Fidelity

“Religion, Sex, and Deconversion” – Freya’s Chambers – Sex

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

 

Happy Frigg and Freya’s Day!

Disclaimer:  The topics covered in Freya’s Chambers include serious discussions of sex, sexuality and related issues.  If it isn’t your thing; you can move along, otherwise enjoy and feel free to discuss.  Given the nature of some subjects be prepared for nude images as there may be some.  I avoid genitalia as a general rule but is not always possible.

Discussion:

When I was a person of faith and religion, sex was an uncomfortable topic for me and those around me.  Mostly because there is this whole notion of sin that is injected into the picture. Plus there was a lot of shame associated with being found to have a sexual attitude that differed from the acceptable norm.  Certainly, my sexual education really didn’t have a chance to get anything factual unless it was by accident. Being the rebel I have always been when it comes to social mores, I found myself at odd on the subject of sex and nudity in the Christian context more than once. The real issue for Christians is keeping the desire for sex inside their so-called god-given boundaries. That being one man, one woman in marriage for life. This avoids the deadly sin of Lust.

When I realized that the whole sin thing was made up, this caused me to change my attitudes about sexuality quite a bit.  Mostly things get really basic as I think that the whole ideas of faith and religion actually complicate the matter of sex quite a bit. In religion, everyone argues nuances to see how far they can push their own sexual proclivities. The discussion, if it is had at all, is one of arguing small details of ‘how far is too far’.  I mean it really comes down to looking at each sexual issue and asking does the Bible or the religion allow it?  In my own faith, the issues of masturbation and whether in marriage oral sex, anal sex and BDSM were allowed. The one thing for sure was no one is allowed to think for themselves on the subject.

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This leads to all kinds of secret behavior that in many ways is far more erotic, unsafe and in many ways weirder than outside the church when it comes to sex. The most common being that religious teens are often told little about birth control if at all, but sooner or later the young couple gets alone and things happen. Unwanted teenage pregnancies anyone?  Not to mention that while abortions are opposed by Christians, the people who actually get them the most, probably because of the unwanted pregnancies, are Christians.

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If only birth control were taught in a proper manner, then fewer of these abortions would take place.  But that is the kind of logic that religion causes you to not even consider.  Sex before marriage is a sin and so is abortion.  You don’t need birth control because its a sin to have sex before your married and you will thus never need an abortion.  If only human behavior conformed so nicely into such black and white terms.

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This, of course, leads to the hypocrisy of the public maintenance of certain standards while at the same time privately not even at times being remotely close to those standards.  Divorce, infidelity, and abortion are higher among the religious than the irreligious and I understand now why.  There is an incredible power to guilt to keep control but at the same time, such guilt produces curiosity.

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I experienced this over and over myself as people would tell me such and such behavior was harmful and then I would start thinking about the behavior and why it was harmful.  Sooner or later I would engage the behavior and then discover it wasn’t that harmful – let’s just say if masturbation makes you blind, I should have been sightless a long time ago. If there is some physical malady that arises from watching or looking at porn, yeah, I would have that too.  So far all I could say was I developed a lot of guilt for nothing.

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Since deconverting, I have no hell to worry about, no wrath of a god that doesn’t exist.  The guilt aspect has diminished quite a bit.  Sex has become a part of life, nothing more or less.  Much more rationally approached.  I enjoy making love to my wife; we have a good time.  but, I don’t get guilty about it when I find myself sexually attracted to other females though – it’s normal.  What I do consider is consent, safety, and maturity which includes societal consequences.  In the case of my wife – fidelity as a virtue is actually much more important than it was as a believer.  Because I don’t assume it anymore and look at it as something to strengthen and improve because that is what you do with virtues.

See the source image

I personally am much more open to a polyamorous relationship, but my wife is not, so I honor that and respect it as long as we continue to choose to be together.  Because all those vows made before God, don’t mean shit to me anymore.  My religion was discarded a long time ago and with it the attitudes it has concerning sex and marriage.   What matters is fidelity and honor. For those, I stay true but rationally realistic about my own sexual desires.  I see religion colors the lenses so badly, it leads to more trouble than it is worth.

