The Grey Mage – Episode 1 – The Current State of Affairs

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Happy Woden’s (Odin’s) Day!

The Grey Mage’s Journal – June 18, 2025

It’s been a while since I have written in my journal, but I feel that things are getting interesting, to say the least. So, it may be time to start chronicling my life experiences again for the sake of posterity. But perhaps an update is in order, as my last entry was on the last day of 2019, between COVID and a few other things that have happened in my life, my life is very different from it was those many years ago.

The magical world, in North America at least, has had an uneasy peace between the creatures of Magic and the Mages. But there are still some who long for the good ole days when creatures were slaves of the mages and the noble mage houses ruled things, but it seems changes are becoming more permanent. Most of the Houses still survive, but all of them have lost some of their political pull. This is because the Council has Magical creatures on it now, and that definitely doesn’t sit well with many of the old guard.

This has led to some changes, such as the Death Angels (The Old Council’s Necromantic hit squad) being disbanded. Necromancy is truly outlawed, so even the Council cannot violate this without penalty. Under Pressure from the magical world, the council began to be more inclusive in who could be on it.

Over time, the makeup of the council has changed so that things are a little more balanced. Over the last six years, there are less mages and more magical creature types. The council still has nine members, and now North America and Europe are divided into nine districts from which anyone can be elected. Hell, I could run and have been asked to do so. I, however, have no desire to do so. Right now, there are four mages on the council, only three of whom belong to noble houses. The Houses of Mars, Venus, and Saturn have seats on the council. The fourth mage is an ‘unaffiliated’ mage like myself. The Fae have two of their dryad queens on the council. Add in a Centaur and an Ogre, and it is pretty balanced at that point.

The final member, and most recent member, was a half-elf girl of previous acquaintance by the name of Raven. A woman I had the ‘privilege’ of meeting in my apartment many years ago. She is a bridge in more ways than one. Mostly, she is both fae and human, being half-elf. She was also elected unanimously as the Chairperson. This move kind of shocked everyone, but it made sense, and she has, over the last few months, handled things quite well.

But this political move actually had consequences for me personally. One month after taking her seat as the Chair of the New Council, I opened the door and found her standing on the doorstep of my cabin in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. (I had moved after the war was over from the one I had in Wisconsin back to my home state.) She smiled that beautiful half-elven smile and asked to come in. Unlike last time, she wasn’t alone. She was flanked by two other figures I also knew from the past – Grumm the Troll and Alex, a mage from House Saturn. They both were in much more formal attire, and both of them looked at me with a frightened respect. I had after all kicked their asses when we fought last time. Grumm, for his part, shook my hand and said there were no hard feelings from me burning him all those years ago, and Alex simply brooded over Raven’s shoulder.

Raven, for her part, was still the diminutive half-elf with the sex appeal of a Playboy Playmate. But now she wore a sports suit with a knee-length skirt. Much more professional. The goth mercenary look was gone.

“If this meeting goes well, perhaps I can call you ‘Edward’?”

“That would require that we move our relationship to the more intimate level.”

“We will see.”

I laughed as I thought this was a joke, but I was to find out how wrong I was.

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We sat down and talked for a bit. In summary, she sought my assistance in addressing various situations that might require my services. In short, a troubleshooter. I objected because I was basically retired at this point and trying to keep a low profile. I still had many enemies. But I had also parlayed my magical expertise into a decent income as a consultant and researcher of magical things. I worked from home and earned a good income. What could possibly pull me away from this very peaceful life?

Raven offered me more money, but I think she knew I didn’t care. Then she offered me something I didn’t expect to appeal to me, but it did. She appealed to my sense of justice. Many of my enemies were still involved in various questionable activities and engaged in revolutionary activities to bring back the ‘good ole days.’ In short, I would be making my enemy list shorter while at the same time doing some good in the world. Plus I would be brining some justice for some because some of these scum were on the run from the magical law.

Then she pointed out the main reason she wanted me. I was the only known battle mage, and she felt the Council could use that kind of help with this problem. I balked at the thought of working for the Council; I had spent the majority of my life on the run from them. I told Raven that I wouldn’t be their puppet no matter how much they had changed. She said, I wouldn’t be working for them, but for her directly. Each councilperson has the right to enlist individuals to help them of their choosing. She had basically kept Grumm and Alex on as her bodyguards that way. But she didn’t want me to work for her, but with her.

