Relationships

“Notes on Exercise and Nutrition” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

One thing that needs to be done here is to make some notes on possible changes to nutrition and exercise.

As I head into the next quarter weightlifting changes from a more bodybuilding style to the more fat burning style of endurance lifting.  That is high reps, low weight, and only a couple sets.  The last set of the two done to failure. This is designed to make the muscle burn a little hotter and with the heat and dietary changes, I am hoping to lean out a little in this July – September quarter.

Nutritionally, it is probably time to carb cut a little more and be more conscious of the few things I need to do.  One is to switch to more water to drink than other things. Paleo doesn’t allow for much more than water and fruit juice but fruit juice is diabetically a bad idea.  It’s probably time for a cleaning time of water only and I need to get on that.

It is good to stretch every morning.  It is one of those real alone moments where my head clears.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To Be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

The goal is to be fully Paleo by next year’s March.  Every quarter I need to take steps toward that.  This quarter I need to focus on learning more things I can do as far as recipes to cook and I need to drop drinks that are not Paleo.

My idea for my rebellious act will be to take a mini three-day vacation with April 1st in the middle of it.  Once again the idea is to do something that society at large might frown on but isn’t illegal.  There is the goal of not getting in trouble with the law as well.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

The weightlifting and stretching are going well, the hiking needs to be a little more difficult.  Backpack with some weight should do it when I am doing my Rest Day walks.

My tattoo has only one obstacle and that is funding.  I save money every paycheck.  Thing is I don’t know how much it will cost but I  know I would rather spend money and get something good than be cheap.  So I might be saving for a bit.  I do have a concept of what I want and I am hoping the tattoo artist will have some ideas as well.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

The only thing left is the genetics and ancestry thing and that will definitely take flight with a better job. Once I know where I am from, exploring family history will be a lot easier. It has also become a spiritual pilgrimage type thing for me.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

I am always changing things to reflect my changing understanding of the world and how I do things. There are two ways to approach change.  Resist it or use it as a tool to better yourself. I choose the later.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Walking – 1 hour.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.

This is pretty good.  I enjoy it much more and it doesn’t take long to do.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Asatru and Hospitality” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Hospitality

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Hospitality is a virtue that is represented to Asatru as the glue that holds society and civilization together. The particular focus of Hospitality in the Norse context is one of being kind to strangers and travelers. If there is a virtue that relates personally to me as a wayfarer of life, it is this one. I have always appreciated the kindness people have shown me when I was far from home. Having a place where I knew I was safe while traveling is something that always warmed my heart.

It is this virtue of hospitality in the modern world that gets translated as being respectful to all human beings and giving people the things they need when they need them out of respect for their humanity. Need not want through here.  People can be treacherous and the virtue acknowledges that, and one part of this is once a person has acted treacherously toward you; you don’t have to lift a finger to help them again.

This is the ‘give and take’ of Hospitality.  It is not just enough to properly give it, but also to be thankful to receive it and not do it to take advantage of people.  What makes it work is the two-sided nature of Hospitality, both knowing how to properly give it and receive it.

Website: Ravenbok – The particular page is: The Values of Asatru

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

I think society needs this understanding of hospitality again  I need it.  I think it is more practical than the Christian notion of ‘give expect nothing in return’ that no one actually follows.  This is ‘give and receive graciously’ both ways, but always keep your eye on how people receive your hospitality and in what motivation that gives it to you.   This is not a license to manipulate or take advantage of people because at that point it ceases to be a virtue.

Wants (Freki):

We want hospitality to be present in our society as it is the one virtue that allows us to put aside our differences and work for the common good. That is all differences – political, religious and cultural.  Some things are bigger than the individual and only a team can take them on.

Reason (Huginn):

For myself as a person who has been on the receiving side of hospitality from time to time, I can see how broad you can make this.  It has the rational quality of being able to apply it to many different situations and in many different forms.  It is a good solid virtue that can be personalized to a great degree and that is a good quality to have as well.

Wisdom (Muninn):

Hospitality to be done properly requires the wisdom of experience and a good eye for judging the situation.  Laziness is not to be coddled only genuine need.  At the same time compassion needs to be exercised. It is wisdom that is the tool that is needed to know the difference.

