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“Changes for July-Sept 2019 (Part 2)” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

As I turn to the discussion about my Routine, I have been meditating on this a bit.  I have been trying to incorporate the idea of some days are work days and others are rest days.  I am thinking the Routine for each needs to be different.  So I have made the decision to change the Daily Routine to Workday Routine and the Weekly Routine to Rest Day Routine. This changes the concept a little but it means that Work Days will be full and busy but Rest Day will not. Some basic things need to be done on a Restday, but that is what makes the Rest Days well Rest Days.

The main thing is that days are divided between productive days and recharge days. There will be more Workdays than Rest Days but that is the nature of both of them. I think doing this way will really help me have a little more energy and get some of these goals finished. Three things will be every day – Morning Routine, Cuddle Time with the wife and Blogging.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by September 2019.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

I am just going to advance the goal three months again.  no point on dwelling on the failure at this point, just need to keep searching. On July 1st my search for a job goes national. Deadlines are good for both the goal and the bucket list item here.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

Everything is good here, I just need to create writing as an activity in the Workday Routine.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I changed the goal to simply be involved in a group of some kind in some way by the end of the year cycle. I know I need social interaction but my level of trust is very low and my introversion high right now. Need to counter that with something.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

I want to treat myself justly.  I know it can be hard to say that and mean it.  I tend to put myself on hold so everyone else can benefit, but business is about me too.  How I treat myself is an important factor.  You can’t be independent or free if you don’t.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: One Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Language Study: A half hour on Latin
  7. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  8. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

This is pretty full but it is supposed to be full.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Always Prepared” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

In my mind, one should always be prepared for a fight, but at the same time, hope one does not actually have to fight.  It is this be prepared for war, but enjoy the peace attitude that resonates in my soul when I see the sayings of warriors.  It is about being in a position of strength or power over the situation so you can steer it toward a peaceful end.  No matter what chaos may be around you; you are calm and prepared for the fight, but also work so that a fight never comes.

For me, this preparation starts with mindset. It here that all the virtues shine pretty brightly, but none brighter than Honor, Courage and Truth.  Honor, because without self-worth and a sense of inner value one does not have the basic foundation from which to fight.  Courage is the will to fight.  Truth is the reason to fight. The three of them represent my axe, my sword, and my spear.

This week I will be using my journal posts to check in on goals and my bucket list.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

When this post drops today, it will be day number 246 for The Grey Wayfarer. There are 119 left for the year cycle to be complete.  Next week I am going on a mini vacation with the wife for our anniversary so I need to use this week to write ahead a little bit so I don’t have to do very much writing on my vacation.

My hike remains a goal.  If I end up moving to another state, I will still have the goal of returning to the Upper Peninsula and doing the hike.  I really haven’t set a deadline on this and probably won’t until I have a better job from a financial point of view so I have some additional income to set aside for the hiking equipment I need.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

I have a few bucket list items in sight and so one should meet this requirement goal requirement very soon. Budapest still remains as a bucket list item.  One of those long term things that I know will probably mark a different point in my life.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I started my non-fiction book but the basic way I write is that I focus on what I feel the inspiration to write on at the time.  So my novel has been getting the majority of the time but I do poke at this book a little. I need to probably put a little more effort into it.  Probably the best way to approach the non-fiction book and the novel is to make sure of the three days a week dedicated to writing at least one day gets dedicated to each and then have one flex day to work on what I feel inspired to work on.

Latin has been on the table a bit lately. I am trying to finish some other work first.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love is at times far to complicated a virtue for me and other times it is clear and simple.  I simply don’t want to be without it in my life.  I draw a lot of strength from it and motivation.  I just wish it didn’t make you so vulnerable and thus hurt so much when it is cut off from you.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  7. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  8. Get Dressed for the Day

This week is all about the Routine. The morning routine is pretty solid but I want it all seven days complete this week.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The Grey Wayfarer’s Creative Writing Rotation” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

In this post, I want to lay out more specifically the rotation for my fiction writing regarding this blog in particular. My current work on my novel is something I will keep quiet and separate for obvious reasons, but this stuff is public and more about practice in writing than anything else.  I also have found some inspiration for other things.

