Bucket List

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Last Full Week

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day. It’s the 5th night of Yule.  This night is sacred to community. A Feast usually done this night with a potluck, mead, friendship bread and gingerbread people. Tonight is about remembering the virtue of Hospitality.  

Journal Entry:

It being the last full week of the year, I am thinking about the changes to my routines and goals and so forth. This has really been a very difficult year looking back on it with deep lows and high highs.  Nothing really in between was present.  I suppose this is going to be a reflective week and I need to watch that. The Grey is still around and being overly focused on the negative can bring that down with more power.

What I want to do this week is have shorter journal entries and put more writing in the bottom part of the stuff on each journal entry to talk about changes and what I am trying to do there.  This is the last full week of the year, so it needs to be done.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I don’t see any need to change the Principle concerning this Virtue.  As far as honor goes think more about my future and less about the past. In that sense I feel some sense of value to my wife and family.  I feel valued by the co-workers but at the same time the work I do is not something I can or want to do forever.  I need something a little more significant from my perspective.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

No need to change things here either.  Things are working well and I feel more brave and it is going to be needed more and more as this next year starts to unfold.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

No need for change here either.  I simply need to get better about being truthful with myself and others. Or just keep my mouth shut. Mostly I am just trying to dedicate myself to study more and reading.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Meditate on the Virtues
  3. Review Goals
  4. Review Bucket List
  5. Full Body Stretch
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I already made changes here and this routine is the most solid I have. I really need to make the meditation part a little more formal but the routine itself is solid and works.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

One of these things has to come off this list by June 30th.  I don’t want to change anything here and perhaps what I do need to do is put a collage picture on the wall with representations of all these things. That should be side by side with one with my goals.

Weightlifting:

The only change needed here is I need a new gym and need to get back into lifting. This will probably happen after the new year or near the end of this one.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – A Needed Rest

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

A I look back at the now finished last semester, I can see the really problem is that summer was not restful so I went into the new semester tired and then had to move to a new home, keep working a new job and get off to a fast start at school and that just didn’t happen because m rest from the summer was just not sufficient and as I walked the platform Saturday, one thought I possessed was exhausted I felt. How I was looking so forward to just coming home from work and just resting. At least for a little while. It was a moment of triumph to be sure, but it was an exhausted one.

Mostly I just need a week or two to catch my breath.  I want to update and polish my resume, figure out the details of my internship and then just live my life. My eldest son posted on Facebook about my graduation and when I read it I did tear up a little:

Sucks that I wasn’t able to be there, but want to congratulate my dad Ed Raby on earning his degree from Ferris. A while back I can remember encouraging him to do this…so this is awesome to see. He is a hard worker who has spent years caring and teaching others without much appreciation. Glad he was able to do something that he wanted to do at this age for himself. On the path to doing something more self-fulfilling! Congrats Dad! Love you! 

You know sometimes I would wonder if I did a good job as a dad, and then one of my kids will do something like this and make it seem worthwhile.  He is right. I have been doing a lot for others most of my life while my life went on hold.  I was like never getting a rest and now I see that this made me vulnerable.  Too Vulnerable. I need to focus on me, my wife, my family and whatever the future holds for me.  But right now I hope the future holds the simple ability to catch my breath and enjoy the moment.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Graduation brought me a much needed feeling of honor.  I felt positive about me and my future and that was good, very good. As I left the stage, two faculty made it a point to stop me and congratulate me.  My advisor and Dr. Grey.  Two men who I have very high appreciation for.  One helped me at every turn in this journey so I kept moving forward and the other, just became kind of inspiration from a professor point of view. I will never forget the only class I had with him – Introduction to Ethics. It was where I began to realize that faith was inadequate for ethics and morals.  You have to have that within you or nothing else matters. Honor comes from within.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

I have many acts of courage to yet perform in the future.  Right now a rest will give me the time to think about them and what I need to do when the time comes.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I keep silent a lot these days, if you read the above you know why.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Meditate on the Virtues
  3. Review Goals
  4. Review Bucket List
  5. Full Body Stretch
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I moved my meditation on the virtues to number two.  I have actually been doing this for a while now.  Just thought I would make it official.  The morning routine is the most consistent thing of my day and it helps me get going and focus.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I think a tattoo is on the horizon. I gift to myself for graduating. Other than that I am thinking of starting to write my novel.  Recreational use of MJ is legal in Michigan so…we will see.