Conclusion:

I personally only struggle with the concept of hospitality; in that, recent events of this last year have me with my own form of TNO (Trust No One) at a high level. I try to help when I can but I am always a suspicious fuck these days. The virtue right now at least forces me to try to consider it every time I read and meditate on it.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Deadly Grey Storm” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and the Wayfarer – Part 13

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Hmm.  Lucky 13?

I haven’t done a warning/disclaimer on one of these posts in a while and this one will probably need one.  I am going to be very open here emotionally and if you don’t want to be inside that storm of mine known as depression (aka The Grey) just don’t read any further.  My purpose here is mostly to sort out my own emotions. For some reason that works better when I know I am going to publish them publically and always has.  I don’t get it either, but trust me, I know the difference between this and private journal entries and it is night and day as far as honesty.  I really lie to myself when it’s private.

I have been having a real battle with The Grey these days.  A real fucking storm that feels as deadly as a lightning bolt for my psyche.  It started as soon as the week that transitions from June to July and it all as to do with memories. But I now am beginning to realize that it is also about this continued struggle between my own happiness and trying to make others happy.

The questions continue: How much of my own happiness do I need to give up in order for others to be happy? At what point will I cross that line again where I become fucking miserable and feel trapped? In feeling trapped, at what point do I fucking lose it again?  Can I keep the animal inside, the monster caged? Do I even want to keep him caged?

There is still a hole that got ripped into my life last summer that none of the events of this last year have filled. A scar that still bleeds inside no matter how much I try to forget and move on. The doom of grey clouds that swirl while they are tapping into that hole in my heart is sometimes overwhelming, and I don’t know why. Why can’t I get over this?  Why do I still think of her and what happened? Why do I still revisit the pain of this over and over again?  A real pain in my soul.  Most of the time I use it as fuel for a lot of things.  ‘Pain as Fuel’ is a theme of mine, but there are times it hurts too bad.

The pain of the loss of friendship dots the landscape too.  The betrayal that revealed a man who was never my friend but a silent hater and took the opportunity to do all he could to destroy me when I made my mistake. Why do I keep this letter from my church that is so painful to me?  Sometimes it motivates me, but other times it just makes me angry and sad.  Some days all I really want is one free shot at a man who is as false as a three dollar bill and whose friendship is half as valuable.  Who most people in the church think is wonderful, but now I see the truth of his hypocrisy and narcissism. The image of him lying bleeding and broken makes me smile and then I get worried about that image even being in my head.

Emotions are strong and run the gambit from anger…no check that…fury to deep sadness to shame and back again.  My insomnia runs deep sometimes because the dreams and nightmares are back and they hurt to have them.  So some nights I don’t sleep well at all and other nights not at all. I knew it would be bad but this much more than I expected.  Why am I trying to simply get a mere five minutes of peace of mind at least once a day?

Religion was no help before and it still isn’t.  Worthless is my old faith.  No amount of believing in fairy tales and imaginary friends helps anymore.  I know it is up to me and that’ the bottom line.

Sometimes the Nine Noble Virtues help but sometimes they are the problem as I try to apply them:

  1. Fidelity – I am trying to be loyal to some of my loyal relationships but at the same time be loyal to myself and I find that it is getting harder not easier. I have given up a lot of what I want in order to stay true to others.  One relationship, in particular, seems neglected – the one to myself.  It is starting to become apparent to me that I have given up some loyalty to myself to maintain the others. Are my loyalties simply contradictory by nature and that is the problem?
  2. Courage – I need freedom like water to a dying man in a desert. But, I lack the courage sometimes to board the ship.  The storm is great right now, so motivation and courage are at best difficult.  But is it an act of courage that is needed where I face the truth, board the ship in the bad weather and sail anyway?
  3. Truth – why is it so much easier to write my feelings like this than say them? Is the answer obvious but I don’t want to take that path because others would be unhappy if I did?
  4. Honor – Some days I would give a lot for the simple feeling that I have some value to myself.  Last year at this time I had that and then it was suddenly yanked away.  It has been a hard haul every since with honor.
  5. Perseverance – I keep getting up, but I wonder why.  What is the point?
  6. Discipline – Have I disciplined myself enough before the storm to ride it out? Is staying disciplined the way out?

Lots of questions here, not a lot of answers.

