I still hold with that which is why turning this idea of mutual essential happiness toward the idea of self-love is personally difficult.  Because it basically amounts to the simple fact that if you do not view loving yourself as essential then you will never be happy even if you love someone else and they in return love you.

I know this from painful experience as my lack of self-love led to a lot of problems with loving others.  It creates an imbalance NOT because self-love is at one end of the scale and loving others at the other end of the scale.  It is actually that self-love is the central fulcrum point on which all other loves are balanced and if the fulcrum isn’t solid the rest will collapse.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

I hope that the above understanding of self-love demonstrates the need we all have for it.  For me, this revelation showed why things went bad and why they also went so bad once they did.  This is the difference,  When your self-love is good, then you consider your love for others as trying to balance all the rest but the central love of self will not be sacrificed while doing it.

When you don’t have that, you are like a juggler that keeps taking on another object to juggle and never considers if they can handle another one. There is no self to maintain so you just keep loving others more and more until it flips to self-loathing and then you focus on that and forget you are juggling. You can’t keep all the balls in the air at that point and they start to fall until you just say ‘fuck it’ and sit down letting them crash all around you and you don’t care anymore.  That’s what happened to me.

Wants (Freki):

This is why I personally spend a lot of time thinking about how to love myself.  Loving others comes naturally to me; loving myself is work but essential work I want to do.  Taking the time to ask the simple question of ‘If I take on loving this person, will it help me love myself or hinder me loving myself? Is this love a benefit or a burden too great for me to carry?” When things are balanced, you are not juggling, but carefully considering if things between yourself and the others you love are balanced on self-love.

Reason (Huginn):

Rationally there is also the fact that loving others and finding that person whose happiness is essential to your own keeps you from narcism.  Loving yourself at the expense of all others needs to be guarded against.  Narcism is probably the basis of all evil shit in the world. Loving others is rationally necessary to keep yourself from that path, but it has to be balanced on the fulcrum of the love of self.

Wisdom (Muninn):

Balancing the love we have for others while maintaining the central fulcrum of the love of self is the issue here. We need both to be happy.  Whenever I feel unhappy, I realize now either something is out of balance or my love for self has slipped.

Conclusion:

Going back through all my discussions on love, I have to get back to the beginning idea that Love is the combination of Courage, Honor, and Truth.  Love takes these and combines them into a very powerful force.  A force that leads us to be happy in this world and that happiness’ essential ingredient is self-love that allows us to keep all our other loves balanced.  It is this understanding of love that now guides me and so far the only issues it raises is about whether certain relationships are essential to my happiness. The most essential of these is the one with myself.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Viking Blood” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

Every time I set aside these journal posts for a little while I get reminded of their importance. I feel I lose focus every single time I do it so I might just want to make a mental note that I should not set these aside again – ever. That said, it has been in some way a good break so I can refocus what my life and this blog are about. For those of you that might be new followers, these posts are more for my benefit, but if you can learn something from my example then bonus.

This week I want to focus on my goals so below will be some notes regarding them under each virtue. I figure a four-week focus rotation might keep me from getting repetitious or bored.  Week 1 – Virtue, Week 2 – Principle, Week 3 – Goals, Week 4 – Bucket List.   This will allow for constant review and the ability to focus on more specific aspects once a month.  I haven’t talked about my goals in a while so this will be week 3 so to speak.

The title ‘Viking Blood’ is actually a reference to some good news that happened this week.  I had some blood work done Frigg and Freya’s Day this past week and the results were much better than expected.  All my indicators are right down the middle so I am healthy in that respect and my A1c dropped from 7.5 the last time to 5.7 this time.  1.8 points in the last year and a half.  Diet and exercise are definitely working.   Still no complications due to my diabetic condition.  Good News but still trying to get my A1c into the normal range which I am now .1 away.  This Viking Blood of mine seems to be doing fine.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

When this post drops it will be 344 days straight for the Grey Wayfarer.  That leaves 21 days to go. Goal complete on September 30th.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I am a good job and some savings away from one of my bucket list items.  Getting the tattoo would fulfill one of them. I just need the money.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Now that I have determined my primary identity is a writer, I look at this goal as the first challenge of that. Getting that non-fiction book written my march is doable.  I just need to discipline myself to write every day on it.  I guess I look at this blog as stage one of my journey in becoming a writer and now it is time to write for publication purposes.  Developing the discipline and habits to do that is my next priority along with finding a new job.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I still struggle with keeping my love of self right up there with love for family and friends.  I know what happens when I continue to give up things I want and need to make others happy, eventually, I don’t give a shit and need relief at all costs.  I want to avoid that situation,  so self-love is on my mind a lot. Making sure I am taking care of me is and should be my number one priority. More on this later today.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  7. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  8. Get Dressed for the Day

As for my Routine, I am going to get back to them a couple of days at a time.  Tomorrow I want to get back to this one in full and then in a couple days my work one and then my rest one. Time to get my work and rest day routines back to where they need to be as this helps me the most with all my stuff.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!