The Pagan Pulpit – Doubt but Not Denial

December 9, 2018December 9, 2018 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day:

Announcements:

We don’t pray here – we figure God, the gods and goddesses, or whatever powers that be either know already, don’t give a fuck, or are busy with more important matters than our petty stuff. We also kind of assume that they expect us to do stuff that we can do for ourselves, and that we will do them ourselves and not be lazy. We also believe in being good friends, so we don’t presume on our friendship with the powers that be by asking them all the time for stuff while giving them nothing in return.

We also don’t take an offering here. We figure the powers that be probably don’t need it. Let’s be honest, offerings are not giving to the divine powers, they are given to an organization to support it. Just being honest. God, the gods or whatever never see a dime, farthing or peso of that money; it all goes to the church, mosque or shrine.

Opening Song: Eminem – Not Afraid

With Eminem for me it really depends on the song whether I like him or not. I like this one because it is very much a comeback song and I need a comeback song. In any case, the song has its musical moments that I like.

Poem:

Solitude – Lord Byron

To sit on rocks, to muse o’er flood and fell,
To slowly trace the forest’s shady scene,
Where things that own not man’s dominion dwell,
And mortal foot hath ne’er or rarely been;
To climb the trackless mountain all unseen,
With the wild flock that never needs a fold;
Alone o’er steeps and foaming falls to lean;
This is not solitude, ’tis but to hold
Converse with Nature’s charms, and view her stores unrolled.

But midst the crowd, the hurry, the shock of men,
To hear, to see, to feel and to possess,
And roam alone, the world’s tired denizen,
With none who bless us, none whom we can bless;
Minions of splendor shrinking from distress!
None that, with kindred consciousness endued,
If we were not, would seem to smile the less
Of all the flattered, followed, sought and sued;
This is to be alone; this, this is solitude!

It wouldn’t be fitting not to have Lord Byron Poem when I am also quoting him for my text this week. Solitude is something I am acquainted with and something at times I desire. He hints at what it means to be alone and it is not solitude with nature but to be among our fellow-men and not feeling anything. Without connection to something we feel alone, even in a crowd. Boy do I get that.

Meditation:

Song of Preparation: Disturbed – Prayer

Don’t normally pray, but this isn’t really a prayer but a reflection on loss and doubt in God. I understand this better now more than ever.

Text:

There is something pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing but doubt everything.

Sermon:

I find that the hardest thing personally to grasp at times is my turn from Christianity. Not because I don’t think it was right decision or wasn’t in the end reasonable but the constant reminders this time of year of a holiday I no longer celebrate the Christian side of. I got my oil changed and the guy asked me if it was OK to wish me a ‘Merry Christmas’ instead of ‘Happy Holidays’. Do what you want to do. I am not offended. It does however remind me of something that I no longer hold sacred. It’s not about the Mass to Christ anymore to me. It’s about family and Yule.

I, like Lord Byron, have always had a bit of the pagan in me. I have enjoyed this quote by Byron for long time because it makes sense to me. This tug of war between the side of me that wants to place my faith fully in something and be open to all possibilities and the other side of me who is the hardened skeptic that doubts everything. It however is a tension I have come to think is beneficial. What I want “to believe in is the world the promised it would be, not the tawdry, fouled-up mess it is.”

I suspect this pagan part of me will always be there and I don’t regret that because it means I will hopefully find a way to walk this world that enjoys the wonders of it and yet, seeks the truth of it. No matter how ugly the reality may be I remain both hopeful and a skeptic.

Closing Song: Skyrim – The Song of the Dragonborn

Yeah, I know it is a song about a fictional character for a video game – The Dragonborn. Except the song is epic and the lyrics with the singers are also epic. A good way to build up our courage for the week ahead.

Parting Thought:

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Rogue Wizard – The Fire of Fury – Part 3 – Temptation

December 8, 2018December 8, 2018 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Rogue Wizard’s Journal January 5th, 2019

So after last night’s encounter with Lunette and the three stooges, I went home and set up my wards. Basically there are two types of wards I can do which, while not sophisticated, are effective. First, there are my protective wards which basically can set magical using beings on fire. I set these up on all four walls of my apartment and in front of the door. The other type I can do is detection wards which tell me a magical being is getting close to them. I put this up on the outside of my apartment walls and a couple on the sidewalk leading up to my door.

My day today started at roughly two in the afternoon when one of my detection wards went off. There is no klaxon or bell or anything like that, you just know something is coming close to them. I reluctantly gave up the book I was reading in my lab and readied my shield spell in one hand and my fireball in the other. It might be Lunette as she promised or it could be someone else. There was a knock at the door.

I relaxed a little and put on my jeans as I was wandering my apartment in my underwear, t-shirt and socks thing. I went to the door. No peep-hole to look through, so I readied my shield and opened the door.

Standing there was the goth elf chick from the night before. Her features definitely had that angled elf thing going with a very slight but sensual build. I noticed that her hair was dyed black, as I could see the roots which were golden. Her eyes were green, which told me contacts or illusion, as most of the time elves have silver eyes or golden. If she could do illusion, changing her eye and hair color would be child’s play, so I was guessing not an illusionist. She didn’t throw a fireball at me last night and she didn’t stop my lightning bolts with a shield, so probably not evocation or adjuration either. That left necromancy, conjuration, transmutation, enchantment and divination.

Well the council snaps up every necromancer they find and necromancy is outlawed. Note, like all governments, they still keep said power to themselves. Bastards. Despite the goth look and the skull choker probably not necromancy. Not transmutation either. Mages who can transmute things get rich or comfortable doing it. Diviners who are any good don’t do a lot of field work even if they are freelance. While I do divination myself, I don’t use it often, even though I am good at it. No, this elf woman was probably not a diviner. That left two possibilities – conjuration or enchantment. If she was a conjurer, she would have thrown something at me last night. A poison cloud or a demon from hell – something. Yeah, my best guess was she was an enchantress. Good thing I am hard to beguile thanks to long hours of meditation under Mrs. W’s teaching years ago. She was an enchantress too, and taught me defenses against their charms.

