“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Vision Point: To develop and follow a results-focused nutritional plan that results in fat loss, muscle gain or maintenance, and a lower A1c with the result of a body fat percentage of 8% or lower and a normal A1c by December 31, 2021.
Journal Entry:
Alright. Starting tomorrow it all begins in full force. I have a lot of disicpline to get back to doing and the main enemy will be myself. The most important thing is to be both hard on myself and patient at the same time.
I chose Heimdall for disicpline as to me he embodies someone totally dedicated to a task. A attitude i need ot develop with all my plans at this point. Be dedicated to the task first, then enjoy life second.
The goal here is healthy diet and nutrition and that has long been the most challenging thing for me, but when I have been on, I feel great in a lot of ways. By the end of next year the body fat needs ot be down and the A1c needs to be in the normal range. To do that requires disiplined eatingg habits.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
It has been a rough week from the standpoint of being tired and quite frankly experiencing cabin fever and that is compounded by the COVID-19 lockdown in my state. I have struggled to write but as March 2020 comes to close I need to focus on my goals for my next year.
So I would say I would call my Self area mostly a success. – Exercise program, check. 30th anniversary with the wife, check. Nutritionally I was hit and miss but the results were good in that I lost fat and kept the muscles good It wasn’t fully Paleo but it worked. 2-0-1 then. Final tally: 6-2-1. A winning record and to be honest I would have had one more win but tattoo places are shut down and that was my best hope for crossing off a bucket list item went with that. That’s why my bucket list item under that will be double to two items for next year.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Goal:To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020. (half achieved)
Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.
New Goal: To develop and follow a results-focused nutritional plan that results in fat loss, muscle gain or maintenance, and a lower A1c.
This is one area where I need a lifestyle focus rather than just a specific diet and one that worked regardless of what form it takes.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020 (Goal Achieved)
Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.
New Goal: To engage in morning stretching every day, to follow a practical strength-building program nad to walk 5k three times a week baring weather.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
Goal:Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)
Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.
New Goal: To research my family tree to the point I can create a final copy to present to my family.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
There is part of my life where the stress is very real because I am trying to find a way forward that is wise and best for me. It’s not easy and that causes me to be more fatigued on top of everything else.
Rest Day Routine:
Morning Routine
Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
Reading – 1/7th of a book
Blogging – Organize, revise, post for the next day. Write a new post for two days out.
Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
Writing – 1000 Words
Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):
Goals Achieved: 7
Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.
Find a new, better paying job by March 2020.
To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020
Bucket List Items Achieved: 0
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I do love that feeling. It is interesting that life is much easier when you are physically strong. There is no doubt about that. I was moving some boxes the other day at work and to me it was pretty easy, then one of my coworkers tried to do some of them and damn near gave themselves a hernia. I realized it is not that they were so weak, but the boxes were much lighter to me than them.
Another report I can make is that my weight has dropped another six pounds to 274 lbs. (124 kg – for the rest of the world) this month. I started this particular leg of the journey two years ago at 348 lbs. (158 kg) so that’s a drop of 74 lbs (34 kg) total. I love metric but this sounds so much more impressive in Imperial. I still have a little bit of fat to lose, and loose skin to tighten, so we continue. The goal, after all, is to look good naked. My frame being 6’4″, things are starting to get good in clothes. you kind of get that when you catch women looking at your ass.
The other good thing is my A1c number being at 5.7. Normal is 4.1 to 5.6 and given I started at 8.4 three years ago, things are going in the right direction. My goal is to be in the normal range next appointment which is in March. Diabetes is losing; so that is good.
I wish I could say there was some special trick but it basically has been three factors in priority order:
Nutrition – Paleo Diet and making it more refined every month.
Weightlifting – Bodybuilding style pushing the last set to failure.
Walking/Hiking
I do need to make some adjustments because I want to see how leaned out I can get. See below.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.
Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.
I have eliminated bread for the most part. Most of the carbs that are left are from cheat meals twice a week and my two carb a day allowance. The next thing to go will be the allowance completely and that is going to require some study this next month or so. Making truly paleo meals is the next goal, so the holidays will be easier when I have to be social and I am not dieting in those moments. After new year, the goal will be to be true paleo except for cheat meals. That is the key to diet, being able to occasionally have what you want to eat, but the rest of the time be tight.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.