My Two Cents,

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Grounded in the Present” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

There is a legend that has some ring of truth that at the battle of Stamford Bridge a single large Viking with a greatsword or ax held off the Saxons for a couple hours on the bridge until someone underneath the bridge stabbed him in the groin and brought him down.  Such a man died for his kin and had little concern for the past and the only view of the future he had was the possibility that his sacrifice would save his fellow Vikings lives as they retreated across the river.

As much as I wasn’t to learn from the lessons of the past and look to the future, the issue is always the present moment as to whether I am acting in a manner that reflects both. There is no guarantee of anything future and the past is irrelevant.  What can be changed is that brief fleeting present moment.  Moment by moment, change by change one develops one’s life. This is why the self virtues of discipline, perseverance, and fidelity. Virtues that are used every present moment.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I think if there was any mistake in the goal here it is was to be too specific about the technique of the Paleo Diet.  The real goal was to lose fat and gain muscle through diet and nutrition and for the most part what I do is actually a combination of Paleo and Keto which really works for me although for next year I want to take it to the next level.  it is said abs are made in the kitchen and I want to put that to the test. How lean can I get?

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

This goal will be a slam dunk come March.  The question is what to do next year.  other than do it again which seems lame. I need a goal to be training for – bodybuilding? powerlifting?  I don’t know.  I like to be healthy and not take training risks that could lead to injury. More thought required here.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Some sort of family and freinds goal I think.  I don’t know.  I want to do something for my children as a way of showing my appreciation to them all. more thought again but, I think that this is a good direction.

It should be noted that the first part of my bucket list goal of discovering all the countries of my origins genetically is already coming along pretty well. So far I have cities to visit in Bavaria, The Netherlands, England, and Ireland (yep, I can drink green beer on St. Patrick’s Day).  But there are still parts where the legal documents so far are not enough so I am still awaiting the results of my genetics test to fill in after the legal trail dead ends.  But it has been a wonderful journey.  No Scandanavian yet. if there is at least 3% Valhalla awaits.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

The wisdom of the present moment is something I walk with each day.  Plans and goals are great and all but it is the perseverance of discipline that allows one to make progress each day and one’s relationships that allow one to be strong fora reason.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  4. Blogging – Organize, revise, post for the next day.  Write a new post for two days out.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Writing – 1000 Words

Short but good.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 6

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.
  6. Find a new, better paying job by March 2020.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Revising My Routines” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

Sometimes life forces change and with my routines, a new job with a new schedule is going to force some changes in my routines.  Other changes were already being thought about because if I put things in front of other things that are more habit then I tend to do that and the thing that is a habit as well.  The idea is that in particular by putting my daily reading before writing on for my Blog, the reading will get done as will the blog.  It’s an experiment that happens to work for me.

The other change is now the daily word count for writing will be 1000 words until I get consistent with that and then I will raise the word count upwards as things get easier. I need to jsut be doing it every day and then expanding it to the point fo maximizing the word count without exhausting myself as a writer or person.  Blogging itself has to actually be done in such a way that I am two days ahead fo myself.  revising the psot for the next day and writing the one for the day after that.

The Morning. Work and Rest Routines have worked far better than any other method I have used.  The difference now is creating an option on the morning routine for exercise at the gym on workdays and taking a morning walk on rest days.  Moving from 3/4 time to full time means five workdays and 2 rest days on average per week.  My daily schedule as a department manager also changes from 4am to 1pm to 6 am to 3 pm.

After consideration of all these factors, the routines I have been following are revised as follows:

Morning Routine:

  1. Stretching / Yoga
  2. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  3. Meditation – 5 min.
  4. Check Communications and Email.
  5. Paper Journal: Update To-Do List.
  6. Work Days: Dress in Gym Clothes: Go to Gym – Weightlifting / Exercise
  7. Shower, Personal Hygiene, Get Dressed for the Day
  8. Breakfast, Morning Meds.
  9. Rest Days – Morning Walk (weather permitting)

Work Day Routine:

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  4. Blogging – Organize, revise, post for the next day.  Write a new post for two days out.
  5. Writing: 1000 words/day.
  6. Personal Business: record financial transactions, savings plan actions, budgeting, appointments, job search, other actions, etc.
  7. Check Communications and Email after 4 pm but before 6 pm.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  4. Blogging – Organize, revise, post for the next day.  Write a new post for two days out.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Writing – 1000 Words

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

Discipline and Routine go hand in hand,  Most of the whole issue of my routines is about living the Virtue of Discipline.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

