Nine Noble Virtues

Perhaps I Still am The Grey Wayfarer after All.

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day!

I have been gone a while – again. But I guess, in some regards, success of a limited kind lulled me into a false sense of security. But Yesterday hit me with a lot of sudden anxiety and the depression that follows. It’s been building, but I have always, until now, been able to ignore it or put it on hold, so to speak. The Grey has long been my relabeling of a condition that I possess, which is this mixture of anxiety and depression that I seem always to be walking through and battling. Thus, the blog name: The Grey Wayfarer.

These last few months, I have felt really good in many ways. My YouTube Channel, The Rabyd Atheist, has actually developed into a supportive community and is doing well, but it could be doing better. I have almost given up on getting a promotion at work. And have, for the first time, explored my options for other employment, and it doesn’t look good. I really have put myself in a position, if I want to stay close to my family, of making writing and YouTube work along with my job. It is just that I feel a low level of anxiety about the whole thing.

Picture, if you will, a man clad in grey walking through a forest. He is accompanied by his wolves and ravens. The rain is pouring down in that way that creates gloom, and the forest shadows cause a lot of anxiety. Despite the ravens, some things still hide from view. The rain washes away the scent of danger, so the wolves cannot anticipate what’s next as the patter of the rain disguises sounds as well. The path gets flooded, and so at the various forks in the road, it is hard to see which is the best route. The Man is not lost, but conflicted. His lack of information and foresight is blinding his one eye. His own foresight sees only possibilities but not certainty.

Some of you may recognize the other part of The Grey Wayfarer – My identification in spirit with the wandering god, Odin the All-Father. But the analogy is fitting in many ways. Odin’s reputation is mixed. He is not always the good guy. Nor is he bad. Depending on who you talk to, I am a hero or a villain. I accept this; it is life. For the longest time, my wolves have been a reflection of my needs and desires and my hunger for them to be fulfilled. My ravens – reason and wisdom. My path – the Nine Noble Virtues. As a Wayfarer, minimalism is my habit. One’s pack cannot be too heavy. My one eye remains because I sacrificed my old life of religion, faith, and all the BS that comes with it, to find a truer sight in my mind and heart. The one eye I have left seeks love, wisdom, and justice. But confound it, the rain and gloom are making all of this hard.

I never know precisely what will trip me over back into this, and perhaps it has been long in coming. Autistic Masking has been my trouble, and I think I have been masking my own emotions from myself. Is that possible?

But yesterday, I found myself spending the day alone and hating every moment of it. I then tried to do laundry, and my car wouldn’t start. I think the battery has finally started to lose the battle of keeping a charge. My son jumped me, so it started, and for a while was fine. Until I had to go to work, then it did it again. So I had to call into work, and I really can’t afford to do that. And then, as I went back inside, planning to get a new battery somehow, I tripped. I fell into a state of anxiety I haven’t felt in a long time. My stoic philosophy was saying “control what you can control,” but the emotions of looking at my car troubles, being alone to face them, and looking at the financial issues of my life right now, and I tripped and fell, and when I got up, The Grey was there, and I stood there wondering what to do. Anxiety about the future mixed with that low, gloomy depression was a state I thought long forgotten.

As I write this, I look at the clock and realize I was there for roughly five hours – I took a nap (not the restful kind), tried unsuccessfully to be creative, sat staring at a screen, and doomscrolling. Then doing nothing at all. And then it hit me. I have been pretending that I finally got out of The Grey to the point that I have not been doing the things I need to do to walk successfully through it. I labelled it as something of my past and not the present. It’s a horrible mistake to think things are all right when they are not.

I forgot a simple truth – depression and anxiety are something you can manage but can never cure. I will always be The Grey Wayfarer. I have to remember this to survive.

Let’s picture our hero in his gloomy, rainy forest once again. He is standing. No progress is being made. Stagnation. But then he takes a step and then another. There is something I have learned in all the walking I have done. Something I need to get back to once the temperatures get regularly above freezing. There is a moment when you are motivated to keep walking and cannot, for the life of you, figure out where the motivation comes from. It’s raw humanity that is, in many ways, undescribable. I feel like I am at that moment.