The problem was magic aside, this girl had some charms of her own that had nothing to do with magic. She was cute despite, or maybe because of, the black hair, green eyes and black lipstick. She wore her black outfit which consisted of black knee length boots, black stocking which disappeared into her short black skirt. The skirt was short enough that if she bent even slightly over, I would be able to tell the color of her underwear assuming she was wearing any. A black button up shirt which was unbuttoned about four buttons showing ample cleavage, which was demonstrating a strong C almost D cup. Over her shoulders was a black jacket that covered her arms. Skull choker with matching skull earrings completed the ensemble. She was sensual, cute and darkly sexy on top of being an elf. She was temptation with black boots.

“Well, I don’t see your two friends. Is this a business or social call?”

“The file said you were a smart ass. Grumn is nursing some burns you gave him last night and Alex is probably brooding somewhere. I am Raven.”

“Suits you. At least the file doesn’t say dumb ass. You don’t strike me as Council stooges, so why the attack last night?”

“Pixie was the target. We are bounty hunters and she has a high price on her head – alive or dead.”

“Yeah, probably me too.”

“Yes, actually. But we don’t go after mages as a general rule. Pixies and monsters are our specialty. Do you mind if I come in? I promise I will be a good girl and not cast spells at you. I just want to talk.”

It was pretty cold out. I was pretty confident in my abilities to handle her alone. I mean she would be in my home giving me an advantage and I was pretty sure she was an enchantress. I would be an embarrassment to Mrs. W’s memory, if I couldn’t handle her on a magical level. It was the sensual, cute and darkly sexy part that was bothering me. I am a man and my wife had been dead for a couple of months now. There is an old saw about ‘there is really only one way to comfort a widow, you just have to remember the risks’. I could probably testify that is probably true for widowers as well.

I let her in.

My apartment is affectionately known as “Bag End” or the “Hobbit Hole” by some of the family. That is because you have to step down six steps to get to it once you are inside the door. Half the apartment is ground level and below, the other half ground level and above. I stepped aside in the door way and let her go ahead of me, telling her to turn to the right and the living room would be in front of her. As she walked down the steps I couldn’t help but watch her move and then, after shutting and locking the door, and then resetting my ward, I followed her to the living room.

The living room had been the most sparsely furnished room when we had moved in and only recently I had received a three-piece sectional from a friend and found a high-backed reading chair. A couple of end tables made of crates and three lamps were the rest of it. I had purchased a television hung on one wall mostly for guests who visited me after my wife’s death and I had also bought an internet connection at that time. The TV was mostly off now, as I hardly ever watched it.

Raven looked around the room which was clean and functional and she looked at the reading chair and the sectional but then smiled and took a seat, crossing her legs in one part of the sectional right across from the reading chair. I smiled and sat down in the reading chair. In the pale light, I can pull off the old wise wizard in his throne look when I sit in it. In my black t-shirt, jeans and socks probably not so much. Raven spoke first.

“Spartan.”

“Yeah, I am a minimalist, so if I don’t use it or it doesn’t give me joy, I don’t usually keep it.”

“I see. Edward…”

“OK. Let’s get one thing clear. There are only certain people who can call me Edward.”

“Oh, sorry. I am not trying to offend you.”

“I know but I want that established. Only my grandmas, who are both dead, my mother and my former love interests can call me Edward. With my wife dead, that leaves three people – all women and you are not one of them. Call me Ed.”

“Is one of them Lunette?”

“Yes.”

“Then the other would be..”

“Don’t say her name.”

“OK, like I said I am here to negotiate, not offend you.”

“Negotiate? If you are walking around and the Council is not after you, then you are connected to a House or a mystical being like a pixie or elf or other magical creature. You’re an elf, your grey troll friend is well a troll and then Alex must be…”

“House Saturn.”

“Well Shit. So why isn’t he coming after my ass?”

“Because we also represent a group of revolutionaries.”

“Revolutionaries?”

“Yes, we want to abolish the house system and the Council. Free up the practice of magic to everyone who wants to do so.”

“Singing my song. That said, let’s say I am a suspicious person and I don’t believe you for a second. Because I am a suspicious person and I don’t believe you for a second.”

“That would be wise and you don’t have to yet, Ed. We expect people to be skeptical. Hopefully you will give us a chance to prove ourselves. The fact is once we recognized you, we realized you could make a powerful addition to our organization. Even Grumn saw the need to forgive you for the burns. You’re very powerful, that’s why the Council fears you so much.”

What followed this was a ten minute conversation. What I gleaned was that dissatisfaction with the Houses and the Council had been growing for a few decades. I of course am still skeptical of overthrow because I know they have survived for a couple of millennia. I also gleaned that I was indeed behind the pixie lines which made me a little safer from the Council but not completely. The Pixies were having trouble holding the line because the local grove was not supportive. They might have to retreat.

“In any case Ed, the Council would think quite a bit before they came after you. You scare the hell out of them. It’s bad enough you can do two schools of magic with expertise but throw in a third one at good level and they wet their pants. Top it all off with the fact those first two are abjuration and evocation. Shit, that makes you a Battle Mage. There hasn’t been a genuine Battle Mage in any of the houses for well over two hundred years. Add in Divination and they think you have eyes on the back of your head. In short, they don’t want to lose a bunch of mages to take you out. They know what you did to House Mars and House Venus and you did that as a teenager; so they bide their time and wait.”

“Well, fuck ’em. Listen, I get all that. Which is why me openly backing your revolution might be just the motivation to spend those mages’ lives to kill me. The Death Angels failed and now my wards include protection against necromancy, so they are not going to be have an easy target. If I join a group and give up my solitary introverted life, they might think it is time to take me out.”

