Month: January 2023

Minimalism – Returning to My Philosophical Roots.

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day!

Since making my decision to reign from teaching ASAP, I have been reviewing my minimalistic philosophy of life. Mostly, on the practical side, I have to reduce the shit in my possession so I can fit everything into my car and go back to Michigan. But the rest of it is renewing some things I had forgotten. Stuff remembered that would have helped me with what I am going through now if I hadn’t remembered it too late.

Does this give me joy?

Does this give me sense of purpose?

Does this add value to my life.?

These are the questions at some point that I stopped asking and got off track. Had asked them about teaching or some of the things I have bought with my money I would probably have had a better sense of purpose and more money. So as I prepare to move back home, stuff is leaving my life.

I first learned of this concept many years ago when I was still a Christian reading Richard Foster’s book Celebration of Discipline and then I read his later book – Freedom of Simplicity. Now, one might say this is a Christian thing until you realize every major viewpoint seems to have some discussion about Minimalism in its most base form – living simply. Stoic philosophers sing its praises without even a reference to a deity. Does it fit with the Nine Noble Virtues – I would say ‘yes’. It is more important to work with purpose than accumulate. More important to work on one’s self than acquire things from others.

This last few days, I have been getting rid of things and with each trip to Goodwill or each tip to the dumpster, I feel the load of life’s burden getting lighter. I have fewer things than last week and yet I feel like I have gained something – freedom from the desire to possess.

One particular trial in this was not as one might expect – my books. but rather my games. I have a load of Avalon Hill wargames I collected in my younger days that I have had through many travels and moves. I have held onto these forever and yet today I set aside 2/3 of them to take to Goodwill. I asked myself – ‘when was the last time you played this? It came up surprisingly often – ‘never’ and at other times ‘decades ago’. Some collectors will have them if they stumble into the right Goodwill and find them. But it felt so good – like giving up a dormant part of the past so I am open for something else to enjoy or be more productive. Letting go and gaining freedom. That is simplicity, that is minimalist philosophy. It brings real peace.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

I Cried Today

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day!!!

I Cried Today. I don’t cry often. I am not one of those macho guys who think crying is a sign of weakness. At the same time I was raised with the notion crying is not a manly thing to do. I am part of that generation. I don’t rationally have a problem with it, but I think subconsciously I get a little disappointed in myself whenever the tears roll down my face.

I have made a decision to resign from my post as a teacher of social studies in my school as soon as I can and go back home. I had to and it sucks.

On Friday I was facing a lot of facts about my situation and they felt it – massive anxiety. The Grey’s ultimate effect. It was strong too. I knew what lay ahead and that was a breakdown. And then I caught myself and realized what was going on. Just. In. Time. Nervous breakdown avoided. How did I know it was a nervous breakdown? – because I have had one before.

That time not only did it nearly destroy me, but I went through it without any help only realizing what it was after the fact when I pulled myself up from it and looked at the symptoms in retrospect. My therapist back then told me I was lucky to be standing. But, I always get up. Keep going. That is so ingrained in me.

So today I told my family that I was giving up teaching and coming back to Michigan. The reaction was mixed. Part of that was a friend of mine who I also posted came over saying he would take my bed, desk, etc. but he had to take them today. So I tore some things down and they hauled them away. I felt weird about it, but I need to let things go. Minimize things. They were things I had bought with the money I had earned teaching, but I need to let it go. They are just things.

The problem is I then had an epiphany right after my friend left. I don’t like disappointing people. I don’t like people looking at me like I am a failure and here was another failure. For the last five years, I have felt like I am both disappointment and a failure and at that moment I cried. I am so tired of trying to redeem myself against myself. I feel like I have failed my kids and friends so many times. It sucks.

This killed my marriage. I needed to talk about how I felt like a failure and a disappointment to my ex-wife and I couldn’t because of respect for her feelings. And I had to keep it inside. It killed us because I couldn’t talk about it. I needed to talk about how I felt I had let everyone down and was a disappointment to her in particular and I couldn’t because as she put it. “That’s the past and it just brings up bad feelings”. So I respected her feelings and died inside. Then it overflowed and killed our marriage too.