The Grey Storm is great and my only real fear at this point is that I won’t see the fork in the road I need to take to get out of it. Or, that I won’t last to see the end of it.  I know something will take me out in the end.  I just am not sure what it will be, but I will never stop trying if not for any other purpose that I want to give Death the middle finger as I pass her in the rain.  Not today bitch.

It all adds up to one big Grey Storm that I am trying to navigate.  Spear in hand; Ravens at the shoulders: Wolves at my feet. Hoping it ends soon because I need to see the path and take the right steps.

If you have read this, thanks for taking the time for reading the ramblings of a tired old wanderer.  I just want to be happy again and all this dwelling on the past undercuts that.  I would like to get past it, but it has never been easy for me to do so.  Relationships leave an indelible mark on my soul because of who I am and it just isn’t that easy for me. Even when I do the INFJ door slam, it takes a lot to get there.  My heart is easily bruised and damaged and part of that damage is the mark people leave behind that I can’t shake.

Well time to end this for now.  I strongly suspect there will be another The Grey and The Wayfarer very soon as the saga of my journey will continue and right now it is pretty dramatic.

Still Walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Self Vision – Like Thor” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

If there is a struggle with Self in my life it is the ability to consider myself first.  In truth the only thing you have all the time to achieve anything is you. Relationships, money, possessions all come and go.  The one thing you have will you all the time is yourself. For the characters, of Norse Mythology Thor emulates this the best.  Yes, he has his hammer and his great strength, and he is a god. But none of that matters without the supreme belief in himself that he takes into every single situation.  It is a self-confidence born of internal fire that burns that gives Thor the immortal quality that has made him the favorite god of the common warrior.

I resonate more with Odin, but Thor’s story teaches us the values of staying focused (discipline), the refusal to accept defeat (perseverance) and being loyal to those who have shown loyalty to him (fidelity).

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To Be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Thor in battle is a focused man driven by one desire – honorable victory.  Now he is a god that had a lot of natural ability as a warrior but even he indicates the need for skill in battle, to the Vikings of that day, where they knew to be like Thor in battle took disciplined practice. For me, it is the daily discipline and the continued desire to be successful that I want to emulate here.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Thor fights a lot of battles and he doesn’t always win or be perceived to have won at first. The only battle in the mythology where he doesn’t get up and try again is the last one where he defeats the Midgard Serpent but loses his own life as well. That is the goal of every warrior to win the last battle no matter what it is.  Thor’s story teaches that.

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Thor travels a lot with Loki and despite the fact that Loki is a trickster god who often gets Thor into trouble, he stays loyal to him. He knows that even Loki gets him out of jams sometimes. For me, this is a valuable lesson in not judging a persons’ other character as much as I judge their loyalty to me and then give that same loyalty back.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Thor is not equated as the wisest character in some regards. His temper often gets him into trouble.  Yet, within his story arc is this person who stays loyal and fights with both skill and never-ending determination. Wise characteristics I want to have as part of my life.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Walking – 1 hour.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Reading – half an hour for enjoyment.

I can see these rest days as being far more valuable now to me. They defiantly help me more than the other way I used to do things.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Business Vision – Like Tyr” – A Skald’ Life – Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

Tyr is the Norse God of War and Justice.  I know it seems like an odd choice at first for discussing business but the main virtue and vision I have for my business life is the idea of justice.  Justice is the central core of my business philosophy and my understanding of the noble virtues of Self_reliance, Industriousness, and Hospitality.  Money is part of that but human relationships are the real nuts and bolts of the business.  Money is just a medium of exchange in those relationships and it is not the only one.

Tyr’s story is one of courage as he was the only god willing to put his hand in the mouth of Fenrir when the gods were trying to bind him with their last-ditch attempt to contain Fenrir’ raw power and might.  All the gods became afraid of Fenrir and what he could do and Odin’s vision that Fenrir would be his death drove Odin to find a way to stop Fenrir.  So after several attempts they created a binding thread that was at last able to bind Fenrir but they had to convince him to put it on. Tyr convinced Fenrir to try to break the thread only after he put his own hand in Fenrir’s mouth as a way to get him to trust him.  Fenrir was unable to break the thread so he bit off Tyr’s hand.