“You have a point, but with the group you would have resources and allies. Something you don’t have right now.”

“I have Lunette.”

Raven sighed.

“Do you? She is an outcast with the pixies and the mages don’t trust her either. Hell they want her dead. I have the wanted poster hanging on my board back at the office and it’s fairly clear the money is the same dead or alive. It’s also a lot of money. You might ask what she is up to and consider she might need you more than you need her.”

I frowned, but remained silent. She stood up and told me she had to get back to the office. She wanted me to think about what she said.

“You know Raven, I want to violate a rule I have about asking women their weight and age but…”

“115 pounds and 54 years old. Elves live on average five times as long as humans. I am half-elven so probably three times as long. Physically I am roughly eighteen human years old.”

“Oh, well that explains it. So it’s easier to pass yourself off as a teenager with the goth thing?”

“No, I just like black and being goth allows me to wear a lot of black.”

I laughed, she smiled at me and I showed her to the door. I locked it behind her. She had been true to her word and not cast a spell. Well except the one her hips made as she walked up the stairs anyway. She had given me a lot to think about and a few questions to ask Lunette the next time I saw her. Hopefully, I will see her soon. Definitely an interesting day.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – Objections to Christianity – Part 3 – The Cross and Empty Tomb – An Imaginary Solution to an Imaginary Problem.

December 6, 2018May 21, 2019 / Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Thor’s Day

Introduction:

I know I will probably get a reaction out of this one and I am not trying to be provocative. I am simply trying to get people to see the logical problems of Salvation through Christ. Once you dismiss sin as a made up concept, you could say that it is really unnecessary to go after ‘God’s’ solution to the problem, but the whole of Christianity revolves around Christ’s work on the cross and the resurrection to save people from sin and from eternal damnation. You might say it is the core doctrine no matter what flavor of Christianity you live by so it deserves some attention.

Faith:

Of course, the first thing each flavor of Christianity stakes out is how said salvation is achieved with Christ. The faith versus works controversy starts right away in the first century. James and Paul go at it right in the Bible. Now I heard multiple explanations from both Protestants and Catholics of why James and Paul are not arguing about the same thing really but they practically quote each other with only one variation. One says salvation in Christ cannot be of works so no one can boast, and the other one says that without works it is impossible to show faith. No matter how you logically try to get them to be ‘defending the same salvation only from different directions”; it is contradictory. One is saying that works have nothing to do with salvation, and the other is saying it does.

So what this really shows is that even in the Bible and among early Christians, they had disputes and disagreements about how this works and thus it points to the Bible not being inspired by God so much as it records those early debates among the faithful about how salvation worked. That makes the Bible very human and also not the Word of God because if God had actually wanted to tell us how this works because it seems it would be the most important thing for us to know, he would have made it plain, straightforward and quite frankly non-contradictory.

Religion:

Of course, every flavor of Christianity goes even further with specifics and added on things to the doctrine of salvation in Christ. The Catholic Church plain out tells you that you can only be saved from death through them and no one else. Many Protestant denominations will tell you the same. My former denomination would tell people that they had the whole gospel, not just part of it. Salvation is complicated by religion because religion seeks to use these ideas to keep people grateful and faithful for telling those people their version of ‘the truth’.

Theology:

Religion aside though, my objections are theological – what kind of God do we have, who claims to be merciful and loving, but demands for his followers to be forgiving without condition but doesn’t do so himself? It also brings up the question of the ability to forgive in that we are expected to forgive each other without condition because we can, even as sinners. Yet, a holy God can’t simply forgive without sacrificing his only begotten son in one of the cruelest ways ever devised by man. He must have this sacrifice or he cannot forgive at all and I must have faith in it and the resurrection or he will not forgive me specifically. Worse yet if I don’t forgive others as a Christian, he won’t forgive me. He can choose to not forgive others and still be a holy God, but if I don’t forgive, I cannot be saved? So I as a ‘sinner’ have not only a greater expectation than my creator but also I am more capable because I can do this forgiveness without conditions, but he cannot?

This bit of ‘logic’ pales in comparison to the fact that in order to forgive us he must sacrifice himself to himself, to appease himself to save us from himself. See the problem? Well Ed, what if then the whole doctrine of salvation as it currently stands is man-made and that isn’t the real one? My response – exactly and that is probably true from the start of Christianity to where it actually stands today. It seems to me that this idea is just as man-made because a supreme being could have come up with the simple plan to just forgive people. As Jesus is praying in the garden “if it be possible, let this cup pass from me” we would see the opening up the heavens and God saying -“You know what, I have a better plan – let’s just forgive people like I expect them to forgive each other.” That would be just, logical and consistent.

There is also another theological side issue – How much of a sacrifice is it really for Jesus if he knows for certain (which he indicates three times in the gospels) that he will rise from the dead? Honestly, if he knew that and most people who have faith believe he did and the text certainly seems to indicate he did, then it isn’t that big of a sacrifice? He knows he is not going to ultimately be dead in the end, so why not do it as there is no ultimate risk to him? In the end, Jesus is risking nothing himself as God, just going through the inconvenience of temporal suffering. Why? To make a point? What point would that be, when there is nothing actually sacrificed in the end?

Spirituality:

I guess this leaves me with the question from a spiritual point of view as to what salvation is? Or does it? I mean, if there is no such thing as sin, there is no need to be saved from it. Of course, then I could be left with the question of what the real divine reality might expect from me? I guess only thing then is to live a good life regardless of what that divine reality might be. Marcus Aurelius rightly observes, in my opinion, this in his famous quote on the good life.

Of course, you are kind of left to things yourself as to define what virtues you will live by to attain that good life. In short, what is defined as a good life is left to you.

