Truth

“One Year – Made it” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

The moment this post goes active, there will be a WordPress notification that tells me this is a streak of 365 days – 1 year.  Tomorrow will be the one-year birthday celebration and I will talk about that in more detail then.  But for today, I want to take a deep breath and enjoy the fact that a finish line was crossed.  Something I set out to do was completed and quite frankly right now I could use the win.

In the ‘A Skald’s Life’ posts this week I will be focusing on the principles of each virtue.  The virtue is the idea, the principle is the beginning plan of action to make it happen. A guiding idea that takes each virtue and puts it into practice.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).  (achieved)

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Honor is one of the most tricky virtues of them all. I have worked hard to shuck off the past and live in the present moment. One can only take one’s honor at the present moment and build it and that comes from a sense of personal pride. I still struggle here for myself but note people who are honorable and people who are not.

Goal achieved today.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

What specifically is the right thing to do is often self-evident for me.  The tricky part is to act on it at the right time. If there is one specific thing that happened recently it was to take the plunge and be a writer first and whatever second.  That said now finding a better job may be in focus, but given the situation at my current work, I just don’t feel that is my avenue to find a better job.  Time to search for something better with more energy and act with courage.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

I am not sure honesty serves me well in all things, but I guess given my personality I would rather fail and maintain truth than succeed with a lie. My personality would never see this as a liability as INFJs are idealistic as fuck and here I am. I find myself quiet a lot these days.  I simply don’t think most of humanity is ready for the truth because it is uncomfortable. I would rather stay quiet than engage the comforting lies most people tell themselves.

Higher Virtue: Love:

The struggle between the love of myself and the love of others continues. The warnings I have gotten from studying my personality and my counselors over the years echo in my head – ‘You need to remember to take care of yourself. It’s something you are going to struggle with, so remember to do it.”  Yeah, I know.  I just keep running into a wall about it.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Better, but needs to be complete.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Revising the Ten Commandments – Part 2 – Positive Replacements” – The Rabyd Skald

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day

I have decided that the best way to proceed in replacing the existing commands and improving the ones that are left is to follow two principles: 1) Be Positive and 2) Provide a counter in each position of the spirit of the original commandment. In the first what I am trying to do is be more of an encouragement to people to be good human beings rather than a tyrannical dictator. In the second, I am trying to provide a counter to the original commandment negative aspects.  So, here is my revised version:

#1 – You were born free.  People will try to enslave you through many means; Don’t let them. Respect the freedom of others; Don’t enslave them. 

Unlike the original, I am not going to tell you to live in bondage to some authoritative figure just because.  Rather, allow me to tell you that you were born free and others will try to enslave you.  Don’t let them and don’t do it to others.  Live as sovereign over your own life alone and protect that.

#2 – Be an artistic human.  Express yourself and enjoy the expression of others.

Make images, music, words, or whatever your heart desires.  Every human being should find some artistic outlet for themselves to remain creative and freethinking. Learning to enjoy doing something artistic and creative, and enjoying when others do it as well, is the spice of life.  Creative activity should be celebrated not forbidden.

#3 – Uphold the truth and be truthful with your words.  When you’re wrong – admit it. 

True, the truth can be difficult at times, but it is far better to be amendable to it than defy it. Speak it or don’t be afraid to say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I was wrong’.

#4 – Take one day a week off and do what you want to do.  Life is too short not to enjoy it.

The opposite of the biblical forth command which seems to tell you to live in a totalitarian state even on your day off, I am going to say to do what you want. Do that which helps you to get enjoyment out of life. A day off a week to do what the fuck you want to do is only being fair to yourself.

#5 – If you have children, remember that was your decision, not theirs; so be responsible parents, earn their respect, and teach them to be good human beings.

I think people have it backward.  Parents owe their kids not the other way around.  You chose to have them, they didn’t choose you to be their parents. It seems like from a standpoint of repsonsiiblity it falls on the parents to be responsible, to earn their kids respect, and teach them to be good human beings by word and deed.  Expecting your children to just be good little servants or else is kind fo training them to be slaves in a dictatorship.

#6 – Don’t Murder

Duh, No shit.  Yeah, self-evident to any human with basic moral capacity.

# 7 – Engage in responsible and consensual sexual activity.

I know there are social and cultural things that inject into the subject of sex but in truth, the only thing I see in truth is being responsible in that you understand there are consequences to sex that need to be mediated and that you shouldn’t be having sex with someone against their will.  It might be helpful if they knew what it was beforehand and had a choice about it.  So forcing an eleven-year-old to marry you is out.