The reason I write fiction is basically, it is far more therapeutic that even journaling. I tend to daydream a lot and writing fiction is what brings those dreams to life to a certain extent.  It is the first step in seeing what is my head becoming tangible.  In this process, I find a lot of peace and joy.  It has long been one of my main defenses against the Grey.

This blog has two canonized Serials: Rogue Wizard and The Grey Wayfarer Serial. I am not sure about the second, but the first is experiencing a renaissance in my mind.  It might take a bit to get this pattern rolling but Rogue Wizard will definitely be a part of it.  As for the Grey Wayfayer, I feel this is good but it is very hard to write because I focus on the quality of it so much. I probably just need to stop overthinking it.

There is a place for both short stories and poems her as well, I just have never really put much thought into what to write.  There are four canonized poems here so far and I have a few others floating in my head. Short stories are a little hard for me as I like details and longer story arcs but one thing I think would be a good exercise is to take fairy tales of old and give them a modern feel and perhaps take their lessons and modernize them.  Making children’s stories into adult stories is a fascination for me.

My daily blogging routine goes something like this.

  1. Review and place yesterday’s post(s) on a page
  2. Review today’s post(s) and give it a final edit
  3. Write and edit tomorrows post(s)
  4. Create the ‘bones’ for the post or posts to appear in two days – basically, outline and hunt down the featured image for it.
  5. Give 30 minutes to writing extras like The Rabyd Skald posts or creative writing

People ask me how long it takes to do this and it really depends on the writing and editing of tomorrow post. But I get up a 1 am usually for work and fit it all in before I leave for work at 2:45 am. This includes my morning routine first before blogging. Sometimes I have to spend the half-hour creative writing after I get home from work but for the most part, the regular blogging gets done in a little more than an hour.

I have been blogging so long I have learned the value of set form and rotation. I have also learned the value of keeping a notebook so I write thoughts and ideas down when I have them.  The outline of each post has been running in my head for a while before I actually sit down to write so they often write themselves.

What I need is a rotation of creative writing for the blog so that half hour stays on point and starts accomplishing something.  Firstly I think what should happen is that Rogue Wizard will be every other creative writing post.  I like this series and my ideas already have my alter ego well into spring. So what remains is the other stuff.

Proposed Rotation:

  1. Rogue Wizard
  2. A Poem
  3. Rogue Wizard
  4. The Grey Wayfarer (serial)
  5. Rogue Wizard
  6. Short Story
  7. Rogue Wizard
  8. Other series

Yes, I do have in mind another series, I am just not sure what yet.  Perhaps a Retelling of fairy tales with my style and adult viewpoint.  I have some time to think about it. That is the other thing.  I am setting a time limit for these creative writing posts to 2 or 3 days.  Two days for the poem and short story ones and three days for Rogue and the other two series.  This should keep me moving.

Don’t worry about my novel or my other book. I find myself using the extra time I have to work on both of them far more than scheduled at times. I am enjoying the novel in particular as right now it is all about world and character development. I just want to have some sense of order here so I get some creative writing practice with this stuff. Who knows, maybe it will become something that is more than that.

One more thing, I am moving Crossing Bifrost to Sunday afternoon.  I want The Skald’s Lyre to be my Saturn’s Day thing from now on.  Basically a double post on Sun’s Day with the occasional double of creative writing every two or three weekdays.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Writing Notes – Format Change, Plans, Etc.” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

This post is one of those Rabyd Skald’s that is information about some format changes to the blog, a discussion of writing plans and a few other matters.

Blog Changes:

