Weightlifting

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – Being a Father

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day. It is the 9th Night of Yuletide.  This day is sacred to fathers and the All-Father Odin.  This is the day we remember fathers and honor them.  The Virtue remembered today is indeed Honor.  I find it interesting that in Norse mythology for mothers the virtue is Industriousness but for fathers it is Honor. There is something very profound in that if you meditate on it.

Journal Entry:

I was sitting Wednesday at a restaurant with my son who lives in New York but who is home for the holidays. I couldn’t help be very proud of him as I watched him handle his daughter who is ten months old.  It was an introspective moment and one where I found myself both challenging and upholding my honor a little.

I have not always been the greatest example of fatherhood.  Recent events in this last year give little cause for my children to be proud of me.  But at the same time as I look at my children, I have little cause not to be proud of them and I have to say whatever my wife and I did in raising them, turned out really good in the end. They are all three of them good children. They are good human beings and I couldn’t be more proud of them all.

Fatherhood is an ever-changing role.  Now I content myself with being as good a grandfather as I can be, and a friend to my children that they know they can always count on if they need me.  One day, I will be the Patriarch of the family in truth (May my mother remain the Matriarch for years to come) but for me that is more about influence than authority.  I just hope to be fondly remembered at this point and so work to make memories in their lives to that end.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

There is one change I am considering and that is one of having an evening routine.  I have always found these the most challenging because when I get to the point where my bed is calling me it is usually overpowering of any other thing I would need to do. Such a routine would have a little hygiene as well as preparation for the day to come.  It would be a short routine because anything long would not get done.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Looking back at this year, this being the last entry for Self Virtues this year, I still stand amazed that I am still standing. I am a much different man than the one who started the year. I can’t really describe the transformation but the one thing I think I have demonstrated without fail is that I will never, ever quit. I will walk The Grey and get up after every time I am knocked down. I keep coming and I will not quit.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I suppose along with the lessons of perseverance, the lessons this year involving fidelity have been pretty extreme. With my wife I have learned that love may not be able to fix broken oaths, but it can start to forge something new that is stronger from the pieces. From this year I also have learned fidelity is not always given even when expected.  I have lost a lot of friends this year.  I also had someone I thought was a good friend betray me.  I loved someone who obviously didn’t share that in return.  I have had the whole gambit of stuff done in return to me.  I guess some might call it karma coming back on me for my own lack of fidelity.  In truth though I only betrayed one person and that person still is loyal to me despite it and she forgave me.  Yes, I have learned a lot this year about fidelity, perhaps too much and the wrong way.  But, the lessons are learned and I will go forward.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

Man, not lifting a walking has not had as much of a negative effect as I thought it would.  Physically, by keeping the nutrition solid, I still feel and look good.  I still have improvement that could be done, but I am not in danger of going backwards yet. That said, from a spiritual/emotional point of view, I definitely miss both.

Nutrition:

Nutrition took a step forward this week with my limits being tightened a little.  The effect was to make me instantly aware of how close I come right now to going over both on carb count for the day and cheat meals.  That said, it is the holidays so it is harder but I also give myself those holiday cheat days for free.  The real test will be after new year.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – Courage, Honor and Truth are becoming more than words to me at last.  There is some meaning to them as I hit the end of the year.

Business – Self-Reliance, Industriousness and Hospitality are becoming more than words to me too.  The philosophy of Asatru is beginning to sink in and I must say it really appeals to who I really am.

Self – Discipline, Perseverance and Fidelity have all been a struggle this past year, but that is what each day of the future is for – to improve and grow virtue.  That is my ultimate quest.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

 

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Last Full Week

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. It’s the 5th night of Yule.  This night is sacred to community. A Feast usually done this night with a potluck, mead, friendship bread and gingerbread people. Tonight is about remembering the virtue of Hospitality.  

Journal Entry:

It being the last full week of the year, I am thinking about the changes to my routines and goals and so forth. This has really been a very difficult year looking back on it with deep lows and high highs.  Nothing really in between was present.  I suppose this is going to be a reflective week and I need to watch that. The Grey is still around and being overly focused on the negative can bring that down with more power.