# 8 – Don’t Steal

Duh.  No Shit.

# 9 – Don’t lie to convict or harm the innocent.

Duh. No Shit.

#10 – Think Freely.  Never accept any tyranny, especially that of the mind.

There should be no thought crime or even crimes that prevent certain words or language from being used. All tyrannies are bad, but a tyranny over thoughts and ideas is the worst form of tyranny.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Economics and Common Sense” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Economics

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion

Having a minor in economics apparently puts me above the common man who has an opinion about economic matters. It does, however, add to my frustration level as Rothbard’s quote resonates with my soul quite a bit.  I find a few things frustrating about people’s ignorance of economics.  Mostly how this ignorance is used against them.

Economics is part of my overall philosophy because some of my virtues are connected to business: Self-Reliance, Industriousness, and Hospitality all of more direct economic issues so knowing something about how economics actually works helps me have more for my ravens to say about those decisions involving those virtues.

Because of the law of scarcity, for instance, I know that there are some things in life not available to everyone, so if you want them you have to earn them.  It gets rid of a sense of entitlement which, to be honest, is one of the most detrimental things a person can have as part of their personality makeup.  Economics is often called codified common sense and so it is a valuable tool in my philosophical toolbox.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

I suppose my need for economic knowledge in relation to philosophy surfaced with some of my decisions when I first went back to school and decided on my major. I knew I wanted something that was in demand and marketable but also flexible.  The one thing I had noted over the years, as technology and knowledge change, so does how business is done and those who can adapt thrive.    The need for flexibility and marketability long term was an issue of the Law of Demand.

Wants (Freki):

On the flip side, the kind of job I wanted is an issue of the Law of Supply.  What’s available. was an issue.  The thing was that Political Science opens that up by one simple thing – I could always be in administration and that is everywhere. Not to mention that just having a Bachelor’s degree from a university that is real-world instead the plastic bubble of religion opens up even more.

Reason (Huginn):

So my current struggles beg the question of which law deals with the fact that I am struggling to find a job and the economics of hidden costs and unintended consequences of economic policies might be a factor. the simply truth is that if someone hires me that has a good benefits package my being older is going to cost them more money even if that benefit is simple health insurance, the premium for me will automatically be higher.

Wisdom (Muninn):

This leads to the wisdom that I need to be ready to give up some raw salary to compensate for that.  It is something I will give up because I would still come out ahead of where I am now. Economics helps me realize that flexibility is called for.

Conclusion:

Personally, economics being part of my overall philosophy has been something that has had a calming effect.  I don’t get bent out of shape when an employer does certain things but I rather ask what the economic issue might be.  Sometimes I have to ask why they don’t consider economics but people are people so they don’t always have economic knowledge and that includes people in charge.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Strong Foundation” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week we return to the beginning and talk ao but Virtues; particularly the virtues of The Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru and the Higher Virtues. In my own philosophy, I have broken these down into three groups of the virtues each with their own corresponding higher virtue. This is my conceptualization and other followers of Asatru might do it differently.

The first group for me is what I call the foundational virtues: Honor, Courage, and Truth with the corresponding higher virtue of Love. For me, this is symbolized by the bottom triangle of the Vulknut.  It is about the part of my philosophy that is foundational in the sense it deals with everything and all situations. These are the virtues that form the bedrock of my philosophy.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

Honor is not just a word to me.  I do find the struggle interesting of being an honorable person is a modern world that seems not to have any at all at times. Having a feeling of inner value and worth seems to be constantly challenged. My foundational drive is to have that sense fo honor. I also seke to recognize and praise the honorable. Honor is a tricky and difficult virtue, probably the most difficult.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

Doing what is right is not always easy to figure out.  Once I do I have gotten much better at acting on what is right but it still is the question of what is right?  That takes some time to figure out and honestly, my track record tells me I take too long at that part of it. I am getting better because time is something important to me and wasting time trying to make decisions that ate perfectly right is not ultimately productive.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

It takes a while to get real shit (truth) form me because I don’t just give that out to anyone. I prefer silence when it comes to the truth to most other people.  Most people don’t want the truth anyway, they want comforting lies.  The more real issue to me is remaining truthful with myself.  It helps that I now see this as a loving act toward myself to be truthful.

Higher Virtue: Love:

Honor, Courage, and Truth coem together to form the foundation of love.  That leads to one aspect that I now struggle with which is creativity.  For me, my muse has always flown from something or somebody I have loved.  For whatever reason, when I have a certain type of love for someone it is the best kind of foundation for creative work. For me writing, in particular, is fueled by this kind fo love. my best times of writing and most productive is where I have had someone I loved very deeply and it flowed to my fingers and out on to digital paper.