The real trick at this point it to persevere in my routines. That every failure in them; not only do I get up from, but that learn from those failures so I have them less often.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

I need to perceive of following these routines as being faithful to myself.  Being Loyal to myself involves achieving my goals and seeing items checked off the bucket list.  Routine and Fidelity to myself need to be a part of my mediation for a while until it becomes a constant thought and later a habit.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

Wisdom is always an application thing.  In this case, I have a lot of experience now in revising my routines as the situation calls for it.  This was not catastrophic change and I think they might actually help out much better. Long term it might reveal the wisdom of making exercise a part of my morning routine regardless of schedule.  24-hour access gyms are good for that.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  4. Blogging – Organize, revise, post for the next day.  Write a new post for two days out.
  5. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  6. Writing – 1000 Words

New and revised, like all the rest – next week will be a good test for all of them.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 6

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.
  6. Find a new, better paying job by March 2020.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Wayfarer’s Wells – Part 3” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

My Self Bucket List is a little more eclectic.  A group of wayfarer’s wells that are both long and short term in their scope. The scope of these is a rebellious act this coming Beltane to a tattoo this year as well.  Two items that are coming up very soon in the timeline.  The other one is a very long term item but it has taken a great leap forward in recent weeks.

The issue here is to mark the journey of life with celebrations and events that mark significant milestones. They also mark a very new attitude toward things I would formerly have called ‘sin’.  Now I just see them as human.   I guess these bucket list items are more about engaging the human experience fo my life than anything else.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

This rebellious act is something I think upon often. It is probably going to be something I will never talk about other than to mention it happened. Beltane has a wild connotation to it and I plan on living up to that.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

My tattoo is simply a monetary issue now.  I know what I want to do and have an idea of which artist I want to do it.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

This item has taken a major leap forward. I received a genetic test kit from a friend (Shout out to Diana) and as I was registering at Ancestry, I took the offer of three months of access for a dollar. I have been building my family tree almost every night for an hour before I go to bed. So far, I am very Dutch, German, English and Irish.  Which also means probably some Scandinavian. Nothing direct yet, but I did finally track down my father’s biological lineage once I discovered his mother’s maiden name when I found her marriage license to my biological grandfather.  I then discovered him and the rest has been tracking down the lineage.  What I have discovered so far is worth a The Rabyd Skald Post probably as soon I find some extra time to write it.  It’s been a good week.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

So why the tattoo and Beltane.  How is this Wise?  Because it is wise to blow off steam. You can’t be the good guy all the time and be wise. It’s also wise to learn the wisdom of the past that is behind you.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Need more of this.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Two Self Goals” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / 3 Comments

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

My self goals have always been about strengthening myself from within and without.  In the case fo a couple fo them this is literally true of my body, but I find the body, consciousness connection kicks in and those things strengthen more than the body.

Both of my remaining goals have one thing in common and that is they will not be said to be achieved until the very last day of march because both of them are, much like the virtues of self-discipline and perseverance they are based on requiring consistency over time.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I struggle with the paleo Diet mostly because it would require looking at my wife and telling her we are dumping everything from the fridge that doesn’t address it so I don’t have things around me I can not eat. I would rather have the whole thing devoted to it.

In any case, the diet I am on is working but not completely paleo. This may be a case of a successful failure where the diet wasn’t achieved but the results indicate success.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

At present, I will mark this goal off at the end fo the year.  All three activities have been there.  Stretching most mornings.  Lifting when I am near the gym after work and walks when the weather is good. I don’t see this one not being crossed off in the end as long as I keep doing what I am doing.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

My anniversary celebration was a high moment this year.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

The issue of wisdom addresses the most if lifestyle.  How one lives their life as a whole.  Generating new and better habits is a good lifestyle challenge but it means engaging a lot of wisdom and being flexible and adaptable.  Lasting change involves changing and tweaking but also simple determination.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

I need to do this one more, but I tend to jsut collapse and vegetate on days off.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Centered” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

To be centered and balanced is much of the goal of my Self Virtues.  Fidelity, Discipline, and Perseverance are virtues that draw upon things for strength that come from within.  The principles regarding these virtues reflect that.