  1. The first thing I want to note is the format change for the posts. I have decided to move the specific title for the post to the front so you can see it first.  My hope is that you can see what the post is about and then you the reader will know better if you are interested in the topic or not. I think the problem is all the titles look alike in many ways so people just skip them.  Even the journal posts usually have some content in them that might be helpful to others.  I am just trying to set what that might be right up front so you as a reader can see it quickly.  Normally, for instance, this pot would have been the title:  The Rabyd Skald – “Writing Notes – Format Change, Plans, Etc.”.  I have simply changed that so it is flipped.
  2. I also am probably going to change the way I tag posts.  There are two issues here “Catagories’ and ‘Tags’. In the case of categories, I have always been of the philosophy to categorize a post as much as possible. That way if a post addresses a topic, it is covered; or if I want to look at the history I have with a topic I can find all posts relating to it quickly. Categories are my filing system along with pages and subpages. I haven’t really how to consider Tagging posts by contrast and I think I am going to start heading in the direction of getting to the core of what a post is about.  That way when a search engine looks for a topic it finds my post based on the core issue it addresses.  There will thus be far fewer tags than categories.
  3. I am considering breaking up the Pagan Pulpit a bit. Mostly I miss talking about music exclusively. I have other posts to talk about poetry and such so I might take out the poetry and music parts from the pulpit and create a separate post for them each week.  This would leave the meditations, text/sermon, parting thought and a few announcements for the pulpit and maybe one song to be a theme setter.  I am thinking a post series called The Skald’s Lyre might be good to discuss music. For poetry I have my own for my poems, I also want to discuss other people’s poems that enjoy so a new post title might be needed there too.  You might see this as early as this coming weekend.
  4. I am working on the next edition of the Rogue Wizard and given that school is over this might be more frequent so you might see it more along with some other fiction.  At least for the summer, this should be true.
  5. One other note on this blog.  I heading in the direction that this blog will be rated ‘older teen’ to ‘young adult’ as far as content.  That is not to say that all the posts will have such content, just that it is a possibility. This means basically there might be few posts about adult subjects and images that contain what would be considered violent or with partial nudity in the theatre. My purpose is not to set up a porn site or anything, just be very real at times when it comes to the subjects of violence, nudity, sexuality, etc. If you’re offended by images of violence and/or nude images of women’s boobs and men and women’s backsides; I am just warning you that you might run into one from time to time.  You have been warned.

Writing Plans:

I have picked the topic for my first non-fiction book and my novel has its basic outline and theme.  The only thing left is to start writing. I want to use this summer to get off to a good start with both. The non-fiction book is heading in the direction of a book about The Bible. I am looking at a subject from my new frame of mind and I think it has the potential to make people think and maybe make some money using my expertise in Bible and Theology.  The novel is going to be the kind of story I want to read.  A sword and sorcery tale at the low to medium power level.  It should be fun to write this novel.

Summer Plans:

My other plans for summer are to do some enjoyable research into Norse Mythology and Viking Culture, look and find a better job using my new degree and consider where I want to go with my education next.  I want to to do some walking and maybe a short day hike or two as well. Just solidifying my routines and moving forward with my life.

Final Note:

With school done for the most part and me being allowed to take a deep breath, I am feeling fairly positive about my future at this point. I still struggle with some things but who doesn’t.  Mostly I just want a fresh start at this point.  A new path to wander and explore.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – The Scholarly Warrior

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

My foundational image of myself remains the warrior scholar or the scholarly warrior.  I don’t fight actual physical battles but I understand the connection between courage and fighting for one’s ideals.  To be honorable, courageous and truthful requires a mindset of war and intelligence.

These virtues along with Love the Higher Virtue provide the core of my being of which the other virtues endeavor to express in other ways,  This role of being the man who fights for what he believes in has never really left me despite my inner struggles and personal failures.

The real question these days is approaching the subject of what to fight for as my mindset and world view has changed quite a bit.  It is something I still search for and hopefully, the answers will be forthcoming very soon.  In the meantime, I am the searching wandering warrior looking for truth.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

The blog streak will be 218 straight days with this post.  I also know with this being the last day of school I might get back to writing more fiction as I look for a better job. My hiking will also start in earnest pretty soon,  All preparation for the future with my Hike in the north.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

Every payday and my tattoo gets closer to being a reality.  If that happens bucket list item achieved. It does not mean I won’t continue to work toward more bucket list items, it is just a goal that will be set and then reset. Budapest still is on my mind.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I have my subject and working title for my non-fiction book.  I am just waiting for school to end to really get started. The same goes for Latin as I have the tools and the need is more to set up a lesson plan for myself and start working it.

Higher Virtue: Love:

It comes down to what I love and am passionate about.  That said sometimes you have to do the hard work of love and keep at it despite a lack of feelings. Discipline is as much a part of love as Courage.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Getting better.  I am just going to be glad when the internship and school are fully done so I can concentrate on getting fully on track.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Warrior Mind (Part 1)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I have to remind myself that the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru are a warrior code.  This is by design as even though I have never been a warrior as far as being a soldier, I believe maintaining a warrior mind is important for success.  Life is a battle in many ways although it has its good moments and as the old samurai saying goes – it is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.  A warrior can wrap his mind around situations both of battle and of peace.  In his mind he is always preparing in peace for war.