Up til now I have been going in and doing what comes naturally which is pretty new to me as I usually have a logbook to fill out with each set and rep, but this has been good in that I have not done anything overly stressing on my joints. But I need to get back to the scientific approach to make sure every muscle and muscle group is getting worked efficiently. Barbells have returned but need to be more utilized with a more balanced approach as far as the type of equipment too. Time for a little more planning before each workout.
It’s getting colder so hiking training is going to move indoors to the days I work out at the gym. One half-hour of walking on the treadmill with a weight vest might be a good winter alternative.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)
Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.
Goal Achieved
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
A long life with high quality is the goal here. I have lived 50 years and I would like 50 more and the worst I ever want to be is maybe having to use as staff like Gandalf the Grey at 100. Being wise in these things means engaging overall health. Nutrition is the most important thing but I think my exercise forms are both long term in their focus as well.
Rest Day Routine:
Morning Routine
Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
Walking – 1 hour.
Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.
Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):
Goals Achieved: 4
Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
Bucket List Items Achieved: 0
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Yeah. I am rewriting my routines again. Mostly I am trying to make writing more central and along with that reading. This means shifting some things or resigning myself to the fact that days I work don’t have a lot of free time and that is OK. I am working toward being a published writer and a solid secondary job that allows some progress toward my other goals.
My good report on my health is no cause to rest on my laurels. I still don’t have a ‘normal’ A1c and I would like to get there. Exercise and nutrition are still central to this so we continue. Some changes are needed as far as diet and getting back to walking more regularly before the snow flies, and that is all part of my routine as well.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.
Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.
To be following a full paleo diet I need to do a couple more things. One is to eliminate all liquids that are not water and two get rid of dairy products. The first means slowly making sure I drink less and less of other things and put more water into my routine instead. The second is a bit harder, I like cheese and cheese has no carbs. But I must see if full Paleo has solid effects before I modify it with say some Keto elements.
Another thing I am returning to is intermittent fasting. Mostly from the time I get up until lunchtime. I skip breakfast and any early snacking.
My cheats on this are to allow one thing I am craving a day and two cheat meals a week which are basically an hour slot of time where I can eat what I want to eat and drink what I want to drink. Part for social reasons but also it’s nice to get off script every now and then.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.
Weightlifting is doing well, but I need to walk more. Fall colors will be out soon and that is not something I want to miss as it is my favorite season. But also this might be the little bit more that I need to get truly leaned out.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)
Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.
Goal achieved here.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
Being wise right now is key. Balance and focus are all important and I need to order my life more effectively so that the things I do each day lead to my eventual success. The best course of action every day is what I am looking for now.
Rest Day Routine:
Morning Routine
Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
Walking – 1 hour.
Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.
Of all my routines, this one will probably change the least. This one is more about execution.
Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):
Goals Achieved: 3
Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
Bucket List Items Achieved: 0
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
I have been thinking a lot about health these days as I have hit some milestones regarding health. 1) I just passed my third anniversary of being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and 2) I stepped on a scale at the gym and for the first time in roughly a decade, I fell below 282 lbs to 281 lbs. The first of these was a wake-up call as far as nutrition was concerned as I had relied heavily on exercise to keep my weight under control and it was not working as well as before. The second is representative of losing 67 lbs. in the last year and watching my sugar scores drop accordingly.
I have to say the first thing I had to chuck was the traditional government recommended nutritional guidelines because after doing them for roughly a year, I was getting nowhere. So headed a different direction by basically dumping the idea that regular interval carbs were going to help me. In fact, I felt it was kind of weird that the answer to having an insulin resistant body was to give it more work to do. I found there were some doctors who agreed with me and the video below is one of them who did a TED talk. I share this for anyone struggling with diabetes, you may have to do what your doctor and nutritionist says is wrong but actually works.
So I went Paleo for the most part. I have my cheats so I can enjoy some of the things I love to eat from time to time but it is for the most part severely limited to a couple times a week. The results speak for themselves. That said healthy living is more than about living better and hopefully longer. I find what I have to do to get there each day is a direct reflection of my Self Virtues of Discipline, Perseverance, and Fidelity.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019, to March 31, 2020.
Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.
Nutrition is the main focus of health when it comes to discipline. The discipline of going to the gym when I can and walking are both almost automatic for me. The real struggle and the real key to long term and lifetime results are watching with discipline every single day what you are putting into your body. It really has stretched my notion of discipline being applied to specifics such as exercise and events with a time limit. I now extend the idea to the overall lifestyle which is much more important.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020
Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.