So I take a step and another. I don’t really care what th path is, just that I am moving down it once again.

The one thing that is for sure is…

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Thoughts on 2022

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sif’s Day and Happy New Year!

I look back on 2022 with frustration and some sense of self-discovery. It’s amazing how much those two go hand in hand.

My frustrations stem from a lack of satisfaction with where I am and what I am doing. I dislike Texas for a lot of reasons. I don’t enjoy the politics of it; the sub-tropical climate without any season to speak of; unless you count moving from green to brown of the foliage at times. The people are friendly enough but their viewpoints on life deeply seep into Christianity. The Bible Belt is alive and well. I reminded of a Viking saying about Christians – “Don’t trust them – they talk peace but carry a sword”. Christians are on the defensive so they are apologetic and kind. Just wait if the tables ever turn. I remember the 80s and 90s all too well. Politics, Climate, Religion, and Oh, Yes. Houston is without a doubt one of the worst-designed cities on the planet. One of the costs one expects in a city is that its design would help with is transport costs. But no, Houston is designed in such a way that you have to drive everywhere, even down a couple of blocks because public transport is a joke and sidewalks are non-existent as far as I can tell. Overall, I would say the environment fits me like a size 6 shoe and I have 10 and a half feet.

Top it off, my dissatisfaction with being a public school teacher has grown to the point that I want to be done at the end of the semester. I will finish out my contract and call it good. I hear most don’t last between 2-5 years so I am in good company. For me it is a little different – this job requires me to care too much – much as I did as a pastor. This is bad for me personally for a number of reasons. I am burnt out from caring about so many. I just can’t do it much longer. I hope that makes sense. It’s not that I don’t care about people, but the direct involvement in a lot of things in everyone’s life – I just can handle based on the simple fact that I get tired of doing it. I am worn out from that, I now understand I am probably too old to get that fire I used to get from helping people like that back. I will send myself to an early grave with the stress of my emotions. I no longer can help at a deep level without it triggering a lot of the Grey for me. My empathy is killing me at this point.

It’s this fact that has triggered The Grey a lot for me. It has led to the self-discovery that when I help others, I fail to take care of myself. This is not about selfishness – it’s about self-preservation. I getting too old for this shit. I have a lot of goals I have yet to achieve and this is not the way. My self-care has suffered and I can’t let that continue.

So in Viking Spirit, I am planning on ending my raid into Texas this summer and heading back home – north – back to Michigan. I can handle one more semester as long as I know it is the last one. But also during this semester, I need to get back to my coping mechanisms that keep the Grey at bay and make my life better overall. I need to once again put myself first. Getting Back to lifting weights, proper diet, writing, reading, meditation, and plan simply being a voice in the world for the NNV and Reason. To live the Viking Life in the modern age.

I suppose the one positive of raids is the plunder is good. I have made more in the last year and a half than four full years of ministry. That said, teaching is a tough job that deserves more. I think I can do better now that I have some measure of what it means to focus on things. Just wish I had a shieldmaiden by my side to help me with the burden of life. That would have made things easier. I haven’t found any shieldmaidens in Texas, maybe they are all northern gals. So I would be headed in the right direction. Tomorrow’s post will have more details on my vision for 2023.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

The Flexible Nature of Pagan Philosophy

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Thor’s Day!

A commenter recently asked if I would explain where I am now to help understand my journey from Christian Pastor to the present. I would and have been classifying myself as a Pagan Atheist for some time now. The Atheist part is easy to understand or so you would think so. Simply put I do not believe in gods, goddesses, or even spiritual beings or forces because I do not find the evidence for the existence of these things to be at all convincing.

The pagan part is more difficult to define outside the spiritual side of it. Paganism throws around terms like “sacred, divine, etc: but my previously stated lack of belief in such things as spirits and gods or even sacredness throws a lot of that aside. In this expression of spirituality, one does find a philosophy based on a genuine and real world. People looked at the world around them and came up with observations that still hold today but wherever they didn’t understand the why or how – they made things up like religion and gods.