The frustrating thing is this has never worked with my family, even my wife.  I wonder sometimes if this is because certain love is expected and not just freely offered.  I know my most productive time of creativity was Feb 2018 to July 2018 but that was Miss Salty and that also had some serious downsides in the end.  Now, I just search for a new muse and I wonder who or what I have to love to find her.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

Solid, working more on consistency at all levels.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“A Fireplace, A Sauna, and A Skinnydip” – Rogue Wizard: The Fire of Fury – Part 13

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal August 27th, 2019

It’s been a week of hiding out and I think we are all going a little stir crazy. It’s late summer so we don’t have to deal with cabin fever at least.  Yet. The three of us put on more passible civilian clothes to go to town.  Amber in jean shorts and a tank top is something to see.  Unusual to not see her in that red dress.  The town trip was uneventful as the only person who actually saw us was the keeper of the small grocery store.  We bought some fresh milk and meat and some other stuff. I dropped off a magical letter in the post office.  It would only reach my daughter if I died.  Until then it was pretty much unnoticeable.

The cabin looks ordinary enough but Lunette informed me that it had some magical features.  The lights were candles and oil lamps that went on and off with the wave of a hand near them.  The fireplace required no wood but in true fairy-fashion burned magic. It might be late summer but the cabin is shielded buy tall think trees and this is the Upper Penisula or what we Michiganders call ‘true up-north’.  It was starting to get cold at night. So the fireplace was a welcome addition in the evening as the three of us would gather on the couch and talk and watch the flames.

The icebox was also magical.  There was no electric line to the place so it all was magic.  The consequence was no internet or television.  My phone sat inert and its battery quite dead at the bottom of my pack now. Better that way, no way to trace me using it.

The same was true for the sauna by the lake as it was powered by magical rocks that you threw water on to get steam, which did have to be dipped from the lake in a bucket.  There was one of those metal portable tubs hanging from the wall that we had been taking turns in getting a bath.  Well, the girls have as I can’t really fit in it, so I fill it and then sponge bath myself standing in it (with Lunette helping scrub my back) and then pour the bucket of water over my head to rinse off.  Up until three days ago, the pattern was me and Lunette going down and helping each other bathe and sauna together. Then I come up to the cabin and Amber goes down and Lunette helps her. They usually come back together, often after an hour or so.

Three nights ago it was however particularly hot for a lot of reasons.  One was the night temperature didn’t drop much and it was still late summer heat even at night.  So the whole sauna bath thing was even hotter and I was literally sweating bullet-sized drops.  Lunette being a pixie is less affected by changes in temperature but even she was feeling it I could tell.

“Let’s cool off in the lake. Skinnydip time.”

It kind of brought back memories at my uncle’s cabin when all us cousins would get in the sauna and then do skinny dip time to cool off. We were all little kids so the whole girl boy thing hadn’t really dawned on us yet.

So I saw her get up and followed her perfect naked backside out into the lake and jumped out into it with her.  Soon we were waist-deep. The lake wasn’t dirty at all, in fact, I remarked how clear it was to Lunette and she said her family owned the whole thing.  They called it Mysterious Clear Lake.  But in truth, you will not see it on the map.  Her family had used their abilities of illusion and suggestion to basically make it disappear.  So you could see the sand even in deep water below you and when it was calm it was like a mirror. Tonight the moon was shinning out on it and it was wonderful.  I took Lunette in my arms after splashing each other for a bit.  I kissed her.  After a few seconds though we were interrupted.  It was Amber clearing her throat.

“You two mind if I join you?”

Before I could speak, Lunette said no we didn’t.

“Oh, thanks.  It’s pretty hot in the cabin.”

I was about to speak when Lunette pulled me close and whispered in my ear.

“It’s OK.  Were all adults here and I would like to know where she stands with you. Her being naked means she doesn’t have anything up her sleeve.  Gods Ed, I am still a pixie about this, I don’t own your sexuality.”

I nodded, but my eyes had not left Amber.  She kicked offer sandals and pulled her tank top up over her head.  She undid her bra and dropped it into a pile with her shirt and sandals.  She then unbuttoned her shorts and in one motion dropped them and her panties down to her ankles and then stepped out.  Looking at the front of her, I now knew she was truly a redhead.

‘There, fully disrobed, well except for my tattoo.”