Conclusion:

So with number three down, I am left with my final objection to consider at the end of this month concerning Christianity and the Christian god. Namely that the justice of the God of the Bible is suspect, particularly when it comes to the doctrine of final destination – aka Hell.

The rest of the schedule for Odin’s Eye for 2018 is as follows:

December 13 – Why I Am A Pagan

December 21 – Yule

December 28 – Objections to Christianity – Part 4 – The Justice of the God (Hell)

Then it will be on to the New Year.

I want to note at this point that once mt last objection is laid bare, I will be putting all four of them in one page so that if anyone, want’s to attempt to answer them, I will gladly hear you out and respond at that point.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – A New Shore

December 3, 2018December 2, 2018 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

I get asked every once in a while about why I am getting a political science degree. I must admit the name is a bit of misdirection as political scientists are actually quite diverse in their skill set. I mean we have to understand the politics of people in groups from small groups to those as large as a nation. We also have to understand the bureaucracy of getting things done in the government. There is also the fact that we have budgets and a business side to consider. I have had three business management classes and some accounting to get my degree as well.

My two minors chip in as well as Economics and International Business stem from my interest in trade. International Business for me has been about understanding exchange rates, the logistics of moving things from one country to another. Understanding that different cultures do business differently as well. Economics has only enhanced my love for the concept of trade and trading and how it always benefits both nations.

When I look at what I would like to do next my dream job centers on this idea of being person who negotiates trade agreements between people. I am not sure specifically what that would be. I also would like to travel and see this world a little before I kick off of it. I however also want to come to a place to call home. So maybe a job that travels every quarter for a week or two. Go there, make money, come home. Kind of like a viking.

I know my wife doesn’t want to leave Michigan and I agree, but I also want to have those moments and times where I can travel to someplace new and enjoy the process of doing business and then come home to wife and hearth. If I could on occasion take her with me so much the better. It’s good to dream when you are looking to the future and this is mine. Well, that and own a bar and serve drinks. That’s my retirement dream.

Mostly I want something that allows me to set foot on a new shore and see what there is to see.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

Knowing I am noble of being is still a struggle. Part of this is finding the definition of what it means to be noble of being in and of itself and not attached to any religion. It’s not easy to abandon your faith of four decades and find a new philosophy that reflects a more true version of yourself. It’s a journey of discovery and takes a little courage to find that new sense of honor.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

It is coming time to start job searching again and looking for a direction for a new career path. This is going to take courage to do the interviews and the things I need to do to start looking for things that lead to that career. Time to be brave.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

Truth is I have the potentiality to be a good anything, maybe even great. There is also the truth that whatever I pick I want it to fit me. life is too short to not be doing what you enjoy and love. I need to remember that.

Morning Routine:

Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals
Review Bucket List
Full Body Stretch
Meditate on One of the Virtues
Breakfast
Supplements and Medicines
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day

Once school is over there is really only one thing I want to concentrate on this list which is the meditation aspect. I think the change might be to meditate more generally on the Nine Noble Virtues to see which virtue rises to the top.

Bucket List:

Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Write My Novel.
Learn Latin.
Learn Hungarian.
Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
Start my own business

I haven’t got much new to say about this other than if my job did entail travel the learning languages and taking a cruise to Budapest would be right up there as far as a way to having those fulfilled.

Weightlifting:

My gym closed and they started selling equipment so I need a new one. The problem is I have little time to look so I will probably just take this week off, concentrate on school and then look during finals week. Probably in the same city I work for now until I get a better job. I really hate to see this happen as it has been my gym home for the last three plus years.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Future Uncertainty

December 1, 2018December 1, 2018 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Saturn’s Day

Just by way of announcement, there will be no Rogue Wizard or The Grey Wayfarer this week. I just don’t have the time to do it right, so it will wait for next week and I will double dip with one of both to make it up to you. Right now I am dealing with school, work and a lot of uncertainty about the future. I do take a lot of comfort in the fact that in such moments my creativity is off the charts. I hope it is a trend that continues. Just a few quick notes:

Academically I have been working toward the goal of being completely finished with all course work this semester, so I can just do my internship while looking for a better job. Unfortunately, I think it is very possible that I might come up short by one class because my bugaboo of GIS is probably going to get me. For me it is like learning a foreign language I can’t seem to grasp on top of a psychological trigger of past failure with the subject. I don’t know if this means I won’t be able to walk but in any case, it might be more than an internship I need to do next semester. I guess we will see because everything else I will probably do well in. If I do have to take courses next semester they will have to be all online so I can job search and keep our household costs down.
It’s official that my gym will be closing and probably sooner than I wished with everything else going on. I may have to just take a week off from the gym, focus on academics and then look for a new one during finals week.
My other uncertainty is my own confidence level waxes and wains a lot. Some moments I feel like I can take on the world and others I feel pretty helpless to the situation. I get angry still at certain things that happened and my heart still seeps soul-blood from time to time from past hurts and my own guilt. I probably need some professional counsel on this but I don’t have the money for it. One person who knows me via internet offered but I feel I need the personal touch on this one. If only I had the time or money right now.

I had someone ask me for prayer yesterday. I haven’t felt praying has done a lot of good for me or anyone else when I pray for them. I just am not sure how valuable my prayers are seeing that I have very little faith in a god who might be out there or not and quite frankly if he/she/they are what their response to me might be to me specifically seeing I have massive doubts. Christianity was my philosophical underpinning and foundation for a long time. I really am trying build a new one because that one has too many cracks in it for me now. I know too much to believe it anymore. The process of building a foundational philosophy is a long one however and this means a time of uncertainty. Out of that I hope will come something better – something more true.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Odin’s Eye – Why I Am a Humanist

November 29, 2018November 29, 2018 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day

Introduction:

These days I am looking at being nothing but a human being – hopefully a decent one. As a deist I can acknowledge the possibility of a god, gods or divine force but because of ignorance I don’t really know what they or it is. I just don’t know and I cannot assume that they have done anything more than create the perimeters in which I live and nothing more. I have faced and will continue to face problems in this world, so who do I rely on to help me with those difficulties?