Of all religions, paganism is grounded the most in real life to me. It upholds the virtues of mankind as central. For me, the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) has become my code of life and there is really no requirement to believe in the supernatural to follow after the NNV. It could also be noted that the NNV provides a connection between most people as things like ‘courage’ ‘truth’ or ‘self-reliance’ can be discussed between people regardless of religion or philosophy.

I can easily sit down at a table with a Muslim, a Christian, and a Pagan and discuss what it means to have honor. We all would have differences in what honor is, but the basic idea would be there for all of us as a starting point. The differences would be in how ‘honor’ would be expressed. Those differences would be obvious, but what honor is would be understood. at least at a core level.

I chose paganism because of its practical truths such as the NNV. But also the viewpoints tend to be grounded in reality. That said, how the reality I interpreted can vary from pagan to pagan in very different and unique ways. There is really no right or wrong way to be a pagan. Most do have as a core three central cornerstones, but some of these cornerstones include the belief in things that are not proven, but a kernel of truth is still present that I can uphold because I think the philosophy works.

It should be noted here that I have looked at where ethics and morality come from and I don’t find that religion is the source of these things, but rather humans create ethics and philosophy as a society for the purpose of mutual benefit for all. Religion comes along and simply gets created to uphold the virtues and philosophy of life that already exist. Religion is a preserver of traditions but often has nothing to d with creating those traditions in the first place. It also has a tendency to pervert those traditions in the name of acquiring power for both the ruling and religious classes in society. Taking the good functioning element and seizing control of it and claiming divine origin is a classic religious staple.

Perhaps an example is in order. Marriage and in particular the nuclear marriage of one man and one woman. From an evolutionary standpoint, this works. You don’t need to be religious to see that. This issue is what came first. I believe people were living in nuclear arrangments for literally millions of years before religion came along and claimed the origin of marriage and the nuclear family that followed was of divine origin. It simply worked and became something valued because it worked.

But back o the cornerstones of basic pagan belief. 1) There is a belief in the importance or sacredness of nature.2) Reverence for ancestors and 3) acknowledgment of the divine within ourselves. If I were to take the spiritualized nature out of these things it becomes 1) The understanding of the importance of the natural world. 2) Respect for those who came before us and 3) recognition of the value of each human being including myself. I want to do a post on each of these things, so I will leave these cornerstones for the moment.

The point of this post is this is my interpretation of these and that is perfectly OK in paganism. Paganism is flexible and its philosophy is malleable. It can be shaped more specifically for each individual. That to me is more realistic that a philosophy that dictates terms to the individual they are forced into. Pagan philosophy is a tool for understanding the world and our role in it, not a dictator telling us what to do.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Re-Imagining The Grey Wayfarer

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

I haven’t sat down and written in forever; partly, it is the lack of inspiration. The other part of it is the time excuse but that is what it is – an excuse. To be fair to myself, I am learning a new job that is time intensive. That said, I have made a point to keep working at work and home at home. So is it a time thing or a making the time thing and then being disciplined about it. The latter is more likely. Mostly, I have just been wrestling against my depression.

Yes, The Grey, my old traveling companion down the road of life. It is at least a consistent companion if nothing else. Mostly it stems from being alone most of the time. I make enough money to survive and get ahead on paying debts but not much after that. I spend a lot of time at home alone. I thus do a lot of thinking -gasp – and that is a dangerous pastime as everyone knows. I am wrestling mostly with my future choices. What do I want to be?

I was the Rabyd Atheist for a while but the thought that kept running through my head was “is this what I want to define me?” I now think while I remain an atheist with a great deconversion story, I want that to be it. There is more to me than being an atheist and I want to search that out what that might be.

I am a social studies teacher in high school, but that is losing its allure as well. I think after so long as being the guy who called the shots, I don’t see that as often as I feel every time I turn around someone is joggling my elbow. Teaching is a craft to be sure but I find it time-consuming and frustrating for the above-stated reason. Honestly, I would rather e writing and hiking somewhere. Is it possible to make a living with some other job and still have time for the things I enjoy? It’s something I need to research.

