Blogging

So What Will I Be Writing Here?

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

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Happy Woden’s (Odin’s) Day!

Coming back after such a long hiatus has actually been a wonderful feeling for me. But at the same time, it leaves many questions for you, the gentle reader, and me. Mostly, what am I going to write now that I am back?

In the past, this was an everyday blog with different styles or topics of posts for each day, but I no longer think I want to do that. I simply don’t have that kind of time. I am also learning more and more what my autistic brain likes and dislikes. If I were to explain it, on the one hand, I like routine and order to things, but on the other hand, if I feel that it goes beyond my own free choices or is more expected of me, I tend to rebel a little to that, and it becomes a drag. I am now sure that a lot of my desire for autonomy stems from this autistic defiance, sometimes of even my own unconscious defiance of my own plans. I am still scratching the surface of this issue, so forgive me if it doesn’t make sense, and I could be wrong.

So then, practically, if I want to write regularly and have a routine to it, what am I going to write that will allow me to do that? Let’s just stick to ‘the what’ for now. How is something I might have to be both flexible and routine about, which I want to talk about data later time.

  1. Poems – Despite the smaller tweak of pain I get from a broken heart every time I write one, I also get this sense of emotional expression and relief from writing poems that I find beneficial.
  2. Short Stories – Short stories are always experiments with new characters, concepts, genres, etc. But sometimes, they are good stand-alone posts.
  3. Essays – I do have thoughts on things, but I will say that on The Grey Wayfarer, two topics will probably not be discussed – religion and politics. I have other places to express those.
  4. Fiction Series – I love doing series, and I actually have an idea for a new one that might be like some others I have done with no clear end in sight. plus a few others.
  5. Journaling – Occasional – ‘where am I’ posts help me a lot.

My ultimate goal is therapy and feeling even better. But you never know when good writing project that might get published will come up.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Black Dried Salty Tears – A Poem

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

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Black Dried Salty Tears – Poem

Black

Poison, Night, Your Heart

Dried

Corpse, Riverbed, Winter Leaves

Salty

Soil, Bitterness, My Wounds

Tears

Of Sorrow, Of Regret, Of Lost Love

Writers Notes:

There are a lot of firsts in this post – It’s the first post after a long hiatus where I have been growing my YouTube Channel – The Rabyd Atheist, and trying to put my life together since discovering a lot of things about myself. I note some of the last writing I did was about my autism discovery and all that goes with it. It’s been a bit, but that part has opened more understanding of myself, and I deal with life more positively, and depression (referred to on this blog as ‘The Grey’) is much more manageable now. Not much has changed otherwise, but I am happier and my mental health is more manageable.

But I have missed writing. My favorite form of therapy is writing. Turning thoughts and feelings into poems, stories, and essays has been missing, and I feel now that on other fronts are better, maybe, just maybe, writing might take me to even better states of mind.

I also feel that I am expanding who I am on other fronts.

YouTuber – yes.

Influencer – Yes.

Writer -?

I feel it is time to genuinely add this one.

This poem, like all my poems, comes with a cost of writing. That throbbing of a wound made seven years ago by someone I loved very much, only to discover it was just a game to them. But she taught me to write better poems, and so I feel that was something positive that came out of the relationship. I just wish the scar she left on my heart would stop stinging when I write a poem.

This poem, in particular, was my recent exploration of how I now feel about this relationship after seven years of no contact. It was also my first use of a style of poem I haven’t used before. Single words followed by a list of others that the first word is a descriptor for, although I changed it up on the last one. Other than the form, I don’t think this one requires explanation.

Glad to be Back.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Focusing My Writing

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Freya’s Day!

So what is going well?

  1. I am getting up and getting to the gym before work every day and haven’t missed a workout since I made this change.
  2. My YouTube Channel recently got monetized at least with memberships, superchat. 1000 subscribers and I am making regular content. Enough watch hours in the near future and I could have ad revenue as well. Nice side hustle in the making.

Everything else is either questionable or non-existent: Summer equals hypersensitivity run amok and hypersensitivity run amok equals depression. So how do I fix it? By adding only a few things and sticking with them through Fall, Winter, and Spring; so when Summer comes habits will be in stone so they are automatic.

I am seriously considering going back to the third shift. There is a promotion opportunity for one, but even if I don’t get it I could use the shift differential. It’s the wake-up routine, end-of-day routine, and writing focus that needs work.