This issue is to bring discipline and routine to every area of my life that needs it while at the same time learning and getting up from each and every failure.  I draw strength from the relationships in that I am loyal to those who have shown themselves loyal to me.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I have to say the main challenge here is jsut to have one week where all my routines are done and effective.  It hasn’t happened yet but when it does it will be my standard of discipline.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Perseverance is natural to me except I need to learn from each failure, more so there are fewer of them.  Being stubborn is OK, but it needs to be a strength that builds strength from learning as well.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Perhaps if I was more loyal to myself I could be more loyal to myself. 🙂

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

The point is to draw new wisdom from life from the self virtues and then apply it.  Learning without applying is almost useless.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Good relaxing and yet gets a few things done.  Can’t complain.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Fidelity, Atheism, and Asatru” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Fidelity

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion:

I always have a little twinge of guilt when I write about fidelity or loyalty.  I have had an affair.  I am not proud of it but it happened. I can’t say that all of it was bad either as the reasons I did it were real and in some ways could be justified as I felt at the time loyalty was harmful to me in a lot of ways.   My loyalty to my wife was harmful because it seemed to benefit her far more than it did me.  It led to a passive-aggressive relationship.  My sarcasm is usually playful but at the time with her, it could be biting and it was the same the other way.

As an atheist, fidelity has a give and take to it.  For a long time, I felt love was to sacrifice even to the point of being loyal to a fault.  If anything has changed it has the realization that the person I need to love the most and be loyal to the most is myself. I am all I really have no matter what others may do.  The blind loyalty expected of Christians I now see for what it is – the groundwork to use people for your own ends by playing on their loyalty.  Pride is removed in Christian loyalty which means you can make people do anything because they have no honor and no shame.

Fidelity under Asatru, however, is different.  It has honor as its foundation so no amount of loyalty should robe you of your pride.  If anything fidelity should either build your pride and thus lead to greater honor or it should cause you shame when you fail so you work to make it right and truly a two-way street. Above all, there is no demand to sacrifice your loyalty to yourself – ever.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

The need here for me was to change my expectations of loyalty to myself.  If there has been one struggle that is affecting all my relationships it is the fact that sometimes I have walked away because I still have my pride and I will not deal with people who do not respect it. I will not tolerate disloyalty, even from myself, and the challenge is to know when that is happening.

Wants (Freki):

What I want is to restore my sense of honor and loyalty to myself. I do not want compromise to the point where I am in any relationship that has all the benefits or even most of them are going one way – away from myself to the other person.  Mutually beneficial is what I am after here; where loyalty is the strength of those relationships.

Reason (Huginn):

The problem is I can usually rationally see what needs to be done in each relationship.  I have done the infamous INFJ door slam to several people but it takes a lot for me to get there. Mostly though I don’t want to cause pain to others because I get a feedback loop emotionally.  It’s kind fo bitch to know how far you can go before the negative emotions of others start to affect you emotionally.  Reasonably, I can see each relationship and know what to do or should do. It is the emotional lines in the sand I don’t want to cross that can get in the way.

Wisdom (Muninn):

The wisdom is never let loyalty to be slavery to the other person.  Someone who cares about you and is loyal to you will want you to be free and not want you to be their slave. If they cross that line too many times it might be time to let go – self-respect, honor, and fidelity to self are far more important than any relationship.

Conclusion:

Fidelity is important to me and mostly the shift caused by the crisis and becoming an atheist has been to be a person who is loyal first to himself and then everyone else.  My moral philosophy and my loyalty to it and myself are the central things in my life. Every other relationship needs to build that loyalty to myself or respect it, or I am going to have a problem with it.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Rest Day Routine” – A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

I believe in active rest that is on purpose.  Training and Nutrition, for instance, need a chance to do what they are going to do to our bodies and rest is what accomplishes that.  In life, it is important to deliberately rest and not make it about just being lazy.  Although being lazy can be a good thing from time to time, as a lifestyle it accomplishes little.

This is why my rest day has some things that are active.  I read and write and still do my morning routine. I also clean for a bit as the sense of putting things in order gives me some peace and a sense of purpose.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

I have never accomplished a consistent progress without discipline and routine.  To me, this is not boring but the means to get the moments I want. It can be quite exciting when

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

Part of a routine is not getting flustered when you fail.  You just get up the next day and try again.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

Loyalty factors into a routine in that the design is about being loyal to many things consistently.  Most notably myself.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

Routine is wise.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

This has been a quick post because I have been struggling with my issue this last week but I know the cure will be found in my routine.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Holiday Nutrition” -A Skald’s Life – Self Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day. 