Weightlifting:

Today I will be signing up at a new gym and getting the first workout in about two weeks. I really need to have this return to my life. I miss the focus and meditation of it.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – A Viking Soul

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

I get asked once in a while if I have Viking ancestry and if that is why I like them so much.  Truth is I don’t know. Part of the mystery of being me is my father’s side of the family in that biologically, I might be. I do know that German blood flows in these veins and the whole Scandinavian – Germanic mythology was pretty much the same, except the names were changed and later the two mythologies merged. I want someday to do a genetics test and maybe hunt down some of dad’s ancestry.  I do hope there is some Scandinavian descent in there somewhere.

Were all human and I work very hard not to think my heritage makes me better or worse for that matter than everyone else. I reject racism of all types including the type done by liberals when they want white people to feel guilty for the past crimes of ancestors. I am only responsible for my own actions, not my father’s or any of my forefather’s

I do think I have a Viking Soul.  I resonate with the warrior philosophy of the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV).  I think what they believed deals far better with reality than many mythologies.  It digs back down into my pagan roots and finds the hand axe wielding tribal warrior standing there.  Grim faced and ready for battle. The man who appreciates home and hearth when he can get it, but also longs to board the ship and set sail at least for a time to fight for something better for himself and his family. To prove his value to himself most of all and to others as a bonus.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I think I am just weary at this point.  I am just tired of what I am doing this semester and want it to end to make way for what is next. From an honor standpoint I struggle less with my own sense of self-worth. I struggle more with value in what I am doing and where I am going. I am also starting to address the question of looking for honor in this world I can value.  I know it is there, I just need to find it.  I need some vision of the future and the world I want to live in and then go find it and make it happen.  That is what I mean when I say I need to be positive about my future.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Courage right now takes the form of being disciplined enough to get finished. I have basically a paper to do which counts toward two things and three short projects which constitute a final exam.  The first is due at the end of today and the second at exam time on Wednesday.  I already finished a take home final yesterday so that is done. Courage is facing the rest and getting them done.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

If there is one thing I have had to consider about being a scholar at this time of exams and my capstone paper; it is truth.  The decision recently was to make this paper as close to the truth as I can make it. Regardless of whether or not that will get me a good grade. I am being given the opportunity to speak with words and in a defense so I will take it with full truth and nothing but the truth.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I haven’t had a problem with the Morning Routine.  It’s the most solid part of my life right now. I am going to consider my meditation practices once the semester ends.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I am looking forward to looking at this list closer during the break. Yeah, I may have to go one semester of full-time online stuff to get financial aid for my internship so Christmas Break might be a good time to take a breath and look at this list again and rewrite and redefine it.

Weightlifting:

Still looking for a gym but the most likely candidate is the one near where I work.  I can just get off work and go there before I come home. I will probably use the time to develop a four-day split and if I end up at work five days a week for whatever reason then one will get a double.  I may have to use the new gym time for walking at least until the snow clears.  The rails to trails is just a short walk from my apartment so once spring comes I will be grateful to get out and hike again.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – A New Shore

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

I get asked every once in a while about why I am getting a political science degree.  I must admit the name is a bit of misdirection as political scientists are actually quite diverse in their skill set.  I mean we have to understand the politics of people in groups from small groups to those as large as a nation.  We also have to understand the bureaucracy of getting things done in the government.  There is also the fact that we have budgets and a business side to consider. I have had three business management classes and some accounting to get my degree as well.

My two minors chip in as well as Economics and International Business stem from my interest in trade.  International Business for me has been about understanding exchange rates, the logistics of moving things from one country to another. Understanding that different cultures do business differently as well.  Economics has only enhanced my love for the concept of trade and trading and how it always benefits both nations.

When I look at what I would like to do next my dream job centers on this idea of being person who negotiates trade agreements between people.  I am not sure specifically what that would be.  I also would like to travel and see this world a little before I kick off of it.  I however also want to come to a place to call home. So maybe a job that travels every quarter for a week or two.  Go there, make money, come home.  Kind of like a viking.

I know my wife doesn’t want to leave Michigan and I agree, but I also want to have those moments and times where I can travel to someplace new and enjoy the process of doing business and then come home to wife and hearth.  If I could on occasion take her with me so much the better. It’s good to dream when you are looking to the future and this is mine. Well, that and own a bar and serve drinks.  That’s my retirement dream.