The blog is largely about my writing for therapeutic reasons so I want to look at that. This includes reading, writing regularly on this blog, my novel, and my deconversion story (autobiography – memoirs), I am now asking if this is too much. I don’t think so I just think trying to fire this up in May/June was a bad idea. I need to do a wake-up routine that if I am third shift would include writing/reading and the same with the day’s end routine. Focusing right now is the key while my mood is good. I guess I am learning to use my manic phases to help with the depressed ones.

I have a new serial in the works based on something I posted early this year. Hopefully it will come out soon.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Overreaching, Autism, and Essentialism

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Odin’s Day!

I now know Why I struggle with goals so much. In short, I set way too many and then I fail at all but a few. I overreach a lot. Take this blog for instance. There was a time when I would post pretty much every day. It was one of my goals, but I had many others at the time, and they suffered. So I switched goals and tried to keep the goal of posting regularly up, and then it fell off. I am a bad juggler when it comes to goals.

For a long time, I struggled with the cause of this overreaching. I now think autistic traits that I have in my thinking explain a lot of it. I see and plan much and execute little. Practical time management and habits are my two difficulties because routine is so needed for me and at the same time, so hard to change. I can also point to the motivation to do things being so influenced now by hypersensitivity. When my senses are overloaded, the Grey (depression for new readers) is high.

What overloads them. Bright Light – now I know why I like cloudy days. Warm Tempature – why I was twice as depressed in Texas as in Michigan. Strong smells – My nose is very rarely not plugged to prevent my feeling miserable. Lack of Touch – My touch sense is actually more of a positive for me and well without a woman in my life, that is down to nil and it shows in how I feel. In short, when all of these get too much – The Grey is sure to follow.

Depression tends to kick the shit out of my goals. Only established habits survive for me and I can only realistically get those established when I am not depressed and/ or not being overwhelmed by hypersensitivity.

Essentialism is a good help. It reminds me to take that long list of goals, trim it down, and then turn the day-to-day into habits. The best time for me to get these established is probably now.

This blog is still my favorite child. I hope to write more regularly soon, but I have some stuff to sort out better. Thanks to all of you over the years who have stuck with me. I think writing is the most therapeutic thing I do and you are a part of that. Hopefully, things will get better soon.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Story Idea – Red Riding Hood Revised

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Odin’s Day!

Alright, I am moving forward with things a little better. I know my routines work. The real issue now is habit and execution. That can take soem time so be patient. Thank you.

I have had the idea before of taking fairy tales and giving them a modern and adult twist before but the picture above re-sparked an idea I have had before particularly with Little Red Riding Hood.

If you know the original tale and its message you know it actually is very adult in its message. Basically, telling young ladies to not fall for the strange man’s advances because you might lose your virginity and/or your life. That is all hid in allegory and symbolism.

For me, I once did an old table top Superhero RPG called Villians and Vigilanties and had a hero duo called “The Red Hood” and “Grey Wolf” The female being a modern magic user and the male being a werewolf character. It was a lot of fun.

So I saw this artwork and thought to myself this is an idea I need to file away. Maybe for this blog. Maybe for another novel. I just like the idea of a pair of lovers who are both heroes and on the run from the powers that be. The fact they also parallel the Red Riding Hood Story just makes it even more interesting. I just don’t know what genre would work better for me: dark fantasy or modern fantasy with a dark twist.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

My Three Writing Projects

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Mani’s Day!

I want to elaborate on my three many writing projects at present to clarify my own thinking about them. So sorry for the info post again, but creativity is in the works.

My first project is regular writing on this blog. But the change is going to be that this blog is now my outlet for the “What do I feel like writing today” itch. My other two projects have very specific objectives so this becomes my writing steam valve where I let off creative steam for other ideas. This can include poetry, different genres, more informal posts about issues, etc. Mostly, I need a place to just flow with my writing in whatever direction it takes me. I am going to continue my Dungeons and Dragons series, but creative writing won’t be the exclusive thing on this blog.

My second writing project is my novel. A few months ago I did a post on this blog: Grey Avatar – ‘Spiked Coffee’ – Part 1 of a Grey Wayfarer Serial. There was no Part 2 because my thought process did a double take and realized that if I combined it with two other ideas I had (one new and one old), I would have a pretty good novel idea. So that post is now currently the second chapter of my novel and I won’t be presenting any more of it here. Sorry, you will just have to wait for the book to come out.