As I look at the Foundational virtues of Honor, Courage and Truth, they truly represent winning the battle in the mind before it is actually fought. In Honor there is a vision of a positive future.  In Courage there is the will to act.  In Truth there is an honest assessment of how to win and what strategy to employ. I see what I want to do with a positive mental attitude and that is the first key to winning.

I have never achieved anything or won any battle I have fought without first achieved or won in my mind first.  But flip that over and I have never won a battle or achieved anything if in my mind I had already lost.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

My daily blog streak passed the 200 day mark at the end of last week. I am well more than half way now. Once April ends I will be two-thirds done with this year of blogging.  Once the semester ends, I am going to start figuring out what hiking equipment I need and start purchasing it.  In the end it would be nice to plan the Northern trail hike with everything I need already in my possession.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

I strongly expect that I will cross a couple of things off my bucket list before March 31st of next year.  My first candidate will probably be getting a tattoo. Going back to Budapest is a long-term goal involving a lot of things happening over probably the next five years.  That said every once in a while I find myself with memories in mt head of the city.  They motivate me.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I have picked my topic for my non-fiction book.  Now it is a matter of creating an outline which is pretty much already done for me in some ways. Learning Latin is more of a matter of taking the time to do it.  I will have less excuses once the semester is over.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Love is a great motivator for me.  It fuels me and at the same time it is the thing that I find most difficult to achieve.  I have high standards for love that I give fairly freely. I just get disappointed a lot sometimes catastrophically. Love when present is however my greatest virtue when it comes to winning the battle of the mind. If I love a person or doing what I love, I have very little difficulty in having a positive attitude about it.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Been a struggle this week mostly due to my own wrestling with things.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Weekend Musings and Writing Plans

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

By way of announcements:

  1. There will be no Crossing Bifrost today as I am very much near the end of the semester and I am trying to complete some extra work for school plus get my Routines back on track.  Possible finish off another class’ work today.  For the same reason and as a gesture of respect to the Christians out there doing their Easter celebrations, there will be no Pagan Pulpit this Sun’s Day either.  I have said my piece on Thor’s Day about the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth in my post on the subject.
  2. What will happen is this post on some writing plans today as well as some other wandering thoughts.  Tomorrow on Sun’s Day I will post the next installment of Rogue Wizard.  I also plan on canonizing a poem I wrote last week sometime this weekend as well.

Well, time for a few musings and wandering thoughts.

This is the first Easter season where I honestly can say I haven’t been stressed out.  I am no longer a minister so I am not preparing a message or getting a service ready.  I have to work at my job, probably because all the Christians asked for the day off, but I am good with that. I actually have more peace about it than anything else.  I just wonder if I will be working alone.

I am hopefully going to get my first walk in of the season today.  I have been waiting for a sunny day that is above 50 degrees and so today may be the first hike of the wandering skald. Hiking is a real spiritual thing for me and I am looking forward to the walk.  After that as long as it is above 45 degrees walking will take place.

The Grey has been thankfully very light right now. It is more of a dull boring sensation than depression.  More of an annoyance than anything else. I guess part of that is I have come to look at my memories of this time last year as more of a challenge o picking out the good and discarding the bad.  That will be far more difficult this summer, but right now it isn’t that hard.

Writing plans:

Part of getting back on track with all my routines is setting my writing goals.  Most notably my goals for my novel and my non-fiction book. I think I have narrowed things down a bit.

For my non-fiction book I am going to do something involving the Bible and Skepticism.  My former Christian friends might not like it but I am thinking of doing a harmony of the gospels from a skeptics point of view.  I guess announcing this at Easter is fitting in some ways as it marks a turn of thought for me.  The book will be more designed for the popular press written in something that anyone with a basic education can understand but I may do another version that is scholarly first then rewrite it for publication.

For my novel, I am going to go pure fantasy.  I had an idea a long time ago of five friends who after growing up together in a small medieval fantasy city decide to take up adventuring together in an old blog that is now deleted.  I am thinking though it might make a good novel.  It is the kind of story I would like to read so it should be fun to write.