Tyr had been the only one not afraid of Fenrir and so he had played with Fenrir when he was small and onward.  He had built a relationship with Fenrir.  One might argue that he used it to trick him, but I am thinking given Tyr’s noble nature, he might have simply though Fenrir would simply break the chains of he wasn’t able to that Odin would release him.  In the end, had Fenrir been released, by Fenrir’s own words, he would have been loyal to the gods.  Because they had not, he committed himself to their destruction.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by September 2019.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

Tyr recognizes the need to sacrifice the moment for lasting peace and prosperity.  He isn’t concerned with the short term in his relationships which leads to dependence.  Rather he takes the initiative to bring about a solution that allows for continued peace for a time. In war, you do what is necessary and that is also sometimes true to avoid one.  Tyr understands that independence needs to be maintained by self-sacrifice at times. You give up something to achieve something greater.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

Tyr is also a god of disciplined fighting.  He works hard to be the best warrior the can. He represents noble hard work to achieve mastery of something and that is also something to take inspiration from. Ding the daily drill of business and maintaining the relationships you need every day is something to pursue.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I think Tyr shows the fact that to be a god of justice, one needs to be generous at times.  The dichotomy injustice, as far as business in life is concerned, is not righteousness and mercy but rather the balance between self-reliance and hospitality. Independence and compassion. These two threads are far easier to get to cooperate than the normal thing one thinks of when it regards justice.  Tring to maintain freedom and graciousness is more easily achieved to me than balancing mercy and righteousness because in many cases you can’t do it with the later.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

Tyr is the God of Justice, Law, and War. He is someone to look at in the mythology but his role is very light in what survives.  I think this is what gives him the appeal to me as a writer and someone who gives me some vision regarding justice. I can imagine him as being so just in maintaining people’s independence and being compassionate at the same time.  That he was well loved and avoided a lot of unnecessary drama in his dealing with people.  In this context, he gets a lot done in my mind.

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Weightlifting: Gym time – 1 hour after work.
  5. Writing: One Hour on top of the blogging routine each day. Alternate between Non-Fiction Book and Novel.
  6. Language Study: A half hour on Latin
  7. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  8. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  9. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

The workday routine makes more sense to me these days. It gives me a lot of hope I can be more productive and it makes sense to put it here under business to talk about it. My philosophical viewpoint will be more apparent as the routine that moves it forward the most will be here as well.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Asatru and Self-Reliance” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Self-Reliance

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Discussion:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

This virtue is much more complicated than it first appears.  We also need to remember that as we move from the Foundational Virtues to the Business Virtues that this is my distinction but in other views, this virtue is handled in a different place.  What all of us acknowledge is that the Nine Noble Virtues weave together to form different concepts and at Self-Reliance, we see a lot of that.

Mostly though there is one word that guides my thinking on this virtue – ‘independence”.  It is that line ‘the spirit of independence’.  I would say that one cannot be dependent on others and self-reliant and as such one is not truly free if one is dependent on others.  Your dependence means that the people you are dependent on can take it away and thus can dictate terms in some way in other areas with the threat of taking what they give you away.

This idea of self-reliance meshes well with the libertarian concept of the Non-Aggression Principle (NAP) as to be self-reliant it can be seen that attempts to force or defraud others are not self-reliant but rather the actions of the thief and extortionist. No thief or extortionist is self-reliant.

In Asatru, the person who is valued is the one who goes and, using industriousness, makes their own life.  The person who finds ways to leach on the lifeblood of the industriousness of others is not. Hospitality is the guard against those who find themselves in trouble due to no fault of their own as in Hospitality (which we will discuss in a couple weeks) you find each person having the requirement in that virtue of helping those in need if it is in their power to do so.

Website: Ravenbok – The particular page is: The Values of Asatru

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

The need for self-reliance is obvious for personal development.  No one grows stronger or better by being in a dependent state in relationship to others.  It is liberty and independence that have as their responsible core the need to grow and be better to live a better life. We need self-reliance to maintain our freedom by working for it. As much as I believe it is true that liberty requires a sacrifice of blood from those who would try to take from time to time.  The constant maintenance of liberty is done by people working hard every day to maintain their self-reliance.

Wants (Freki):

We want self-reliance as well.  I suppose in Asatru this is best reflected in how the Norse people looked at the gods.  They certainly didn’t look to them for help all the time.  The gods were mostly invoked; if at all, through a good relationship where a person maintained a friendship with the gods but never presumed too much on it.  They only turned to the gods for help when needed like a friend would with a friend.  This creates respect that is both wanted and needed when carried over to human relationships as well.