This epiphany solidified in front of me and my tears came. I know one thing I can’t stay here. I feel like I am running away but in truth, I was running away by coming here. I just didn’t want to admit it. Somehow I need to break this family curse of being silent. The Grey’s power needs to be broken. I just don’t know how to do it.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Why I am Leaving Teaching for Good

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day!

I spent a lot of time during the Christmas Break pondering what I needed to do for the future. I had concluded that I needed to return to Michigan after year one in Texas but what about teaching itself. “Do I even like to teach anymore?” was the burning question this holiday season. The answer became ‘No.’ Slowly what has developed is a list of things of why, not only I need to go back home to Michigan, but also why I need to leave the profession of teaching far behind. In the end, I have a lot of personal, professional, and philosophical reasons to leave it behind and go do something else.

Personally, the list is pretty long. 1) This job triggers my high-functioning depression a lot. I do not enjoy life as a whole right now, and I am fighting through it and trying to get back to coping mechanisms that keep it from being overwhelming. 2) I don’t like Texas or Houston very much. It’s not the people, it’s the environment. 3) I am very alone here in this situation. My family support is very distant and that is my fault. 4) I don’t enjoy the job anymore. I don’t know how this happened, but right before the break I simply thought to myself ‘I don’t like this anymore, not any bit of it.” 5) I feel like I am back in the ministry emotionally and in my last year before I left that profession – and it has only been a year and a half. I am already struggling to keep going emotionally, and that is not a good sign. I don’t seem to have the ability to leave work at work with this one and that is not good for me personally. 6) The money is good, but if I am looking at the possibility of even retiring, I need to do better. Or do I need to simply go into business for myself? Lot questions here, the one positive I will be taking home from this raid into Texas is a lot of my debt will be paid off.

Professionally, There have been so many changes this year that have robbed me of what I enjoyed about the job. I liked the process of writing lessons and figuring out what to do each day, adjusting as I went. No, our team pretty much wrote everything out ahead of time and I feel like we are being forced into a style that does not fit me. I also was told by some that I wasn’t really teaching. What they meant was I was not teaching the way they were taught in school that teaching is. I find this narrow conception of what teaching is to be my largest issue with my colleagues who graduated with education degrees. I also feel the profession of education has too much about it like this.

Philosophically, I am way too libertarian for this job. Public education is all the things we libertarians say it is. Operant conditioning is bothersome at best to me. I now know why the media uses certain terms so much. It’s about conformity, not freedom. I actually find myself applauding my students who are rebels. I am also becoming more supportive of parents who decided on alternative forms of educating their children. This system is built by politicians and bureaucrats and it shows. The fact that one cannot be a teacher and be vocal about issues without the risk of losing one’s job is also bothersome. Time to leave as soon as practical.

So, the plan is to finish the year, pack my bags, and return to Michigan. I don’t as of yet what the future will hold. What do know is I need to get out of this place and profession. I need to return to my people and a place I love and enjoy and go from there.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

The Morning Routine: My Opening for Each New Day

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day!

A couple days ago I wrote about what I resolved to do this year and now I am starting to work on the nuts and bolts of things. January’s focus will be to get the morning routine down. I want to lay out the ten things in the morning routine and list some of the details and motivations for it. This is mostly for my benefit to give myself clarity of thought. But it doesn’t hurt to share what you are doing with others in order to give inspiration or even open yourself up to suggestions.

1 – Get Up Early and make the Bed: Sounds simple right but there is a significance to it. If all else fails that day: I got up early, on time, and made my bed. There is nothing better than climbing into a made bed at the end of a long day as well. My wakeup and bedtime become the bookends of the day and I want it to be good at both ends.

2. Meditation on the Nine Noble Virtues: I actually put in my contacts before this but it is necessary because the NNV re on a poster on my wall. In five minutes I can read through them about three times and sometimes I pause to think about something. The point here is to remind myself what values I hold, and what my real motivations are.

3. Full Body Stretch: I need to get some flexibility and strength back in my joints but also this tends to be a very meditative time for me as well. I suppose I should mention that all of this is done naked at this point. I go to bed naked and I fail to see the point in getting dressed until after I shower. For stretching, being nude is actually very liberating as it gives very good freedom of movement.