Mostly I want something that allows me to set foot on a new shore and see what there is to see.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Knowing I am noble of being is still a struggle. Part of this is finding the definition of what it means to be noble of being in and of itself and not attached to any religion.  It’s not easy to abandon your faith of four decades and find a new philosophy that reflects a more true version of yourself.  It’s a journey of discovery and takes a little courage to find that new sense of honor.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

It is coming time to start job searching again and looking for a direction for a new career path.  This is going to take courage to do the interviews and the things I need to do to start looking for things that lead to that career. Time to be brave.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

Truth is I have the potentiality to be a good anything, maybe even great. There is also the truth that whatever I pick I want it to fit me.  life is too short to not be doing what you enjoy and love. I need to remember that.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

Once school is over there is really only one thing I want to concentrate on this list which is the meditation aspect.  I think the change might be to meditate more generally on the Nine Noble Virtues to see which virtue rises to the top.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I haven’t got much new to say about this other than if my job did entail travel the learning languages and taking a cruise to Budapest would be right up there as far as a way to having those fulfilled.

Weightlifting:

My gym closed and they started selling equipment so I need a new one.  The problem is I have little time to look so I will probably just take this week off, concentrate on school and then look during finals week.  Probably in the same city I work for now until I get a better job. I really hate to see this happen as it has been my gym home for the last three plus years.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – My Comeback

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week and next are going to be hell.  I have school to finish and there is a lot of work to do.  I also have to work a job and a marriage to maintain.  I also have to get enough sleep to function, so this means Discipline, Industriousness and Courage all in play.  Here we go.

I want to take time out to take a breath as I dive in headfirst and look to the future.  You have to see the finish line and the purpose of why you are doing what you are doing.  That provides motivation and I need motivation.

The above meme really does encapsulate my life so far.  These last few years have been rough ones and I really need to make 2019 my comeback year.

2016 – It did change me.  I learned who was really in charge of my church and no one was going to do anything to help me change it.  My crisis of faith started,  I took a sabbatical that year to think things over.  My course changed then.

2017 – Yeah, it did break me.  I began to think of my marriage and ministry as a sham.  A good friend died that summer and several things changed.  I became painfully aware of a deep loneliness and depression.  This was my state at the end of the year when a woman started to enter my life, but I really didn’t have feelings that were inappropriate for her until the next year.  I was just thankful at that time for a new and growing friendship.

2018 – This has been a year of opening my eyes.  I discovered how false many of the friends, particularly in church, I had were.  In February, my organist died and this affected me deeply because at that point all the old I had started with was gone.  The real problem was only one person was really listening to me and helping me through it. This lead to an emotional affair, my trying to resign over it but being fired instead, a near divorce, the loss of a close ‘friend’ who turned out to not be a friend.  An emotionally up and down summer with a breakup, a marriage reconciliation, moving and a new job all while continuing school.  The scales have definitely fallen off my eyes and like the Phoenix, I am rising from the ashes of 2018 as an awake and very different person. I feel true to myself at last and, as I wrote yesterday, ‘The Fire of Fury’ burns in my bones and I am ready for what is next.

2019? – I need this to be a comeback year, a new career direction, a stronger marriage and renewed prosperity. I am determined to make it happen.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I am suspecting that after these next three weeks are over and things are at last done for the majority of my school work. I will feel like more honor is restored at that point.  I will feel that things will be better at least from a self-worth standpoint. I will have achieved something I set out to accomplish. Then it will be a simple matter of finding a way to use the education to better myself further.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

There is a lot to act on and I cannot hesitate at this point.  I have a lot to do and nothing can distract me either so I need to stay focused and go forward.  The fear to overcome is that I won’t finish everything.  I need to bury that and just start eating the last elephant, one bite at a time.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

The truth is that I need to continue to be truthful with myself. It is what has kept me making good decisions for a bit now.  This truth thing leads to a lot better path, but one that is often more difficult.  It is however the difficulty of the truth that makes us struggle more and thus get stronger.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I have to say this morning routine is the most successful one I have ever done. I actually look forward to it every morning.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

So by July 1st, 2019 I need to cross one of these off.  We will see if its learning one of the languages, the novel or getting a tattoo or two. Those are my best bets at this point.