In short, she was offering a partnership. Her, with her political connections and intelligence sources, and I, as investigator and battlemage when raw power was required. I could also enlist help if I needed it. My concerns still remained, but she assured me this Council was different than the others. It literally had only one member who was from the old days, and that person was someone who supported the revolution.

I then switched my thoughts to the nature of the job. What was I investigating, and who was involved? It was this point that I was sold. The old guard was up to some pretty nasty things. Fae slavery trafficking, Necromancy, illegal research, etc. The Fae slave trafficking caught my attention as I had an intimate relationship with one that had begun in childhood and continued up to the present day. I didn’t know right now what Lunnette was up to, but the last thing I would ever want for her would be to be enslaved to some mage as their magical boosting whore. Necromancy made sense as the dismissed Death Angels would be a problem there now that the legal caps are off for them. Illegal practice, but what do you care if you basically think the new Council doesn’t have any power over you?

SO I accepted the partnership with the condition that I could dissolve it at any time. Raven agreed, and then things got a little interesting. She dismissed Grumm and Alex, telling them to form a perimeter around the cabin. She wanted to speak to me alone. Once we were alone, I saw her mumble a spell, and my guard went up. But then I recognized what it was – a privacy spell. She was making sure whatever happened next was going to be known only to me and her.

“Sorry, I should have warned you about that.”

“No Problem. Apparently, there is something you want just between us?”

She then went on to explain that she genuinely wanted this partnership to work. Because it was more dire than she was letting on. The problem was that she felt that the whole of these activities were connected in some way. Some single effort to bring things back to the way things were. She wanted me out there doing something about it and figuring it out. She was interested in me as a battlemage to be sure, but she also wanted my better-than-average skill in divination and my experience being behind enemy lines.

“I also want you to absolutely trust me.”

“Not likely.”

She nodded, then added

“Have you ever heard of the elven ritual of ‘Estel Núte?”

“Trust Bond, as I recall in English”

“Yes, that’s the one.”

“Not much is known about it outside the Elven community. It is supposed to be something like sealing a contract, only much more sacred.”

“Yes, it is. I would like to perform this ritual with you to bond us together regarding this partnership of ours. Make it more of a sacred act between us. It has one actual magical effect – Enchantment magic will not work between us. I can’t enchant you, and you can’t enchant me.”

I thought on this for a bit and asked Raven for a moment. Raven was basically saying that she wanted to nullify her main form of magic toward me. I didn’t know what other magical schools she had skill in, but this would be a huge thing for her, and I was starting to see why it would mean so much to the elves. Enchanters are roughly 80% of their spell casters, and that would mean that between two of them doing this ritual, it would form a lot of trust. Magical manipulation becomes very difficult. In this case, Raven would be voluntarily giving up a lot of her options regarding trying to magically charm me. I, on the other hand, whose basic skill in Enchanting is almost non-existent, wasn’t giving up much. So she was desperate to have my aid.

“Seems one-sided. What does the ritual itself involve?”

“Ritual spell that involves shared blood and coitus”

She tried to say that like she was delivering a technical lecture, but some emotional excitement slipped through at the end.

“So we do the spell, exchange blood and fuck?”

She laughed, “Yes, that is in a very vulgar way of putting it, but technically correct. That’s why I said – I might be able to call you ‘Edward’ at last.”

I groaned inside. The problem was I hadn’t actually had sex in about six months. I missed it terribly both as a man and a mage. Lunette, Amber, and I had formed a Trois relationship during the war, and it has lasted quite a while into the peace period. The Trois was technically still a thing, but I hadn’t seen Lunette in well over a year or Amber in six months. We kept in touch minimally, and they had been gone for a while. But I knew for sure that if we got together again and were within walking distance of a bed, there would be passion of a physical kind.

Lunnette was feeling itchy feet, as many Pixies do, to be off and doing something exciting. She loved me and I her, but I could tell something was bothering her, and it was that she needed to get back out there. I could tell she was getting sexually bored as well. Pixies have the sexual morality of a goat and long for new experiences. There is just no way for any human to sexually satisfy a Pixie, even if that human is a mage.