In weightlifting, we talk a lot about pushing to failure. It is intentionally taking that last set until you can’t do another rep. It is intentionally failing so that you can get results through perseverance. It has changed my perspective about failure as a tool for getting better results. To intentional push things until you can’t do anymore – you fail. Then the next time you do that same thing you often find you can go a little further, lift a little heavier, etc. Probably a mindset that is applicable to more than weightlifting.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation
Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.
In all of my health pursuits, I find that this is where I feel the most loyal to myself. I am not doing healthy things for anyone else. I won’t say no one else benefits but the bottom line, the person who most directly benefits from me eating right and exercising is me. There is no feeling like being healthy and that is totally directed at me.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
The wisdom of all this extends far beyond all the health results that will allow me to live long enough and healthy enough to dance with all my granddaughters at their weddings (the oldest of them is five and the youngest is one). It goes far more into a spiritual vein as well as all the things I do are leading to me the wise paths of discipline, perseverance, and fidelity.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Writing – 3 times a week
Latin – 3 times per week
Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.
I really want a full week of routine this coming week. I need to prove this is practical and not a time consuming or realize things need to be changed so they are both practical and not time-consuming.
Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):
Goals Achieved: 2
Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
Bucket List Items Achieved: 0
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Discipline is a very interesting word as it defines a lot of different things. Mostly in this context it is doing the things that need to be done every day to achieve the goals you want to achieve. When coupled with perseverance, it is an unstoppable force to getting where you want to go. I was recently browsing through Barnes and Noble in the business section and found that there were at least ten books on discipline and many others where discipline is a key element among a very few.
For me discipline expresses itself in routines and doing things when they need to be done. The issues for me; most of the time, are procrastination and The Grey. In any case though the one thing that keeps me moving forward the most is discipline and both those opposing problems are overcome by discipline.
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
I don’t really have a problem with this virtue as it is written. In fact, it is one of the best definitions of discipline I know.
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Don’t really have a problem with the principle either. It has kept me thinking on the issue of connecting my life to discipline. No the real issue is the goal and bucket list item. Both have to be self oriented and connected with discipline. I originally thought my weightlifting would be a good fit, but in truth while this can be hard at times, it is not the self-discipline I struggle with the most. No, that belongs to Nutrition. At the same item as I looked at the other goals and bucket list items, weightlifting does not fit anywhere else all that well. I realize the whole issue of health fits here as it is the most easily seen thing where discipline leads to results but at the same time. The weightlifting, nutrition and walking all are part of this taking charge of my body and living healthy as possible. So which to choose.
This is the point in the realignment that I realized that a complete rewrite of some goals and bucket list items might be needed to make this realignment a reality. I also looked at my goals and bucket list items and realized some just straight up don’t work anywhere. This is particularly true for the bucket list. So what goal to set and what bucket list item to pursue? It also becomes clear at this point that may goals I have currently are not that SMART. Goals should also have a singular point not be multifaceted. Simplicity here is key.
Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019 to March 31, 2020.
Nutrition is by far the most challenging thing for me and it is time I take in on full speed. This gives me the rest of March to prepare. I also can start to look at what items I can eat and drink. Mostly, what I see is eliminating dairy and the other items in my diet that I need to purge. Coming up with Paleo alternatives is going to be the real challenge and I hope a fun one.
Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.
Smoke a Joint, Get Drunk, Visit a Nudist Resort. I haven’t decided yet. Something along those lines. My tattoos are not on this list because they will be connected with Perseverance. The idea is to plan an act of rebellion and execute it. Live life a little as a reward for successful discipline. Something undisciplined to counter all the discipline.
One other thing. This realignment thing has pointed out that I can streamline the A Skald’s Life posts. I can do this by including the specific goal and bucket list item under each Virtue as well as the principle. This would allow me to consider them together. I will start this process next week.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
I think I have spoken enough on this today, but there will be changes to the routines that reflect all this.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
As I said my tattoos will probably be here as the Bucket List Item. The goal might have to involve exercise. I do two things for this Walking and Weightlifting. How to couple these into one exercise program. Stretching fits in here too. Something that involves a complete exercise program is what I am thinking.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
Still thinking on this one but it involves relationships so my marriage. family and friends come to mind. Mostly though I think both the goal and bucket list will be about my wife and I. It may involve family and friends but it is going to focus on the two of us. I have some ideas but I will keep them to myself for now.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
The wisdom of all this realignment is centered on two principles – minimalism and simplicity. The goal is a more streamlined system of working the virtues out in my life that is simple. So the effort required is much less. I want o achieve my goals as efficiently as possible and that involves making the pursuit less time-consuming and yet remaining effective.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Writing – 4 times a week
Cheat Meal Count – Currently 2
The decision to go full Paleo Diet and next weeks exercise changes will involve some rewriting of the routine here. I am hoping it will make these things more likely to get done.