Here on this blog I am moving slowly forward with Rogue Wizard.  I must say that The Grey Wayfarer series is not so much halted as it is me taking some time to continue my research into Norse mythology before I continue with it.  That series is more about quality than quantity. I am therefore taking a lot more time with it. Rogue Wizard on the other hand is placing myself into situations as the main character is basically me on a divergent timeline. This makes it easier to write.  I have noted since I decided to engage my memories instead of avoid them, I have found it easier to write in general.  Sill need a new muse, but I will find her somewhere I am sure.

Enjoy your weekend, there should be a Poem and A Story somewhere for you.  This week coming up I will be talking about the Pagan Holiday Walpurgis on Odin’s Eye.  This is the May Eve celebrations.  So for you pagan’s out there do not fear, we will get past this to our own stuff.

As a final announcement, on Thursday I passed 200 days straight blogging.  With this post today it will be 202.  So I have 163 days to go for a whole year.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 9 – Avoiding vs. Facing (Plus Some Writing Notes)

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin) Day

I haven’t given a family warning for a while, but the rest of this post probably has one.  I am simply going to be very real for a bit with my feeling about what was going on last year and how it affects me now. If you want to know simply what my writing plans are then you can scroll down to that and start reading there. I will give it a headline.

I wouldn’t give you a nickel for how I felt this past weekend..  I knew memories of last year at this same time were going to be rough, but this is downright painful at times.  Like pins under your fingernails painful.  Then to protect myself from said pain, I go Grey. That feeling of nothing being preferable to the pain and sadness. I hate when people say – “Get over it” or “Move on”.  I think to myself when I hear this: “Yes, this is where I want to be.  To have a choice between sorrow and nothing,  Yeah, this is fun.”  People who say such things, don’t have a fucking clue, and they should probably just learn some shit about depression and then shut up and be thankful you don’t fight this particular battle.

I am conflicted at times as to what strategy to employ as far as dealing with memories. There are simply times; I note, there is no way not to be triggered. So avoiding the memory is not an option.  But then how to confront and face them then?  The real problem of course is not all my memories are bad ones.  There was some good things taking place through a certain relationship last year, it is just the relationship that was doing some of those good things was ‘toxic’ or ‘wrong’.  I don’t know how else to express it, but there were some good things happening for me but other people might say it wasn’t good how it was happening.

I wasn’t moping around in April of 2018, I was actually feeling quite confident and good.  My female friend at the time was helping me deal with things that were a bummer and I was loving her for it. She was keeping the Grey at bay for me or maybe my love for her was, I don’t know. I still miss that friendship, and it hurts that it is gone.  Probably always will.

Unfortunately, we both took things too far.  We let our friendship grow into something else. Something far more intimate emotionally than was probably safe for both of us.  But I think given the state of my marriage at the time; I probably didn’t care as much then as I would now.  Our counselor said my affair was actually pretty typical. Marriage sucked, you didn’t feel loved, you hurt.  Someone else expresses love for you in some way and you are drawn to them like a moth to flame. Nothing special, happens all the time.  Sounds common and base; something I dislike, but there it is.

This weekend was rough because I was; as I often do, sifting through my Facebook memories and there was her name.  Something I had tagged her in.  Fuck it but if it didn’t trigger an immediate emotional response.  A mix of sadness, loss, grief and who knows what else. It is the kind of emotions you get when something good has turned bad or died. The whole thing hurt again and I wanted to crawl up inside and die.  But I didn’t, I kept going. I have to.  It’s all I know. I turned on the Grey and went forward choosing to feel nothing and not all that. Weird thing this time I couldn’t keep it on all the time.  I kept alternating between nothing and sadness. It sucked. I actually cried once.

Despite this, I have concluded avoid things is not an option.  I will not do that.  Let Facebook and other memories come. I need to learn to deal with this.  Let it make me stronger. Let it make me handle The Grey better. I just know this is really the small shower before the storm that will be later this spring and then this summer. It is the warm up and if I can’t learn how to handle this now, the time between now and the end of August is going to seriously suck. Well, it’s going to suck regardless, but I need to learn how to face it so I keep going and that it sucks less.  That’s all for now.

Time to talk about writing.