As to this blog, I am Re-Imagining it to be something else. I still follow pagan philosophy and the Nine Noble Virtues. The issue is the application for me these days. Putting things into practice. So perhaps It is time to journal on these efforts again. We will see. In the meantime, you can see that I am still around and alive and well, despite the Grey.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

“Naming Day” – The Grey Wayfarer Pub – Episode 3

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Thor’s Day!

It’s been a month since last I wrote. I have been busy and now is the time to journal the results.

First I Had to personally move into the top-floor apartment. It was actually a simple affair with a single bedroom for my king-sized bed with some room to spare and a fairly spacious bathroom next to that. The entire front was an open loft-like arrangement with a kitchen, dining nook, and a living area which I devoted to my books a reading chair, and a sofa for guests. No Television. Comfortable and functional. Honestly, I spend very little time here except to get some sleep, eat, and do some reading at the end of the day.

The basement is more of my second home now. It is my alchemy lab in truth now. Several tables with chemical and alchemical apparatus covering them. One whole wall is now devoted to ingredients for my potions. Part of it though is my brewing equipment for my own alcoholic beverages. In particular, I have chosen to go with Mead. Mead is expensive and for good reason – honey. But I have discovered one thing about it as well. Because the ingredients are in some senses precious – the potions I make with mead have been shall we say more potent.

Now the real trick to alchemy is the magic part. It has to be drawn from your own inner philosophy and inner most beliefs. Theology does not work for me anymore and is quite frankly unstable as nitroglycerin as far as results. It’s the fact that theology is made up for the most part and lives in a double fantasy of sorts. It requires a lot of cheats and leaps of logic to get it to even be usable and even then its effects can be quite weird. It’s why the cure for vampirism eventually failed as theology is my magic force that doesn’t hold the magic that well. The cure had a shelf life and then the magic didn’t work at all once I didn’t believe.

So as I am setting up my lab I was also experimenting with products to sell and I have found that from a physical base form point of view mead is damn good at holding magic and tends to actually act as an enhancer of magical effect. So my mead production began at once. Thankfully the base magic I add to it makes the fermentation process go even faster. The base magic in general is the simple philosophy of living a virtuous life. The basic effect of the mead is that it quickens thought and reflection as well as having enough kick to knock a frost giant on his ass.

The rest of the magic is to take this base mead and add different ingredients and effects to make it more specialized. I have a lot of experimenting to do but the alchemy is working again and for that, I am thankful as I want a local brew to sell.

The bar itself is now nearly complete. Stools are redressed in grey vinal with a silver sheen and the five booths are much the same. The bar is restocked and the small cooking alcove is fixed up and stocked as well. I redid the bathrooms as they were pretty much trashed. I basically made two unisex bathrooms with nice fixtures and set up to do pretty much everything regardless of the sex of the occupant. I am just thinking ahead on that I suppose.

Finally, I added some touches from the old pub. I had my silver shield and shotgun shipped in and placed them under the bar. The painting of Miss Wine from the Pub. Her naked reclining form fits right at home here in the pub. Last I knew she had left the US to take an undisclosed job for the Shields. It must have been pretty hush-hush as even I couldn’t get info on it and I have pretty high clearance. That said, the painting was done by a man who knew his oils and made her beautiful and restful. Last, of all, I put up a small sign next to the painting – “Clothing Optional”. Some things will never change for me.

Outside there now hangs a sign which up to today was covered to prevent it from being read. But today I removed it as it is the official naming day for the pub. Both sides have the same scene of an old man traveling a path. Above him fly two ravens and two wolves are on the path with him. The word along the top and bottom: “The Grey Wayfarer”. Not so coincidentally, this is also the name of my new Mead “Grey Wayfarer Mead”.

I am happy with the place and the grand opening is in two weeks. Now all I need to do is hire some staff.

Author’s Notes:

Starting something new, forward in the timeline, but returning as something low-powered is tough unless there is a good explanation.

In this case, it is the bartender who has changed. He is having to rediscover and rebuild and so his power is diminished and his friends are scattered requiring him to make new ones (although some old characters might make a guest appearance). This means the change is causing a reset.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Nine Noble Virtues – “Discipline”

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Odin’s Day!