Evening Routine:
Take supplements and medications.
Brush and Floss Teeth
Out the Door Preparation
Reading – 15 min.
Go to Bed
Still need an effective trigger here. But also look at the idea of beating diabetes so the first one just says supplements.
Nutrition:
Full Paleo by April 1st. Means doing some homework and dumping some things from my diet. I still think a cheat meal once a week is a good idea. Keeps you from going completely bonkers with cravings.
Weekly Recap:
The weekly recap is going to change because I think I can divide what I normally do here among the three A Skald’s Life posts as well. But a weekly recap is still needed on Friday but it might be where I keep my Goal and Bucket list Counts as well as have a more general feelings about the week and what needs work.
I remain,
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
As I look to tweak my Self Virtues I can see that most of it revolves around tweaking my diet and is very much of a nutritional nature. Nutrition is probably the most challenging thing on my discipline virtue list because it isn’t a routine or once a day thing. It is a constant thing. Nutrition simply is all the time and it is probably the most important thing to grasp if you want to live longer and live better.
The first thing to note is that I have not been currently doing the intermittent fasting. I was going to do this every other week, but decided I would rather do it the all the last weeks of the diet instead. So next week I will not be eating anything from the time I go to bed to the time normally get up which is usually 1 am plus eight hours which means not eating from the time I go to bed until nine o’clock in the morning. If I ever get a normal job with normal hours I would have to adjust this accordingly, but the idea is not to eat anything for the first eight hours of being awake and while I sleep of course.
Yes, I know nutritionists are gasping in horror over no breakfast, but I have never bought into this notion of breakfast being the most important meal of the day. I know too much about the FDA and the US Department of Agriculture these days; so I know much of their nutritional advice is politically motivated to appease farmers, and that much of what has been suggested is an experiment. Much of these have failed and particularly applicable to me the advice on combating diabetes. I never got anywhere following their standard advice there, just a higher sugar score. After watching the video below, I realized my skepticism was justified and I changed course.
On a practical side this means changing my morning routine by moving two items out and moving one of them to something new – an Evening Routine. The thing that will be gone for good is breakfast. It will just be gone. I do take some medication and supplements and most of them require food; so with breakfast out, I need to take them later and I figure right before bed is the best place as my body then can utilize them while I sleep.
So basically here under Self Virtues I will add the section Evening Routine for discussion. Much of that is basically preparation for the next day, hygiene and a little nutrition. Evening Routines are problematic for me but I think this one has the best chance of working because it involves my medications and nutrition. Hopefully that will provide the motivation to do it right after I eat my last meal of the day.
The focus of all this is of course my goal of being in the best shape I can be on my 50th Birthday (March 18, 2019). How I will evaluate that is basically to stand naked in front of the mirror sometime that day and evaluate. That of course will not end nutrition or exercise for me, I will just start another one year plan for my 51st year.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Once again I am applying discipline to something that needs it. Nutrition is a lifestyle discipline. It may make use of routines but it is an every day all day thing. It presents a great challenge to Discipline.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Nutrition also has moments of failure. The one thing I have learned is that when you do have a moment of dietary failure is to not make it the end of the world. Pick up from there and stay true. One meal or bad choice can be countered by a bunch of good ones. Learn from the failure and move on.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
It has been a very good week in terms of my marriage. We had a date night which was fun but also as much as my wife and I struggle with things we continue to turn to each other. That is probably the greatest thing I can say because it is so different from what it was before.
Higher Virtue – Wisdom:
Making the right choices whether as far a routines, nutrition or marriage is always a question of wisdom. What is the best and wisest path? That is a question that is always before me. So far I think I am doing well in this regard. The problem with wisdom sometimes is you can’t see if a decision was a wise one until you look back at it through the eyes of hindsight.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Writing – 4 times a week
Cheat Meal Count – Currently 3
Every time I think I am going to have enough money to do a gym membership so walking and weightlifting are back in my life, something comes up. This week it was books for school. I really need to be lifting and walking again by next week. I will have to see where I stand next Wooden’s Day.