Reason (Huginn):

Rationally this guards us against two things.  One the one hand we seek to be prosperous enough so that no one can control us.  Having prosperity allows one to look an employer in the eye and remind them you can live without them or have enough to live through hard times. On the other hand, the followers of Asatru recognize the dangers of materialism as not all one acquires leads to the utility of being valuable practically.  Simple prosperity is more desirable that opulent displays of wealth because opulence is a drain on one’s prosperity and actually threatens self-reliance and thus freedom.

Wisdom (Muninn):

Wisdom plays its part and I will let my source document speak on this issue because I can’t think of a way to put it better:

Being self-reliant also means taking responsibility for one’s life. It’s not just about refusing a welfare check or not lobbying for a tax exemption, but also refusing to blame one’s failures on religious intolerance, the patriarchy, or an unfair system. The system may, in fact, be unfair, but it’s our own responsibility to deal with it.

– The Values of Asatru

Wise words. My ultimate advocacy for self-reliance is reflected in my own success, despite the obstacles, to be self-reliant.

Conclusion:

I would say people become much too reliant on others and it robs them of what they could have.  They look too much to others, like the government, and thus borrow from the future of prosperity of others to feed their own in the now.  The national debt of the United States is one great symptom that shows the harmful results of this overreliance on others. This is not to say you can’t when truly needed, get help from others, but we often do so to the point it is harmful to others and this robs both them and us.  Life would indeed be better for all if people found as many solutions to their own problems on their own first; only relying on others when absolutely necessary.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Belated Father’s Day Post” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 12

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

I have been meaning to write this post all week long.  I have had three days off and still was not able to muster the emotional strength to do so.  My father meant a lot to me, words can’t express it, and every Father’s Day I wish he was here so I could say “Happy Father’s Day Dad, I love you.”  After a few moments of that wish, the sadness comes and I realize that I can’t do that because he is gone.

I had my first bought with deep depression after his death.  My first time walking the real Grey and I had the hardest time with it. I was in a depressed state for at least a year and I never really came out of it until I found someone who didn’t judge me for it but actually understood and helped me through it.   That person at the time gave me meaning and purpose again and I was able for the first time to stand and keep walking.

Looking back it wasn’t my faith in Christianity or Jesus that got me through it, just the need for purpose. Reaching deep down and find the reason to keep living when your depressed is hard but the only way to not let it beat you.  That is the key to getting past the depression of losing someone close to you – finding the reason to keep living and going on.  Once I understood this, I have walked the Grey ever since instead of falling victim to it like at that time after my father’s death. I had to do that a lot last year.

I had to take those life lessons and use them a lot last year. I think it created in me my personality that is unique and I had to use one of its strengths last year I didn’t expect. I have found that my personality has this thing called ‘ the door slam’ and it is very real.  When people are no longer part of your life because they have chosen to betray your friendship or walk away from you, you can slam the door in your mind on them and never look back as an INFJ.

One man in particular last year I did this to after I found out he used my trust of him and my love for my congregation and my flame against me to get what he wanted. I literally want nothing to do with him other than to hear that he has been found out for the fraud he is.  I will smile and clap at that moment and move on with lighter steps. But I am moving on without him and I don’t miss him. The door is slammed behind me for him. The only thing I really deal with now is the trust issues are higher because of him.

I can’t do this with people I love deeply.  No matter how bad they hurt me, I can never slam the door on them.  It is always open a crack. It makes me vulnerable to them which in some cases scares that shit out of me.  In other cases, like my father, the vulnerability turns to The Grey. The helpless vulnerable state of being depressed about missing them and not being able to do anything about it. I have been fighting it regarding my father all week long.

I am coming to the hardest part of the summer as memories of last year get really dramatic and my emotional swings from last year were very intense.  This makes memories of them tough and a swirling storm of The Grey I am walking through right now.  I wish it was late August as the memories start to get happier. But I have a couple more months of this to go.  But my father’s wisdom and the lessons I learned from his death and moving on from it are still with me.

Well, this is a father’s day post so allow me a moment of conversation with my departed dad.