This is where I become a humanist and basically say it is time for the human race to grow up and realize that the only solution to human problems is humanity itself. That if I am going to look to solve my problems, I need to look to me to solve them and if I can join together with other humans to solve mutual problems that may be the only way to solve them. I need to have ‘faith’ in humanity to do this because in truth, as far as we know, our only salvation for our problems is our own abilities to over come them.

Faith:

I know people might watch the news and wonder how one can have faith in humanity. I do because in truth the news focuses on a small minority of people with either a problem or are the cause of a problem. The news always focuses on the small minority of bad things that happened while ignoring the normal good things that happen every day that are far more numerous. It is the classic case of focus on the negative but ignoring that the positive that far outweighs the negative. “Problem X has gone up two percentage points in the last year.” What they don’t tell you is this is only an increase from 2% to 4% and 96% of people don’t have that problem or are not engaged in that negative behavior. As Penn Gillette rightly observed there are two things about people which are true: 1) Things are usually getting better all the time and 2) People always believe they are getting worse.

I believe most of us humans are like myself. I am just trying to make my way in this world the best I can, make the best life for myself. I just doing the best I can with the cards I have been dealt and trying to get new cards if I can. I would never intentionally hurt someone and I mind my own business unless I see someone in trouble and then I try to help as best I can. I don’t do this for any other reason other than it’s the right thing to do. Because it is the human thing to do.

Religion:

This is a far cry from most religions which try to tell you that humanity is all sinful, or deficient or selfish. Religion as a general rule uses guilt and remorse for past mistakes to motivate people to action. It also creates this false sense of achievement that allows some of that religion to arrive at a higher spiritual plane and thus judge the rest of us a righteous or unrighteous. Thus they can motivate us to serve them as a way to ease their burden while adding to our own.

I am not very religious anymore. Mythology of all types is more of a hobby and area of knowledge of mine but in truth I approach the world trying to be spiritual but not religious. My motivation comes from my own humanity which I no longer consider sinful or deficient. There is good in me and probably more than most religious systems would acknowledge or want me to acknowledge.

Theology:

As a deist and humanist, my theology of humanity has changed quite considerably. I no longer see human beings as anything but what they are – human. Not sinners in the hands of an angry God, not morally deficient because they have desires that are basic to survival and living and not some drifting concept or phantom shadow. Just real genuine humanity.

This means I can hope a lot of things for my fellow humans. I can see them as fully capable of handling their own problems. I can also see that if I join with them I might be able to overcome greater problems. I don’t look at humanity as the problem, but the only real thing I can see and know that can solve those problems.

There is a respect for the individual human that follows from this as well. Not just a respect for the whole of humanity, but that each human being has this capacity to be more and better than what they are. Because of this I feel and have always felt that humans should be as free as possible to pursue their own interests to overcome their own problems as long as they do not bring harm to others. In the end I alone and they alone are responsible for their actions.

Spirituality:

As a humanist I know on thing for sure – I alone am morally responsible for what I do. No one else can have that responsibility. I also cannot be held morally responsible for anyone else’s choices. Nor should I be held accountable for them. If there is one axiom of religion that might be true, it’s the idea of being treated like I want to be treated. I want to be left alone to pursue what is best for me and as long as I don’t do that by harming or exploiting others, I should be allowed to do it. This is my basis for liberty and freedom for myself and all others. I am a libertarian in large part now becasue I am a humanist.

Conclusion:

It is in liberty and freedom where human beings are free to pursue solutions to their problems and associate with those they choose to associate with that such solutions will be found. No place else. This is something that religious people find it hard to grasp. They turn to a god, gods or whatever force they serve for the solutions and then wonder why problems still persist. This issue is turning to the one thing we know in the world that has the potential to actually solve the problems we face – ourselves.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

Of Wolves and Ravens: Lessons in Logic – Normative vs. Positive Economics

November 27, 2018November 27, 2018 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Introduction:

I am working on school work so it is helpful to review certain concepts. Most notably basics. Most people think economics is a dull subject but it probably is the one science that also deals rationally with the question of scarcity. That is what to do with resources as all resources have a limited availability? All resources are scarce, so how to distribute them is always the issue. Within this framework will be arguments and in economics arguments boil down to whether something is normative or positively stated.

A positive statement is factual dealing with the way things are and describes things factually. A normative statement is a statement of what should be and deals with recommendations for how things should be. In my old religious/theology classes positives statements are the issues of morals – the way things are and how people actually behave. Normative statements would be the issues of ethics – the way things ought to be.

When people ask me why I like economics so much it is because economics is a very human thing. Society and individuals do not live in a world of pure positive or normative reality. In truth things are constantly going back and forth between what is and what ought to be. To the wolves and ravens.

Needs (Geri):

It is a positive statement to say that human beings have needs. Things that must take place for people to survive. We need water, food, shelter from the elements and air. Without these things we would die. Most of these things are scarce, in truth all of them.

What is not always clear is how these needs should be met in the most effective and efficient manner. Economists will put out different models and will engage the subject with as much fact and evidence they can muster. However, some of this discussion in the area of needs dwells in the realm of the normative, because some economists might argue that this list of needs is too short. Education, Health Care, Defense, etc. all enter the picture here as the issues of well-being and security seem to be in that realm of tug of war between morals and ethics.

Wants (Freki):

People want things – that is probably a positive statement. The issue of how one goes about acquiring what one wants enters the realm of ethics and the normative very quickly. The whole discussion of rights, collectivism vs. individualism and many other discussions of which economics system is the best, enter the arena at this point. It could be said that the majority of the disagreements between economists involve wants vs. needs discussions.