I didn’t have to ask as she turned around and showed us.  Well me, because Lunette had probably seen it before.  It was a tramp stamp but it was flames of red, orange and yellow all mixed beautifully together.  The flames actually moved a bit like they were real.

“Is it magical?”, I asked.

“Oh, yes.  It augments my flame powers.”

Then bold a brass she strode down into the water up to her waist as well.

” I got it from an alchemist tattoo artist who specializes in that sort of thing.”

“Is that common.  I have been thinking about that as well.”

“Yes.  There are quite a few now that tattoos are less taboo with mundanes.  It has the advantage of being a talisman that can’t be removed.  You are pretty powerful already. I am not sure what a tattoo augment would do to your powers.”

I caught myself staring at Amber and then turned to Lunette who was smiling a wry smile.  She leaned over again and whispered.

“You know I think you are part nymph yourself. You need to focus and find out where her loyalties lie.  She is no longer your bodyguard now, so why is she with us still?”

I nodded.

“You know Amber, you don’t have to stay with me anymore.  You are not under orders to guard me anymore?”

“I know.  I could just join the underground and fight, but I feel in a way my place is still with you.  You have a tendency to draw trouble and end up in awkward and tense situations.”

“Yeah, like skinny dipping with two beautiful women.”

This time both women laughed.

I sighed and looked back and forth between the two of them they were both alternating between looking at me and each other.  Then it hit me.

“You girls are up to something. I have been set up haven’t I?”

“I told you, Amber.  He is pretty quick on the uptake when it is staring right at him.”

Amber shrugged then spoke.

“Ed, I have been your bodyguard now for some time.  I have come to care about you in that time like no one else except maybe Lunette.  Things have changed, you are right but something has been building for a while now inside me toward the both of you.  I can only describe it as affection, maybe the beginnings of love. I know my place is with both of you.”

“Ok, this is truly awkward and tense.  Are you saying you love both of us?”, I asked.

“Yes.  I have already expressed this to Lunette.  As a Pixie, I knew she would understand but we both worried about you.”

“Yeah, how you would react, Edward.  I know you just finished mourning your wife nad our relationship is still new.  You have a hard time with this heart stuff, I know. But Amber is still with us because she loves us.  No other reason than she is in love with both of us and doesn’t know any way to express it other than protect us.”

I sighed, “Well, leave it to the women in my life to complicate things. I don’t even know what to think right now. I really am a little more fae in my understandings of these issues now, but it is still all very new to me.”

Lunette spoke, “Edward, we thought about that too.  We don’t want you to rush things.  I know you wouldn’t have that type of relationship or sex with any woman you didn’t have some feeling of love for and my guess is that; true to you; the relationship between you and her has, up until now, been a professional one. She and I want that to change.”

“You both do?”

Lunette sighed, “Yes.  We have been talking.  Edward when you got back with me you said you understood what I was and what that might entail in our relationship.  I am a fae and sexual fidelity is not in the cards and you said that was OK.  That it didn’t affect our loyalty to each other because you knew how I am. Well, you should know that I find it as easy to cuddle up to a girl as a boy. I’m bisexual. Amber and I have…”

“Been getting cuddly.  I see. Ok. I am good with that.  I said I would be and so there it is.  But I am not sure about me and Amber.”

“We know Edward.  That’s why Amber and I felt you should be told this way and then gradually be brought into it. For starters, we want to stop the separate bathing times and bathe and sauna together.  Skinnydip too. It would just be good if we can dress, undress and be naked in each other’s presence without inhibition.  The cabin is just too small for any real privacy anyway. It will lead to more conversation and emotional intimacy if nothing else. There is also a practical concern.”

“Yeah, I know.  When we bathe and sauna separately the one person alone is vulnerable.  We should try to be together as much as possible. Ok. I will go along with this.  I guess we will see how it goes.”

For the last three days, we have been doing the fireplace, sauna and skinnydipping together.  Amber is a redhead and fire mage, but definitely, not a hothead and her passion I can feel is that quiet kind.  I can see her and Lunette sleeping right now from the table where I am writing this journal out by hand. I slept alone last night and let them have a night together. They are both beautiful women both outside and in. While I am still not completely sure about this, I am willing to stay open-minded. After all, life may be very short for us and we need to enjoy as much as we can while it lasts.

Author’s Notes: 

I suppose I have to say that any similarities to the characters and events in this story are purely coincidental with the exception of yours truly. I have to say that because for some reason during The Hedge Wizard of Redburg some people actually thought I was relaying all true stories.  Most of the time I was not.   