Writing Notes:

I have a struggle with the non-Fiction book that I am trying to resolve.  Here is the thing, I could be one helluva critic of Religion in general and The Bible and Christianity in particular.  I could write books that would seriously challenge both and possibly make a shit ton of money doing it. It would make all the past learning and experiences as a minister not feel like such a waste of time, if I could use them to build a new future with writing books.  The flip side is I still have a lot of friends who are religious and Christians, including my wife. This would seriously put some shit out there between us.  At the same time I feel what they believe is a fraud and their lives would be better without it.  Shit.

My novel is a little easier. But at the same time genre is important. I have written every fiction genre at one time or another.  Even ones I didn’t really care for and by writing them I found out that I didn’t really care for them.  My best bet would probably be to create a fantasy setting and go with that.  The reason is you can do anything with that.  But my passion is modern fantasy.  What to choose?  I also should note I won’t be writing this novel for a children’s or young adult audience – definitely adult stuff.  So yep – adult situations, sex, and violence.

As far as the blog goes, I am going to try to get out two installments of Rogue Wizard.  One for Thursday and one for Friday.  It’s time for them.  The timeline shift is going to cause the character based on me to have a major life change so that nothing in his life will relate to what is going on in my real life. The purpose of this is to change the nature of the story into something that is pure fiction.  Or mostly pure as the kind of decisions my alter ego would make will still be based on what I would really do in that situation.

Walking The Grey,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Walking On

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Happy April Fools.  That said you won’t get an April fools joke from me. I prefer a more traditional approach to All Fool’s Day.  Everything backwards or upside down.  Next year this will be my day to do something out of character and do something truly risk taking.  Smoke a Joint, Get Drunk, Go to a nudist resort, etc.  Something where I throw the virtues to the wind for one day and live life a little risky. Something where the socially unacceptable becomes normal for one day.  I have a year to plan it so this should be interesting.

This year, however, today marks the second day of my ‘walking on’  I have realigned my compass, taken a look at my map and conformed a more clear route and I am now taking steps on it. Journey of Life resumed.

Implementing everything is going to probably take the entire week to really get going.  I have tested the morning routine and it is solid like before. Now I have three days off from work from Tuesday to Thursday where I plan on implementing the rest. The problem of course with it is things need to be set up for some things to be routine. Learning Latin. for instance needs a little work to decided how to proceed step by step o the days off will allow me to do that. By the end of the week I should have all of that done and be moving forward.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

I feel valued these days at work and by the few friends I have left. I feel positive about my future. I sometimes struggle with myself.  Throwing off the whole light verses darkness thing and just being a man walking in life as a human being has been a difficult but necessary transition.  It is also one where I feel far more at peace.

The daily blogging hits a half a year with this post. A milestone for which I am giving no fanfare. Half a year to go. To be ready for the hiking trip is going to require training and acquiring some gear. Planning and scheduling.  My walks at least three days a week are the first steps.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.

The concept of fear being a choice has changed a lot of things for me. Danger is a real thing but fear is a reaction that can be controlled. I have a lot of things to do that will require courage in the next few months so I need to keep making these choices.

I did make one change to the goal here to make it one a year for the bucket list as many of my bucket list items are now more long-term goals. I actually have two that need to be completed by next year at this same time so this should be easy.  Hungary and Budapest awaits, but it will probably be a few years yet.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Honesty is really not my problem.  Bluntness is. I am glad I added the part about learning to be silent in the presence of Fools.  I find myself getting involved in less and less social media discussions. If it wasn’t for writing and memes I might not be involved at all anymore.

The writing schedule will be two days a week on the non fiction book (because it is a goal) and one day on the novel (because it is a bucket list item).  I had to dust off the Latin books and read the “How to do this’ section but I am starting to take baby steps.

Higher Virtue: Love:

When comes to Truth, Courage and Honor, I am definitely adding the notion of love here as I ask how these three express love all the time. It is a guiding virtue for me in these regards.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Love this now. It allows me to use the beginning of the day to think, plan an prepare. Not hard at all.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – Realigning Routine

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Well, not going to get to a Crossing Bifrost post this week either.  I  really need to get this realignment done so I can get on with other things. I will double dip next week to make it up to you. Maybe.

Now that I have aligned each Virtue with its Principle, Goal and Bucket List item, there is one task that remains so my three weekly journal posts are complete – Aligning my Routines so that what is on them is actively taking steps to reach those goals and items.