Evening Routine:
Take supplements and medications.
Brush and Floss Teeth
Out the Door Preparation
Go to Bed
What I mean by Out the Door preparation is that if I say overslept or got called into work early, I could be ready and out the door in ten minutes. Part of this though; beyond crisis, is to have my daily paper journal ready for the next day and my meditation stuff laid out for the next morning as well. The idea is to take the time to prepare so the morning runs smoothly.
Nutrition:
One other thing as I head into next week is to reduce beverages from other things to strictly water by mid February. To do this means to reduce slowly what I drink otherwise which is usually some artificially sweetened drink of some kind. Probably at first I would say I must drink a bottle of water in between each drink of these and then increase that to two then three and then eliminate the other leaving only water after that.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – Love, Honor, Courage, and Truth. All of these things are more than words for me. When people ask me if my morality has changed since leaving Christianity, I say no because most good ethics and morals are based on very simple principles and that’s the core of the virtues. I can’t say anything here was a problem this week. Just a time of readjustment.
Business – Business is about how I interact with others. Exercising Justice, Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality is core to that. When dealing with other people, these things are on my mind and offer me a way of loving my neighbor as myself as many religions propose as an ethical standard. I would say these virtues do more than that, they make sure I also love myself.
Self – Self is Acting in Wisdom, Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity in order to improve as person. So far I like the results
This week has been about tweaking a few things. Hopefully by the end of next week all things will be pretty much in place.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Well, with heart and mind finished it is time to turn to my body. I must say when I look back at all the shit I went through this summer, I am glad I did focus on my body and health because it gave me a focus to work on through all that. I still found a way to get to the gym regularly and I began to focus on nutrition.
I now hover slightly under 300 lbs. I am six-foot four and I have lifted weights for a couple of decades, so I have a good deal of muscle mass, so I don’t think I will ever be able to drop below 250. The lowest weight I achieved in the last ten to fifteen years is 285 and that was with a pretty extreme diet but it could have been tweaked because I still was eating a lot of carbs back then. With my new diet, I am interested in seeing how low I can go now.
That said, my main measure of progress is not my weight. It actually is standing naked in front of a mirror. Yeah, that’s right because it’s the only way to give yourself and honest assessment and provide motivation. You stand there until you can see clearly what the problems are and get mad enough to do something about them. I still have three problems areas which are my inner thighs, my waistline and my pecs. In the first and last of these there is a little fat still present but it’s surrounded by loose skin from the losses so far. My waistline is definitely lighter but there is still room for progress. Only time will tell if my skin will lay flat.
I as glad for the progress this summer but I am still making some now. The real thing this summer was that my heart was wounded and my mind muddled but my body was doing good. It was getting stronger, leaner and feeling better. It’s probably what kept me from completely losing it.
My diabetes was heading the right direction at my last checkup. The real great unknown is that the only health coverage we could afford at the moment was something that covers if the shit hits the fan and not much else. My doctor also has moved to clinic practice and I will have to find a new one anyway. This is where I really need to find a new job and reassess things as far as health care, because I and my wife are at an age where things need constant monitoring at least a couple of times a year.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
There are two opposing views that work in my head all the time – The one in my head that says I can do better and the other one that says no one is perfect. I believe in driving myself to be better, but acknowledging that Rome wasn’t built in a day, so it’s one step at a time thing. So far I think that everything I can provide discipline for has it. I am constantly evaluating my development and how things are going.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
It could be said that I get up every time I fail. That said, sometimes it can take a bit of time. Time is not something I have a lot of these days. It could be said that I am facing the crunch of the end of the semester and graduation looms, so as I also said on Monday watching my six a lot emotionally, so I don’t have a meltdown at the crucial time. Being able to take a hit and still be standing and moving forward is important right now and I need to be in that state of mind and heart.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I get asked how thing are going between my wife and I from time to time. I can only say that we have our good days and bad but it’s more good than bad. The observation I would make is that we are healing our marriage which both of us acknowledge was damaged by both of us which led to certain vulnerabilities. It’s this process of learning to build again, to build loyalty between us and a wall around us that is our chief focus.
