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Black Dried Salty Tears – A Poem

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

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Black Dried Salty Tears – Poem

Black

Poison, Night, Your Heart

Dried

Corpse, Riverbed, Winter Leaves

Salty

Soil, Bitterness, My Wounds

Tears

Of Sorrow, Of Regret, Of Lost Love

Writers Notes:

There are a lot of firsts in this post – It’s the first post after a long hiatus where I have been growing my YouTube Channel – The Rabyd Atheist, and trying to put my life together since discovering a lot of things about myself. I note some of the last writing I did was about my autism discovery and all that goes with it. It’s been a bit, but that part has opened more understanding of myself, and I deal with life more positively, and depression (referred to on this blog as ‘The Grey’) is much more manageable now. Not much has changed otherwise, but I am happier and my mental health is more manageable.

But I have missed writing. My favorite form of therapy is writing. Turning thoughts and feelings into poems, stories, and essays has been missing, and I feel now that on other fronts are better, maybe, just maybe, writing might take me to even better states of mind.

I also feel that I am expanding who I am on other fronts.

YouTuber – yes.

Influencer – Yes.

Writer -?

I feel it is time to genuinely add this one.

This poem, like all my poems, comes with a cost of writing. That throbbing of a wound made seven years ago by someone I loved very much, only to discover it was just a game to them. But she taught me to write better poems, and so I feel that was something positive that came out of the relationship. I just wish the scar she left on my heart would stop stinging when I write a poem.

This poem, in particular, was my recent exploration of how I now feel about this relationship after seven years of no contact. It was also my first use of a style of poem I haven’t used before. Single words followed by a list of others that the first word is a descriptor for, although I changed it up on the last one. Other than the form, I don’t think this one requires explanation.

Glad to be Back.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Self-Discipline and Details

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Freya’s Day!

This last month has been one of reflection on what my future holds and no matter what type of beliefs you have about the future, it falls to the person to either just let things roll or develop the habits and discipline to get where you want to go.

I have had numerous false starts in life. Ministry and Teaching in the Public Schools among them. Now I am looking at things as a realistic 54-year-old man and asking myself what to do now.

  1. I don’t think any type of professional career is available to me anymore. I apply to a lot of jobs and I get no responses. I now very much think that ageism is very real and it is unfortunately one of the few allowed prejudices. I am not going to give up trying to find a good opportunity closer to home, but I am being realistic about it.
  2. My regular job has some opportunities for advancement, but you have to be patient. Growth will come there but it will take some time.
  3. My YouTube Channel is very close to full monetization. This will hopefully be a side hustle, for now, that will give some added income.
  4. That leaves writing. Something I have a hit-and-miss relationship with but have always dreamed of being a published author. I just need to get passed the writing on emotions thing. Being a disciplined writer by the end of 2024 is a real goal for me.

It’s a real do-or-die moment for me. I am very likely autistic and hypertensive so self-discipline is key when I am not feeling it. The best time to develop things like this is when I am feeling well and not overwhelmed, which is now.

The main thing is to have the main routine in place once Spring comes. To that end, it is time now to begin practicing and getting things in place. But details are needed. I am now going to be on third shift so my day starts at 4pm when I get up.

Main Routine: (with details)

  1. Get up, Make my bed, clean the apartment
  2. Full body Stretch (Shower on days off)
  3. Email Check / Personal Business
  4. Youtube Video – 1 a day. (Watch Premiere)
  5. Read 1 chapter of a book
  6. Write 1000 words in my rotation. (Blog Article/Deconversion Story/Novel)
  7. Days Off: Repeat 5 and 6
  8. Prepare for work the next day or if not working relax.

Before Work: – Workout/Shower

Discipline: Diet – Carnivore Heavy.

One thing I think that has helped here is realizing autistic people tend to overreach and then get frustrated so learning to keep it smaller and focused has taken a lot of thought. Hopefully, I can build off this routine but in a way that I can actually accomplish.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Focusing My Writing

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Freya’s Day!

So what is going well?

  1. I am getting up and getting to the gym before work every day and haven’t missed a workout since I made this change.
  2. My YouTube Channel recently got monetized at least with memberships, superchat. 1000 subscribers and I am making regular content. Enough watch hours in the near future and I could have ad revenue as well. Nice side hustle in the making.

Everything else is either questionable or non-existent: Summer equals hypersensitivity run amok and hypersensitivity run amok equals depression. So how do I fix it? By adding only a few things and sticking with them through Fall, Winter, and Spring; so when Summer comes habits will be in stone so they are automatic.

I am seriously considering going back to the third shift. There is a promotion opportunity for one, but even if I don’t get it I could use the shift differential. It’s the wake-up routine, end-of-day routine, and writing focus that needs work.