4. Weightlifting: I have gone to more of a routine that is only two sets with 15-25 reps from now until the end of summer. The goal is fat burning and to lean out as much as possible. I have a dumbbell set at home so I don’t even need to go to the gym for now.

5. Good Breakfast; My diet is shifting to low carb and low salt. This is for the above-mentioned fat burning but also my blood pressure was high at my last visit so I need to cut the salt for both that and wat retention. A good breakfast starts all of that.

6. Hygiene Routine: I would put this Shit, Shower, and Shave. Ultimately I am just getting the hygiene done so I am ready for the day.

7. Get Dressed: Pretty self-explanatory. On days I work, it’s getting dressed for work Otherwise it’s shorts and a T-Shirt for home or something else if I am going out that day.

8. Reading – I was going to do 3 chapters a day, but my Goodreads goal is only one book a month. So 1 chapter a day. With non-fiction, I am adding the read it again and take notes second run so this should make the 12 books a year make more sense.

9. Write for the blog: I am going with; 1) Write the rough draft one day and 2) Then edit and post the next. This is a conscious effort on my part to write every day but also to pay more attention to editing. Something that every writer needs to pay attention to more often.

10. Get Ready for Work (if needed): Self-Explainitory. Balance of time (if any) is spent resting.

The whole point is to get off to a good start personally each day with the daily goal of focusing on myself, and then keeping everything else that day in that context.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

The New Year: “Be It Resolved…”

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!!!

Anyone who knows me also knows that I do not hold much to New Year’s Resolutions. I do however believe in a quarterly assessment of my goals and vision for myself. If the new year is valuable to me it is in the assessment of progress and a change of course that is planned. A course correction and seeing I am completely off course, time to chart from where I am at to where I would like to be next year. I think this year I will head in the direction of ‘be it resolved by the end of 2023, I will…” Then list the needed things to change.

1 – Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, my morning routine will be well established.” My routine every morning will help with a lot of my coping mechanisms. In fact, most of it is a list of my coping mechanisms in action. 1) Get Up Early and Make Bed, 2) Meditation on the Nine Noble Virtues (5 min), 3) Full Body Stretch, 4) Weight Lifting, 5) Good Breakfast, 6) Hygiene Routine, 7) Get Dressed, 8) Reading – 3 chapters, 9) Write – Rough Draft or Edit and Post for the Blog. Yes, I will be writing every other day from now on. The main focus here is me and keeping my depression from hitting me by keeping myself healthy and mentally focused.

2. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will return to Michigan. I need to get back to a place where my depression bothers me less. It is closer to family and hiking, camping, etc. I love. Michigan people are my people. Houston just incites my depression. too much

3. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will change careers from teaching to something less stressful and just as or more lucrative. I need to finish my contract, but after that, I am done. This means everything currently must be up to snuff as far as credentials, professional development, training, etc. Then on to what? I don’t know that yet. Kind of like returning to the land you left to find out what has changed that you can take advantage of. I guess part of the challenge will be the discovery.

4. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will more actively pursue my new love – my shieldmaiden – if she will have me. I need to find her first. But something tells me the way to attract such a woman would be simply to be the best man I can be and see who is attracted to that. I think the only thing I am going to do here is, move to Michigan and then just be me. I do think I am going to be growing a full beard. Something like the gentleman below but my coloring will be different. Going to make myself into the healthiest, most masculine, and the sexiest old man I can be and see which female warrior is attracted to that. Time for this Odin avatar to find his Frigg.

5. Be it resolved that by the end of 2023, I will be at peace with myself in better ways. 1) I need to write beyond the blog., 2) I need to find that outlet I need to be a voice. The Rabyd Atheist was my pulpit for a couple years, but I stopped because I realized how dangerous it is to have social media career and be a teacher. I actually am taking a bit of risk even with this blog. This is probably one other good reason to change to something that does not have that risk. 3) Have paid off as much debt as possible by the end of the year. The move is going to take money, but I think most of the small bills will be gone by February, and then it is my car. If I move back to Michigan with nothing but student loans, I will be in good shape.

So there it is – my five – “Be it resolved”. Should be an interesting year.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!