I don’t consider routine or forming routines to be a restriction on living life, but rather a tool so goals can be achieved.  The goal is having more time to live life and achieve results that make my life more enjoyable. They actually, in the long run, give me more time to do what I want to do. This is because routine should be about being efficient and effective.

There are other issues with this as well.  Certain habits that I need to develop because they good habits. Stuff that is more connected directly to virtue than a goal or item on my bucket list. But all of it must relate to a goal at least indirectly in that it keeps me developing skills and habits that help strengthen me in some way so the goals are easier to achieve. The other thing is activities that are flexible in that they can be used for one goal and then transition into another. Study, Reading and Writing are good examples as they can be used professionally, as a student or personally.

I have the same resources as anyone else: Time, Possessions and Relationships.  Finding ways to utilize them to help me get to what I need and want is the issue here and Routines are a tool to help me do that.  What I need to do here as well is identify things that will be the product of routine and others that are just items to list to be done.

Step One – List the Goals and Look at Full Bucket List.

Goal’s Listed

  1. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  2. Cross one thing off bucket list every year.  Deadline March 31st.
  3. To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020
  4. Find a new, better paying job by the end of March 2019 or before.
  5. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019
  6. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader of a support group of some kind.
  7. To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019 to March 31, 2020.
  8. To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020
  9. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation

Bucket List Items Listed: 

  1. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  2. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  3. Learn Latin by March 31st 2020 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.
  4. To own and run my own successful business or company.
  5. Write A Novel and Get it Published.
  6. To own a home by March 2024.
  7. Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.
  8. To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.
  9. Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Step Two – Revise Routines.  Basically, I am coping the old routine and making revisions based on the above.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create Daily Log and To Do List.
  5. Breakfast, Medications and Supplements.
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

This is the first thing in the morning when I get up stuff. This is every morning, every day. The idea is to set a tone and plan what to do for the day as well as remind myself of obligations. Once this is done, it is time to work the daily routine. I am having breakfast again as it is the best way to remember to take my medications and supplements.

 Daily Routine: (in priority order) 

  1. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging – Organize, revise, write new post for next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  3. Reading – half hour. Priority order: work, school, pleasure
  4. Study / Homework / Research: half hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other.
  6. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  7. Latin – half hour
  8. Weekly Routine Items
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 1

The reason this is in priority order is because it might not get finished every day and Weekly Routine Items are a special case in that when they can be done and need to be done they jump to the top of the list. Blogging is there at the top because of the goal to blog a post every day.  Reading is essential for school and writing.  Study/ Homework / Research covers work, school and writing.  Personal Business is expanded to include a lot of items.  Just wanted a time every day to ask the questions: “What personal business needs to be done today? And did it get done?”.  Latin I debated but truth is it is probably one of those things I will have to do every day or it won’t happen at all. Nutrition is still a work in progress but allowing one carb high carb item a day will keep me from going completely nuts.

Savings Plan actions are purposeful activities where I save money toward certain ends.  Right now I am saving a set number of dollars every paycheck toward my tattoos and a mini-vacation with the wife for our anniversary. Then after that saving up for the genetics test will be on my list. The idea is things that need money to do them need a regular plan of building that money to achieve them.

The trick with the Daily is it needs to be long enough so I don’t put it off but short enough that it is doable even when the weekly items are added. It has to have the right balance and that is why the Morning Routine has me making this up every morning to as the question of is this both Realistic and Challenging enough?

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
  2. Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
  3. Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
  4. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  5. Writing – 3 times a week
  6. Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.

As you can see, I have decided to go with the number three a lot.  Mostly this makes the log entry easy.  Lifting and Stretching will come back into my life next week as I have decided to spend some of my tax return money on a gym memberships and I will probably do it every day after work.  This should actually give me four days as week, but I allow for special things to happen where I might have to forgo once a week or so.  Walking will probably be on days off along with the job search and cleaning. Writing I am going to look for days where it will work. The compensation for only having one high carb source a day is to give myself three cheat meals a week and that includes special occasions.

That should do it other than spending the rest of today doing preparation work to make this start happening Sun’s Day.  Mostly this involves redoing mt lists for meditation and getting my paper journal prepared. This process has really streamlined things as well as made it simpler and more lined up.  One thing leads to another pretty well. That said, glad the process is over although there are some small items to do on some of the items listed above to get the specifics.  Time to make this thing work.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!