The blog is largely about my writing for therapeutic reasons so I want to look at that. This includes reading, writing regularly on this blog, my novel, and my deconversion story (autobiography – memoirs), I am now asking if this is too much. I don’t think so I just think trying to fire this up in May/June was a bad idea. I need to do a wake-up routine that if I am third shift would include writing/reading and the same with the day’s end routine. Focusing right now is the key while my mood is good. I guess I am learning to use my manic phases to help with the depressed ones.

I have a new serial in the works based on something I posted early this year. Hopefully it will come out soon.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Preparation and Research – Update Post (Launch Date – March 18th, 2023)

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

Just an update post in case people have been wondering where I have been. I have been doing the following three things:

  1. I have been getting my apartment to a place where it is functional with my routines and systems – not quite there yet but I have reached a point where it is the details and not big things, so it won’t be long before I am at a point where I am comfortable in my creative environment.
  2. Research – for writing purposes I have been reading a lot of Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition material. It’s good stuff and I find the 5th edition is a good example of things that worked in earlier editions and discarding things that were bad in those editions. Mostly I will be doing a solo adventure serial on this blog based on my solo adventures with my characters seeing right now I don’t have a group to play with. The great thing is that while it is hard to role-play by yourself when you are rolling the dice and doing the mechanics, the journal you do leads to some great stories. But I did make a decision to be very open to my first character being something else. I mean the whole thing is to take random dice rolls and gameplay and turn it into a story. The more random the better and that includes the main character. So I am going to randomize the first character and have the tools to do it now with some of my recent purchases of DnD material.
  3. Preparation – This is mostly in regard to my future YouTube channel as I have decided on a name and a direction. I have made a list of things to do so the Launch Date is set for March 18th for the first video and channel reveal. March 18th is my 54th birthday, so the launch coincides with a milestone for me.

Thanks for sticking around and the new subs. We are about to become more creative as I also have my Grey Avatar series that was just started in late February and soon a sci-fi one as well based on fan writing based on another game I play on PC. I appreciate everyone’s patience, but research and prep have taken up a lot of my time so I am up to speed when things get rolling. Peace.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

A Quick Post on a Busy Day

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Odin’s Day!

I am just going to post quickly but I wanted everyone to know I am making progress on a lot of things today I got some bookshelves and I am trying to get organized a little so I don’t have to do as much of it on my days off.

So today’s goals will be achieved relatively soon as they are as of this posting in progress. Part of this is the backdrop for my YouTube Channel, so it is progressing down that road as well.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Learning to Focus

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Freya’s Day!

Right now I have the time to step back and regain my focus. I have certain areas of my life that I am trying to improve on and I need to refocus on them. So this post will be listing them and saying a few words to clarify for both you the gentle reader and myself.

  1. Writing – There are basically two habits I need to put in place and that is the writing itself, and no good writer is worth anything without also being a reader. But in reading I don’t want to read as much as I want to study the book I am reading. Quality of quantity.
  2. Media Presence – In this case Youtube Channel and all that goes with it. I figure at two videos a week I should be good. But that requires a regular system of recording, editing, and presenting.
  3. Health – Lifting, hiking, and dieting.
  4. Money – Multiple income streams. I need my job currently to make ends meet but I need more streams of income to pay off debt and get my cabin in the woods eventually. Minimalism and being a Stoic NNV following Viking are my means to this end and the subject of my Youtube channel.
  5. Love – I am not very good on my own. I need to fall in love again and have that woman in my life that makes me better. That said my system here is to simply be who I am and put that out there.
  6. Family – need to come up with a system that improves my communication with my kids and keeps it more regular.

So there are a lot of habits and systems to create here. I need to overlap and build them into morning and evening routines and other systems. Things need to overlap and support each other.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

A Few Small Setbacks

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Freya’s Day!

I was planning on moving into my apartment this weekend but the landlord is out of town. This only affects the start of things like my new YouTube Channel and a few other things like my routines. So a lot of things are in a holding pattern. Inhale, Exhale. Just a little longer.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

The Future

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day!

According to Norse Mythology Odin sacrificed one of his eyes to see the future. Right now my future is uncertain and would probably do the same to get some form of clarity as to what the future holds for me. That said I do not subscribe to the idea of a fate that is inescapable. More of a Stoic notion of fate where fate is more of what you can’t control in life and my attitude and actions in response or being proactive against what I know is coming is more the thing for me. The tapestry of fate has many weavers, but I weave my thread within it according to my decisions and actions.

There are many things I ponder as I look to the future. Currently, I am technically homeless living with my son and his significant other. I have a place to sleep and work on myself and I am content with this. I have some leads in the housing situation but I feel that takes time.

I do have a job that starts tomorrow so that is progress of a sort. I need to keep my eyes open for more opportunities but then again, I have other projects in the fire so a simple job of 32-40 hours is a welcome relief and allows me some time to pursue them. The real trick with Stoic philosophy is to enjoy where you are now and be present in the now. Learning to be ready to act in the moment is a big thing for me now and I make my plans accordingly.