Weightlifting:

I am going to visit all the gyms in the town where I work very soon.  My membership at my current gym expires in a few weeks.  It also looks like it will be shutting down for good anyway.  There are three options based on a preliminary look, so I will be looking at all of them probably during exam week as I won’t have an incredible amount to do.  By the time exams are over, I will have to make this decision.  I really hate to leave my current gym.  It was a love at first sight thing and I will miss it.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – End of the Semester Surge

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

As Thanksgiving approaches for those of us who are students, the end of the semester surge is upon us where we have too many papers, too many pages of reading left, too many exams to study for and too many projects.  It’s time for the end of the semester surge where we put every waking moment into getting things done. My 49-year-old super senior ass is no exception.

This one is a little different.  It’s my last one of undergrad work for this my third degree. Probably my last ever undergrad semester and to be honest, it makes me a little sad.  I have enjoyed every moment of going back to school even the hard semesters. I have discovered there is a better person here than was there three and a half years ago.  Someone who can face the tests of education in his older age and come out smiling. But most of all it has been my privileged to get to know a younger generation class after class and started me thinking very highly of them.

Most older people decry the younger generation.  The Millennials certainly seem to be a favorite punching bag of those retired and working for a living as an example of entitlement and privilege.  Lazy and naive about real life.  Unable to get out of their glass bubble and face the real world.  I have not found this to be so.  Instead I have found much my like my own generation when we were young; a group of people with diverse points view, dreams and hopes for the future. They work hard in a lot of ways and understand things that I have difficulty grasping.  Mostly I have found  group of people who care deeply about others and the world around them.  They may be different but they are no better or worse than any other generation before them.  The have the same fears and joys. they just express them differently in a different world. I have come to love and respect them,

I am also happy to be done.  I love learning but there is a time to move on and the time is now.  I don’t know completely what the future holds but I am happy for the experience of going to school again and learning.  When I walk across the platform December 15th, I know I will be the happiest I have been in a long time.  I need this achievement because it means I can still do things I want to do.  I can still set goals and achieve them.  No matter what others say, I have this confidence in myself.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I was meditating the other day and a thought came to me about my closure issues. Sometimes you don’t choose when a door gets shut, but that doesn’t mean you have to walk through it again. When it comes to the past I guess this is something to take to heart. I can’t let the past’s open doors be a hindrance to finding new doors to open. Closure will come in its own good time. Honor does not depend on closure, it depends on being positive about my future.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

The end of school is fast approaching so the act of bravery that I am contemplating is dusting off my resume and sending it out at month’s end.  I haven’t looked for a new career in a long time.  Note I said career and not job.  I am not sure what occupation I want to be yet.  In that respects I am still a typical college student.  I want to find something that is a career I can enjoy and that leads to better and better things for me and my wife.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

If there is anything that bothers me from time to time it’s when people tell me what they were told that I did and it is far from the truth. This still bothers me, but the rumor mill is what it is.  My question I constantly ask myself is if it is worth it to respond.  My answer is most often ‘No.’  Mostly becasue any person who is just rumor mongering about me isn’t worth the time.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

Very solid and the meditation time is more formal. I have it take my phone and it’s stopwatch for it.  Three minutes is usually enough. Once school is done, there might be some changes to it as far as additions but perhaps I would be better served with an evening routine. I have just never had a lot of success with those.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

The more I look at things on this Bucket List, I am thinking my tattoos might be the first thing or at least get the first couple.  Getting drunk and smoking a joint I might keep for a special occasion of some sort.  Writing my Novel will probably start as soon as school is over and I am thinking spend an hour on it minimum as part of the daily routine will replace my study time. Many of the other ones are going to require prosperity.  My wife wants to go on a cruise, I would like it to be a European river cruise that stops in Budapest.

Weightlifting:

The gym question remains.  Much is unknown so I need a gym that will go month to month, but I also have little reason once school is over to drive into the town when my current gym is. It might mean switching to a gym where I currently work and then waiting and seeing what happens to the job situation. For that purpose I have fund a smaller gym in the city I work and that might do very well for me.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Business Virtues – Am I Happy?

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day

Journal Entry:

I have heard a lot of comments this week from people who perhaps haven’t seen me in a while.  Mostly, I get the comment about how much weight I have lost.  I am guessing, because I haven’t stepped on a scale in a while, probably over 50 lbs.  The other thing I hear is “you look like you’re happier.”

I have spent a lot of time thinking about that statement.  The main reason I did what I did this spring and summer was I was tired of being unhappy and wanted that to change.  I identified what I thought was making me unhappy and began to shuck it off and found a few things I thought would make me happy and embraced them.  This was a very trying time for me in many ways, but I also discovered that there was a lot of relief. I think lies drain your happiness and when you stop lying to yourself and others, the strain of maintaining them gives a relief.