What I want to do this week is have shorter journal entries and put more writing in the bottom part of the stuff on each journal entry to talk about changes and what I am trying to do there.  This is the last full week of the year, so it needs to be done.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I don’t see any need to change the Principle concerning this Virtue.  As far as honor goes think more about my future and less about the past. In that sense I feel some sense of value to my wife and family.  I feel valued by the co-workers but at the same time the work I do is not something I can or want to do forever.  I need something a little more significant from my perspective.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

No need to change things here either.  Things are working well and I feel more brave and it is going to be needed more and more as this next year starts to unfold.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

No need for change here either.  I simply need to get better about being truthful with myself and others. Or just keep my mouth shut. Mostly I am just trying to dedicate myself to study more and reading.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Meditate on the Virtues
  3. Review Goals
  4. Review Bucket List
  5. Full Body Stretch
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I already made changes here and this routine is the most solid I have. I really need to make the meditation part a little more formal but the routine itself is solid and works.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

One of these things has to come off this list by June 30th.  I don’t want to change anything here and perhaps what I do need to do is put a collage picture on the wall with representations of all these things. That should be side by side with one with my goals.

Weightlifting:

The only change needed here is I need a new gym and need to get back into lifting. This will probably happen after the new year or near the end of this one.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – 12 Nights of Yule

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day.  Also happy first day of Yuletide – Tonight is Mother’s Night which is a celebration to honor the goddesses Frigg, Freya and Disir. It marks the Winter Solstice eve.  The official last day of the year in some Germanic and Celtic Traditions. Today we remind ourselves of the Virtues of Motherhood and Industriousness. 

Introduction:

I had an awkward conversation at work about Christmas.  Basically people wanted to do a secret Santa thing and to be honest I am way too broke for that right now.  I basically said my religion is complicated.  This post will drop on December 20th which is the first day of the twelve nights of Yule or Yuletide.  This is a really complicated time for pagans in that different pagan traditions celebrate the end of the year in many ways.  The Germanic, Anglo-Saxon and Scandinavian traditions all get mixed up here in the united States, but most of what you see as far a traditional ‘Christmas’ is actually Yuletide symbols and traditions from those pagan traditions, mixed with a story about a baby in Bethlehem and presto – Christmas.

That said this holiday had a long-standing tradition before Christianity arrived, which is about ultimately a Celebration of the Winter Solstice and the rebirth of the sun.

Faith:

My faith is complicated on this subject because to be quite honest one of the main reasons I say I am a pagan is so I can celebrate holidays with everyone else. I have no problem celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, or any other holiday at this time of the year along with Yuletide with the pagans.  I look for the commonalities of faith in this holiday and in large part it is about final ending and starting the New Year.  It is a season of hope and joy regardless of tradition and so that I can join in with my fellow humans and celebrate the end of the year and the rebirth of the new one.

Religion:

The pagan traditions that survive at this time of year are quite extensive, from decorating trees, to the yule log to Christmas carols.  Kissing under the mistletoe is a favorite of mine. The resurrection theme in Christmas is just as prevalent in the idea of the resurrection of the sun only Christians will talk about the future resurrection of the son of God.   Gift giving predates Christianity as does holly and even fruit cake,

I find the fact that the whole twelve days of Christmas thing is actually a response to the twelve nights of yule. The actual tradition is very complicated but I found a good web page on Nordic Wiccan about it called The 12 Nights of Yule. Next year I may do a series about this holiday marking each of the twelve days as I find the whole thing fascinating. I am kind of new to this pagan thing, so I am still learning and the more I learn the more I enjoy the mythology behind it all.

Theology:

I suppose the real powers that be don’t mind us humans celebrating that which makes humanity great even in the middle of the darkest time of the year.  Us northerners have four seasons and it gets darker and darker and then as winter continues it gets lighter and lighter and eventually the sun’s rebirth will cause life to return to us in Spring.  The idea of rebirth is an old theological concept and it isn’t just found in Christianity or Paganism.  Nearly all religions have a concept of rebirth.  This idea of hope in darkness and joy in the midst of darkness is pretty common too.