Reason (Huginn):

One would think the moment we engage reason that the world of the normative drops out of the picture. It doesn’t though. Reason has to engage ideas of all kinds. In economics reason might spend a large part of the time engaging the laws of economics (there are at east thirty of them) but sometimes it is not clear because of the normative nature of the issue how those laws should be applied. This is the centrality of the issue of economics. I love this aspect of it.

Wisdom (Muninn):

Wisdom is learning to understand things and how to apply them. Economics, because of this normative/positive tug of war, has the added feature of trying to be applied to real life. Trying to come up with the best solution for the problems of needs and wants is the central core of economics and this practical aspect draws me to it like a moth to a flame. Sifting through all the normative and positive statements to find a true genuinely helpful philosophy of economics is a worthy goal and one I want to embrace. In addition economics has been around long enough that from Adam Smith onward we have a large number people to draw from as far as experiences and thought. It means the wisdom provided on these questions is extensive.

Conclusion:

If there is any lesson today it is for people to recognize that there are positive and normative statements in the world and to learn to distinguish between the two of them. This becomes the foundational skill of learning not only how to engage logical principles but to learn how to know when someone is stating a fact or an ethical opinion is something that every person should learn. For me economics stands as this great fusion between life and philosophy and learning how to navigate both.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

A Skald’s Life – Foundational Virtues – My Comeback

November 26, 2018November 26, 2018 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Moon’s Day

Journal Entry:

This week and next are going to be hell. I have school to finish and there is a lot of work to do. I also have to work a job and a marriage to maintain. I also have to get enough sleep to function, so this means Discipline, Industriousness and Courage all in play. Here we go.

I want to take time out to take a breath as I dive in headfirst and look to the future. You have to see the finish line and the purpose of why you are doing what you are doing. That provides motivation and I need motivation.

The above meme really does encapsulate my life so far. These last few years have been rough ones and I really need to make 2019 my comeback year.

2016 – It did change me. I learned who was really in charge of my church and no one was going to do anything to help me change it. My crisis of faith started, I took a sabbatical that year to think things over. My course changed then.

2017 – Yeah, it did break me. I began to think of my marriage and ministry as a sham. A good friend died that summer and several things changed. I became painfully aware of a deep loneliness and depression. This was my state at the end of the year when a woman started to enter my life, but I really didn’t have feelings that were inappropriate for her until the next year. I was just thankful at that time for a new and growing friendship.

2018 – This has been a year of opening my eyes. I discovered how false many of the friends, particularly in church, I had were. In February, my organist died and this affected me deeply because at that point all the old I had started with was gone. The real problem was only one person was really listening to me and helping me through it. This lead to an emotional affair, my trying to resign over it but being fired instead, a near divorce, the loss of a close ‘friend’ who turned out to not be a friend. An emotionally up and down summer with a breakup, a marriage reconciliation, moving and a new job all while continuing school. The scales have definitely fallen off my eyes and like the Phoenix, I am rising from the ashes of 2018 as an awake and very different person. I feel true to myself at last and, as I wrote yesterday, ‘The Fire of Fury’ burns in my bones and I am ready for what is next.

2019? – I need this to be a comeback year, a new career direction, a stronger marriage and renewed prosperity. I am determined to make it happen.

Honor:

“Honor is the feeling of inner value and worth from which one knows that one is noble of being, and the desire to show respect for this quality when it is found in the world”

Principle – Be positive about my future

I am suspecting that after these next three weeks are over and things are at last done for the majority of my school work. I will feel like more honor is restored at that point. I will feel that things will be better at least from a self-worth standpoint. I will have achieved something I set out to accomplish. Then it will be a simple matter of finding a way to use the education to better myself further.

Courage:

“Courage is the bravery to do what is right always.”

Principle – Act with Courage at the right time.

There is a lot to act on and I cannot hesitate at this point. I have a lot to do and nothing can distract me either so I need to stay focused and go forward. The fear to overcome is that I won’t finish everything. I need to bury that and just start eating the last elephant, one bite at a time.

Truth:

“Truth is the willingness to be honest and to say what one knows to be true and right. It is often better to not say anything at all if one cannot be honest.”

Principle – Pursue knowledge, wisdom and truth at all times.

The truth is that I need to continue to be truthful with myself. It is what has kept me making good decisions for a bit now. This truth thing leads to a lot better path, but one that is often more difficult. It is however the difficulty of the truth that makes us struggle more and thus get stronger.

Morning Routine:

Review Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and Principles
Review Goals
Review Bucket List
Full Body Stretch
Meditate on One of the Virtues
Breakfast
Supplements and Medicines
Shower and Personal Hygiene
Get Dressed for the Day

I have to say this morning routine is the most successful one I have ever done. I actually look forward to it every morning.

Bucket List:

Go Back to Budapest, Hungary for a vacation.
Get My Tattoos.
Actually Get Drunk.
Smoke a Joint.
Hike the Northern Lakeshore Trail along the Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
Write My Novel.
Learn Latin.
Learn Hungarian.
Weightlifting – Bench 225 lbs, Squat 315 lbs, and Deadlift 405 lbs.
Start my own business

So by July 1st, 2019 I need to cross one of these off. We will see if its learning one of the languages, the novel or getting a tattoo or two. Those are my best bets at this point.