I think the Trois lasted as long as it did because both Amber and I are mages, and our auras were an aphrodisiac that could not be equaled by a pixie. She was both in love with us and addicted to our auras. It kept her excited for a long time, but then it suddenly didn’t, at least not as much. Then she got offered a job with one of the Fae Queens in a Grove in Montana, and said she was going to take it. We made love that last night, cried a lot, then she packed and, after a goodbye kiss with both Amber and me, she walked out.

Amber and I tried to make a go of things as a couple, but it was problematic. I am 25 years her senior, and this made for interesting gossip in the local town. I will never understand how society has so many double standards. If I had been a fifty-something woman and she a twenty-something man, it would be: ‘You go, girl.” But the opposite, and somehow she is being manipulated into the relationship, and I am a creeper. It put a little social pressure on us in that very conservative part of the country.

But the point was that Amber and I had always been a thing in the context of the Trois. Lunnette is the one who had invited her into the whole thing. As a couple, we found out how much Lunnette had been the glue that held us together. It is not that we fought or anything. It just wasn’t the same. The nights still had passion, but they lacked something. One morning, I woke up and Amber was gone. She left a note on the table about how things had changed; she still loved me, but she had accepted a job out of state. She didn’t tell me where.

I cried for a while. I have to say I like having two sexy roommates, but the truth is, the feeling of being alone hit me hard at that moment. But I understood I didn’t own either of these women. Both had very free and at times fiery spirits. I did the best I could, and occasionally I would get a text or email from one of them. I would reply, but that was the end of it. It felt so sudden, and for me I threw myself into my magical research and reading. Not much else to do.

But at this moment, a half-elf woman was offering me ritual sex to seal a deal, and until that moment, I hadn’t realized how much I missed being touched and loved. I missed making love to someone. I had always been a little selective of who I had sex with; at that moment, my body count was four. But…

I nodded assent. Raven smiled and took my hand in hers. It isn’t very hard to find a bedroom in a cabin-sized structure. The Trois had used it often, and it still had the king-sized four-poster bed in it. Raven stood in front of it and disrobed. Suddenly, there was a beautiful naked half-elven woman in front of me. I suddenly realized how horny I was and it started to show. So, I followed suit and disrobed myself and stood a couple of feet in front of her.

She produced a small ritual dagger in her left hand and took my right. She made a cut across the palm, then cut her own right palm, and then clasped her bleeding hand in mine. She began to say some words in Elvish, and I could follow some of them. It was magic-laced words of binding and trust, and I could feel the magic between us arise as our blood mingled. When she was finished, she released my hand, and to my surprise, it wasn’t bleeding anymore, but there was a faint scar.

The next second, though, I had her pressing her body against mine with her arms wrapping around my neck. Our height difference was almost comical as she pulled herself up on her toes to kiss me with my 6-foot-4-inch height. For my part, my hands went to her waist and then down her butt slowly until they were mid thigh and then I grabbed her thighs and pulled her up. She wrapped her legs around me.

Now, normally I would not kiss (or fuck) and tell. I tend to keep that in my memories and not share. But there are some things I have to say about our lovemaking that might be pertinent later:

1) If Raven is a common example of elvish lovemaking, then they are all freaks. I had heard stories, of course, about how the Stoic domenor comes off when elves are alone with themselves or close friends, but I had no idea. Raven was ‘crazy bitch’ levels of enjoying the experience. I thought for sure Grumm and Alex would come running based on her screams and groans, but they didn’t.

2) During the actual act, I found myself thinking I was being dominated or at least there was an attempt to dominate me. Not spells per se, but just the sit back and let me ride you kind of vibes. Oddly, while I would normally accept a woman riding me as a good time, I turned it around. Let’s just say that when Raven put on her panties afterwards, they slipped over some red cheeks that had an impression resembling my handprints on them. She smiled and didn’t seem to mind, almost like she was impressed.

3) The magic works, and as best as I can tell, it is on the up and up. I tried casting some of the small Enchantment spells I know at Raven, and they simply didn’t materialize. I could feel the magic the whole time, and it just added to the experience. I also felt something else, like a bond between us. More than just the magic, but I somehow trusted her more. Like, she legitimately wanted this partnership, and she wanted it to work.

Once we were both dressed again. She came over and kissed me again.