In the end, I discarded a lot of draining things.  In would warn other introverts who want to go into ministry that people drain you and unless you have a true way to recharge yourself, you will get to the point you are no longer happy.  I would say a bad marriage drains you.  I would say trying to maintain a faith you no longer possess drains you.  I was experiencing all those things and now I am not.  I am no longer in the ministry so I keep my happiness instead of giving it to others.  My marriage I much better and has shifted from being a drain on my happiness to a creator of happiness.  It is work, but that is something I am happy to see.  I am honest about my lack of faith in Christianity, but I find this actually makes me happier.  One axiom from Christianity that I still embrace is ‘the truth will set you free.”

There are still things that I struggle with.  I don’t like losing friends but that has happened. One ‘friend’ I now consider a two-faced, backstabbing traitor and that bothers me immensely at times. I personally feel this is going to make me trusting people at that level again very difficult.  I feel guilty about some actions in the past.  As I said last week, sometimes the wounds and bruises on my heart make me sad at times.  There is also the ever-present Grey.

That said I feel I am at a turning point.  I am being honest with myself to the point where the wounds of the past both on my self and those I caused cannot be cured by anything but time.  Some of them will never fully heal and I can accept that. Time doesn’t heal all wounds.  Sorry, I can’t base my happiness on being fully healed someday.  I can just hope that my soul will be as healthy as it can be at the time.  Perhaps that is where my happiness will truly find me. One can only hope.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

This weekend, I think I really began to see why for me working for someone will eventually be no longer be satisfying.  Mostly, I never feel self-sufficient in that situation.  The bucket list goal of owning my own business is the ultimate goal in this regard. I want something that will make me self-reliant completely and allows me the freedom to do the things I want to do.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

I do enjoy working for work sake.  I never thought I would get there but there is something about work that makes a person feel better like they are actually productive. I think I have found that in my job and I am starting to feel it coming when it comes to school work. With only five weeks left in the semester, it’s about time.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

Hospitality requires a measure of prosperity.  One thing that kind of stands out but speaks to the state of our prosperity is our living room.  I kind of envision a place where I can have my friends over to talk, drink and perhaps even have a support group.  A sectional couch to seat a dozen or so and a bar.  A reading chair as part of that. Television for me is not part of the equation but my wife would want one and then of course end tables and lamps.  Yeah, we have three folding chairs and a television that is small on a broken down stand.  I feel we will have started to have some prosperity when our living room reflects it.

 Daily Routine:

  1. Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging
  3. Reading – 1 hour per day.
  4. Study / Homework – 1 hour per day or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Empty In Box
  6. Financial Transaction Input

Solid here and I am working on making sure things get done each day.  At the end of the week, how many times I skip something is reported and I eventually want zero there for everything.  As it is I am 85% consistent.

Goals: 

  1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
  2. Graduate with Political Science Degree in December 2018.
  3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
  4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
  5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
  7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
  8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
  9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

Now that my goals have a little more specifics, I feel better about them.  I can see something measurable and I have deadlines.  #1 is more important to me than anything and so I am thinking on how to do that better.  We have improved  a lot but there is still a lot of ways to go. The deadline on my Bucket List is pivotal and a game changer.  Hopefully #2 and #3 will resolve themselves in a few months.

Budgeting: 

  1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
  2. Debt Snowball
  3. Fully funded Emergency fund
  4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
  5. Pay off Home Early
  6. Build Wealth and Give

It all comes down to one thing really – making more money.  Hopefully that will be the case in the next few months.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – Getting Specific

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

It is in moments of crisis that the Routines and Goals you have keep you focused and allow you to chart a course through it.  This week I have had my car breakdown and come to the realization once again that my employer, a company I have worked for before, is questionable in regards to backing me up.  I really hate working for other people.  You are just vulnerable to their whims and it sucks if they clearly are more about the bottom line, than taking care of their people.

So, I refocus on my goals and readjust my plans. I mentioned though that my goals list is a little non-specific and that needs to change.  I usually discuss my goals under Business virtues but I think in order to do that I need to make the changes to being more specific now.