When I write fiction of any type I like to push social mores. Hell. I like to slap them in the face, knock them on their ass, and then kick them when their down. The context of this story is that we have a male wizard, a female wizard, and a female pixie.  The two mages already push the social boundaries of this imaginary world by being mages.  A little nudism and sex outside the lines are not going to phase them.  Especially since I have established in past canon (now deleted) that nudity and sometimes sex is necessary for some magic to even work or take place.

Lunette is even further off the chain when it regards sexuality and nudity.  As a fae, she is immune to disease including STDs.  In addition, she cannot get pregnant except with another fae and only if she wishes it. I ask you what kind of social mores about sex would you expect if this was the case in fae society?  None – pretty much other than perhaps incest being taboo, maybe not even that given the fae are also not subject to genetic disease either. The faerie spends more time naked than clothed when among their own kind as well. Needless to say, each faerie and pixie has probably seen a lions share of boobs, asses, and penises regardless of their own sex. Nudity does not phase them. 

In this story, Edward is hunted, a widower and pretty much looks at sex and nudity like a fae, with reasonable precautions relating to human beings.  He can get another female human pregnant without protection and STDs are real things.  But not with Lunette and Amber has a few magical tricks up her sleeve (when she is wearing clothes) regarding her own feminine issues. Edward is very well aware at this time every day could be his last so yeah, he is looking for any bright spot in that situation.    

I am simply extrapolating what would happen in this context given all the above. There is no reality here and I am not relating any real event that happened in my life at all. In real life, I am married and have been (since my wife and I’s reconciliation) faithful to her.  I want that understood before the gossip hounds go off relating this story to everyone.

Yes, I know from my stats on both my Facebook page and here that traffic indicates some people from my former congregation probably still check me out. Oddly enough, I never lost a follower on my author Facebook page last year, but I did lose a lot of facebook friends on my personal page.  Some of you are waiting to run off and tell my wife some story so you can be ‘right’ about me and warn her what an awful person I am.  I am going to say this with all the love in my heart I can muster for you – Go fuck yourself.   

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Dealing with Ghosts” – The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer – Part 20

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

I suppose it is a testimony to the effectiveness of the last four The Grey and The Wayfarer posts that I really have not had The Grey strong in my life for almost a month, until last week.  The trigger is this poem I have been basically dismissing and setting aside for a month until this last week it started crystalizing fully in my mind and then it became a problem.  It was bad enough for the last ten days or so for me to have a few minor moments with The Grey.  Finally, last Sif’s Day I finalized the poem and published it and I do feel better. Below is the link:

“The Ghost of You” – Skald Tales and Poems – Poem

That said, the ghost of Miss Salty isn’t the only ghost I have been struggling with. I suppose when I look at what ghosts symbolize, it is unfinished business. I have a bit of that but also there is the aspect of someone dead to you either literally or figuratively.  People who for whatever reason are no longer part of your life that still haunt you. Sometimes the haunting is good, sometimes bad.

Probably a good example of each is in order.  The first is my father who died on October 5th, 1994.  He was a great man and his funeral was one of the best attended I have ever seen in my life. Not a week goes by that I don’t think of him still.  I have adapted to his absence but I have never gotten completely used to it.  This time of year both mom and I are a little cranky because of it. The three musketeers (I was an only child) are still missing Porthos. His love of life was infectious and both mom and I have struggled with that ever since his death.

The other kind is best represented by the man known to me as The Dirty Pig.  Probably because the real ghost of that is our friendship which, given all that has happened, was ultimately ghost-like the entire time.  It was illusionary and only remained as long as there was some benefit in it for him.  Real friends can’t be lost so what was revealed was a man who was a poser and a fraud. The Dirty Pig he is to me and will remain so until I am dead.

Sometimes things are also ghosts particularly relationships.  My life as a pastor and my marriage before our almost divorce or both there to haunt me.  The first becomes a ghost because I wasted a lot of time that I could have been enjoying life an building one.  Doing something more useful than being a good storyteller, cut-rate counselor, and spiritual guru. I am now playing a colossal game of catchup when it comes to my finances being prepared for retirement.  I counsel everyone who will listen to me to not go into the ministry.  If you want to help people start a non-profit charity and run it yourself or go into counseling or some form of social work. Be a teacher. Do anything but a preacher or pastor.

My ‘former’ marriage and the combo of my wife and I being a pastor and pastor’s wife is also a ghost that haunts me.  Mostly because inside my heart I am longing for something different now when it comes to my marriage and my wife wants to return to the way things were.  If we stay together, neither of us is going to get what we want and that may still bring about our downfall. I don’t want that but I also don’t want to be miserable like before and so the tension between loving her and loving myself is very real.  It is also not the only thing providing tension.