Spirituality:

I am not sure how I feel about Christmas as an X-Christian other than the story is nice.  one of the things I may start doing is looking at certain Biblical stories and pointing out why they are problematic and the whole Nativity story is really problematic.   I also think that on a human level I can learn spiritually from any faith that genuinely tries to celebrate spirit of joy and hope. It is a family holiday and a time to remember some important things. I guess I like the fact it is a time of celebration from a standpoint of Yule rather than a single day.

Conclusion:

I like Yule and I like the concepts it is trying to both teach and uphold.  I think if I had more time I would have liked to dig deeper into this for this year, but it will just have to be a time of wonder, joy and peace for me this year. As I go through next year, part of what I will be doing is researching all this.  As a  writer of fiction, I smell a lot of potential stories in all this. A time to enjoy my family and life.

So I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – A Needed Rest

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

A I look back at the now finished last semester, I can see the really problem is that summer was not restful so I went into the new semester tired and then had to move to a new home, keep working a new job and get off to a fast start at school and that just didn’t happen because m rest from the summer was just not sufficient and as I walked the platform Saturday, one thought I possessed was exhausted I felt. How I was looking so forward to just coming home from work and just resting. At least for a little while. It was a moment of triumph to be sure, but it was an exhausted one.

Mostly I just need a week or two to catch my breath.  I want to update and polish my resume, figure out the details of my internship and then just live my life. My eldest son posted on Facebook about my graduation and when I read it I did tear up a little:

Sucks that I wasn’t able to be there, but want to congratulate my dad Ed Raby on earning his degree from Ferris. A while back I can remember encouraging him to do this…so this is awesome to see. He is a hard worker who has spent years caring and teaching others without much appreciation. Glad he was able to do something that he wanted to do at this age for himself. On the path to doing something more self-fulfilling! Congrats Dad! Love you! 

You know sometimes I would wonder if I did a good job as a dad, and then one of my kids will do something like this and make it seem worthwhile.  He is right. I have been doing a lot for others most of my life while my life went on hold.  I was like never getting a rest and now I see that this made me vulnerable.  Too Vulnerable. I need to focus on me, my wife, my family and whatever the future holds for me.  But right now I hope the future holds the simple ability to catch my breath and enjoy the moment.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Graduation brought me a much needed feeling of honor.  I felt positive about me and my future and that was good, very good. As I left the stage, two faculty made it a point to stop me and congratulate me.  My advisor and Dr. Grey.  Two men who I have very high appreciation for.  One helped me at every turn in this journey so I kept moving forward and the other, just became kind of inspiration from a professor point of view. I will never forget the only class I had with him – Introduction to Ethics. It was where I began to realize that faith was inadequate for ethics and morals.  You have to have that within you or nothing else matters. Honor comes from within.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

I have many acts of courage to yet perform in the future.  Right now a rest will give me the time to think about them and what I need to do when the time comes.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I keep silent a lot these days, if you read the above you know why.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Meditate on the Virtues
  3. Review Goals
  4. Review Bucket List
  5. Full Body Stretch
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I moved my meditation on the virtues to number two.  I have actually been doing this for a while now.  Just thought I would make it official.  The morning routine is the most consistent thing of my day and it helps me get going and focus.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I think a tattoo is on the horizon. I gift to myself for graduating. Other than that I am thinking of starting to write my novel.  Recreational use of MJ is legal in Michigan so…we will see.

Weightlifting:

Today I will be signing up at a new gym and getting the first workout in about two weeks. I really need to have this return to my life. I miss the focus and meditation of it.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – A Strong Soul

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I someone would ask me how I feel right now, I would tell them tired but still strong. It’s my soul that is tired. probably because of the fact I just don’t quit.  I do need this Yuletide time to be a time of rest and celebration. I need to be able to breathe for a bit.