“I would love to stay the night after that, but I have other matters to attend to.”

”Busy now, huh?”

“Yeah, this Councilwoman and Chairperson role is exhausting at times.”

“So, how is this going to work?”

“I will send you an encrypted email tomorrow. It will tell you what I would like you to do for your first mission. You can contact me if you need more details.”

“OK.”

She kissed me again. Deeply.

“Thank you, Edward. The council could really use your help, and thanks for the sex – I enjoyed it immensely.”

With that, she let go of my neck, and I walked her to the door. Grumm and Alex were waiting for her in their car about fifty yards off. I watched her walk to the car, keeping my eyes on that nice tight little, nicely curved ass of hers. Once she was inside and they had driven off, I went back inside my cabin. Activated my wards and made a note that she had called me ‘Edward’, and I didn’t mind.

Something else comes to mind now that I write about it. I am in a good mood for the first time since Amber Left. I never realized how much physical intimacy affects my moods. Right now, I could take on a pack of werewolves and be smiling about it. I have to keep that in mind. I miss the girls for a ton of reasons, but perhaps I should open myself up to other relationships just to add some joy to my life. It’s limited, but it beats the loneliness I have felt for half a year. For Odin’s Sake, how much am I becoming more Pixie-like in my attitude toward sex?

I guess I will see what this encrypted email brings for me tomorrow.

Writer’s Notes:

Sorry, it took so long to write again, but reworking The Hedge Wizard of Redberg / Rogue Wizard universe so that it is caught up both time-wise and puts my main character (my avatar basically) into a new situation took a bit. I do think this situation will get the desired result, which is that this series, ‘The Grey Wizard’, will be a never-ending story of sorts. It is a series that will keep going as long as I want to keep it going. There is no real ending in mind, just the idea of striving from one story to the next.

I wanted to get the Grey Wizard Edward out on his own, so to speak, and have a new motivation to get out there and do something in the world of magic. Getting Amber and Lunnette out of the picture was a part of that. As much as I liked writing battle scenes with all three involved, they were kind of overpowered when together.

I like the irony of Edward working for the Council that had hunted him for most of his life is interesting, but I knew the changes to the Council had to be significant to pull that off. Plus, add an old character that I never really did much with as the Chairperson, and a new situation is born.

We will see what happens in the coming episodes.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Valentine’s Day – Mixed Feelings

Happy Tyr’s Day!

Now that I am divorced and single, Valentine’s Day gives me a lot of mixed feelings.

Of course, I wish I could celebrate the love I have for someone on this day, but that isn’t going to happen so being the follower of Stoic philosophy that I am I am focusing on the positive.

  1. I don’t have to spend money on gifts and that means saving for me.
  2. I can focus on the possibilities of who I might get to be my new life partner.
  3. I also can smile at how feminine this holiday is.

Going to be blunt this is about romance and so is more of a female holiday. I have long been a supporter of a more masculine holiday in March My favorite is using March 14th as Beer, Steak, and a Blowjob Day. This lines up with more masculine wants. Valentine’s Day is not going to get you beer, or a steak spending your own money and while sexy time might happen on Valentine’s but it’s going to be romantic sex which is OK but sometimes as a man you just want the girl to do the work to show you how much she loves you.

Not to mention this is a Christian holiday, named after a Christian ‘saint’. Freya doesn’t mess too much around with Romance. She once was accused of fucking every god in Asgard. She never denied this, but she did say Loki had bad manners for accusing her in front of everyone. The fact she was sexually active with more than one partner was not considered a shame in that she did it. I tend to take this view about sex as well. It’s just that society frowns on this attitude, and I just don’t want the hassle.

Maybe that is why when I look at holidays that are supposedly secular and know the religious origins, I just have trouble getting into the ones based on Christian holidays. Most of the rest are pagan holidays that Christianity stole so you can convert them back.

Maybe next Valentine’s I will be with someone special and my feeling will be more on par with normal. But today, I am just mixed about the whole thing,

Goals for Today:

  1. Settling up my shelves when they arrive – hopefully. This is two shelves and represents a lot of time so it is my only goal for today

Yesterday’s goals were both achieved. Hoping to start therapy soon and waiting on on landlord.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Am I Being Flirted With?

Happy Sif’s Day!