“Happy Father’s Day, Dad – wherever you are. I love you and I miss you.  I wish you could be here to see what your grandchildren have become – they are all awesome and your great-grandkids are out of this world.  I feel they have all been robbed by not knowing you better.  I am fairly sure you would have spoiled them with your love by now.

I don’t know if you would be proud of me anymore.  I don’t really care in some ways about that.  I just wish you were here so I could say I love you and get one more of your monster hugs that would crush my chest. I feel that still when Ed, Jr. hugs me.  He is a lot like you. I wish you could have seen him play ball – you would have loved it.  He is becoming a great father like you. Justin is a hard worker like you and has made his own life which would make you proud.  Patience – well that little one year old you used to carry, is all grown up and taking care of your wife.  She lives in the house you used to call your home and now it is hers and I know you would be proud of that. You would be very proud of the woman she has become, I know I am.

I see bits and pieces of you in all of them.  Sparks of your legacy.  I love you and miss you, but every now and then I see you in them and you don’t seem so far away. Even little Otto has your eyes and your happiness. You still live in all of them.  For that, I am thankful to you and the father you were.

I love you, dad. I always will.”

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“April-June 2019 Assessment (Part Two) ” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

As I continue to look at the progress of my goals and bucket list items, I am reminded that the whole point of doing this is I am building a new life for myself. All of this is about walking the path known as my life and making it new. It is why this quote from Socrates resonates with me so much.  I wonder to myself a lot if fighting the past is worth it and I say ‘no it isn’t’. So my focus in having goals and a bucket list is more about the new and building the new.  Central to that is the Nine Noble Virtues if Asatru and in the case of my new career and life involving the business of life – Self-Reliance, Industriousness, and Hospitality take center stage.

At this point I can celebrate a goal achieved already this year but also a struggle rears its ugly head. Mostly, now that I have determined that goals need to have a year time limit I breathe a little easier but that is no cause to not try to do them sooner if possible. Let the evaluation continue.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by the end of June 2019 or before.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company by March 2029.

I am getting to the point of frustration with my job search in Michigan.  I think it is because opportunities are not what I am looking for in my home state.  I keep turning down job offers and opportunities from a friend who lives in Texas and I wonder why I keep doing so.  If it is a new life I am looking for I can’t think of any better way to do it than move 1000 miles away and start over. If I don’t find something by the end of June this goal will have to be reevaluated and I might have to have a long discussion with my family about how they feel about my wife and me living farther away.

Put a time limit on owning my business or company out 10 years.  Maximum limit but it needed to be done so I can look at this more objectively.  Deadline no matter how far out tend to make me work toward something more effectively.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published by March 2022.

Goal achieved here and so I am ready to look for what is next.  I know I will probably further my education at some point again but I am thinking a new job for a year might be good right now to catch my breath and get a sense of a new normal before I begin pursuing another degree.

Writing comes up again, I am going to put a three-year time limit on the novel.  But from a routine standpoint, I think treating writing like a ‘job’ is a better call with it part of the daily routine in some way.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader of a support group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

I may change this goal a little next week.  I am not sure if I want to lead or be a part of one or if it necessarily needs to be an official support group. What I think would be more beneficial and an opportunity to be hospitable is simply to join something that gives me a chance to be a part of something that is fun and promotes human relationships in some way. Could be a lot of things here, but recognize my need to be a part of a group that gives me a social life. Me being INFJ taken into account, I know this is true.

My own home.  It is a good thought and one I want to see happen within five years. I have lost a lot being in the ministry for twenty years and not owning a house is one of those things that is a consequence of that life.  New life says I want to own my home and secondly have it paid off by the time life makes me retire.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

My attempt in life and business is to treat people as best as possible.  To achieve relationships privately and in business relationships that are mutually beneficial and lead to prosperity.  Justice is about being as equitable as possible.  I still think that my goals and bucket list items reflect that.

Daily Routine:

  1. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  3. Reading – half-hour. Priority order: work, school, pleasure
  4. Study / Homework / Research: half hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  6. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  7. Weekly Routine Items
  8. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

This list will get longer and my weekly list shorter.  But I am also going to do something that distinguishes work days from a day off work. More on this in a couple days as this affects the Weekly Routine the most.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Marriage Balance” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day

Journal Entry:

I mentioned on Wooden’s Day that the struggle for me and my wife is marriage balance.  if you love someone you want them to be happy and the best way for you to let them achieve that is let them be themselves.  On the flip side, you got married to that person because there are things you expected from the marriage as far as what the marriage does for you.  What you expected the other person to do for you that would help you pursue that happiness.