Image result for sleep doesn't help if the soul is tired vikings

My goal is strength of soul more than anything else when it comes to myself.  My soul has been bruised, bleed out. battered, betrayed and a whole host of other things this past year.  I suppose though the fact that it is still alive and standing is a testimony to my perseverance if nothing else. Of course some of those wounds were self-inflicted too so my soul, heart and mind have a lot of arguments these days.  I do feel healing is something I am experiencing when I get the chance but it is not so much healing I need right now; but rather, to feel that my soul is getting stronger and stronger every day.  That the blood that was drained from it is starting to return.

I know I am using a lot of metaphors, but in describing what I am trying to get across it is pretty much what I am left with.  I suppose though if I do ever find my strength again of soul I will be stronger than before.  If that which does not kill you makes you stronger, then by the holy powers I am going to be a lot stronger.  A helluva lot stronger.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

The one thing I am glad for, because it has kept me sane and focused, is the various discipline I keep putting in my life.  Some things might seem weird to discipline like making sure I cuddle/communicate with my wife for at least ten minutes a day when possible.  Not something people normally see on a self-discipline routine of any type, but it is important to do given all that has happened.  Making sure things are good on all fronts.

I am going to do one thing this break which is reassess everything on my routines and disciplines lists.  Going over my goals, the bucket list and everything else will take priority as well.  As we come to the end of the year, it important to be clear about what the objectives are for the next one.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Sometimes when I keep getting up from defeat and failure, I wonder if it is perseverance or stupidity.  Part of my wants to say I have had enough and its time to throw in the towel.  Unfortunately or fortunately, that isn’t part of my makeup.  Quitting is never an option for me.

Image result for sleep doesn't help if the soul is tired vikings

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I think, in the future I will benefit from the lessons of fidelity I have learned this year.  My own weaknesses in it are still evident when it comes to faith and my marriage based on last years performance.  That’s a fair and honest assessment. but out of that failure I have found a new understanding of fidelity.  That is, I know if I am being true to what I feel about those relationships, than being loyal to them is not a problem.

I have also learned what kind of friends I want in my life because true colors were shown very quickly and I guess now I am much more cautious who I give my friendship to these days. I don’t want to be the kind of ‘friend’ that others were to me this past year.  ‘Friends’ only when you can do something for them or your friendship makes them look good.  Perhaps there is another lesson in keeping my circle small and tight here. Probably very likely.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

I miss weightlifting right now.  I plan on joining a new gym on Monday and getting back at it, so I am hopeful that this part will start not only to keep my body strong but my soul as well. I need my mediation of iron.  Walking may be the treadmill every day for a bit until the weather gets better and I can use the trials again.  Cleaning is pretty consistent and it keeps my minimalist self from going nuts.

Nutrition:

So far the carb counting and cheat meal counting has worked.  I haven’t gone over at any time. With that said, things are going to start to get more tight after the holidays are over.  It’s at this point things will be put to the test and I must say the goal of looking as best I can is starting to be very real to me.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – Weary but good.  This week marks the end of another semester of school.  Graduation tomorrow, but I still have some work to do. I need to be very truthful about myself in the coming weeks as well as make good courageous and honorable decisions going into the new year.

Business –  I am coming to the end of a stage of life here and trying to start a new one.  My former career of ministry is done and I need to embrace a new one.  Now I just need to find that path. Thankfully I have learned for a long time the importance of work and being industrious.  I have learned to work toward being self-reliant and now it is time to gain enough prosperity to be hospitable to those who need it.

Self – Strength needs to be recovered here but I think the path I am on that involves fidelity, discipline and perseverance will help me.  The goal in the end is to be a proud Viking soul that is prosperous and strong.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – A Viking Soul

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

I get asked once in a while if I have Viking ancestry and if that is why I like them so much.  Truth is I don’t know. Part of the mystery of being me is my father’s side of the family in that biologically, I might be. I do know that German blood flows in these veins and the whole Scandinavian – Germanic mythology was pretty much the same, except the names were changed and later the two mythologies merged. I want someday to do a genetics test and maybe hunt down some of dad’s ancestry.  I do hope there is some Scandinavian descent in there somewhere.