What I now focus on is finding a way to make money doing things I enjoy and have alternative streams of income (passive if possible) that allow me to get closer to being more secure financially without being burdened with doing something I dislike. The job I now have will be a good base, I need to expand with a few things to make the situation better.

I had some success as a YouTuber, but I feel the focus of my channel was too niche at the time. I want to create something where I can educate and engage in my interests at the same time this time. Yeah, I am going back into that arena and I hope I can monetize it this time. But the work now is in the concept stage and I hope to launch on February 1st.

The other possibility is writing. I like writing and being a writer but I think I need to get my priorities straight about it. I need to write with selling it in mind. I can still write what I want but editing has to be more along the lines of what will sell to the public. What will they pay for? I am still in a meditative state on this trying to figure it out.

So now for the new part:

To-Do List 1-24-23:

  1. Store my belongings someplace safe – My car is still full of stuff and I need to deal with it.
  2. Apply for the apartment I found.
  3. Go to the gym and get a good workout in.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

“Circle Routine Focused on Progress” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Sol’s Day!!!

The real problem is now how to take four simple goals and make daily progress on the whole thing.  This has in the past always come down to routine. In his case through the idea is to do the routine with reward at regular steps so it is a little different.  No workday or rest day routine here.  The only difference between a workday and a off day will be that I should accomplish more on my off days simply because I have more time. 

The way it works is cyclical working though the routine and then starting over when it is completed.  What keeps it moving is the time or more concrete goal for each step when it is done to move on to the next thing. My priority starts with health, then career, then writing, then my YouTube channel, the rinse and repeat.

  1. Full Body Stretch / Meditation – Max – once per day.
  2. Walking – 30 minutes – conditional good weather, trails are clear. Max once per day.
  3. Relaxing – 1 hour.
  4. Certification Work – 3 hours.
  5. Relaxing – 1 hour.
  6. Blog Article – write, edit, post – Max four times a week. Posting will be spread out across the week but I will probably write a post on that very soon.
  7. Read 1 chapter of a book.
  8. Write 1000 words.
  9. Relaxing – 1 hour
  10. YouTube Skills development – 2 hours.
  11. Relaxing – 1 hour.
  12. Personal Business – empty inboxs.

There are a couple things that will interrupt this routine because they are conditional to the situation. The routine goes to pause and after they get done, it starts back up again.

  1. Weightlifting – after work when I know I have time to do it and get home in time enough to hand the car off to the wife.
  2. YouTube recording – three times a week but I need no one to be home but me.
  3. Work – when I am at work the routine goes to pause mode.

The routine stops when I go to bed and starts where it left off when I get up. 

A note on nutrition. This is an all day every day issue so doesn’t fit in a routine.

Life intrudes (appointments, life events) with things that will pause this as well. The main thing is to get back at it as soon as possible.

Relaxing time can be banked.  That is saved for later.  I doubt this will happen much, but if I a making progress and enjoying that, I might skip a relax time and save it for later to be taken when I want.

I am coming up on my 52nd birthday. March traditionally has been a good start for me because of it.  Last year I was off to a great start and then COVID killed a lot of things for me.  Not this year.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

It Worked! – Some Intitial Plans

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day!!!

So the switch in address worked and so I can post to Facebook again. What this does inspire me to do is break down some objectives and start setting some vision for myself. I have four, maybe five areas, of my life that need some work and development of habits to reach and I am hoping this blog will do what it has always done – keep me on task and focused.

  1. Career – The issue is for me putting my Poltical Science degree and my desire to be more educaitonally focused into practice. From a habit standpoint, I have a certificaiton that was delayed due to COVID-19 issues but now I need ot finish it by February so that I can be in a postion to look for new jobs early on. The habit is simply to get some things done every day. That’s all I feel comfortable sharing as recent events show to me my haters are still active.
  2. Health – Need to get back to weightlifitng and nutrition being solid. Going ot the gym and keep the bad food out of the house are good first objectives. My main goal is to get back ot where I was early 2020 and then go from there. Once the weather clears up around here- walking and hiking will be back on my list as well.
  3. Atheist Activism – My YouTube channel is a start but writing and being invovled with other things will lead ot other opportunities. Just need to do some things so my channel is better and more active.
  4. Writing – easist one to see. Need to read more, write more and blog more.
  5. Technical Hobby – this is a new one and still in its infancy as far as an idea. I want a hobby that invovles something technical or scientific – mostly just ot push my mind a little.

All in all the issue is ot get back ot regular habits that keep depression away and make progress on these areas.

As for this blog I am working on a regular rotation along with some posts that are more freestyle so to speak. The one thing I want for sure is to keep them shorter. A blog article from start to finish should take less than an hour from sitting down until ready to post.

Thanks to all of you for sticking with me.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!