The other thing is this is now a mixed marriage as far as faith/spirituality and that is particularly stressful to both of us because our values are different now.  They are also diverging more and more. I know if we had gotten divorced, my life would be different and the only thing holding me back with some of my desires is I chose to stay. I know what happened the last time I sacrificed my own happiness to make everyone else happy and it was pretty devastating to all involved.  While I have no desire to have that happen again, I know this is kind of an Achilles’ Heal of mine and I don’t think it has been removed from how I function as a person. It is a ghost that hangs over me.

One other thing besides ghosts to talk about in this The Grey and The Wayfarer.  That is the nature of The Grey itself which might be considered a large ghost if you look at it a certain way.  A bit ago I asked myself the question of what exactly is The Grey?  It is not raw depression that is for sure because I can shut off the negative emotions completely and I would still say I am in The Grey.  Depression is a part of it but not the total of it. There is something else, and I am still thinking about it.  I think though I would need counseling to get to the bottom of it completely.  The one thing I am sure of is that the depressive elements are not the only thing going on here.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“My Spiritual Symbolism: Valknut with Rune Circle” – Odin’s Eye

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

 

Happy Woden’s (Odin’s) Day.    

Discussion:

My struggles with magic aside, I do believe in the power of symbols. Not magical power per se but more of a power to encapsulate thoughts, concepts, and ideas into a single pattern or image.  For me, these become very powerful focuses that keep me steady in my thoughts and philosophy.  They also remind me of what is spiritually important.

I adopted the valknut as my replacement for the cross right after leaving Christianity.  I had become fairly certain that at least the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru were going to be my new moral code, so I looked for something to symbolize that and the symbol of the Valknut was almost always present in any website I was studying at the time and so made it my own.  The fact that it is connected with Odin and death rituals (burial) only solidified this.  The Grey Wayfarer (me) often wears a pendant of the valknut around his neck on a chain.  Mine also has a circle of runes around it like in the picture above.

Both the valknut and the runes are mysteries as to their full meaning.  Much has been lost thanks to the invasion of Christianity and the subsequent purge that followed them of all things pagan. The valknut and runes apparently were too pagan to find their way to being incorporated into Christian worship and so were actually expunged.  A few examples survive and so what we know is very little.  The valknut is associated with Odin and burial because we find them on gravestones.  Runes are everywhere but they don’t seem to be about language although some modern pagans have made it so.  From a scholar’s point of view, they are largely a mystery as well.

What this meant for me is that I was left to give this symbol and the runes around it their own meaning. So…

Time to Look Through the Eye:

“To see the truth, change one eye for another”

Faith:

I am a deistic humanistic pagan.  First and foremost I fall on the side that says while religions are bunk and made up for the most part, I don’t dismiss the idea of a supreme being, beings or force of the universe being a real possibility. However, I believe that the only real source of overcoming my own and other human problems is myself and other humans. I am pagan because my spirituality basically draws me back to the spiritual roots of my ancestors. It is far more about heritage than religion for me.  The valknut and runes are a good symbol of that as both call to my Germanic and (hopefully) Scandinavian roots.  It is at least the faith and spirituality of my own spirit regardless of biological genetics.

Meditation:

I suppose my meditation times that I have used the valknut and rune circle are the ones that have given both new meanings for me. Firstly the nine sides of the three triangles became representative of the Nine Noble Virtues.  Later, the nine formed the three triangles of the Higher Virtues of love, Justice, and Wisdom.  All of them are interlocked and the three triangles, if you look closely, cannot be separated fro meach other.  It thus forms a single spiritual path of following virtue, a single symbol – the valknut.  It also because of its connection to Odin serves as a reminder of the finality of life. Virtue is the only thing that gives that life value.

The rune circle around it is all 24 known runes. In many ways, it symbolizes the mysteries of the knowledge of the universe to me. By following the path of virtue, I begin to understand these mysteries better.

Theology:

One of those mysteries is the divine.  Part of that, to be honest, is to assess whether such divine entity or entities exist.  As a diest, I fall on the side of agnosticism that says we don’t know enough to dismiss the idea of the divine, so I believe more in its possibility than it is not possible.  I will give the atheists their due in saying they could very well be right, but at the same time, I don’t think I can myself close my mind, heart, and body off to the idea that a creator or creators exist. It seems too ‘dogmatic’ of ‘fundamentalist’ to me so to speak.