Were all human and I work very hard not to think my heritage makes me better or worse for that matter than everyone else. I reject racism of all types including the type done by liberals when they want white people to feel guilty for the past crimes of ancestors. I am only responsible for my own actions, not my father’s or any of my forefather’s

I do think I have a Viking Soul.  I resonate with the warrior philosophy of the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV).  I think what they believed deals far better with reality than many mythologies.  It digs back down into my pagan roots and finds the hand axe wielding tribal warrior standing there.  Grim faced and ready for battle. The man who appreciates home and hearth when he can get it, but also longs to board the ship and set sail at least for a time to fight for something better for himself and his family. To prove his value to himself most of all and to others as a bonus.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I think I am just weary at this point.  I am just tired of what I am doing this semester and want it to end to make way for what is next. From an honor standpoint I struggle less with my own sense of self-worth. I struggle more with value in what I am doing and where I am going. I am also starting to address the question of looking for honor in this world I can value.  I know it is there, I just need to find it.  I need some vision of the future and the world I want to live in and then go find it and make it happen.  That is what I mean when I say I need to be positive about my future.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Courage right now takes the form of being disciplined enough to get finished. I have basically a paper to do which counts toward two things and three short projects which constitute a final exam.  The first is due at the end of today and the second at exam time on Wednesday.  I already finished a take home final yesterday so that is done. Courage is facing the rest and getting them done.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

If there is one thing I have had to consider about being a scholar at this time of exams and my capstone paper; it is truth.  The decision recently was to make this paper as close to the truth as I can make it. Regardless of whether or not that will get me a good grade. I am being given the opportunity to speak with words and in a defense so I will take it with full truth and nothing but the truth.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I haven’t had a problem with the Morning Routine.  It’s the most solid part of my life right now. I am going to consider my meditation practices once the semester ends.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I am looking forward to looking at this list closer during the break. Yeah, I may have to go one semester of full-time online stuff to get financial aid for my internship so Christmas Break might be a good time to take a breath and look at this list again and rewrite and redefine it.

Weightlifting:

Still looking for a gym but the most likely candidate is the one near where I work.  I can just get off work and go there before I come home. I will probably use the time to develop a four-day split and if I end up at work five days a week for whatever reason then one will get a double.  I may have to use the new gym time for walking at least until the snow clears.  The rails to trails is just a short walk from my apartment so once spring comes I will be grateful to get out and hike again.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues – New Identity

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I am writing this a couple of days early to clear my weekend schedule for both school and I promised that I would give you a double dose of fiction this Saturn’s Day.  I am not sure of the Pagan Pulpit on Sun’s Day. That will greatly depend on how things go this week and the early weekend.  My perception of this week is that it has been a busy one but what I want to talk about at this point is how my identity is changing into something else.

For about two decades I have been a pastor and Christian theologian.  None of that is true anymore, that identity for all practical purposes is a dead one.  I mean my Master’s Degree in Theology is still there as well as my Bachelor’s in Biblical Studies/Ministry, so I could pass myself still as a theologian, but not a believing one.  I suppose from a certain point of view that makes me a dangerous critic of Christian doctrine and theology because I can’t be accused of being ignorant of what Christians believe.  Not that I want to be such a critic; as in truth, I would rather start focusing my time on things that are more personally productive. I would rather focus on developing a new identity.

My problem is I feel very much like I am back in college making that decision for the first time.  There are differences as I know I am probably more experienced than I was thirty years ago, as well as ‘wiser’, whatever that means.  My issue is what am I now?  I know somethings that have not changed – I am still a husband, father and grandfather.  I am still a good friend.  I just don’t know what else I am right now.  Options:

Professor – This would mean a master’s degree in economics probably and then Ph. D work.  The issue I have with this one is continued financial aid and debt. I then would have a long-term career possible, if I made tenure so I could retire when I wanted to retire. I guess this one is on the top of the list because I have been told I am a good teacher and so that is the issue here in that it would fit me well and past experience in public speaking and teaching would not be wasted.

Business – This is an option because the pull of money is on me fairly strong as I need to make a bunch money in order to make sure retirement is even possible.  I could get an MBA at Ferris as the have a completely online one as well.  Corporate ladder or start my own business?  There are options here that are very flexible.  I know people from long experience, so that would be an asset as well.