Goal List (current): 

  1. Strengthen Marriage
  2. Finish my Political Science Degree
  3. Advance Career
  4. Monitor and Control Finances
  5. Write for my Blog  – 1 post per day average.
  6. Exercise
  7. Follow a Solid Diet Plan
  8. Create and work a Bucket List.

I also want to add a goal about my 50th birthday (March 18, 2019) which is to be in the best health possible.  So a little revision:

Goals List (revised): 

  1. Be transparent with my wife to improve communication
  2. Graduate with Political Science Degree in December 2018.
  3. Find a new, better paying job by the end of January 2019 or before.
  4. In 2019 have  a clear budget and financial plan working by the end of the year.
  5. Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).
  6. Keep gym membership going somewhere and lift weights minimum of four times per week and walk minimum four times per week through end of 2019
  7. Follow Paleo Diet completely and use intermittent fasting until the end of 2019
  8. Cross one thing off bucket list every six months (Deadlines July 1st, and December 31st of 2019)
  9. Be in the best shape I can be by March 18th, 2019 (50th birthday), take pictures.

I am hoping with these goals being more specific with measurable, deadline oriented results, things will go much better. This will be the goal list from now on and appear every Wednesday on Business Virtues.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I have some recent challenges to this feeling of self-value.  I can’t go into details but the closure thing is still weighing heavy as well as trying to find something that give’s me value to myself. I have had to look to the future to find things that are positive, because the current situation in a lot of ways has become difficult suddenly.

I am working on being positive. I just get tired sometimes about the setbacks. I would just like things to go really well for once.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Have to say some things to my boss as early as possible this week. Things need to be clearly understood. I know what needs to be done and what the right things is so all that is left is to act.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I am spending a lot of time in silence but there are those moments I know I need to say something.  That’s when courage comes in.  But the main thing is I need to get moving with pursuing what I need to pursue.  Facing the truth of my situation and doing something about it.

School needs to be a love for the truth,  I feel my blogging needs to head that direction as well. Finding truth, knowledge and wisdom is something I have always had as a part of my life and I think this should never change.  I want to be learning something on my deathbed, if it comes to that.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

This is the one thing that is going well. Very well.  Probably the meditation could be a little more formalized but other than that, I feel good about everything here.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

By setting a goal of accomplishing one thing on my bucket list every six months, I have kind of raised the bar here.  The question is which ones to work on every six months.  My best strategy might be to work on a few of them at all times.  If I were to pick the low hanging fruit of this list right now it would be to get my tattoos, get drunk, smoke a joint (more possible given that Michigan legalized recreational use) and write my novel. It’s doesn’t mean I won’t work on the rest, I am just actively trying to get one finished.  My first deadline is July 1st of 2019, so on these I have a little more time.

Recent events have reminded me of the reasons I wanted to start my own business.  There is a vulnerability in working for someone else that has just become unacceptable to me.  I don’t want to be put into a position where I must accept retirement or less hours, layoff, etc.  I want to be my own boss.  I know that has risks, but I would rather be at my own mercy than someone else’s.

Weightlifting:

My major concern here is my current gym might close.  I also have to think about where I might be in the future.  When it comes to gyms I have had to acknowledge that I am up in the air here for a lot of reasons, most notably is that I don’t know where I am going to be working.  My life is changing chapters and part of that is that my gym may very well change.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – The State of My Heart

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

The last two weeks have been a lot of wrestling with myself.  This week journal entries will be dealing with the state of different parts of me as I see them and what I can do to improve them.  I will talk in this one of the state of my heart. My Wednesday entry I will talk about the state of my Mind and on Friday the state of my Body.

My view of heart is more than just the state of emotions; it’s also the state of my soul.  The thing is I view this as my core being and that which gives me personal value, motivation and a sense of myself.  It resonates with my foundational virtues the most.  A good heart, is honorable, courageous and rejoices in the truth.

It is also the most fragile part of me as an introverted empathic romantic sap.  I don’t give my friendship or love easily; truth be told, so when someone rejects my love or abuses my friendship, I get devastated. I fully acknowledge the fact that one of the persons who hasn’t treated my heart that well is myself.

See the source image

I would say the state of my heart is wounded, bruised and sometimes bleeding.  It is also held together by stitches, staples and even a rope wrapped around it. I am surprised it survived the summer.  To be honest, I teetered on the edge there for a bit of becoming a heartless bastard.  I got hurt a lot, some of it self-inflicted.  True, I kind of did some hurting there in the beginning myself, but it’s the hurts I received from people who, when I was down, decided to hit me again that really bothered me.