I am really dense when it comes to flirting at times. I mean, I know when I am flirting with a woman, but I am never quite sure about them. I really need a woman who flirts overtly like in a lot of the old pin-ups. I mean the girl above probably ‘accidentally’ spilled ketchup on her dress with the ‘accidental’ effect of her lifting her skirt so the guy with her can now see her hose, garters, and panties, but back then I don’t think so. This was overt flirting with sex as the end goal. No woman back then who was even remotely concerned about her reputation would have done this without forethought. I mean she could keep her skirt down and ask for a napkin. Nope, this is ‘hey, we might need to rent a hotel room so I can change into something else seeing I have ruined my dress. As a gentleman, I hope you get what I mean and have a condom.” Wink.

For me, women seem more subtle than this in some ways and less in others. Women today are far more likely to talk sexy and be less overt in actions. At least it seems that way to me. I feel a lot of women are very comfortable with this because the reputation of sexual activity is not as big as it used to be. Joan Jett changed a lot in the 80s I would say. That said body language is still there. It’s just harder for me to read. I really wish women wore skirts and dresses more. Seems like women could do more flirty stuff with that, although jeans are nice as far as the view but every woman wears them so it’s not flirting per se.

I don’t know. I have had women seem like they are flirting with me, Being overly nice to me, and genuinely concerned. I have even had a couple position themselves in such a way that I can’t help but look at either their butt or cleavage. But is that woman not giving a shit anymore or is it flirting? Modern Dating is confusing. I wouldn’t have a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that I feel with the right female partner I would be a better person. If I am in love, I tend to push myself far harder than otherwise. I want to impress my girl even with my failures and at least my effort. I do OK alone, but in love, I tend to be even better. Women I am in love with are magic to me. Especially the ones that show me their boob magic. 🙂 If you didn’t chuckle at that, you are not the one. I tend to have a dirty mind most of the time and like a woman who can go there with me.

I have made my requirement pretty clear in past posts – 1) Loyal to me – when the shit hits the fan especially. 2) Her presence brings me peace and 3) Desire for intimacy on all levels – mental, emotional, and physical. Other than that I am pretty open. Body type just needs to be curvy in some way and can be from Fit to Hilda as long as they take care of themselves. Being comfortable in their bare skin is a definitely plus as well as being comfortable being feminine.

Maybe some of the women in the room can give me some pointers when a woman is flirting with me. I tend to like clear communication here to avoid some pitfalls. The kind of subtlety that the old pin-up girls seem to make so clear to the men they were flirting with. I get that old-school language, it’s the new school that throws me.

No Goals Today as one thing remains in front of everything else. – getting into my new apartment ad getting my routines and systems in place. Monday is when that begins. I hope.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

The New Year: “Be It Resolved…”

Happy Sol’s Day!!!

Anyone who knows me also knows that I do not hold much to New Year’s Resolutions. I do however believe in a quarterly assessment of my goals and vision for myself. If the new year is valuable to me it is in the assessment of progress and a change of course that is planned. A course correction and seeing I am completely off course, time to chart from where I am at to where I would like to be next year. I think this year I will head in the direction of ‘be it resolved by the end of 2023, I will…” Then list the needed things to change.

1 – Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, my morning routine will be well established.” My routine every morning will help with a lot of my coping mechanisms. In fact, most of it is a list of my coping mechanisms in action. 1) Get Up Early and Make Bed, 2) Meditation on the Nine Noble Virtues (5 min), 3) Full Body Stretch, 4) Weight Lifting, 5) Good Breakfast, 6) Hygiene Routine, 7) Get Dressed, 8) Reading – 3 chapters, 9) Write – Rough Draft or Edit and Post for the Blog. Yes, I will be writing every other day from now on. The main focus here is me and keeping my depression from hitting me by keeping myself healthy and mentally focused.

2. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will return to Michigan. I need to get back to a place where my depression bothers me less. It is closer to family and hiking, camping, etc. I love. Michigan people are my people. Houston just incites my depression. too much

3. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will change careers from teaching to something less stressful and just as or more lucrative. I need to finish my contract, but after that, I am done. This means everything currently must be up to snuff as far as credentials, professional development, training, etc. Then on to what? I don’t know that yet. Kind of like returning to the land you left to find out what has changed that you can take advantage of. I guess part of the challenge will be the discovery.

4. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will more actively pursue my new love – my shieldmaiden – if she will have me. I need to find her first. But something tells me the way to attract such a woman would be simply to be the best man I can be and see who is attracted to that. I think the only thing I am going to do here is, move to Michigan and then just be me. I do think I am going to be growing a full beard. Something like the gentleman below but my coloring will be different. Going to make myself into the healthiest, most masculine, and the sexiest old man I can be and see which female warrior is attracted to that. Time for this Odin avatar to find his Frigg.

5. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will be at peace with myself in better ways. 1) I need to write beyond the blog., 2) I need to find that outlet I need to be a voice. The Rabyd Atheist was my pulpit for a couple years, but I stopped because I realized how dangerous it is to have social media career and be a teacher. I actually am taking a bit of risk even with this blog. This is probably one other good reason to change to something that does not have that risk. 3) Have paid off as much debt as possible by the end of the year. The move is going to take money, but I think most of the small bills will be gone by February, and then it is my car. If I move back to Michigan with nothing but student loans, I will be in good shape.

So there it is – my five – “Be it resolved”. Should be an interesting year.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Love – “Runes”

Happy Freya’s Day!

I know the combination of the Viking Runes and Love might be a little puzzling but it’s the whole mysterious thing that I am going for. The Viking Runes are without a doubt mysterious in a lot of ways and while there are a lot of theories as to what they mean, not a lot definitive is known.

This ignorance hasn’t stopped people from playing the game of trying to figure out the Runes or co-opting them for their own purposes or adding their own meaning to them. This means any discussion of the Runes becomes either very hypothetical, theoretical or just what runes mean to each person.

Doesn’t that sound a little like the concept of love? I think the mystery of anything, particularly something most of us consider a virtue or a necessity, causes us to engage in even more emotional attachment.

Love is one of those virtues that I pursue. To be seen as a loving person. To do this requires waking the trail of mystery. To walk without complete understanding or knowledge of what love is is par for the course. Changing loves applications and meanings. Give the correlations – just maybe the runes are all about love.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Relationships – “Look at the Long Haul”

Happy Freya’s Day!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about what I am looking for in a woman in the Post: Looking for a Shieldmaiden. In that post, I said I was looking for three main qualities: Fidelity, Peace, and Intimacy.

The reason I was looking for these qualities is that these qualities are long-term. I have no desire to enter temporary relationships because my time is limited. No time to play around with games and such. More of a both of us placing what we have on the table and looking at a simple question – can we build something with this that will last?

THat’s why the qualities of Fidelity, Peace, and Intimacy. Fidelity, so we stay with it. Peace – Because prosperity is not built by conflict. Intimacy – the mortar that holds it together. Long-term building materials.

It takes work to maintain a good relationship but also takes good building materials and that is why I want a Shieldmaiden.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Sex – “What’s Your Body Count, Mr. Raby?”

Happy Freya’s Day!

I was teaching class one day and I had been given an assignment and was walking around making sure the students were working on it. Most of my students know I am divorced and thus single. The students were working and talking like students do and then one of my piped up and asked: “What’s your body count, Mr. Raby?” Several of the other students quickly remarked this was not a proper question to ask a teacher. I didn’t have to answer after that and I didn’t. It was quickly forgotten except by me.

I know what the question means as I have been single long enough to get the question through dating. For me, it is not a matter of pride or shame, but of faith. The number is one. My ex-wife was my only sex partner so far. Not that had I met up with the woman I had an affair with I might not have made it two at the time. The reason is simply that one does not fool around in Christianity, at least in theory.

In reality, I lost track of the affairs I knew about in my churches as a pastor. I also lost track of the people who were discovered fooling around. Just because people are religious doesn’t mean they don’t want to fuck or are attracted to others. It gets really hard for some as being LGBTQ sucks inside the church. But that was never me until the end and even then it never happened.

Back to me though, I have never thought the idea of casual sex was a smart one. Sex as an expression of friendship, companionship, love, and commitment are OK in my book, but the modern hookup culture doesn’t appeal to me. I guess sex in the context of a relationship is something I would do if I trust the person. I am just not into getting my rocks off and ghosting or being ghosted.