Lawyer – Like it or not, my Political Science Degree is also preparation for a legal career. There are plenty of law schools in Michigan, so there is that.  I can’t put it off the list because with my own practice I can’t be fired either. I really do need a career path where I am in the driver seat as far as employment.

Writer – I have already had one career that starved me on occasion, so being a writer has purely emotional appeal, not a financial one.  It has risks. I would have to have another job until it could pay for things.  It also has the advantage of being non-ending.  I could do it in retirement for that matter.  Right up until they put me on my viking ship to burn as it sails out to sea. I am the Rabyd Skald after all.

I just don’t know which of these could be my identity or even a combination might be in order. I just don’t know. It has to fit me to be an identity and that is the challenge for me right now – finding what fits. The one thing I know does not fit anymore is ministry.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Once school is done I will have to do a reassessment of the areas in my life where discipline might be need.  Right now it is just obvious what needs discipline. The real problem right now for me is my old gym is closed and I need a new one and that means I will probably not be able to lift for a bit while I find a new one.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Defeat and failure are something I try to avoid but my attitude about them is far more positive which is to say – once you have failed you can’t go back and fix it.  You can only move on by getting back up and moving forward.  I think this is something I may need to remember soon as I am struggling very much in one class and I don’t know how it is going to come out.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

I haven’t really thought about fidelity much this week as I have not had much time to be anything but loyal myself.  I guess the only struggle I still have is what to do if I ever cross paths again with certain people.  I simply do not know how I will react.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting – 4 days per week.
  2. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  3. Walking – 4 days a week

I miss weightlifting this week but I am using the extra time for homework. Cleaning and walking were on target, so that was good.  I do need to find an alternative walk site starting next week.

Nutrition:

I need to define a couple of things.  A Cheat Meal for me is basically a period of time (a half hour to an hour) where I can eat pretty much any food and drink any beverage without counting it toward carb count for the day.  A Carb Count is a single serving of carbs outside a cheat meal and during the day,  Right now with five Cheat Meals and a Carb Count of five a day, I have a lot of room.  As the weeks  go by however this is not going to remain the case.  By the last month things will be very tight.  I need to remember those pictures are coming on my 50th birthday.

Weekly Recap:

Foundational – All good here, I guess I am simply just putting my head down and trying to finish the year out as best I can. When 2018 hits the rear view mirror, I will probably let out a cheer.

Business – I am really looking forward to the job search and finding this new identity for myself.  My real issue is surviving it financially until then. Thankfully these virtues are not a problem for me for the most part so I keep doing what I need to do.

Self – Right now staying disciplined is tiring but I know it will be worth it.  Fidelity and Perseverance are now more central so I worry less about them right now anyway.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – A New Shore

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

I get asked every once in a while about why I am getting a political science degree.  I must admit the name is a bit of misdirection as political scientists are actually quite diverse in their skill set.  I mean we have to understand the politics of people in groups from small groups to those as large as a nation.  We also have to understand the bureaucracy of getting things done in the government.  There is also the fact that we have budgets and a business side to consider. I have had three business management classes and some accounting to get my degree as well.

My two minors chip in as well as Economics and International Business stem from my interest in trade.  International Business for me has been about understanding exchange rates, the logistics of moving things from one country to another. Understanding that different cultures do business differently as well.  Economics has only enhanced my love for the concept of trade and trading and how it always benefits both nations.

When I look at what I would like to do next my dream job centers on this idea of being person who negotiates trade agreements between people.  I am not sure specifically what that would be.  I also would like to travel and see this world a little before I kick off of it.  I however also want to come to a place to call home. So maybe a job that travels every quarter for a week or two.  Go there, make money, come home.  Kind of like a viking.

I know my wife doesn’t want to leave Michigan and I agree, but I also want to have those moments and times where I can travel to someplace new and enjoy the process of doing business and then come home to wife and hearth.  If I could on occasion take her with me so much the better. It’s good to dream when you are looking to the future and this is mine. Well, that and own a bar and serve drinks.  That’s my retirement dream.