I don’t speak of this much anymore but I also did get my heart broken by someone I loved very deeply this summer. (I don’t speak of this often because its something that is hurtful to my family, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurt and I still deal with that hurt.  I have to thus deal with it myself.)  There is a deep gash in my heart because of it. I also realized how deeply I hurt someone else; who I have renewed my love for, but that also has been a painful guilt ridden process. Self inflicted wounds there.  I am trying not to become heartless through all this, but I have truly become suspicious of anyone who calls me their friend or says they love me unless they have demonstrated both at a high level first.  Emotionally, I watch my six a lot more because I can’t afford right now to take any more hits. I still try to be true to my better nature. A friend/relative posted this a couple of days ago.  It really spoke to me.

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The one person right now who has proven her love for me is my wife. If there is any demonstration of genuine Christian forgiveness and mercy I can look at right now; it is her.  She is also been my chief source of healing. I long to cuddle with her, make love to her and talk about things with her.  It’s a good feeling and my heart seems to be mending because of it. If I can get closure in a few more things, I might make some real healing progress. I do want to get a wounded heart tattoo at some point as it is part of my journey.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Honor is still a real struggle for me. I feel the real struggle of my natures at times.  Oh, for me this is no longer about sin and righteousness.  For me the issue is more about the Wolves and Ravens.  Making sure the wolves of Need and Want listen to the ravens of Reason and Wisdom. Honor is returning but it is a slow and painful process.

Thing is school will be ending soon and with that graduation.  I even have a lead on an internship to finish things off this Spring. I am really hoping that fully closing this latest chapter in my life and looking forward to the future will restore some honor.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

I am coming up to a time when courage might be called for.  Graduation now looms and looking for a new career starts probably this next week.  I need to be decisive and courageous in this.  The time is getting closer to act.

I want whatever career path I choose to be right.  It needs to fit me.  When I see it, I want to grasp it with both hands.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

I miss the old Microphone.  I was absolutely honest with the way I saw things and the truth was more important to me than anything.  Now, I can’t recommend this in the end though, as it can be painful to face the truth about one’s self and situations.  It is often better not to say anything, if one cannot be honest.

This blog takes a different tack.  It is honest when it speaks but when it is silent, that’s when you know I am taking the route of being silent is better when you can’t be honest.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
  2. Review Goals
  3. Review Bucket List
  4. Full Body Stretch
  5. Meditate on One of the Virtues
  6. Breakfast
  7. Supplements and Medicines
  8. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  9. Get Dressed for the Day

I would say this is becoming more automatic and it is become habit.  To really make sure of that, I need to keep doing it for several more months. The real thing though is the peace of mind and focus this gives me early in the day.  It keeps me focused on why I live quite frankly.  I do feel a sense of purpose again and it is in large part due to the morning routine, in particular the meditation on the NNV and reviewing my goals and principles.

Bucket List:

  1. Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
  2. Get My Tattoos.
  3. Actually Get Drunk.
  4. Smoke a Joint.
  5. Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
  6. Write My Novel.
  7. Learn Latin.
  8. Learn Hungarian.
  9. Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
  10. Start my own business

I did a Rabyd Skald post recently about tattooing my closure.  I suppose when people look at the bucket list they might see get my tattoos, they wonder what specifically I am talking about.  Here is my list:

  1. Valknut Tattoo with wolves, ravens and a rune circle.  Right forearm.
  2. Broken Celtic Cross – Center Back right under my neck
  3. Two Wolves – Left shoulder “It’s OK to Feed the Wolves…” in writing under them.
  4. Two Ravens – Right shoulder – “but Listen to the Ravens First”
  5. Wounded Heart Tattoo – Left Pectoral

#1 is about my new philosophy of life where I can always see it and remind myself of it.  #2 – Old Faith – Still I must admit it has an effect on my thinking but I don’t have faith so it is broken.  #3-4 – My philosophical statement clearly stated.  #5 – Given this post, I think this one is self-explanatory.

Weightlifting:

If there is any concern right now it is that my current gym might close.  It’s having a hard time now that Planet Fitness is in town.  The owner is pretty distraught with a lot of personal issues as well.  I hate this because this was my gym – my home gym.  I love the place and always have. I hope they find a way to keep going.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – The Business Virtues – Dreaming Big

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Woden’s (Odin) Day

Journal:

I think the whole plan is starting to come together and this is now more about acting and adjustment than actual planning.  I am starting to dream big again and I like the assertive confidence it is creating in me.  It’s nice to feel a little more sense of honor and discipline coming back into my life.