The issue then is to find meaning either way – for me, this is the following the path of virtue as a means to coming to better understandings of the world around me and perhaps finding the answers I seek.  I am a pilgrim searching for truth, wherever I find it.  I am the Grey Wayfarer

Spirituality:

I find spirituality in Virtue.  Virtue allows me to connect with myself, other people and the universe and all it contains. How can one not be connected when following after virtue? For me, this symbol reminds me that part of understanding the universe requires connections.  The path is what connects and virtue is the path.  In meditation, this symbol has proven to be the best focus when I am looking to understand this connectivity to everything else.

Conclusion:

As I meditate more on this, I am sure more things will come to mind.  I have plans to make my meditation time more ‘ritualized’ in that I may have other foci and even some candles and incense.  Regardless, the valknut and rune circle will always be central to it. The centerpiece if you will regardless of what becomes my first meditation altar.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Kicking the Bucket” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week I consider my bucket list. You know that list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket. This list is the major milestone I want to hit before my death and i think it is important to have long term goals and that is what they are.

People ask me without Christianity how do I have hope.  I ask them why they would assume that just because I don’t believe in the Chrisitan version of the afterlife any more that I wouldn’t have hope?  If you always looking to the beyond for your justification for living in hope now; I would say you are too heavenly minded that you’re no earthly good. Hope for me is not about life after but the life I have now.

As I deist I concede the atheists might be right and this is all I get. I also hope there is a life after death but I am not going to act as if that is guaranteed.  My bucket list is a reflection of the things that I want so that my life now is enjoyable and the purpose I create with them for my life is my own creation. I find a lot of hope in this.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

This is the beginning of my hike bucket list as the first goal.  If my ultimate goal as an old person is to hike the triple crown this is a good training hike to prepare for the idea of how to do something long term.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

This is a desire to visit a city I have seen for a few days once again and view all of its places. I loved this town as it did not feel like a city to me.  More of an experience.  I want to experience it again but this time for a couple weeks and enjoy it.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

A short term bucket list Item and one I am considering changing.  Don’t get me wrong Latin is an awesome language to learn but I am thinking that if I am going to learn a language every couple of years, languages that are actually spoken now might be more beneficial and then learn Latin at a later date.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I am very focused on the fulcrum of self-love right now. my understanding that this is what makes all my other loves possible and stronger is the motivation.  Mostly though I need to start focusing on my goals and bucket list because this is my life and I need to start living it and loving it.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  7. Get Dressed for the Day

This part got shorter.  I don’t do breakfast and people freak out about it, but you know I have found that eating from what most people would consider 11am to 7pm is sufficient for me and intermittent fasting has proven, when coupled with my Paleo Diet, to improve my fat loss and weight management.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Self-Love – The Essential Ingredient for Happiness” – Of Wolves and Ravens – Love

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Discussion

Just a reminder that Of Wolves and Ravens will be the second post on Mani’s Day from now on instead of on Tyr’s Day.

The last time I wrote on the virtue of Love, I engaged the topic of love based on Robert Heinlein’s definition which is love is mutually essential happiness.  I still hold with that which is why turning this idea of mutual essential happiness toward the idea of self-love is personally difficult.  Because it basically amounts to the simple fact that if you do not view loving yourself as essential then you will never be happy even if you love someone else and they in return love you.

I know this from painful experience as my lack of self-love led to a lot of problems with loving others.  It creates an imbalance NOT because self-love is at one end of the scale and loving others at the other end of the scale.  It is actually that self-love is the central fulcrum point on which all other loves are balanced and if the fulcrum isn’t solid the rest will collapse.

To the Wolves and Ravens:

“Feed the Wolves, but Listen to the Ravens first.”

Needs (Geri):

I hope that the above understanding of self-love demonstrates the need we all have for it.  For me, this revelation showed why things went bad and why they also went so bad once they did.  This is the difference,  When your self-love is good, then you consider your love for others as trying to balance all the rest but the central love of self will not be sacrificed while doing it.

When you don’t have that, you are like a juggler that keeps taking on another object to juggle and never considers if they can handle another one. There is no self to maintain so you just keep loving others more and more until it flips to self-loathing and then you focus on that and forget you are juggling. You can’t keep all the balls in the air at that point and they start to fall until you just say ‘fuck it’ and sit down letting them crash all around you and you don’t care anymore.  That’s what happened to me.

Wants (Freki):

This is why I personally spend a lot of time thinking about how to love myself.  Loving others comes naturally to me; loving myself is work but essential work I want to do.  Taking the time to ask the simple question of ‘If I take on loving this person, will it help me love myself or hinder me loving myself? Is this love a benefit or a burden too great for me to carry?” When things are balanced, you are not juggling, but carefully considering if things between yourself and the others you love are balanced on self-love.