The situation kind of forces us to stick together. Thanks to the ministry, we are about 20 years behind all the rest of our friends of the same age as far as financial security. Both of us have said it feels like we are back in Bible college times but we are older and wondering what time warp is this? We either stand back to back or we are going to be in trouble, so that helps the fidelity question on our marriage.
The other areas of fidelity are solid and always have been at least on my side. I actually have considered going through my friends list on Facebook and doing another purge. There are just some people who are my ‘friends’ but I haven’t had any interaction with them for years. I keep my circle small. I value loyalty as much as I try to give it. I value it more than the number of friends I have.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
Seems solid other than when I have a class canceled or like this week my car breaks down and I had to skip a class, the walking needs and alternative. Cleaning and Weightlifting will be finished Saturday so that is good.
Nutrition:
I have an intermediate goal that may find its way on to my goal list. To be in the best shape possible for my 50th birthday which is in March. Nutrition is going to be a big part of that and I need to lock down my eating habits from now until then. I have received more remarks this month than in a long time as to how much weight if have lost and how good I look. A lot of that has to do with the Paleo Diet and intermittent fasting.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – My heart is a wreck still but I have made some progress in learning how to heal, the need to find closure has been identified and I feel that even though this section of the NNV is in some cases my weakest, it is getting better.
Business – Really this is just working things as I try to finish my school and get a better job. It’s about working the early stages of the plan to set a foundation for prosperity. My mind is coming into focus but it really still needs some work and I am trying to do that work better.
Self – This is the best area of my life right now. I feel stronger, leaner and better physically than I have in years. Discipline is returning to my life and I feel good about that.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
My wife and I had our counseling session and the one item that has been rolling in my head continues to be closure. When I brought up some of the situations I felt I didn’t have closure on, he asked me if they were difficulties or conditions. A difficulty is something that you can do something to fix. Conditions are something that is basically you have to live with. A difficulty might be a broken arm; a condition might be to have diabetes. One you can over time fix and heal from. The other is something you will bear the pain and responsibility for maintaining for the rest of your life.
I never really answered what I thought to each of these situations would be to him. It was more something I was left to think on and so I’m here writing this journal entry and wondering what the diagnoses for each of them might be. I already live with a lot of conditions. I really don’t want anymore of these psychological or social conditions than I already have. I really do want to leave this all behind. I want proper closure. I want these to be difficulties and not conditions, but I don’t see how that can be. At least not yet.
The other issue the gleaming generality that if I wait long enough time will heal it all. Bullshit. I still carry stuff from other situations and I can say this – time doesn’t heal everything. There are some wounds that leave you with a limp or a crooked jaw, or scars that never completely heal. I wish people would stop saying that. I suspect if people could see my soul, they would see scars, wounds and missing parts. I have certainly had a lot of the blood of my soul spilled on the ground this past summer, so I might be a little spiritually anemic as well. Time may make coping with all that easier, but it won’t make everything go away. I suspect all the wounds I received in this last summer won’t ever heal completely. Closure usually helps speed healing up, but I am not sure how to get it right now on several fronts.
I want the things I am facing to be difficulties that I can overcome in time, but I am having to face the hard reality they may be conditions I simply need to learn to live with. Like my diabetes, I simply have to find a way to overcome most of the problems and symptoms and move along with my life despite the condition. Or I need to find alternative methods of closure other than the ones that normally you would use.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Discipline at this point is not knowing what to do. I know that. What I need to do is consistently do things I know and so far that seems to be working. I wish I could say perfectly but that is still the goal. The Routines are really the heart of this; so over time, I can make better observations and adjustments. Staying busy does help the healing process, so that’s good.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
As I look at this weeks Journal entries, I can see the desire here. Keep getting up and keep going. I want to move forward and take hits better. Our counselor this time said we were a good couple and he feels that this whole thing has made us stronger. I wish I had his confidence, because I still feel vulnerable in certain regards. I, however, am a stubborn man who refuses to quit and in this regard, it is a good thing.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I was discussing friendship this week on a post of Facebook. It wasn’t a long discussion but I had to note that fidelity in friendship is difficult to find. My recent experience means that, with all but a very few people, I check my 6 a lot more even with people who call themselves my friends. I have learned another painful lesson that betrayal’s greatest problem is it comes from your friends. I am even more antsy at social gatherings because I feel like people are observing me to gossip later. I am introverted to begin with and this just kills most of the desire to be social with all but my closest friends and family. And my closest friend list has gotten really short.
Weekly Routine:
Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
Cleaning – 3 days a week.