For me, there is a lot of freedom I expect to be given to me and I work very hard to give a lot to my wife. At the same time, I know she expects some things from me and I from her. We wouldn’t have gotten married if there wasn’t something we were expecting for ourselves from that marriage that in some way contributed to our well being. We at least at the bare minimum expect our spouses to love and respect us.

my struggle is not to lose what I want to compromise to make my wife happy.  I know that sounds counter to what I just said but the problem is if you are miserable as a consequence of making the other person happy, then that is not right.  This is the problem because freedom and expectations need to be such that both people are achieving happiness.  That the other person’s happiness affects your own.

I spent three very long years doing stuff to make my wife happy which at the same time made me miserable so my struggle is not to repeat that. I don’t want to lose what I want out of life and my marriage to make her happy at my expense.  She loves me, so it should mean she doesn’t want that either. It is definitely one of those tricky things for us.

It is where the virtues of discipline, perseverance, and fidelity help.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To follow A FULL Paleo Diet Plan from April 1, 2019, to March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April Fools Day, April 1st, 2020.

Now I am not talking BDSM here with marriage and discipline. 🙂 I am talking about the regualar expression of love, affection, and renewal of the relationship that needs to take place on a daily basis.  If your spouse is the number one person in your life, then one of your number one priorities should be to express that every day somehow.  On your list of things to do this should be right up there as the number one relationship discipline of your life.

With my wife and me, this involves a few things.  For my part, I make sure to send her a text saying I love you every day.  I do this in person every day as well.  Now we have the possibility of us being separated for whatever reason which means a face to face phone call that day instead.  Every day we are together we also have cuddle and communication time which is mandatory for at least ten minutes. I know my wife asks me how I am doing most days because she knows I walk the Grey known as depression so she asks from time to time and really means it.  I do my best to answer absolutely as honestly as I can.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Marriages fail when all sides give up.  My wife never gave up once we split-up. She was getting close to it as we got closer to divorce but she never caved. Her failure was pretty much giving up on thinking she needed to still work at our relationship.  Part of perseverance is not taking things for granted including your marriage is strong.  Sometimes it just isn’t strong and you need to work on that.  Never assume that just because you have been together for a while that you or your spouse are in a good place.

In our case, the relationship was falling apart for years before my affair.  If it hadn’t been nothing would have happened because the strength of it would have protected it.  It was a weak marriage because both of us were dissatisfied with the other person.  Respect and expressions of love were very minimal. For me, this coupled with my personality type which is the kind that expects a lot out of relationships and needs a small amount of very close relationships and at least one intimate one to function, I was very lonely.  The rest is pretty much the anatomy of the typical good guy who has an affair.

Even after all that both my wife and I still decided to give it one more try and make the necessary changes. We got up after failure and kept going.

Fidelity: 

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s Gods and Goddesses, to one’s Folk, to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends was as valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

The balance problem in our marriage is one of respecting the individual loyalty she and I should have for ourselves and what each of us wants as individuals; and at the same time, there is our relationship that requires compromise on that to maintain loyalty to the marriage itself. It is a balancing act where sometimes we give up something we want and other times, we give the other person the freedom to do what they want to do.   The real challenge is when what we want involves the other person.  Still a work in progress on this one as we are both trying to figure out a lot of things.

One note I need to make here is the mini-vacation was achieved. It was nice although every time we take one of these things, other issues get revealed that require thought and action.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom: 

Wisdom in marriage is a collective thing and each side needs to listen to the other.  Sometimes you are the one with the wise words, sometimes it’s your spouse. Balance is key the most in this regard. What I do know is that following the Nine Noble Virtues on my side has lead to some good things in my marriage.

Weekly Routine: 

  1. Weightlifting/Stretching – Minimum 3 days per week.
  2. Walking – Minimum 3 days a week
  3. Job Search – Minimum 3 days a week
  4. Cleaning – 3 days a week.
  5. Writing – 3 times a week
  6. Latin – 3 times per week
  7. Cheat Meal Count: 3 per week.