Reason (Huginn):

Rationally there is also the fact that loving others and finding that person whose happiness is essential to your own keeps you from narcism.  Loving yourself at the expense of all others needs to be guarded against.  Narcism is probably the basis of all evil shit in the world. Loving others is rationally necessary to keep yourself from that path, but it has to be balanced on the fulcrum of the love of self.

Wisdom (Muninn):

Balancing the love we have for others while maintaining the central fulcrum of the love of self is the issue here. We need both to be happy.  Whenever I feel unhappy, I realize now either something is out of balance or my love for self has slipped.

Conclusion:

Going back through all my discussions on love, I have to get back to the beginning idea that Love is the combination of Courage, Honor, and Truth.  Love takes these and combines them into a very powerful force.  A force that leads us to be happy in this world and that happiness’ essential ingredient is self-love that allows us to keep all our other loves balanced.  It is this understanding of love that now guides me and so far the only issues it raises is about whether certain relationships are essential to my happiness. The most essential of these is the one with myself.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

“Viking Blood” – A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day

Journal Entry:

Every time I set aside these journal posts for a little while I get reminded of their importance. I feel I lose focus every single time I do it so I might just want to make a mental note that I should not set these aside again – ever. That said, it has been in some way a good break so I can refocus what my life and this blog are about. For those of you that might be new followers, these posts are more for my benefit, but if you can learn something from my example then bonus.

This week I want to focus on my goals so below will be some notes regarding them under each virtue. I figure a four-week focus rotation might keep me from getting repetitious or bored.  Week 1 – Virtue, Week 2 – Principle, Week 3 – Goals, Week 4 – Bucket List.   This will allow for constant review and the ability to focus on more specific aspects once a month.  I haven’t talked about my goals in a while so this will be week 3 so to speak.

The title ‘Viking Blood’ is actually a reference to some good news that happened this week.  I had some blood work done Frigg and Freya’s Day this past week and the results were much better than expected.  All my indicators are right down the middle so I am healthy in that respect and my A1c dropped from 7.5 the last time to 5.7 this time.  1.8 points in the last year and a half.  Diet and exercise are definitely working.   Still no complications due to my diabetic condition.  Good News but still trying to get my A1c into the normal range which I am now .1 away.  This Viking Blood of mine seems to be doing fine.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – To possess a feeling of inner value about myself and my future with a desire to find the same in others.

Goal: Maintain a daily blog streak of one post per day for an entire year (365 days).

Bucket List: Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan by March 2024.

When this post drops it will be 344 days straight for the Grey Wayfarer.  That leaves 21 days to go. Goal complete on September 30th.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

Goal: Cross one thing off bucket list every year. Deadline March 31st.

Bucket List: Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation by March 2029.

I am a good job and some savings away from one of my bucket list items.  Getting the tattoo would fulfill one of them. I just need the money.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness, to be honest, and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – To Be Honest, and Speak Truth to Myself and Others.  To Be Silent in the presence of Fools.

Goal: To Write a Non-Fiction Book by March 31st, 2020

Bucket List: Learn Latin by March 31st, 2021 to the point I can take a test and show my self proficient.

Now that I have determined my primary identity is a writer, I look at this goal as the first challenge of that. Getting that non-fiction book written my march is doable.  I just need to discipline myself to write every day on it.  I guess I look at this blog as stage one of my journey in becoming a writer and now it is time to write for publication purposes.  Developing the discipline and habits to do that is my next priority along with finding a new job.

Higher Virtue: Love:

I still struggle with keeping my love of self right up there with love for family and friends.  I know what happens when I continue to give up things I want and need to make others happy, eventually, I don’t give a shit and need relief at all costs.  I want to avoid that situation,  so self-love is on my mind a lot. Making sure I am taking care of me is and should be my number one priority. More on this later today.

Morning Routine:

  1. Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV), Principles, Goals and Bucket List
  2. Meditation – 3 min.
  3. Check Communications and Email.
  4. Paper Journal: Create a Daily Log and To-Do List.
  5. Stretching / Yoga
  6. Breakfast, Medications, and Supplements.
  7. Shower and Personal Hygiene
  8. Get Dressed for the Day

As for my Routine, I am going to get back to them a couple of days at a time.  Tomorrow I want to get back to this one in full and then in a couple days my work one and then my rest one. Time to get my work and rest day routines back to where they need to be as this helps me the most with all my stuff.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!