Journal Entry:

My bucket list for Self Virtues is far more personal than my other long term goals. Most of them involve self-indulgence or self-discovery on my own journey of life.  When I look at them I see goals that are on the near horizon for the most part with one long term goal.  One that involves origins.   The other two are about celebration and journey.

During the holidays, nutrition can be difficult but not all holiday meals are completely Paleo hostile.  Turkey, ham and the veggies and fruit are not bad, nor are the holiday nuts. Its all the sugar, potatoes, etc., although sweet potatoes are fine. Mostly though I try to just relax because I think stressing out about it is more unfruitful than the occasional indulgence of treats.  it is a time of celebration to I celebrate.  I just try to stay true to my diet most of the time.

Discipline:

“Discipline is the willingness to be hard on oneself first and then if needed help with the development with others, so that greater purposes may be achieved.”

Principle: Apply discipline to every aspect of life that it can be applied.

Goal: To be following a full Paleo Diet by March 31, 2020.

Bucket List: Do a rebellious act on April 30th, 2020 – Beltane.

The rebellious act is in planning and Beltane is not that far away. If all goes well this will also fulfill the every year goal for 2020 of a bucket list item per year.

Perseverance:

“Perseverance is the ability to stand up and return from defeat and failure”

Principle: Keep getting up after every defeat or failure.

Goal: To engage in an exercise program that involves weightlifting, hiking/walking, and stretching/ yoga an average of three days a week from April 1st, 2019 to March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: To get at least one tattoo by March 18th, 2020.

This bucket list item is a goal for this year.  Either a new job or a tax return is going to provide the means. Hopefully a new job.

Fidelity:

“Fidelity is the will to be loyal to one’s moral philosophy, to one’s family, one’s friends, and most important to one’s self, and loyalty to one’s friends is valued as highly as loyalty to one’s family.”

Principle: Be loyal to those who have been loyal to me.

Goal: Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation (achieved)

Bucket List: Discover all the countries of origin from my genetics and visit them all by March 18th, 2029.

A friend of mine is sending me a DNA test.  This will be the beginning of something I hope will open up things in this regard. After that, it is researching records and then planning the trip or trips needed.

Higher Virtue – Wisdom:

I don’t know about wisdom this week.  My heart is pulling me down the path of relaxing and resting but my work schedule and need for money say otherwise.

Rest Day Routine: 

  1. Morning Routine
  2. Wife: Communication / Cuddle Time
  3. Blogging – Organize, revise, write a new post for the next day, 15 min. work on fiction.
  4. Cleaning – varies but one room of the apartment at least.
  5. Reading – 1/7th of a book
  6. Writing – 3000 Words

Still the hardest.

Goals and Bucket List Items Achieved (Since Summer 2018):

Goals Achieved: 5

  1. Graduated College with a BS in Political Science and minors in Economics and International Business – December 2018
  2. Finalize last requirements for my degree – Internship by May 2019 – May 2019
  3. Celebrate my wife and I’s 30th anniversary (June 10th, 2019) with a mini-vacation – June 2019
  4. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  5. By March 31st of 2020, to be the leader/participant in a group of some kind.

Bucket List Items Achieved: 0

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Ghost Dryad” – Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 22

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

Rogue Wizard’s Journal – November 5th, 2019

Yesterday I spoke about what happened according to my girls after I was hit with the death spell by the necromancer Death Angels.  I need to now speak about what happened to me while unconscious because it needs to be written down before the nature of it slips away.   Before my emotions about it swallow up the memory of it.

I spoke before of how my consciousness slipped away and I fell down ‘dead’.  I found though that I was not feeling too much death, but rather peace and love. It was a strange feeling and then as I lay there with my eyes closed I heard a voice.

“Edward”

I knew that voice instantly and in my excitement, my eyes fluttered open.  I was shocked at what I saw because I wasn’t in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan anymore. I was in The Red Tree Grove.  Like it was when I was young.  Full of life, trees, ferns, birds, squirrels, and bright colors. There was the tree not too far away.  Large like an oak, but covered in red maple leaves and white birch like bark.  A truly unique tree. Majestic and making anyone standing next to it feel small and very young.