I still struggle with the emotions of loss.  I had several relationships cut short by my own actions and the actions of others.  I am working on restoring my most important relationship with my wife but the others remain difficult.  People can say ‘come on over and we will talk and still be friends’ but I know the reality of that is either just being polite or it would truly be awkward and everyone knows it.  In one relationship, I am actually not sure what I would feel, but as I said Monday, I think there is still a closure problem with it, at least with me.

What seems to help the most is staying true to the Big Dreams I have on my bucket list and working toward them.  It’s baby steps at this point.  I hope in the future it will be larger steps. One day the dreams will be reality, so I work toward them. It is perhaps this process that will pull me out of this funk I seem to get into every once and a while.

Self-Reliance:

“Self Reliance is the spirit of independence, which is achieved not only for the individual, but also for the family, clan, tribe and nation.”

Principle: Work to be self-reliant in all things.

Blessed independence.  There are a few things unmet yet that are wants but needs are met and that is a good thing.  One ‘need’ might be health insurance at this point but in truth me and my wife will muddle through until we have opportunity to get some when we are making more money.  Hopefully that won’t take too long.

Industriousness:

“Industriousness is the willingness to work hard, always striving for efficiency, as a joyous activity in itself”

Principle: Work with enjoyment of work itself.

My current work is sometimes an enjoyable thing.  I like the feeling that I actually did something useful.  Been a while since I felt that way.  I do work to make my job efficient but now I have come to see doing so at home as far as cleaning and organizing things can have that quality too.  Even school work is starting to be enjoyable again.  I still have my struggles but the routines and focusing on the future seem to be helping.

Hospitality:

“Hospitality is the willingness to share what one has with one’s fellows, especially when they are far from home.”

Principle: Be ready to be hospitable to those who truly need it.

I have big dreams of being prosperous, but part of that is the idea of being in a position to be hospitable and giving back.  My motivation is not hording wealth so much as prosperity I can share with others.  Right now If someone were truly in need I could help them by at least giving them a place on the floor in the living room and sharing a meal with them.

The dream is far larger than this.  I want to be able to help people more often.  Setting up a charity perhaps but more practically, I know the main thing people need is support and that often involves a serious look at yourself in an atmosphere of loving accountability.  My one regret in ministry in my last church is changing the prayer group from a spiritual self-evaluation session into just a bible study.

I really think support groups are far more needed where a person can be honest about what is going on in their life and get emotional and other support.  When that changed, I personally lost the ability to be accountable to myself and I think that left me vulnerable and it cost me.  I would like to restore that and give it to others who also need it like myself.

Daily Routine:

  1. Communication / Cuddle Time
  2. Blogging
  3. Reading – 1 hour per day.
  4. Study / Homework – 1 hour per day or until all necessary work is completed.
  5. Empty In Box
  6. Financial Transaction Input

Daily routines are a little harder.  Mostly time is a factor. I always have to juggle sleep with getting the routine done for the day.  Or I try to stick with the priority order but priorities do change depending on circumstances.  Some things on this list will take less time if I stay up on them as this problem will become less of a problem as I keep doing what I need to do each day.

Goals: 

  1. Strengthen Marriage
  2. Finish my Political Science Degree
  3. Advance Career
  4. Monitor and Control Finances
  5. Write for my Blog  – 1 post per day average.
  6. Exercise
  7. Follow a Solid Diet Plan
  8. Create and work a Bucket List.

Dreaming Big.  When I look at this list of goals the picture of taking steps to get to the dream of owning my own business and retiring to be the philosopher/writer in the woods doesn’t seem so unattainable.   As I check off items on all these lists, I think I will begin to see that more clearly. Right now its the early stages so its hard to see the big dream come to fruit but as the months go by and things get checked off this list, it will get clearer.

Budgeting: 

  1. Basic Emergency Fund – $1000
  2. Debt Snowball
  3. Fully funded Emergency fund
  4. Invest 15% of income into retirement
  5. Pay off Home Early
  6. Build Wealth and Give

Step 1 still in progress.  The issue is going to be any extra income needs to be saved into an emergency fund until we get $1000.  Once school is finished I need to find some ways to make more money: either a better job, second job or taking matters into my own hands.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!