Walking – 4 days a week
So far everything is good here. Basically when they are needed they get added to the daily routine and get done at some time during the day. I will probably know more when I have been at this a little longer.
Nutrition:
Mostly OK. I mean the plan is basically intermittent fasting and Paleo Diet so it is more about when and what I eat. I have two challenges. 1) Finding a carb free alternative for bread that works for me and my budget. 2) Making sure I break my fast with a meal at noon time. It’s not always possible, so may need to do some planning there.
Weekly Recap:
Foundational – I feel my foundation is solid. Probably a good thing. I still work on things here as they are not perfect but I feel like these are the areas of least concern, other than honor.
Business – Making progress and in a month and a half school will be done except for an internship and I already have plans for that. November is going to be an interesting month and hopefully a productive one.
Self – I struggle here. I just don’t want to lose myself and what I want to do. To Balance that with marriage and family is sometimes a lot of work. Sometimes dealing with The Grey and wounds makes it hard to look into the mirror. Hopefully that will change soon.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
Budgeting is not something new to me. I have handled things before like this, mostly though I find budgeting tedious and boring, so I find ways to do it that are quicker. Thankfully computer software these days makes things go much better. Mostly though the plan for budget is pretty simply from my perspective.
When I was a Christian, I followed Dave Ramsey a lot. The fact is his basic plan makes a lot of sense simply because it follows tried and true things. I don’t see that I have to change my respect for its wisdom. We are in debt again and we do need to make more money to combat that but we also need a plan to get back to financial health again. Our plan follows the Dave Ramsey pattern.
Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
Debt Snowball
Fully funded Emergency fund
Invest 15% of income into retirement
Pay off Home Early
Build Wealth and Give
There is a missing step as I have children but they are all grown up and I pretty much told them what my family told me – ‘you want college education, pay for it yourself.’ Step 5 for us wold be more of buy a small home and pay it off quickly because right now we rent an apartment and probably will continue to rent until we get to a point of being debt free.
After twenty years of being in the ministry I have little to show for it. I don’t own a home. I have a lot of debt and some things have had to be cut. Probably the most devastating right now is health insurance. We can’t afford it with the payments we have to make on other things and that means both my diabetes and my wife issues will have to be handled out of pocket and nope – we don’t have the money for that either. Hopefully nothing major happens.
If we have any further need its to start making more money and that is why I accelerated school to be pretty much done except the internship, so I can start marketing my degree for a better job. I would stay where I am but they would need to make me more than a grunt worker at this point and they would also have to make me full-time instead of 32 hours a week. At this point in my life it is about retirement and that means I am about 20 years behind people my same age because of being a pastor all that time in my first career. Yep, it’s a tall order but I don’t just want to survive but thrive.
As an aside if you are thinking of ministry as a career, I recommend going to a secular school for your bachelor’s and get it in something you can make money doing. Do that for twenty years and get your financial life in order and then go get you Masters in Divinity and be a pastor. Trust me on this, you will thank me for it.
Right now we could be classified as working poor. Not poor enough to qualify for government handouts, but not rich enough to get ahead. That needs to change soon and for me that means a better job with more money so we can breathe again.
Discipline:
“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”
Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.
Achieving greater purposes is a line in the virtue I have been thinking about a lot lately. When I look at things in my financial future I think others are going to play a role. What I want is my own business to take into retirement. I want it to be my retirement. Not having something to do, I think is the death of a lot of people. The one’s who live the longest understand discipline and sticking with something.
At this point I have all the plans in place, bucket list, goals and routines. Now its time to take all these pieces and step back and reform the bigger picture. I think though I will do a separate post on this under The Rabyd Skald platform probably this afternoon.
Perseverance:
“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”
Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.
Not much to say here other than I keep going and I keep getting up. Right now school needs to have more attention and so I am making my plans to put more effort in and finish. I may limp over the line but I will finish.
Fidelity:
“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”
Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.
I am a deist, humanist and somewhat of a pagan and so I am loyal to those philosophies. I am truly working on being loyal to myself, my wife and my family. The Self and marriage is a tougher one to keep in balance because to have a marriage often involves sacrificing what you want at times. I just don’t want to give up too much loyalty to myself. I still want what I want and for my sake, I can’t give it all up. At the same time I want this marriage to work and be better than ever. I am loyal to my friends, they need only ask and I will do what I can.
The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.
The Grey Wayfarer 