Lastly, I am starting the process of writing my story from faith to atheism. What I am still trying to do is figure out how I want to present that story. I spent an hour or so yesterday working on it. I think once I know the outline, it will practically write itself. Now that I am past being a Christian by some time and have shifted in the deconversion process from the ‘getting over it’ phase to the ‘moving on’ phase, I can have a better frame of mind while writing it.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Getting Back to Writing with a Better Plan

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Freya’s Day!

I want to, first of all, thank everyone for being patient and for your understanding as I struggle with my new understanding of myself. The old GI Joe cartoon used to say: “Knowing is half the battle”. The high probability that I have autism has been a major revelation of knowledge. How affects me is in some ways obvious and in others not so much. The real question is “Now that you know, what now?”

If knowing is half the battle, what is the other half? The other half, in my mind, is coming up with a plan that can be executed and be effective because you know. So today I am going to hit the planning part. Or rather, I am revealing my plan for dealing with this issue in relation to my writing. That is the plan I think will lead to effective action.

Effective action means I make progress on my writing goals, but it has been a while since I have stated my goals and I have a harder time sticking with them. The plan has to have a routine or system to it and I have to spend the time getting the discipline to do it.

First things first, I have redefined my goals for writing and related tasks:

  1. Reading for a half hour every day.
  2. Regular writing on this blog – This will include both creative posts and stuff about my journey through The Grey.
  3. Regular Writing on my novel for publication
  4. Regular writing on my non-fiction book, also with designs on publication.
  5. Daily Journaling at the end of the day.

The first task to make this work was getting these things into my daily routines. I have to have routines for things to work well for me. The daily reading of a book and journaling are everyday activities. The other three would best fit in a daily activity of writing where I rotate them at certain points. This system will be me doing the following rotation with whatever writing time is slotted.

Writing Rotation:

  1. One blog post – written, edited, and posted
  2. 1000 words on my novel.
  3. 1000 words on my non-fiction book.

The important thing to remember is I have time limits where I can write. For most work days I can do the reading and the writing until I leave for work. On days off I can go longer until I hit my walking time. Extra time, if I am in the mood, is always going to be a go as well.

The real problem is actually controlling my downtime. I need it to recharge my nervous system. However, sometimes those activities steal more time than they need. I need to change that and probably take drastic action to do so.

But this is the plan, so for you the gentle reader, it means more regular posts hopefully. It also will be leading me to a more regular fulfillment of a long-term goal for myself – being a published author.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Why I Have Been Gone – Autistic Burnout?

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Tyr’s Day!

If you also subscribe to my Youtube Channel Simple Life Philosophy, you already know that in therapy I discovered that I could be on the autistic spectrum. This has been a very revealing explanation of my past problems and struggles with what we know around here as The Grey. Depression. Depression is a symptom of a more significant issue with my nervous system, which may be wired differently than most. While haven’t had any official testing, the signs are all there and the ‘unofficial” tests say I have a high possibility of being on the autistic spectrum.

I have developed many mechanisms for dealing with this problem over the years and writing on a blog has been one of them. Some of my others include weightlifting, Reading, Hiking, Playing Games (this one is the one that is least productive and time-consuming 🙂 ), Writing in General, and most recently I am exploring gardening as a hopefully more productive way to deal with the nervous system stress as well as providing more of a tangible benefit.

For this blog and any blog I have had the danger is when I am stressed, I tend to write my feeling in their most raw form. This is why I moved away from writing personal posts here and simply went creative for a while. This has its limitations but it keeps me from posting things that are harmful to my family and friends feelings.

I have loved the latest round of fantasy fiction have been writing and the well hasn’t really dried up, but my motivation has been because I don’t have posts that express my true feelings right now here, so this blog writing thing isn’t really helping with my emotional expression issues, so I just don’t bother.

I am afraid right now to write expressing my emotions because I feel they would be much too raw. Too hard for others to deal with. So I mask and I don’t bother to blog at all. That’s right folks, not writing is a method of masking for me.

The Grey Wayfarer will always exist. It is too relatable a title to my own personal journey of life for me to ever discard it. That said, writing on this blog can be a joy or a chore. There is no in-between. Until I get a handle on the level of stress my autistic nervous system can take, it might always be this way. I just want you my faithful readers to know what is going on and that my posts are going to be sporadic until I get ahold of this issue better.