Discipline – “I do what is necessary and right of my own accord without bribe or threat.”

I know of no person who has accomplished anything without discipline. Discipline I doing the right and necessary things over and over again. A person does this not because they are bribed or coerced, but because simply that they are the right things to do, they are necessary to do.

For me, the focus has shifted to being a little more specific. To do the right and necessary things out of habit. Daily habit. This means coming up with routines.

As overall virtue, discipline helps us all in more than the daily accomplishments of life. Its connection with honor is unmistakable as doing what is right without bribe or threat is also an aspect of honor. The habits of a person’s life lead to a disciplined life of honor. It is one of those virtues that crosses over into a lot of areas.

Discipline can also be shared with others. Discipline is given as a virtue to others through training, teaching, and instruction. None of us learn from others without accepting their discipline of what they tell us to do.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Nine Noble Virtues – “Courage – Fear is a Choice”

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Odin’s Day!

“I will face my fears and defend my family and kindred from all dangers”

As a Christian, I was sold on the notion that perfect love casts out fear. Until you realize that the organized monotheistic religions all live and continue to exist based on fear of hell or punishment. There is no real love in it. So love doesn’t really cast out fear.

There is also the statement that Fear is not real. But the statement kind of indicates fear is a choice. I am not sure about that completely, but I get the sentiment that we choose in some ways to let fear paralyze us. It is a choice to be fearful. Or perhaps we chose to deal with our fears by either submitting to them or dismissing them and forging forward despite them.

The only part of this philosophy I truly follow when it comes to the Nine Noble Virtues is to face my fear and defend those who I love as an action. Courage is the force that overcomes these. Courage is the choice to defend rather than to run.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Nine Noble Virtues – “Nine to Three to One”

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Odin’s Day!

When I first started this blog I would talk about the Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) and then talk about the three higher vitrues of Love, Justice and Wisdom. I still beleive in these higher virtues I will jsut talk about to them less becasue as I have tried ot live my life by the NNV I now recognize that these higher virtues simply are more and more just a result of living the NNV. It’s simply a matter of growth.

This has led me to seeing that all virtues in the NNV form the threefold cord of Justice, Love and Wisdom. These three virtues form the Noble Life. This is the one goal – a life that is lived in nobility of character and humanity. The Nine form the Three and the three twist into the life that is lived in nobility. A Noble Life is the ultimate goal of the NNV.

The big thing for me as why I follow this philosophy is that anyone can do this. Wealth or skill or experience does not matter. What matters is that one pursue virtues to get to the noble life lived. Nine to three to one.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

“Solitary” – A Poem

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Mani’s Day!

“Solitary” – A Poem

I travel the world alone

Solitary

I search and wander

Solitary

I am not lost

Solitary

I look for knowledge and wisdom

Solitary

To protect what I love

Solitary

But I do it alone

Solitary

Because none but me should bear the cost.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Nine Noble Virtues – Interconnected

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Odin’s Day!

The Nine Noble Virtues (NNV) each have their own purpose. The surprising thing is how much they overlap and often two or more virtues work in you t the same time. Discipline, Industriousness, and Self-Reliance often work together to bring prosperity into one’s life. Fidelity and Self-Reliance provide a balance between not being a burden to others while at the same time being a support to family and friends.

For me, there have been other aspects. I used to group the virtues by function in the past, and I no longer do that. The idea that some virtues are more in tune with love or justice or wisdom was something I thought until I realized that by living the nine virtues, all nine lead to being a person with these qualities. It’s a simple change, but in my meditations, I realize truth can be about love, justice, or wisdom. sometimes all three at once. I realized I was limiting what each virtue could do by such assumptions and categories.

This actually simplified things rather than complicated them. I now can meditate on the NNV without really keeping each one of them in a box. I don;t have to have a filter as to where they must go. Life meets virtue and what virtue might be the most helpful at that moment could be any one of them. It’s both freeing and simplified.

I find myself these days meditating on this interconnectedness far more than each virtue on its own. How do they twist into that cord or symbol that is the whole of being a virtuous person? It’s refreshing in some ways.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!