Next week I will be working on moving these things as much as possible to the daily list.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 3

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“The Business of Marriage” – A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Wooden’s (Odin’s) Day

Journal Entry:

This post will is being written the last moments of my wife and I’s little anniversary excursion. I am up in the early am again as always and she is sleeping nearby.  This post will, however, drop on Wooden’s Day.  I will be back to work, my wife too.  We will be back to the business of our lives and the business of marriage will resume.

I know some people don’t like that idea of ‘the business of marriage’.  Romanticism has done that to us. Truth is in the past people had a far better understanding of ‘business’ as being the relationships people have.  Sometimes business involves money, but it always involves a human relationship.  Marriage is at its core a business relationship.  I mean I can get friendship and sex without marriage.  I can even have kids without it.  What marriage brings to the table is a certain understanding of responsibility toward each other.  I am not going to debate the thought of if this is how it should be, but society and the people involved in marriage are in business together as far as a relationship and that is supposed to be about gaining mutual gain and happiness.

Socially it has all the trappings of a business relationship 1) A contract, 2) expectations and 3) a cost. I am not sure I like these thoughts either which is why I have said that anything should happen to my wife (no I don’t want that to happen but I am a realist about these things), my next intimate relationship with a woman may not involve any of what mainstream society thinks.  Just read what any libertarian writes about marriage licenses and government involvement in marriage and you will get what I think about them.

The thing is with my wife and me the business of marriage has never been our problem.  It is the balance of love of the other person and the love of ourselves that is the most difficult about this, but more on that in a couple days.  For now, I want to simply point to the fact that my wife and I have a business arrangement and the license, rings, and vows don’t stop you from breaking it. Something we have both learned through painful experience.  No, you have to commit to walking in the virtues of business to make this work.  You have to commit to the ideals of self-reliance, industriousness, and hospitality.

Self-Reliance:

“Self-Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual but also for the family, clan, tribe, and nation.”

Principle: To achieve and maintain personal independence and advocate for independence in my family, state and nation.

Goal:  Find a new, better paying job by the end of June 2019 or before.

Bucket List: To own and run my own successful business or company.

Part of self-reliance is having someone you can trust to work with you to achieve independence. It is easy to work for your own independence but when you start that bridge to working for the independence of your family, that first person that should be your partner in that is your spouse or it better be. My wife and I have always been good partners in this regard because we share a pretty common thread of not wanting to be dependent on others for support.  Neither of us likes to spend money unless we have to and that helps but it is also sometimes a drag.  There is a reason why independence needs to be celebrated and that is what this last anniversary trip was about.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with the enjoyment of work itself.

Goal: Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019 (achieved)

Bucket List: Write A Novel and Get it Published.

A long term relationship is work.  There are often no shortcuts to it either.  You also don’t want to be just working at it to work at it. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is insanity after all.  Relationships need some level of efficient working at communication and actions.  This one is a struggle for me in the communication part as I have this issue of verbal communication of feelings.  It is real work for me to express them with my mouth.  Easier with my fingers on a keyboard. So it is work to talk.  It also is a recognized vulnerability for me when I can open up verbally about anything I want to talk about.  I didn’t realize this until very recently.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: To share out of my abundance to help people where I can with their life’s journey.

Goal: By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader of a support group of some kind.

Bucket List: To own my own home by March 2024.

The essence of hospitality is compassion.  For my wife and me, as a pastor and wife in the past, this was a central tenet of our ministry – compassion to people.  Hospitality was something we wanted people to feel.  Now, I am not sure how we are going to express that together with me leaving the faith and the ministry. It is something we will in the future have to figure out.

Higher Virtue – Justice:

At some point last year, my marriage became worth fighting for and it still is.  Part of this is the concept of treating my wife as fairly as possible. Part of it is also that I am being treated fairly by her and making sure that she and I are living up to our end of what we agreed to  All this and at the same time making sure we each are not losing what we want for ourselves.  Justice is the main goal of the business virtues.

Daily Routine:

  1. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  3. Reading – half-hour. Priority order: work, school, pleasure
  4. Study / Homework / Research: half hour per day minimum or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, other actions, etc.
  6. Check Communications and Email after 2 pm but before 4 pm.
  7. Weekly Routine Items
  8. Nutrition: Daily Carb Count – 2

I will be working on moving things from my weekly routine to this one as much as possible next week. Trying something new to get better results.

Still walking,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!