It’s why I left the online dating scene. Too much fronting and too much of it about getting laid instead of genuine relationships. I like sex, but I am not going to go through the cesspool of internet dating to get it. Until my shieldmaiden comes along, I am happy to just work on myself. Sex is something I long for as a man and my tastes are very masculine, but until the right partner comes along, I am happy with my body count of one.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

“Ruins” – A Poem

Happy Main’s Day!

“Ruins” by Edward W . Raby, Sr.

There was once life here

Now all is ruin

Window pains broken

Doorways with no doors

No roof.

We build this house brick by brick

Love was the mortar

We had children, raised them

We gave our love to them

Taking the mortar and giving it to them

Then they left.

We discovered the mortar of our love

Was cracked and crumbling – nothing.

But we had no time to reset it.

We continued to live giving it away

The roof collapsed

The bricks fell apart

We walked away

And now all is ruins.

A sad testimony to what was

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Love: All My Exes Don’t Live in Texas

Happy Freya’s Day!

So I start this new routine and here we are talking about love, sex, and relationships the first thing. Let’s stick with just love for this one. For me, and probably the rest of the human race love is complicated. For me specifically, it’s complicated by the fact that my heart is a stupid fuck that can’t stop loving a woman once it starts and this has massive problems long term.

It took me literally several years debating with myself, therapy, and several gut-wrenching decisions moments to divorce my wife. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her, but I didn’t feel loved by her, nor did I feel she was a person who gave me peace. We weren’t yelling at each other or anything like that, but the relationship became tired and old and no matter how much I tried on my end to point this out, it was ignored by a lack of desire to change that from her. When you pour out your guts to a woman about what’s wrong emotionally with your relationship and it takes three months for her to get back to you on it that is not good. That’s a communication problem and we had a big one which is me and her and not just her. We had counseling, read books, and yet – divorce.

Here is the funny part. I have no problem loving her. If in the course of our lives, and I told her this when we parted; if she needs a shoulder to cry on, a hug, kiss, or a love-making session, I am still there for her as a friend. I know her Christianity will never allow her to accept this. She would have to set it aside. But for my part, I consider her a friend and wish her nothing but happiness. I also have the weakness of if she really needed me I would respond.

My first love is happily married to someone else. She has kids and another life, but my heart still has a place for her. I still on rare occasions run across her and it’s awkward for me at least. Some weakness, if she were to ask for my help, I am there. I still wish her nothing but happiness.

Miss Salty. She hurt me and may have done it on purpose. She can’t help it though as she has some mental issues that I should have known were trouble. But I was broken myself at the time and vulnerable, so perhaps it was just two broken people trying to find peace in each other. It worked for a short time. Until it didn’t. Same weakness if she came into my life. I hope she finds happiness.

Maybe this is why I moved to Texas. Less chance of any of them walking into my life at this point at the random. I might have subconsciously needed the space for all of them to reset my love life. I am a bachelor now and while that comes with its own form of loneliness, it also has some tremendous freedoms to it in regard to what relationships I can have and what I can do in them. But that is a subject for next week.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Music and The Wayfarer

Happy Mani’s Day!

If you know me you know that my musical taste is very eclectic. Mostly, I tend to listen to music that reflects my emotions. Some people, a very few, have been able to figure out that if you want to know what iI am going through emotionally in my head all you really have to do is listen to my playlist. If you are emotionally inclined you can read between the lines and find the connections between the songs I am listening to and what I am thinking and feeling.

I have always been impressed by people who can read me this way. Miss Salty was one of these and it was sometimes scary how accurate she was. My ex-wife was not. Often she would just pass judgment on what I was listening to. She had no desire to know me in this way. The point I am making here is that the woman who can read my music and thus read me has an advantage. It’s a weakness, maybe. Or it is just a safer way for me to express my emotions without verbalizing them. I guess I would rather look at it as an open door to understanding the man who is The Grey Wayfarer.

Because my emotions change, what I listen to changes with it. It is probably also why I look for new music all the time because I do run into emotions that have no expression and I look for something musical to express them. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am not. But the search can be some of the most rewarding I have done. Especially when something new turns out to be perfect.

It’s probably why I don’t hate on any genre, but there are some I just don’t resonate with. Probably because what they express just isn’t me or my emotions.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!