Weightlifting:

I am going to visit all the gyms in the town where I work very soon. My membership at my current gym expires in a few weeks. It also looks like it will be shutting down for good anyway. There are three options based on a preliminary look, so I will be looking at all of them probably during exam week as I won’t have an incredible amount to do. By the time exams are over, I will have to make this decision. I really hate to leave my current gym. It was a love at first sight thing and I will miss it.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Pagan Pulpit – That Which No Longer Serves Me

November 25, 2018November 25, 2018 / Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sun’s Day:

Announcements:

Opening Song: Shinedown – Monsters:

I suppose there is a progression to the music today. The start of it is an understanding that the monsters that live in all of us are very real. I love the chorus of this song:

‘Cause my monsters are real, and they’re trained how to kill
And there’s no comin’ back and they just laugh at how I feel
And these monsters can fly, and they’ll never say die
And there’s no goin’ back, if I get trapped I’ll never heal
Yeah, my monsters are real

The emotions that are the monsters, as our text says, doubt, fear sorrow, confusion and anger. Monsters that sleep but can be awakened at any moment with disastrous consequences. Other people may fool people and hurt everyone with their lies and falsehoods, but the real danger is the monsters lurking within us all.

Poem: “The Fire of Fury” by Ed Raby, Sr.

“The Fire of Fury”

A flame burns within me

It is one that I cannot see

It is fueled by my fury.

My motivation,

My anger,

My salvation,

My destruction

My enlightenment

Fire, Light, Anger, Illumination

The Fire of Fury will light my way

Or it will consume me

Ed Raby, Sr. – November 24, 2018

I had the title of his poem for quite some time and a feeling of what I wanted to express. I used it for the subtitle of my Rogue Wizard series at its current state but it kept being the title for a poem too. As I was preparing the Pagan Pulpit for this week, the words began to form. Poets understand what I mean. I think it speaks for itself.

Meditation:

Song of Preparation: Disturbed – Indestructible:

It is no secret I like Disturbed. I plan on sitting back after school is over and listening to every one of their albums and songs. I just haven’t had the time to give listening to music the proper time it deserves and this is one band I want to some attention to in-depth. The progression of today’s songs continues with learning to take the negativity and toxicity of certain emotions and transforming them into that which makes us indestructible.

Text:

“Release all that no longer serves you: “I cast away all doubts, fears, sorrows, confusions, anger to the wind. I release any toxicity that weakens my spirit.” – The White Witch Parlour

Sermon:

Yeah, I am using a quote from a white witch site. That said when I was a Pentecostal, I swear I heard this same quote from the more Charismatic Movement oriented believers. It’s amazing how mysticism can change the form it has, but the words and concepts are simply the same.

There is something to be said for the idea of releasing that which no longer serves us when it comes to emotions. Emotions are raw material. Parts of them are useful and other parts are chaff that needs to be given to the wind. The real challenge of dealing with these emotions is learning how to harvest them. Learning what needs to be released as toxic and unproductive while keeping the parts of them that lead to constructive and healthy action.

The most pronounced example of this I can think of is something that happened this week to me. I wrote on Tuesday a post: The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer (Part 3) – Confessions. The process of working through the three issues presented in that post was refining moment for me. I was working through the emotions and found that I changed in my feelings toward all these situations. The toxic elements of the emotions are less and the good parts that motivate and bring positive change are now more present. I know what to do about all of them and I am more at peace about that.

The quote today is a personal one that perhaps we all need to say from time to time. Doubt can lead to inquiry into truth. Fear can lead to courage. Sorrow to joy. Confusion to enlightenment. Anger to Motivation. Once you have let go of the toxic part of these emotions, the positive constructive elements are what makes you more of who you are and who you need to be.

Closing Song: Halestorm – Amen:

Ultimately its your shit to deal with. Not anyone else’s. And that ultimately is a good thing. Can I get an Amen?

Parting Thought:

Have a great week.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

The Rabyd Skald – The Grey and The Wayfarer (Part 3) – Confessions

November 20, 2018November 23, 2018 / Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Tyr’s Day

Introduction:

I just don’t have time this week to do a proper Of Wolves and Ravens. School is starting to have the potential to kick my ass and I am having to bear down a bit. It’s OK though, because it gives me a chance to do an update on my constant battle with depression aka The Grey. I could just write and say things are cool, but that would be a lie. I would assess myself as functional but struggling.

I never realized how much betrayal would be a depression trigger. The pain of loss of friendship I think does it. We all objectify people from time to time. It’s the main philosophical problem of our age brought to life. We no longer see people as people like ourselves but rather as problems to be moved aside or dealt with. I work hard every day to see people as people. Even more so since I failed at that with my wife in particular. But my greater motivation is now I very much know what it feels like to be treated as an object as well. Once you have been treated that way, you never forget it and you either work hard not to make others feel that way in return or….you fade into The Grey.

As a warning here at this point. What follows is a discussion of the three things I would be talking to my counselor about if I could afford one. Some of these are sensitive in the sense they can invoke strong feelings. Particularly, if you are family in some sense or another either through blood, long association as my friend or even through my church ties some way, this warning is for you to stop reading at this point, unless you feel you can take the sensitive emotions of the issues presented. I am going to try to be as transparent as possible without being hurtful, but I don’t know how people will react all the time, so the warning is for you.

On a practical note, the reason I am doing this is these issues are making it difficult to concentrate on work or school because they are the closure issues I have been mentioning. It should be noted that on all of these, other people have different views of the events and have called me cowardly and a lair for my viewpoint. I can only present things from my perspective and based on my own conversations with others. The problem still remains that others are telling my story and I want to tell it myself to set a more complete account. I don’t care if you believe me. This is me getting things off my heart and mind for my sake.

Old Flame:

I want to say that even with all the strength and love I have gained from restoring my relationship with my wife, I still have residual pain over loving another and the breakup that followed. I don’t think that should be surprising or shocking as you can’t emotionally invest in someone and not have that happen. What I find hard is not walking away from this relationship as any romantic love I had for her is gone, but mostly how it came apart and the reason why it came about. This is one I think I am just going to have to learn to live with and pretty much learn to do it on my own. I have had a hard time hating people for hurting me like this, but I know I can’t trust them and that makes me sad. Mostly I get mad at both of us for taking this relationship too far. Oddly enough, I still miss the friendship and I learned a valuable lesson on boundaries being important.