My eye focused however on the throne part of the tree was in front of.  There she was sitting – Elpis.  She was covered in the same birch park skin as the tree so it was hard at first to see her but the red hair like the color of the tree’s leaves set her off a little.

She stood up and walked toward me and as she did the bark skin was shed and revealed the naked woman beneath.  Her body was short but the kind of sensual curvy that made a lump in my throat every time. Large breasts with cute nipples and nice curvy backside.  Her round face dripped innocence but eyes that were deep and spoke of long years of life but youth at the same time. Her hair was brown, but it could have been any color she liked.  She changed the color and length often.  Her smile beamed right into my heart.

She was not so much the gorgeous dryad of legend but the young teen girl and ancient matron all rolled into one. The experience of meeting Elpis is something people do not forget. I know the first time I did, I fell hopelessly in love with her.

“Hello Edward, it is good to see you again. You got old. Still, look good though”

For the first time, I realized I was naked myself and for once felt old.  The last time I was in her presence I had been eighteen. Now my body had suffered the years of a few decades of mortality.  I hoped at that moment I wasn’t a disappointment to her. But there was an old deep emotion that began to take over in me.  I crossed the few feet that separated us and took her in my arms and hugged her.  Crushed her really and kissed her hard. When the kiss stopped I whispered in her ear.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Edward.”

She kissed me this time and then breaking away she took me by the hand and led me to the side of the tree where we used to make love.  She pulled me close to her and we made love again.  I will not speak of the details here.  That is my memory and one I will cherish for all my remaining life.  When we were done she spoke again as we lay in each other’s arms on the soft grass.

“Well Edward, you are still good at that. Better actually”

“I had a good woman teach me.  She was wonderful and gentle with me. I have missed her.”

Elpis teared up but then she took a breath and spoke.

“I don’t have much time. I can’t maintain this reality much longer and soon I will be gone. The powers have granted us this one moment to say goodbye for good.”

I began to cry and she took me in her arms again.

“I took the death ray for you, Edward.  I possessed you and took the death intended for you. You will live, but I am now finally dead and at peace.  My regret is that I will have to leave you behind again.  I don’t know if we will see each other again.  I don’t know so many things about what is after death.  I do know that you will go back to Lunette and Amber and you need to love them and let them love you.  The moment you live is all you really have so live life.”

“Elpis, there is so much I want to say.”

“Edward, sweet Edward.  There is no time.  ‘I love you’ is enough. close your eyes.”

I closed them reluctantly taking in one last look at Elpis’ face.

“I love you, Edward.”

“I love you, Elpis.”

I felt her lips against mine as we held each other in the grass and then the feelings of her body and lips next to mine faded away.  When I awoke, she and the grove were completely gone and I was laying on an open empty field that stretched as far as I could see. I began to weep. I wish things had turned out very differently. So much do I wish that.

It wasn’t but a few moments that I felt the tug of mortality pulling me back to the real world. When I woke up, I had Amber hovering over me and she started to cry as she held me.  I was crying too, but for a very different reason.

I am alive because of Elpis’ sacrifice.  I guess she lived up to her name after all by giving me hope in the midst of death.

I am a little emotionally distraught after writing this so I will break for now and try to write the rest tomorrow.

Writer’s Notes:

This was a hard part to write.  The emotions were pretty high on this one. Elpis is a character based on Miss Salty and the connection is very emotional.  I never built a  series like the Hedge Wizard of Redberg which contained: 1) Love for a woman, 2) My own life and 3) my favorite genre of fantasy fiction – urban fantasy.  It was a labor of love for someone and I never have done that before.  It ended abruptly when the whole affair between Miss Salty and I came to light.  I had to literally delete the blog and everything on it because people were reading it as reality. 

Which is why I make this final note. There is no love scene in either the Hedge Wizard of Redberg or Rogue Wizard that has ever been real.  They are fantasy, perhaps longing and desire at times, but never real life. 

Now, I truly do need to take a break.  But I wanted to send Elpis off as she deserved –  a heroine with a deep love for Edward at the end. As a character, she was a labor of love I will never forget. I did weep like this when Miss Salty left me and now I will probably at least cry again.  There are a few more scenes to Epilogue this series and bring closure, but Elpis had more act to play and I sent her out the way I wanted to, the way she deserved, and not by someone else’s hand.

Elpis means “Hope”.  

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!