Mostly I want something that allows me to set foot on a new shore and see what there is to see.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Knowing I am noble of being is still a struggle. Part of this is finding the definition of what it means to be noble of being in and of itself and not attached to any religion.  It’s not easy to abandon your faith of four decades and find a new philosophy that reflects a more true version of yourself.  It’s a journey of discovery and takes a little courage to find that new sense of honor.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

It is coming time to start job searching again and looking for a direction for a new career path.  This is going to take courage to do the interviews and the things I need to do to start looking for things that lead to that career. Time to be brave.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

Truth is I have the potentiality to be a good anything, maybe even great. There is also the truth that whatever I pick I want it to fit me.  life is too short to not be doing what you enjoy and love. I need to remember that.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

Once school is over there is really only one thing I want to concentrate on this list which is the meditation aspect.  I think the change might be to meditate more generally on the Nine Noble Virtues to see which virtue rises to the top.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I haven’t got much new to say about this other than if my job did entail travel the learning languages and taking a cruise to Budapest would be right up there as far as a way to having those fulfilled.

Weightlifting:

My gym closed and they started selling equipment so I need a new one.  The problem is I have little time to look so I will probably just take this week off, concentrate on school and then look during finals week.  Probably in the same city I work for now until I get a better job. I really hate to see this happen as it has been my gym home for the last three plus years.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – My Comeback

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week and next are going to be hell.  I have school to finish and there is a lot of work to do.  I also have to work a job and a marriage to maintain.  I also have to get enough sleep to function, so this means Discipline, Industriousness and Courage all in play.  Here we go.

I want to take time out to take a breath as I dive in headfirst and look to the future.  You have to see the finish line and the purpose of why you are doing what you are doing.  That provides motivation and I need motivation.

The above meme really does encapsulate my life so far.  These last few years have been rough ones and I really need to make 2019 my comeback year.

2016 – It did change me.  I learned who was really in charge of my church and no one was going to do anything to help me change it.  My crisis of faith started,  I took a sabbatical that year to think things over.  My course changed then.

2017 – Yeah, it did break me.  I began to think of my marriage and ministry as a sham.  A good friend died that summer and several things changed.  I became painfully aware of a deep loneliness and depression.  This was my state at the end of the year when a woman started to enter my life, but I really didn’t have feelings that were inappropriate for her until the next year.  I was just thankful at that time for a new and growing friendship.

2018 – This has been a year of opening my eyes.  I discovered how false many of the friends, particularly in church, I had were.  In February, my organist died and this affected me deeply because at that point all the old I had started with was gone.  The real problem was only one person was really listening to me and helping me through it. This lead to an emotional affair, my trying to resign over it but being fired instead, a near divorce, the loss of a close ‘friend’ who turned out to not be a friend.  An emotionally up and down summer with a breakup, a marriage reconciliation, moving and a new job all while continuing school.  The scales have definitely fallen off my eyes and like the Phoenix, I am rising from the ashes of 2018 as an awake and very different person. I feel true to myself at last and, as I wrote yesterday, ‘The Fire of Fury’ burns in my bones and I am ready for what is next.

2019? – I need this to be a comeback year, a new career direction, a stronger marriage and renewed prosperity. I am determined to make it happen.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I am suspecting that after these next three weeks are over and things are at last done for the majority of my school work. I will feel like more honor is restored at that point.  I will feel that things will be better at least from a self-worth standpoint. I will have achieved something I set out to accomplish. Then it will be a simple matter of finding a way to use the education to better myself further.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

There is a lot to act on and I cannot hesitate at this point.  I have a lot to do and nothing can distract me either so I need to stay focused and go forward.  The fear to overcome is that I won’t finish everything.  I need to bury that and just start eating the last elephant, one bite at a time.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

The truth is that I need to continue to be truthful with myself. It is what has kept me making good decisions for a bit now.  This truth thing leads to a lot better path, but one that is often more difficult.  It is however the difficulty of the truth that makes us struggle more and thus get stronger.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I have to say this morning routine is the most successful one I have ever done. I actually look forward to it every morning.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

So by July 1st, 2019 I need to cross one of these off.  We will see if its learning one of the languages, the novel or getting a tattoo or two. Those are my best bets at this point.