I think though this is one of those wounds that will get better with time. I also think it will never heal completely. Mostly I have found healing here in turning my attention to my relationship with my wife and building that.

‘Friendship’ Lost:

The second issue is I had a long time friend with my last church. We did a lot of things together and sat next to each other for well over nine years. We were in a small group together for the same length of time. We knew each other very well. Or I thought I did. The one thing I felt I could do with this person was trust them with something important and in this case my resignation.

My plan was to have my resignation read the one Sunday and then come in the next when I wasn’t feeling so emotional distraught and explain things. That never got to happen. This person set me up.

a) They convinced me to remove all references to the reasons I was resigning – I had been involved in an inappropriate relationship. The reasons for removal given to me were not wanting to start gossip in the church and not dragging the girl into all this. I felt the reasons he gave were solid, so I removed the references to the affair, figuring I could go in the church the next week and deal with that issue.

b) I now know the very day that I gave my ‘friend’ my revised resignation, with all references to the affair removed, he called the woman I had been involved with up and asked her permission in using her name for him to tell the story to the church. He did that after reading my resignation. This made it very much look like I was hiding something, and he was being the noble guy telling everyone the truth.

c) On the Monday that followed the story of what happened came to me though my mother and several others who called me. There was even a plan in place already of how the vote would take place in a few weeks to decide things. None of this was ever shared with me during the months that followed in any official capacity. If it hadn’t been for a few members of my flock who disagreed with how things were being handled and kept me informed, I would never have known anything.

d) I texted this person and asked very simply what was going on. That was June 5th, 2018. I still have the text I sent. It has never been responded to. This person has made no effort to contact me since. Ever.

The sad thing is that I would not have handled things this way had the roles been reversed. I would have given him two things he obviously didn’t give me.

Love – I would have given him the benefit of the doubt and certainly would have allowed him to tell his own side of things and not take it upon myself to do that. The story that followed that I heard had definitely been blown up far bigger than it was and had obvious falsehoods. I would have made sure only established facts were told and crushed any rumors that couldn’t be verified.

Time – I would have given him time to think over things. In retrospect what I should have done is taken a week off to think things over and then resigned the following week myself in person. That’s the time factor I am speaking of. I would have given him these two things because that’s what friends do.

I am not sure what bothers me the most, but one thing I wrestle with is whether this truly is a friendship lost or did I really have a friend there to begin with? I am beginning to think I was nothing more to this guy than an object, that when no longer usable to him and his agenda, I was discarded. That pisses me off. The problem is no matter how many times I pay over the scenario, I keep running into the later conclusion. I know forgiveness is a powerful tool in recovery from things like this, but this one I haven’t forgiven yet. At least fully.

I want to make it clear, I am not looking for vengeance and I would never hurt him physically. That is just not me. What is me is being patient and waiting for the wheel of time to keep turning. If someday I get to balance the scales of justice thanks to fate, providence or karma, I will take it without hesitation. The difference will be I will stab him in the chest while looking him in the eye. Metaphorically speaking, not literally – I hope the man lives a long but miserable life.

Now before everyone lectures me about Christian forgiveness, I will remind people I am not longer religious or a Christian. One thing I do feel is that justice should be served. I may be a former adulterer, but I at least tried to confess it to my flock and would have if not for this man’s interference. I know he is a two-faced, backstabbing liar and that is enough for me. I doubt he will ever admit it, so he continues to lie to cover things up. Maybe he lies to himself more than anyone else.

On thing I do think is such a thing should come to an end as he has no honor or sense of fidelity. I just hope I am around to see it; so I can smile as the fall takes place. There is an old proverb – “Meditate on the bank of the river long enough, and you will see the body of your enemy floating by.” Hopefully it is true. If you hear the sound of clapping when it happens, it will be me applauding as the body floats by.

Perhaps you are also saying I am going back on my treating people was people with this one. I would say I am simply following Christianity here seeing he is a Christian. I am treating him like he treated me. That’s apparently how he wants to be treated, because that how he treated me. As a pagan with a pagan sense of justice, I just want to see the scale balanced.

‘Few’ Goodbyes:

Oddly enough this is not the toughest thing. It’s the lack of the ability to say goodbye to my flock that hurts the most sometimes. Despite my struggles with faith and the affair, I still loved and cared for them like a shepherd. Because of how this was handled by my ‘friend’, I knew there would be a lynch mob waiting for me after that if I went back. I have been left with people contacting me and that has been few in number. Each time it has happened though, I have had a measure of healing come into my life.

I don’t really blame them. I know they were misinformed and tricked by someone they trust. It’s why I was fired and denied severance as well. I let a lot of that go and because they were my sheep I loved very much; I forgive them. The treacherous ram in the middle of them? Well, he just showed his true colors. I never should have turned my back to him. Live and learn.

Maybe in a year or so I can go back and say goodbye to those who are still there. By then perhaps people will have different thoughts on the whole thing. I don’t know. My daughter has always joked with me that she was going to throw an over the hill party when I turned 50. I guess the invite list could have a few select people from the church on it if she does. I definitely wouldn’t mind seeing some of them again. They are good people and I miss many of them.

Conclusion:

I don’t know if this has done anything but help me get through the fog a little and see clearly my path. You don’t get very far glancing over shoulder or looking back. My whole thing is to identify what is weighing me down and find a way to deal with it. Either to cast it off, change it so it isn’t so heavy or learn how to cope with it. I think writing this out and having it out there has been good for my soul. I need that right now and this has definitely helped as I have written it. It’s good to know your enemy and even better when part of that enemy is yourself.

Once again, my purpose here is not to stir up feelings. If I have, I do apologize. But I have been struggling with this for a little while now. I have talked with my wife about it and that has helped but I needed to clear my head. One thing that has always helped has blogging about stuff.

I remain,

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard and Philosopher. The Grey Wayfarer.

Skaal!!!

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