On a positive note, I have really taken off in writing off-screen with the design of making money. My novel has an outline and parts of it fleshed out and I am germinating a non-fiction book on my journey from faith to atheism. but even these two projects have their dry spells.

In short, if I am not around, just assume I am dealing with my new revelation of adult autism and learning about myself in ways I can live more effectively with it. I love all of you, readers, for sticking with me over the years. Thank you and as always…

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

Preparation and Research – Update Post (Launch Date – March 18th, 2023)

/ Ed Raby Sr / 1 Comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

Just an update post in case people have been wondering where I have been. I have been doing the following three things:

  1. I have been getting my apartment to a place where it is functional with my routines and systems – not quite there yet but I have reached a point where it is the details and not big things, so it won’t be long before I am at a point where I am comfortable in my creative environment.
  2. Research – for writing purposes I have been reading a lot of Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition material. It’s good stuff and I find the 5th edition is a good example of things that worked in earlier editions and discarding things that were bad in those editions. Mostly I will be doing a solo adventure serial on this blog based on my solo adventures with my characters seeing right now I don’t have a group to play with. The great thing is that while it is hard to role-play by yourself when you are rolling the dice and doing the mechanics, the journal you do leads to some great stories. But I did make a decision to be very open to my first character being something else. I mean the whole thing is to take random dice rolls and gameplay and turn it into a story. The more random the better and that includes the main character. So I am going to randomize the first character and have the tools to do it now with some of my recent purchases of DnD material.
  3. Preparation – This is mostly in regard to my future YouTube channel as I have decided on a name and a direction. I have made a list of things to do so the Launch Date is set for March 18th for the first video and channel reveal. March 18th is my 54th birthday, so the launch coincides with a milestone for me.

Thanks for sticking around and the new subs. We are about to become more creative as I also have my Grey Avatar series that was just started in late February and soon a sci-fi one as well based on fan writing based on another game I play on PC. I appreciate everyone’s patience, but research and prep have taken up a lot of my time so I am up to speed when things get rolling. Peace.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!

The Grey Wayfarer is Going Creative

/ Ed Raby Sr / Leave a comment

Happy Sol’s Day!

Sorry, I have been away for so long but I have been trying to get my apartment to where I want it and decide what to do with the Grey Wayfarer blog here. In the end, I can do a paper journal to keep track of my personal life with routines and all that. I need to get back into the practice of creative writing both as an exploring some possibilities and it is good therapy for me. So I am shifting this blog to a more creative route. So what will I be writing?

  1. I received the Solo Adventure’s Toolbox books 1 and 2 in the mail so I am learning the system so my series based on my solo adventures in Dungeons and Dragons will be starting very soon. I need to bone up on my 5th edition a little and do some initial world creation. After that, the system’s randomness will challenge me to push my creativity in directions I have not thought of before. Hopefully.
  2. I started another serial that is urban fantasy. I actually have written part of part 1. This one will be interesting as it focuses on one character, Norse mythology, and magic in our modern world.
  3. I am thinking about science fiction. I love science fiction but of all the genres, it would require me to research the most. I like my science fiction to be as close to real as possible. Perhaps short stories are best here.
  4. I am also going to try my hand at short stories, poems, and other creative projects. Note: no genre of writing is exempt from my hand which is why this blog will remain rated R and at times higher. I like dealing with real subjects in my writing.

I guess what we could say is that the Grey Wayfarer represents a journey of sorts. It will be my journey personally as I learn and grow and experiment with my writing. Part of who I am and what I am going through has always been expressed in my writing. Artists reveal a little about themselves with their art and I m no exception.

Will I still drop the personal post at times? Yep as I learn and grow, I will reflect on that from time to time. But my focus needs to be getting a better work situation, my YouTube Channel – which will launch in March – and getting back to writing. The goal is to retire to a cabin in the woods and become a philosopher and get paid for it until I hit the Long Dark. A very simple focus but requires me to think very differently about how to achieve it.

Thanks to everyone for following along this far as I struggle with recent changes in my life. The apartment thing is real for me if I am not comfortable in my environment I don’t do life well. The downside concerning this blog has been to not be writing. But I am feeling more comfortable now so the routines and writing should pick up bit by bit as I feel more creative due to being more relaxed.

I remain.

The Rabyd Skald – Wandering Soul, Bard, and Philosopher.  The Grey Wayfarer.

Skal!!!