Weightlifting:

I am going to visit all the gyms in the town where I work very soon.  My membership at my current gym expires in a few weeks.  It also looks like it will be shutting down for good anyway.  There are three options based on a preliminary look, so I will be looking at all of them probably during exam week as I won’t have an incredible amount to do.  By the time exams are over, I will have to make this decision.  I really hate to leave my current gym.  It was a love at first sight thing and I will miss it.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – End of the Semester Surge

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

As Thanksgiving approaches for those of us who are students, the end of the semester surge is upon us where we have too many papers, too many pages of reading left, too many exams to study for and too many projects.  It’s time for the end of the semester surge where we put every waking moment into getting things done. My 49-year-old super senior ass is no exception.

This one is a little different.  It’s my last one of undergrad work for this my third degree. Probably my last ever undergrad semester and to be honest, it makes me a little sad.  I have enjoyed every moment of going back to school even the hard semesters. I have discovered there is a better person here than was there three and a half years ago.  Someone who can face the tests of education in his older age and come out smiling. But most of all it has been my privileged to get to know a younger generation class after class and started me thinking very highly of them.

Most older people decry the younger generation.  The Millennials certainly seem to be a favorite punching bag of those retired and working for a living as an example of entitlement and privilege.  Lazy and naive about real life.  Unable to get out of their glass bubble and face the real world.  I have not found this to be so.  Instead I have found much my like my own generation when we were young; a group of people with diverse points view, dreams and hopes for the future. They work hard in a lot of ways and understand things that I have difficulty grasping.  Mostly I have found  group of people who care deeply about others and the world around them.  They may be different but they are no better or worse than any other generation before them.  The have the same fears and joys. they just express them differently in a different world. I have come to love and respect them,

I am also happy to be done.  I love learning but there is a time to move on and the time is now.  I don’t know completely what the future holds but I am happy for the experience of going to school again and learning.  When I walk across the platform December 15th, I know I will be the happiest I have been in a long time.  I need this achievement because it means I can still do things I want to do.  I can still set goals and achieve them.  No matter what others say, I have this confidence in myself.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I was meditating the other day and a thought came to me about my closure issues. Sometimes you don’t choose when a door gets shut, but that doesn’t mean you have to walk through it again. When it comes to the past I guess this is something to take to heart. I can’t let the past’s open doors be a hindrance to finding new doors to open. Closure will come in its own good time. Honor does not depend on closure, it depends on being positive about my future.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

The end of school is fast approaching so the act of bravery that I am contemplating is dusting off my resume and sending it out at month’s end.  I haven’t looked for a new career in a long time.  Note I said career and not job.  I am not sure what occupation I want to be yet.  In that respects I am still a typical college student.  I want to find something that is a career I can enjoy and that leads to better and better things for me and my wife.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

If there is anything that bothers me from time to time it’s when people tell me what they were told that I did and it is far from the truth. This still bothers me, but the rumor mill is what it is.  My question I constantly ask myself is if it is worth it to respond.  My answer is most often ‘No.’  Mostly becasue any person who is just rumor mongering about me isn’t worth the time.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

Very solid and the meditation time is more formal. I have it take my phone and it’s stopwatch for it.  Three minutes is usually enough. Once school is done, there might be some changes to it as far as additions but perhaps I would be better served with an evening routine. I have just never had a lot of success with those.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

The more I look at things on this Bucket List, I am thinking my tattoos might be the first thing or at least get the first couple.  Getting drunk and smoking a joint I might keep for a special occasion of some sort.  Writing my Novel will probably start as soon as school is over and I am thinking spend an hour on it minimum as part of the daily routine will replace my study time. Many of the other ones are going to require prosperity.  My wife wants to go on a cruise, I would like it to be a European river cruise that stops in Budapest.

Weightlifting:

The gym question remains.  Much is unknown so I need a gym that will go month to month, but I also have little reason once school is over to drive into the town when my current gym is. It might mean switching to a gym where I currently work and then waiting and seeing what happens to the job situation. For that purpose I have fund a smaller gym in the city I work and that might do very well for me.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!